


Trading Yesterday

by that_creative_girl



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Anger, Betrayal, Boss - Freeform, Children, Confessions, Crushes, Death, Disability, Drama, F/M, Family, Feelings, Feels, Flirting, Forgiveness, Friendship, HTTYD - Freeform, HTTYD Week, Hiccstrid - Freeform, Jealousy, Loss, Love, Marriage, Moving On, Orphanage, Pain, Parenthood, Past, Pride, Rebound, Romance, Second Chances, Secretary - Freeform, Sex, Ship, Single Father, Smut, Step Mother - Freeform, True Love, Wealth, architectural firm, astrid - Freeform, deciet, divorcee, hapiness, hiccup - Freeform, joy, relationships, single mother, widower
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:49:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 91,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24871819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_creative_girl/pseuds/that_creative_girl
Summary: It hurts to move on, but hurts, even more, to hold on to the past.
Relationships: Heather/Astrid Hofferson, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Valka, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Heather
Comments: 65
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1

Vinedale elementary was undoubtedly one of the biggest schools in California. Being well known for its academic strength as well as its diversity, it stood as the perfect option for Harry Haddock's five-year-old daughter, Zia. It had a very good infrastructure in terms of building and supporting facilities and various extracurricular activities to improve the distinct skills of the students. Once again, he pulled up to the driveway at the front yard of the school like he did every other afternoon excluding the weekends. Pulling his gear to a final stop, he took a quick glance at his wristwatch.

2:30 pm.

He had less than an hour to be back in his office for his proposed business meeting with some investors this afternoon but had insisted on rushing out to pick up his daughter from school. Tuna Canyon Rd was a fair distance from both his home and office making it less of a sacrifice on the part of his work. Although his mother had insisted on him getting a driver for the job, or the school bus like most of the other kids, he had insisted on it.

Running a multinational company had left him with little or no time for his daughter. He often drove her to school every morning but returned hours past her bedtime. He had then decided to scratch out time within his schedule to also get her back from school, that way, he could spend some time with her. He was sure going to be late for that meeting but wasn't going to rush his time with her, besides, he'd sorted things at the office to an extent before getting here, so they could wait a few extra minutes. He was just in time to the end of Zia's school for the day, not breaking the record he held for always being on time.

Slipping out of his seat belt, he pulled the interior door handle and stepped out of the car. The driveway was pretty full with cars, parents waiting for their kids and school buses at close corners, with third to fifth graders filing in. Pressing onto the middle section of the key to lock the doors of his Tesla S model, he placed it down the pockets of his jacket and walked towards the main entry into the building, down to the kindergarten section.

He'd been so eager to see her again right after he dropped her off this morning, the source of his strength, the reason he kept on going every single day. She was right at her usual spot, at the door of her classroom where she always waited impatiently for his arrival. Catching onto his gaze, she immediately jumped cheerfully, the long pigtails his mother had put up this morning, a lot messier than before. He pushed the door open, careful not to knock her over before wrapping his arms around her, lifting her up into his arms.

"Daddy." She repeated with the same smile that had pulled him towards her mother ten years ago.

He placed a long kiss on her cheek. "Hi Baby, how was school today?"

"Good. Nana said you weren't coming today. She said you were busy."

"Well I can't be too busy for you, can I?."

"Good day, Mr. Haddock ."

''I'm sorry I had to walk up to get her again."

"Well, she'd been standing here for a while now, so it's good you came." , Zia's school teacher for the past school year replied, passing her bag pack and lunch pack.

"Hope she behaved well today."

"Of course she did. Your daughter is a Sweetheart. I've got a little homework she has to complete, you can help her through that."

Well, he could if he came home earlier tonight. It didn't matter how hard he worked in the day time to get things done before time, something always popped up to keep him longer than his planned time. Helping her with homework was something he only had the chance to do during the weekends, his mother usually helped on weekdays.

"Definitely."

"Bye Zia!" A bunch of her friends echoed from a corner of the classroom and she waved in return, towards their direction.

"Are you still going back to work, daddy?" Zia asked right after they both left the classroom.

"Of course honey, You know daddy has to work every day of the week, right?"

"I know. Madison's dad also works every day of the week too."

Harry snorted, pushing loose strands of her hair backwards. "She told you that?"

"Yeah, her mum comes to pick her up from school."

Harry swallowed, struck by her statement and searching for a reply to change the direction of the conversation. "And I'm always here to pick you up. So, what should I get you on the way home?"

"Can I get a chocolate shake, Dad?"

"Absolutely. Whatever my princess wants, she gets."

She giggled in response, her beautiful blue eyes lit in so much joy, he tried to feed on. He headed towards his car as the sensors detected the key within its range, and extended the door upward. He placed her bag packs on the seat before securing her in the car seat. Closing the car door, he slid into the driver's seat and pulled his seat belt across him.

"So what did you learn today, Zia?" Henry pulled out a small pack of chocolate he'd picked up from the pantry earlier this morning and gave it to her.

"A lot. We learned about our senses today."

"How many senses do you have?" He pulled out of the driveway into the main street.

"Five, daddy. I have my eyes, my ears, my nose, my tongue, and my skin."

"And what do they do in our bodies?"

"I use my eyes to see, my nose to smell, my ears to hear, my tongue to taste, my skin to feel to touch and feel."

"And what are they called?"

"Huh? Senses, Daddy. I said Senses."

"They are your sense..."

"Oh...Organs. My sense organs!"

"That's my girl, so what else did you learn?"

"We started learning about butterflies too."

"What about butterflies?"

"Their life cycle, from when it's born till when it dies."

"Did you learn about the cycles?"

"Not yet...Miss Jeanie said we are gonna learn that tomorrow."

"Alright, I'm gonna ask you about it tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay, Dad."

"You listened to Miss Jeanie today. I'm really proud of you honey."

"I'm proud of you too." She laughed out so heartily that Henry didn't hold back from joining in.

"Really? You're proud of me?"

"Yeah, you're the best Dad ever, so I'm proud of you."

Harry turned backwards giving her a full smile, before moving his focus back to the road. It was all her. The reason why healing was possible from the loss of her mother, it was because of her that life still had some sort of meaning and purpose.

"Where do you want your milkshake from?"

"Chocolate shake, Duncan doughnut!"

"Not McDonald's this time?"

"Duncan doughnut is much better."

Harry laughed again. "Alright, but you used to be a loyal customer."

"Not anymore, Dad."

"Well, Duncan doughnuts it is."

He pulled up to the closest drive-thru and ordered a small size shake for Zia before turning into the highway. Within a few minutes, he was home, driving down the driveway of his home before coming to a stop at the front porch where his mother, Vanessa Haddock was seated, waiting for their return.

"Hi, Mum!" Henry stepped out opening the back door as his mother walked down the steps towards them.

"Harry dear, how was work today?"

"Great." He gave her a quick kiss on her cheek. "Are you feeling better mum?"

"Well, better than yesterday."

"Nana!"

"Hey, Zia. How was school today? Look, you messed up your pigtails again."

"Sorry, Nana."

"She plays a lot, Mum." Harry unstrapped her from her car seat, lifting her out of the car.

"I do not daddy."

"Yes, you do. Miss Jeanie already told me about it." He brushed strands of her brunette hair backwards. "I'll see you tonight, okay?"

"Tomorrow. I never get to see you at night."

"Well, who knows? You just might today."

"Should I wait for you to come home, daddy?"

"No, you shouldn't be up past your bedtime, okay?" He gave her to his mother who settled her on her right hip.

"Okay."

"Don't stress yourself too much Son."

"I know mum."

"And don't stay out late, try to make an effort to come home early for once."

"I would try to. Mum, she has some homework that needs to..."

"Go back to work Harry! The earlier you get there, the earlier you'd get back."

"Alright, Bye Princess, be a good girl for Nana okay?"

"I will Daddy."

* * *

"Oh my gosh, Astrid! He actually asked me out!"

"Really? He did? It's been like how long? Three days?" Astrid poured the dices of chopped strawberries into the little bowl on the high-chair of her three-year-old son.

"You guys just literally started chatting, right?"

"Thank you, mummy."

She kissed the tip of his nose before turning to the direction of her best friend seated at the computer, completely engrossed in the online dating website she'd joined a few days ago. How could she have even landed a date with a few chats and with a guy she hadn't even met? Heather was the free-spirited type, she was self-assured, confident and focused on her career. Although she'd been in a bunch of unsuccessful relationships in the past, they never tied her down or closed her doors to new opportunities of finding true love.

They had a lot of similarities in personality, but Astrid had a much different approach to love. Unlike Heather, she believed in long-lasting friendships and trust before getting into relationships even if she had never been lucky with love. It was all about giving and being on the losing end and she was completely done with that. While she had problems declining the offers and advances of guys towards her, Heather always in search of them, at work, at malls and now this stupid dating website? How could she be so open to guys she hadn't even met?

"Does it matter? I mean, have you seen his profile?"

"No, What does it say?"

"Harry Haddock, a thirty-year-old CEO of some company, and a widower with a little daughter, so I have to aim at impressing not just him, but...oh no no no..."

"Why? Because he has a daughter? What's wrong with that?"

"I don't know, I just don't think I'm ready for that kind of complication in my life right now."

"But what is so complicated about that? I mean, single fathers also deserve to find love again, right?"

"Astrid..."

"Just give him a chance Heather...I mean, are you really gonna turn him down because he has a daughter?"

"Well...there are other options too."

Astrid rolled her eyes. "Now that doesn't seem fair, does it?."

"Mummy, more strawberries."

"You want more of that?"

"Yeah."

"Alright. I'll get more, okay?"

"Okay."

"I mean, what if I never match up to what he had with his past relationship?" Astrid pulled the fridge open, taking out a new pack of strawberries.

"It's all in your head girl. I mean, you don't have to compare or compete. If he wants a new partner, he should be open to the differences of a new relationship."

"Alright. I'll go on a date with him for a night and get to know him, then I'll decide if it's something I can deal with. I really want a drama-free life."

"Says the girl who stirs up drama in relationships for the fun of it."

"This is different Astrid. We are talking about a kid here."

"Go on the date with him first...who knows? There might be a reason why you met him on this website and besides...he's been married before, right? You can be sure he has experience with commitment, It's something you really need to work on Heather."

"Alright, Alright! There...I agreed to a date with him on Saturday."

"Good." Astrid poured another set of chopped strawberries in her son's bowl. "You really love these, don't you?"

"They are really good, mummy."

"I'll get you a lot more for you tomorrow, okay?"

"So, what did the doctor say about Neil's medication?"

"Well I was able to get a part of it and so far, he's responding, he's eating well now at least."

"Neil, do you want anything else?" Heather moved from where she was seated at the study corner towards Astrid at the dining table.

"Strawberries."

"More strawberries? But you've had enough already. Do you know what a lot of strawberries can do to little boys? You want to know, huh?" Heather teased, rubbing her fingers on his sides, making the little boy laugh out heartily.

"You really want to know? huh?"

"No!" The toddler crackled, struggling to break out of her tease.

"Please stop, he's going to run out of breath."

"I'm sorry, I forgot. I'm really glad about the big improvement in his health and he seems to be breathing a lot better now."

"Yeah, and his cough has subsided a lot too. Hopefully, his recovery would be long-lasting. I really want him to be able to go to school like other kids when he's a little older. I just don't want him to be deprived of anything."

"He wouldn't be, trust me. This kid is really strong, I mean, he is your son and you both are fighters so I don't doubt his full recovery one bit."

Astrid smiled. "I just have to get a good job now that he's out of the hospital for a long while. I'm not sure they'd want me back at my previous one, knowing the condition of my son anyway."

"I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to get a new one, but you don't have to worry about the bills, I can handle that. You just have to look after your son. This is your chance to bond with him."

"I know that, but my Dad has done a lot already Heather. I can't rely on him to take care of my son forever. I have to step up and take that responsibility."

"I get your point. Don't worry about it. I'll search for vacancies at my workplace. I'm a hundred per-cent assertive that we'll find one."

"I really hope so."

"You should get him to the ventilator." Heather sprang up when Neil began coughing, an act that always seemed terrifying as it stood as a symptom of a possible lung infection. Astrid lifted him out of the high chair, patting his back gently while cradling him in her arms. She felt caged again within the walls of this threatening disease that sometimes dared to take away the life of her son.

To most people, coughing seemed pretty much usual, but not to her three-year-old son, a victim of Bronchopulmonary Dysplasia. Children were born with healthy and perfectly functioning organs from birth, but it wasn't the case with her son.

Being born prematurely, he hadn't been given the time needed for the full development of his respiratory organs and had been unable to take in oxygen. As a result of this, he had been on mechanical ventilation and oxygen therapy for acute respiratory distress. Neil had been born only twenty-five weeks into her pregnancy and spent a lot more time in incubators and oxygen masks than most premature babies.

These therapies caused serious damages and infections to his lungs and had also slowed down its development, causing major respiratory problems. His case had been severe to the point of spending almost three years of his life in the hospital trying to cure the damages. It had been three whole years of Astrid watching him go through all that, endlessly praying and hoping for permanent healing.

"Can you set it up please?"

"Definitely. Come on!"

Astrid rushed behind Heather in panic when his cough got more intense, shutting her eyes as she held him tightly. "It's okay, sweetheart. You'll be okay."

Heather turned on the ventilator after setting it up and they both put the tracheal tube in place. Neil hated this experience, watching him whimper as he was linked to the machine brought tears to Astrid's eyes. Although his cough subsided almost instantly and breathing rate back to normal, it hurt to see him have to go through all this to breathe in the same manner that people do with ease.

"But we just got out of the hospital, I thought things were going to be okay for a while." Astrid broke into a sob. She had hoped he would get a break from this, the doctors had assured her of that anyway.

"It's not intense at all, besides he's been out of this machine for five days now, it's a lot of progress."

"What am I gonna do? Can I still get a job with him like this?"

"It's okay, we'll figure it out. Hold it in, Astrid, Neil is watching you."

"Mummy."

Astrid wiped the tears beneath her eyes and planted a long kiss on her son's forehead, still cradling him in her hands. "I'm here honey, I'm here. You're not going back there, Neil. You're not going back to the hospital, I promise."

* * *

"Hey, Mum."

"Oh, Harry. You came home pretty earlier than I expected."

"Well...I just wanted to catch up with Zia before her bedtime, for once at least." Harry placed a kiss on her cheek before setting his leather bag temporarily on the armed cushion in a corner of his mother's room. "I still missed it, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did." His mother replied, still not looking up from the computer she'd seemed to have so much interest in recently. "You're actually just thirty minutes past her bedtime. It kinda beats your other records."

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious mum. I'm trying, things haven't been easy at the office lately."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm trying to...It's just that my secretary is on full maternity leave and I get it, but the timing seems so wrong. I had to order for the recruitment of temporary staff and it hasn't been going so well."

"Be patient Harry. I'm sure the stress is from the pretty high standards you set up for recruits. You're definitely your father's son."

Harry smirked, leaning over the desk to the screen of the monitor. "Wait, mum. Is that...a dating website?!"

"You mean you just noticed that?"

"What are you doing on a dating website? You're not planning on getting married again, are you?"

"Of course not silly. It's for you Harry, I think it's time I start taking the actions you should have taken."

"Are you kidding me, mum? Did you open up a profile on a dating website for me? This is the line mum, I mean...what the hell?!"

"You told me you would date again when you were ready to."

"Exactly, I did. When I am ready to...I am still not ready for that mum!"

"It's been three years Harry. Three whole years of watching you empty and miserable. Don't you think its time to move on?!"

"Even if I decide to move on mum, It should be my decision. You can't just invade my life this way...Come on!"

"I wasn't going to Harry..." She pulled out a pink coloured paper that looked like it'd been torn out of one of Zia's notebooks and handed it to him. "Not until I saw this."

Harry took the paper and shook his head in disbelief before reading its contents. He stood dumbfounded, after reading the paper and glanced at his mother in shock.

"Zia...wrote this?"

"Yes Harry, she did. I found it in under her pillow three days ago and it brought me to tears."

Harry sighed. He'd been trying his best, he really had. The death of his wife, Camilla, had been a traumatizing blow to their family. It had been a lot harder a few years ago where he had to deal with Zia's constant search and cries for her mother. She was just a toddler then and it wasn't something he could explain or make her feel better about. More than three years had passed since then and she'd grown older to understand her mum was really never coming back, but never seemed to show any emotion or even talk about it.

Zia had never for one day asked about her mother and if the topic was ever brought up, it was because he mentioned it. During their visits to the cemetery, she often cried, but seemed to be silent, quite abnormal for a child her age. Harry hadn't really put a lot of thought to it, he'd even assumed the reason to be his rewarded effort in playing a double parental role in her life to make her pretty comfortable with a single parent. He'd also thought his mother filled in the shoes of being a mother to her so perfectly that she wouldn't have to feel any void, but he was wrong. He'd been wrong all along.

Zia was hurting and he could only see a fraction of her pain on this sheet of paper.

"She's never said anything about this. I've never expected her to want a new mum."

"Zia is Cami, Harry. They wouldn't talk about their pain. She probably feels that you don't want her to have a new mum."

"But mum...You're always here for her and..."

"Harry, I will definitely be here for my grand-daughter, but I can't be around forever. Yes, she has a lot of love from us and from her friends, but she knows that you are lonely, Harry. She has told me she caught you crying at Camilla's pictures a couple of times. Maybe she might not need a new mum, but she knows you need a new partner."

"I don't, mum."

"Harry, you deserve to be happy again. You can't keep holding onto the past. Do it for Zia at least."

"Fine mum, if we are talking about a new mother for Zia, do you think a dating website is a solution? You put up my occupation, right? It would just be a bunch of girls for the wrong reasons."

"Don't say that Harry. There are also real and lovely girls out there too."

"Not the ones on dating websites! I'm not just a guy, mum. I'm a single father, girls don't want that excess baggage."

"Harry, you're being paranoid and it's because you haven't decided to open up to the chance of love again. I am your mother and it hurts me every day to see you like this."

"Mum, Dad passed away too and you're coping just fine."

"My situation is different, Harry. You were much older than Zia when your father passed away. You were matured enough to cope with the situation then, She's too young for that."

"What if getting married again doesn't solve the problem? What if she wouldn't love my daughter? What would be the point of that?"

"If you marry the right girl Harry, that would never be a problem. You just have to take one step towards it."

Harry ran his fingers through his thick auburn hair, sinking into the armed chair his bag was once on and sighing in frustration.

"Alright. I'll do it. I'll try the website."

"That wouldn't be necessary son, I already set up a date for you this Saturday."

"What?! Okay, mum, that's just too far!"

"You never would have done it if it was just up to you and you know that."

"That doesn't justify that. Who is she? What exactly did you say to her that she couldn't figure out she was chatting with an old lady!"

"Now that's rude, you seem to forget that I was the reason you and Cami got together in the first place."

"It doesn't give you the pass to set up the second!"

"Alright! I'm sorry, but she agreed to it so you just have to go along with it."

"Mum, turn it down. Come up with an excuse! I can't go on a date with her until I've had a real chat with her."

"Harry, why are you so stubborn? Go out with this girl and decide if you want to keep up the relationship or not. It wouldn't affect you in any way."

Harry rolled his eyes and sprang up in total disbelief of this whole situation. "You know my weekends are dedicated to spending time with Zia."

"Just this once, I'm sure she'll understand. Please Harry, just do this for me."

"Alright. I'll go on the date with..."

"Heather Bowman."

"I'll go on the date with Heather Bowman, but mum, you need to stop. I'll take it from here." He took the mouse from her and closed the internet tabs.

"As long as you promise to keep up with it until you find the right girl."

"I promise, are you satisfied?"

"I'll send you her number and you need to go through the chats I had with her, she's quite the talker."

"Gosh, you never cease to amaze me, mum, you're unbelievable."

"Are you going to see Zia, She went to sleep about an hour ago after we completed her homework."

"Yeah, was she able to complete it?"

"I just told you we did, didn't I? She tried waiting for you, but I insisted."

"Thanks, mum. I really don't know what I would do without you."

"You would get her a new mum."

Harry threw his bag across his shoulders, heading for the door. "We are working on that, right? Goodnight mum!"

"You're not going to have dinner?"

"I already had something at work today, I'm good."

"You really need to stop doing that, I put a lot of effort into making your dinner."

"I appreciate your efforts mum and I would stop having dinner at work, I promise."

"Goodnight, I love you."

"I love you too mum."

Harry closed the door to his mother's bedroom behind him and took one more glance at the pink paper in his grip. Even if the writing was wavered and scrunched, the message was so clear. She wanted a new mother for Christmas in her letter to Santa Clause. He bit his lower lip wondering how he'd been so blind to this for this long and why Zia had never told him about this for once. He walked down the hallway towards her bedroom which wasn't too far from his mother's.

Turning the doorknob slowly, he pushed it gently to avoid waking her from her sleep. The room was dark with the colourful night lights on the ceiling glowing beautifully above her. He switched on the light and his heart dropped when he saw her curled at one edge of the bed, holding on to her teddy bear. It was the exact one Camilla had gotten her for her second birthday, the one that grew to be her favourite of all her toys. Harry walked further towards her bed, sitting gently on the right side.

He leaned over her, watching her as he pushed her wild auburn hair away from her face, the only physical trait she'd inherited from him, being the spitting image of her mother. He stroked the sides of her face, going over his mother's previous words. Harry had never given a thought to that idea not just because he didn't see a need for that, but also from the fear of taking a new wife to his daughter's detriment. He'd lost his wife Camilla Jensen Haddock to cancer and a lot had changed about his life ever since.

Apart from being a single father, he'd learn to live with a lot, to live with the pain, the void she'd left and the hope that was lost. All he'd wanted, was a full and happy life with Camilla from the day he'd proposed to her. He remembered vividly on their graduation, he'd taken her to watch the sunset, their favourite thing to do every day of summer. They'd just sit in silence enjoying each other's company, trying to predict what the future had in store for them and how much they wanted to be a part of each other's lives.

It was when he proposed, when she least expected it, thinking he was the type of guy that was afraid of commitments even if they'd been dating long before then. He had been scared, but from the insecurity that she might not have been sure about taking that next step. Contrary to his expectations, she'd accepted his proposal with so much joy that he'd realized she'd been wanting that a long time before. Camilla was an amazing woman. She had been an amazing friend, an amazing mother to Zia, even if she'd only been given two years to prove it.

Zia stirred for a while and Harry stroked her hair till she was back to sleep. He kissed her forehead, pulling the blanket up to her shoulders and tucking her in.

"Goodnight, Zia."

His mother was right, maybe it was time to give love another chance and Zia a chance to happiness again. He was going to go on that date, whatever would come out of it, he hoped that it would be one step to healing for his family. All he needed to do right now, was to learn to let go.

"I love you, Daddy," Zia mumbled in her sleep. Harry smiled, no matter how often she did that, it still had the same effect on him, the way she seemed to be aware of his presence even in her sleep.

"I love you too, Sweetheart."


	2. Chapter 2

Ugh!

Harry looked into the mirror for the nth time but was still not completely satisfied with his appearance for some reason. He was fully dressed in one of the most expensive coats he usually reserved for important business conferences, but his mother had influenced him to try on for this blind date.

Frankly, he didn't entertain the idea of dressing in such a way that could attract girls with the wrong intentions, not that it had ever attracted girls towards him at all, Cami was the only exception. As reluctant as he was to put too much effort on his appearance for the date, he still wasn't content with it either.

He'd been dating Camilla since their first year of college and seemed to forget that he'd once been an insecure nerd who always struggled to fit into the world around him. His sudden obsession with a perfect 'look' for this date made him realize that maybe he hadn't really grown out of that stage...even with the passage of time. Being with Camilla had made him loosen up on his self-awareness.

She'd loved him genuinely for him to care about proving himself to anyone else, but she was gone now, and it counted as one of the many effects of her death.

Brushing his hair from his face, he pulled the ends of his coat, sliding the buttons in their respective holes. This had to be good enough for a first impression, right? Besides, if he was going to search for a new mother for his daughter, he had to get one who was willing to love him, despite his flaws. He also hoped that being a single father wouldn't be tagged as a flaw to her, as the women in his age group were more likely to think that way.

The more thoughts he put into the outcome of these 'blind dates', the more tensed, and impulse he had to change his mind about doing this...not that Camilla could be replaced anyway. Looks weren't his biggest insecurity right now, as he'd grown a lot from that awkward, lame kid in high school. It was something else that he'd pretty much gotten used to the past years that it seemed less depressing than it used to be. It was his prosthetic leg.

He'd been around seventeen at the start of his final year in high school when he'd been involved in a fire accident at home. It was an indelible experience that seemed to traumatize him to years of therapy sessions just to get back to a normal state of mind. What started off as a regular Thanksgiving dinner had escalated all too quickly into a near-death experience, and his mother was partly to blame. The Haddock's had always been grand on the celebration of festivals, with Thanksgiving being the most important.

It had usually been caterers and a thousand foodservice orders for a dinner for a countable number of people, but still somehow ended up with little or no leftovers the next day, and with his father being a major contribution to that. Custom orders had worked faultlessly until his mother had decided to take dinner preparations entirely into her hands.

He never got the full details of the exact cause of the fire, and couldn't ask, as he avoided revisiting the events of that night, especially to his mother who continuously blamed herself for the accident. He could remember waking up in an exhaust of smoke in his bedroom, with his mother screaming his name from downstairs.

He couldn't get to her or to the exit either, so he'd impulsively raced out to his balcony and jumped without thinking, shattered glasses and rods caving down on him in the process. It was when he'd lost his left leg, and a whole lot changed about his life. The journey from a coma to a wheelchair with endless therapy sessions and homeschooling had been more traumatic than the event itself, but his mother had been the major victim in this.

He'd watched her go through a lot emotionally, constantly swearing to never use a kitchen again. Of course that only lasted for a year before her obsession with cooking books and cooking in general, is a lot better to the point that she'd been so helpful in caring for Zia. He knew that she still blamed herself for the incident, but because of how much his prosthetic affected his self-esteem.

He'd always seen this as nothing but a disability that seemed to reduce him in the eyes of people, especially those he worked with. Camilla had made it a lot easier, but now? He wasn't so sure what girl would be out for a one-legged single father who was still obsessed with his late wife. This date seemed pretty much like a joke, but anything to get his mother off his neck for a while, at least he hoped she would.

One last look in the mirror and he sighed, picking up his phone from his bedside table and sent a quick text to the girl he wasn't even given the chance to have a single real conversation with. They'd only talked about details of the date his mother had already set up for them, but he'd taken the time to go through her profile. She sure was beautiful and seemed like a driven business lady. She also seemed responsible, which earned her three checks on his god-forsaken checklist.

He wasn't the type of guy to have or even deserve to have a checklist, but this time, he really needed one...for the sake of his daughter.

**'I'm on my way. I'll be there to pick you up in a few minutes.'**

Did it sound too straight forward? He couldn't add any compliments or corny remarks as they hadn't really created a good connection to get to that stage. He hit the send button before rethinking his decision and slipped his phone down the pocket of his coat. It was time to finally face his first attempt at this for three whole years now, and he was very much far from being ready for it.

* * *

"Oh my gosh, he just sent a text. I'm not even close to being ready."

"Well, go get a shower! I'll fix the things here. Your dress is perfect, you don't have to worry about it." Astrid picked up the dresses on hangers on the bed, placing them on the rail in the wardrobe. "You've basically gone through your closet twice today, this guy better be worth this stress."

"I don't know, I should have taken a day off work yesterday, I'm not mentally prepared for this."

Astrid smirked, shaking her head in disbelief. "You had the entire day to prepare for this. This isn't your first date anyway, why do you need to be mentally prepared for it?"

"Well, it's the first, after my decision to settle down. I guess it's because I want to take things seriously now and I'm just so worked up about it."

"Then don't be, it would go fine. You'd said you both got along pretty well on the website, right?"

"Yeah, but this is different." Heather wrapped her bathroom towel around her, tieing up her hair into a loose bun. "I'm meeting him up for the first time and I've never been this nervous in my entire life."

"Calm down girl. I mean...if he doesn't love the real you, then you can kiss him goodbye."

"Oh you can be sure, I will...but first...I need to make a good impression, right?"

"Right."

"Mummy." Neil tugged at the hem of Astrid's shorts. "Look, mummy."

"Hi honey, what's that?" Astrid glanced at the scrambled drawing on the piece of paper and smiled. "Oh my gosh, did you draw that?"

"Yes. Do you like it, mummy?"

"Of course darling, I love it." She pulled him into a tight embrace and kissed his cheek. "It's beautiful baby, I'm proud of you."

"Astrid, could you pass the toilet paper, please? I took it out by accident!" Heather called out from the bathroom and Astrid rolled her eyes.

"Alright, you need to hurry up, I think your date just texted you again." Astrid noticed her iPhone flash in a new message. "Oh wait, it's an email from...the dating website?"

"Who is it from?"

"Who? You mean you're still chatting with other guys?"

"Of course I am Astrid, I can't just put all my hopes in one guy, especially when he's a..."

"Single father? Okay, I'm a single parent too, I really don't appreciate that."

"Even if he wasn't a single father, you know me, I don't stick to one guy unless I'm completely sure that I want to be with him."

"That's the problem, you are never sure, and end up in multiple relationships at once. Grow up, Heather." She stretched her hand into the bathroom to lend her the toilet paper.

"Thank you!"

She walked back to her son, scooping him up in her arms. "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah." He nodded with a smile that had to be a sight for sore eyes.

"What would you like to have, honey?"

"Chicken."

"Again? Didn't you have that already? Aunt Heather made that for lunch, remember?"

"Yeah."

"Was it good?"

Neil nodded. "Very good."

"Well, Aunt Heather has a date tonight and mum isn't really good at making chicken."

Neil suddenly crackled into a peal of loud laughter that made Astrid's heart soar. His smile was something she lived for, and being in the hospital had deprived her of that, but being home with him had been nothing but smiles and a closer bond she'd always yearned to have.

"Are you laughing at your mummy, Neil? You're laughing because mum doesn't know how to cook?"

"No."

"Then what else do you want, you can't have chicken twice. You'd be too big, and mummy won't be able to carry you anymore."

"Apple sauce."

"You want apple sauce?" Astrid asked, brushing his blonde hair from his face as he nodded in return. "Alright, I'll make that for you in a second, okay?"

"Thanks, mummy."

"I'll be in the kitchen Heather, call me if you need anything..."

"Alright!"

"That is outside the walls of this room!"

Heather laughed. "Got it."

* * *

"Come on, mum. What is wrong with my hair?"

"You could've fixed it a little Harry, gotten a hair cut or something. It just looks so...basic."

"What does that even mean? You put me up to this already, the least I can do is to be myself."

"Oh, so you're the one who is telling me that now, huh?" She combed through his hair with her fingers, pushing them backwards. "You can't have basic Harry hair on a date."

"Well I'm not changing anything about it, I've been in front of a mirror long enough today."

"And still came out looking like this? You should really be glad I didn't get on that flight with your father."

"Mum...that's enough. I'm glad you're here, you don't have to bring back the past for me to appreciate it."

"Alright. If you say so." She fixed the long collar of his coat and smiled. "That's a lot better."

"Is Zia still napping?"

"Surprisingly, Yes. Where did you guys go today? She was so exhausted."

"You know Zia, mum. We get to a place, she makes tons of friends, and they just keep running and playing for the rest of the day."

"She's her mother's daughter alright."

"She doesn't seem to take anything from me."

"Nonsense Harry, Are you forgetting how smart she is? Her teacher thinks she's way ahead of her mates. Does that sound familiar by any chance?"

Harry smirked teasingly. "No, did you have any other children I don't know about?"

"You're so silly." She laughed as Harry placed a kiss on her temple. "Have fun, and don't forget, keep an open mind, Harry. No one can be Camilla, embrace the differences."

"Yes mum, Noted."

* * *

It took Harry a few minutes to arrive at Trenton Avenue, hoping that he wasn't at the wrong address. Maybe he was a little hopeful that it was, that would be a great excuse to escape the horror of this date. The neighbourhood was quiet, and a little more populated than his. He could spot a bus drop off a number of people at the stop, to their various homes. He was at the normal and the 'closer to life' part of LA.

The houses were smaller suburban homes for the average-income earner, the kind of life he'd always admired, tagged 'fortunate' to have escaped, but seemed a little more peaceful in comparison to the lifestyle he'd been born into. His lifestyle was one that seemed to care more about the outward appearance even if there were skeletons in the closet. It was good that Heather was from a pretty humble background, something she and Camilla had in common, pretty good for a start.

Pulling his breaks at the driveway, he sighed, wishing he had taken one of his other cars, the one that blended a little more to this environment and made him look normal and relatable...something he really wanted for a first date.

Stepping out of his car, he took out the bouquet of roses he'd picked up from the flower store earlier in the day. Roses were Camilla's favourite and he hoped that was pretty much the same case with his new date.

"I540 East Trenton Avenue." He called out again, reading the text his mother had sent for a full on confirmation that he was at the right place, and he was. He glanced up to the particular house that held its address. He walked up to the doorstep, holding on to the bouquet as he rang the doorbell.

Instant panic.

He hadn't done this in years, in fact, he'd never done this at all, considering he never had to deal with the stress of having to pick Camilla up for official dates. She was so simple to the point that she would rather spend the day with him at home, rather than go out. She wouldn't let him plan anything special and would often seem uninterested whenever he made an effort to do so.

Right now he was tensed but had to be calm. This was pretty much the first date and it came with the burden of positive impressions to create if he was ever to build a relationship out of it, as slim as the chances were.

After waiting a few minutes without reply, he leaned in to ring the doorbell again but stopped when the doorknob tilted, revealing someone had come to the door. This was it. This was his first chance on his mission to find love again, and as optimistic as he claimed to be about it, he knew he couldn't win at the first trial.

The door opened and his mouth parted to a girl who was very far from his mother's description. Heather was supposed to be a dark-haired girl with stunning green eyes that were a close match to his, but this girl was different. She was a wild blonde with the most beautiful blue eyes that brought back so many memories within a split second.

It had been so many years, but that didn't stop him from tracing back the horrendous events that made up his days of high school, as well as the very huge contribution of the girl standing in front of him to that. She gaped at him just as hard as he was, with every single second spent in their stare, bringing even more memories, memories he'd desperately hoped to never reminisce again.

"Hiccup?"

Did she just say Hiccup?! Years after everything they'd shared in the past and all she could remember was that nickname?! Right. She was Astrid! She never remembered his name after every single conversation they had in high school, how could he expect her to remember his name after twelve whole years?!

"Harry." He quickly corrected, setting a tone that wasn't filtered at all. It was a tone from that seventeen-year-old boy who had been ridiculed and hurt by the one girl he'd trusted the most, Astrid Hofferson.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay." He interrupted, still putting up an attitude that surprised him so much. This was his first time meeting someone from his past, and his issues with her were things he should have moved on from a long time ago. He really needed to comport himself and show a little more maturity, talking to her.

"Uhm...Does Heather Bowman live here?"

He could tell she felt a little absurd at the moment. The fact that he was totally ignoring her presence right now, pretending they'd only just met for the first time.

"Do you even remember me? I mean, I was..."

"We were seatmates in history class, sophomore year. Of course, I remember."

"Well...yeah, but uhm...we were also..."

"Yeah." Harry blurted out, immediately deviating from getting into a conversation about their past relationship. "So, how have you been?"

"Good. You're the one going on the date with Heather?"

He nodded in response. "That's right. Can I see her?"

"Oh, she'll be out in a few minutes, I'll just tell her that you're here."

"Thanks."

"Come in."

"Oh no, I'll just wait out here for her, it's okay."

"It's cold out there, you should come in."

Harry looked into her eyes, she hadn't changed a bit, except entirely in her attitude towards him. For some reason, she seemed a lot calmer and nicer than the quick-tempered, feisty cheerleader he'd crushed on from childhood, but was just as beautiful as he'd remembered...probably even more. She opened the door, ushering him into their home and Harry walked in, glancing around at the pictures on the walls that caught his attention...pictures of her and a dark-haired girl he was pretty sure was Heather.

Getting into the sitting room, he noticed the little boy in the highchair at a corner, a boy who was undoubtedly Astrid's son as he possessed a lot of features from her, excluding her blue eyes.

"You have a son?" He suddenly asked, without taking time to question if he really cared about that or not.

"Yeah. I heard you have a daughter too, how's it going for you?"

"Great. It's pretty surreal looking back, time sure really goes by fast."

When she broke into a smile, her beguiling oyster-white teeth lit up the room as she picked her son up from his highchair and settling him on her hip.

"Yeah, it does. Neil, say hi."

"Hey, buddy. How are you doing?" Harry waved at the little boy who stared timidly at him.

"Great."

"You just had your dinner?"

"Yeah."

"Was it good?"

The little boy glanced at his mother, crackling and Harry immediately saw Astrid's smile in him. The same smile she'd used to fool him back then into believing that he had a chance with her back in high school, only to put him back in his place by ripping his heart right after.

**Yeesh, Harry! This is a toddler for christ sake! Do you really want to take all that anger out on this innocent kid?!**

"It wasn't?"

"You're so silly." Astrid teased, pulling on his cheeks gently and laughing, her son joining her. His laugh reminded Harry so much of Zia and it hit his soft spot for kids.

"You want me to get you something? Come here."

The boy seemed hesitant at first but leaned forward towards Harry after assurance from his mother. Harry immediately took him from his mother's arms and placed him on his lap. The boy seemed attracted to this metal prosthetic, pointing to it curiously. "What's that?"

Harry looked up at Astrid who looked shocked, also gazing at his prosthetic. "I uh...I had lost my leg in a fire accident back in high school."

"I didn't know about that. Was that why you left?"

He was sure he scoffed at those statements. It seemed surreal that she seemed all too nice now because back then, she wouldn't have known because she had never cared.

"Astrid! I need help with something please!" Heather called from the bedroom, interrupting the conversation much to Harry's benefit. The last thing he wanted was having to talk about his accident or any event related to high school with Astrid. Their history was a chapter of his life he was much terrified to re-visit.

"Uhm...I'll just inform her that you're here."

"Mummy!" Her son cried out after she left, and Harry tried to comfort him.

"You're mummy's boy, aren't you? Well, that is something we do have in common."

He pointed to his prosthetic again. "What's that?"

"It's my leg. I lost my leg, so I have a fake one." Harry noticed he was now relaxed in his arms, reaching out to touch the prosthetic.

"You lost your leg?"

"Yeah, in a fire."

"A fire?"

"Yes, so don't play with fires, alright? Fires are really dangerous."

"I won't. Does it hurt?"

"Sometimes, but I need to be strong, right?"

"I am strong, mummy tells me all the time."

"She's right, you definitely are."

"Are you my mummy's friend?"

"Yeah, but can I be your friend too? I'd really love that."

"Yeah. I don't have any other friends."

"Why's that?"

Although he struggled with his words, he seemed so eager to say them anyway. "I am always in the hospital. I have no friends there."

"The hospital?"

"I am always sick, and I hate it because it makes my mummy sad."

Harry stared at the boy in shock, he did look a little unhealthy and had a significant difference in his breathing, but looked agile and happy nonetheless. He looked so much like Astrid, except he didn't have her blue eyes, they were green, quite similar to his. From the look of their situation, it seemed like she was also a single parent and it made him question the events of her life after he'd left Glendale high school, Arizona.

He was sure she'd gotten back with her ex-boyfriend at that time, the one he was supposed to be a rebound for, but was this child a result of that relationship? Considering her son was only a toddler, it must've have been a much recent relationship, or did she actually last this long with that moron?

**Why do you even care Harry, none of this should even concern you!**

His thoughts were interrupted with Astrid's presence followed by his date. She was adorned in a red body con dress that revealed her sculpted figure which was twine-thin. Her waist was tapered and she had a burnished complexion. A pair of arched eyebrows looked down on sweeping eyelashes, her delicate ears framed a button nose and a set of dazzling, angel-white teeth gleamed as she held his gaze with a smile. Her flowing, moon shadow-black hair...much similar to Camilla's.

Yup. He had done it again, or rather, his mother had done it again.

Throughout his life, his mother had been the mastermind of all his previous relationships and her targets seemed to be girls who were completely out of his league. Struggling with the personality of a depressed introvert had left him zero interest or confidence in building relationships, including friendships and his mother always felt it was a reason for her to step in.

First, it was Astrid, his long-time childhood crush, Camilla, her close friend's daughter and now...what was her name again? Hailey? Heathen?

**Heather! Heather you idiot!**

"Uhm...Heather, wow...you look amazing."

"Thank you. I'm so sorry I kept you waiting for so long."

"It's alright. I was here early anyway."

"Come on Neil, it's time for bed." Astrid cut in, gesturing to her son.

"I made a new friend today mummy."

"You did? that's great! Do you know the name of your new friend?"

The little boy glanced at him with a puzzled look that made Harry smile. "What's your name, Mister?"

"Harry. My name is Harry. What is your name?"

"Neil."

"That's a wonderful name, you know that?"

"Yeah."

Astrid took her son gently from his hold, noticing that he'd spent a lot more time on him than his date. Harry immediately picked up the bouquet of flowers, handing them to Heather. "For you."

"Thank you."

"I'll hold things here, just have fun tonight," Astrid said to Heather before raising an eyebrow, giving some sort of expression to depict a message he was probably more curious about than he should be. He was definitely interested in what Astrid really thought about his date with her friend.

"It was nice meeting you again, Astrid."

**Damn Harry, you just couldn't keep that in, could you?!**

"You two know each other?"

"Oh yeah, we used to go to high school together back then," Astrid replied looking so uneasy.

Harry held himself from the usual eye-roll he would always give in this kind of situation. They used to go to elementary school and high school together, with ten whole years of him being non-existent in her life despite the numerous conversations and projects they had, and ten years of being the stupid teenage boy endlessly dreaming of being in a relationship with the last girl to ever be interested in him and continuously making a fool of himself by holding on to the possibility of it happening.

He could go on about their past relationship, but past was past and he really needed to get over all that, she clearly had moved on.

"Oh I didn't know that, what were the chances, Astrid?"

"I know right? You hadn't shown me the pics on his profile so I had no idea."

"But I told you his name, right? Didn't you..."

"I probably forgot about it, it's been a really long time."

**Yup. Typical.**

"So uhm..." Harry chirped in, trying so hard to forget she actually said that. "Heather...ready?"

"Yeah, sure."

"After you."

"Bye Neil!" Heather waved towards Astrid's son. "I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Bye." Neil waved.

"Say Goodbye to your new friend, Neil."

"Bye Mister Harry."

"Bye Neil." Harry smiled at him before catching Astrid's stare. Man, she hadn't aged one bit. "Bye Astrid."

"Goodbye Harry. It was nice meeting you again too."

* * *

"Thank you," Heather said and took the seat he pulled out for her. He sure was putting a lot more effort into this date than he'd really intended to. Although this was his mother's idea, he still somehow felt the need to give a try on the motive of impressing her, at least meeting half of her expectations anyway. He shouldn't care about them, right? He wasn't willing to let go, he wasn't ready to replace Camilla...not yet...possibly not ever.

Even if his mind had already been made up, on that decision, he still needed to make this date somewhat successful, or at least hide the awkwardness of his personality, even if Astrid was probably going to tell her all about it when she got back home tonight.

The hideous glasses, the braises, and the fact that he sucked at every other thing non-academic related. He'd sucked at basketball, volleyball, musical instruments, throwing parties or being invited to parties, he'd sucked at making new friends or even keeping the existing ones...the ones like Astrid. The most embarrassing moment of his whole life, the time when he had a full-on panic attack because of...

"Harry?"

"Uhm...I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"Uh...I wasn't saying anything, it's just that you've been staring at me in silence for a..."

"Well...you are beautiful."

The smile and pink color in her cheeks showed just how successful he was at covering up the first slip from this stupid habit of zoning off in his own thoughts. He really needed a break from it, this wasn't the time or setting for that.

"Thanks." She repeated, pushing strands of her hair backwards.

"I'd like to know more about you, Heather."

"Well, what would you like to know? I pretty much told you everything in our previous chats on the website."

**Shit!**

Harry bit his lower lip so hard, he hoped he didn't leave a bruise. The website! The chats! He had just skimmed through her profile on the website his mother had used to get in contact with her. He only got the basic personal details from her profile but hadn't fully read the chats as his mother had instructed.

This was really the end, his mother had finally ruined him...ruined his entire existence! What was he going to do now? Tell his date that his mother had been the one chatting with her all this time? Why did his mother love putting him in this kind of situations? He didn't need this, he didn't need this date at all! Camilla was gone, but he was doing just fine, he wasn't lonely, he wasn't miserable, he was completely fine...well...until now.

"Harry? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I mean...I know you said a lot about yourself, but I'd like to know...more."

"Na, I think you should tell me about yourself, I'd been the only one talking through the chats."

Wow. He had to award his mother's charismatic skills to actually make her open up so much to a total stranger, that or she was probably an extremely open person.

"Well, I'm a single father hoping to...you know...find love again."

"That's amazing. How do you balance it? I mean, my friend Astrid? She barely even has time for herself."

"Well, It's not easy, but I have to sacrifice whatever time I have for my daughter. At this point, I honestly don't see it as a sacrifice. Spending time with her is...healing."

"Uhm...I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to..."

"It's alright, you didn't ask anything that felt uncomfortable to answer."

"What's her name?"

"Who? My daughter...or my..."

"Your daughter."

"Letizia...but we call her Zia...and by we, I mean, my mum and I."

"That's a beautiful name. Do you have a picture of her? I'm sorry I sound so obsessed."

"No, it's alright. I do have pictures of random selfies she takes with my phone."

"Oh, you better get ready, she's going to be a handful when she's older."

Harry chuckled and pulled out his phone and opened up his gallery, before handing the phone to Heather. He then watched her as she scrolled through the pictures, smiling and giggling to herself. "She's so beautiful...she has your hair, but looks nothing like you tho."

"Yeah, she's the full image of her mother, but character-wise, I'd say she's mostly like me or I try to make myself believe that."

Heather snorted mockingly. "Really?"

"Alright, she's more confident and extroverted like her mother so I..."

**Great Harry, keep talking about your late wife to your date and she wouldn't think twice about walking out on you.**

"I'm sorry I..."

"For what? I asked to know more about you, right?" She replied with her complete focus still on his phone. "Is she always this happy?"

"You have no idea. It's one of the many things we don't have in common...that's also her mother."

"That's great. You're really doing a great job making her this happy."

"Oh, that's where you're totally wrong. She's actually the one who makes me happy."

"That's really cute and admirable."

He retrieved his phone from her, now a little more comfortable with their conversation. "So, what about you? You're a doctor, right?"

"What? A doctor? I'm an auditor with a private firm, I clearly remember telling you that on the website too, have you forgotten already?"

**Fuck.**

* * *

"A doctor! Oh come on Harry, you could have put a little effort into this!"

"Give me a break, mum! I didn't have time to go through the chats, I had told you about the situation with my secretary, right? I've been on applications all week!"

"So? What happened? You told her I'd been the one controlling the chats?"

"What was I supposed to do mum? She apparently told you everything about herself to answer any new questions."

Her lips parted, squinting at him in disbelief. "Are you really my offspring Harry? You just singlehandedly blew up this date!"

"None of this would have happened if you had just let me handle the website...I could have set up a date for myself ."

"Well it's okay, you just have to look for another girl if..."

"Mum, No! I'm not doing this again."

"Harry, you can't just give up on the..."

"I am not ready to replace Camilla, mum!"

"I thought we already talked about this."

"Yes, we did. I agreed to try it, and I have realized that I'm really not ready. Maybe I will be, but right now, I'm just not!"

"Harry..."

"Mum, please don't push me into this. You keep saying I need this, but I don't think I do. Right now, I just want to be with my daughter...for the meantime."

"Zia asked about this. You said she'd never mentioned it to you, right?"

Harry paused, his heart dropping at that instant. "She what?"

"She saw you Harry, this morning, staring at Camilla's pictures in tears. She came running to me, crying at the fact that you were so sad, that she couldn't bring her mother back...to make you happy again."

"Uhm...mum.."

"Is this a habit of yours? Do you do this as a morning ritual to set up the gloomy mood you tend to be in throughout the day?"

"No, it's just..."

"Zia is too young for this! She's too young to grow up without a mother, but she's trying to rise above that. She wants to be strong, but you're not giving her any hope to be. You're supposed to be her father, her strength, but you keep tearing that little girl down!"

"I'm sorry, mum. I didn't know she was..."

"That's not my point. You have to think about your daughter, Harry. She's so mature for her age to the point that she can't even ask you about her mother because she knows how much you're hurting. She isn't supposed to see that...not as often as she does!"

Harry exhaled deeply in agony, the last thing he wanted, was watching his daughter going through pain, and being the cause of it. "Am I failing as a father?"

"No sweetheart, you're an amazing father...even with the pain. I'm beginning to understand the weight of the decision I'd made in the past to leave my family because, for a while, I made your father go through the pain you're going through right now."

"Son, it hurts, I know. You wish she could be here, you wish you could have put a little more effort to save her, but you need to be strong Harry. Be strong for Zia...be strong for me. Camilla was your reason for going on, but Harry, you need to give yourself a new reason. Isn't Zia enough reason to be happy again?"

"She is...you also are."

"Then prove it to us, because it doesn't feel or seem that way at all."

Harry pulled his mother into a long embrace, burying his face in her shoulders. "I love you mum...and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I make you feel like you're not good enough."

"Are you sure I'm good enough?"

"Yes, mum. You are...and I promise that would be the last time Zia would see me in that state."

"You don't exactly keep to your promises."

"This is different. I'm really going to try to be better and...the dating website? I'm going to keep trying that...I'm pretty sure tonight was the last Heather would want

to see of me, and honestly, I don't blame her for it, but...I would keep searching."

"Really Harry?"

"Yes, mum. Also, you would not believe who I met today at Heather's."

"Who? her ex-boyfriend?"

"Mum!"

"What? Who did you meet?"

"Astrid...Astrid Hofferson."

"Astrid? You mean your childhood..."

"Mum, I was young back then, and stupid to actually think I had a real chance with her."

"Wait, what do you mean a real chance? Weren't you two a couple in your sophomore year?"

"Well...we were, but it was a lot more complicated than that...a long complicated story."

"Tell me about it, I never really questioned the cause of your break up, I really liked that girl."

"Well she had a boyfriend before me, she'd broken up with him shortly before our relationship so I had suspected I was probably just a rebound to her. It turned out, I actually was because she'd gone back to him when he wanted her back."

"That was right before the fire incident right? I remember you returned home that day and..."

"Yeah." Harry interrupted. "It's all in the past. Honestly, I'm grateful she'd hurt me back then...I would have never met Camilla. She was a much better person, who actually valued people a lot more...than herself."

"Harry...I'm sure there's a lot more to her side than that...maybe you should..."

"Mum. No. I could agree to a date with any other girl, just not her...not again."

"Alright. You should get some rest, Zia's been asleep a lot earlier than her bedtime. She'll probably wake you up early tomorrow as soon as she does."

"Goodnight, mum."

* * *

"He did what?!"

"I'm not kidding. I wanted to be buried deep underneath the earth right then."

"Oh my gosh! So you'd been chatting with his mother the entire time?!"

"Ugh! Astrid, I think I'm ready to die now." She groaned, pressing her face into her pillow. "Just kill me!"

"I told you about this website thing, didn't I?"

"You said it was for the desperate, I was desperate!"

"How can you be desperate? You don't need a website, Heather! I mean...you're beautiful, successful, you literally have men at the tip of your fingers, you just need to add a little more effort to the success of your relationships."

"Or maybe...I'm just not ready for one yet."

"Heather, you're twenty-eight, when will you be ready? What about Harry? What's your opinion about him?"

"Well...he's handsome, he's hardworking, he's a family man from the way he talks about his daughter. He's wealthy and successful...he's pretty much perfect."

"But?"

"I don't know...I feel like he's just not ready to be in a new relationship."

"What do you mean? Do you think his mum forced him into this?"

"Not just that, the way he talked and acted throughout the date...He just seemed so...uncomfortable."

"I don't think so. I know him, that's just his nature. He's just a little conservative."

"So you do know him more than just 'going to the same high school' kinda knowledge, huh?"

"Well, uhm..."

"Tell me, do you have some kind of history with him? His expression seemed to change whenever I brought your name up."

"and why would you bring my name up?"

"You need a job, right? He runs a company, I just thought he could somehow help you out."

"Heather, but I don't need that from him. It's not like I've been on an endless search for a job, I just decided to get back to work."

"Are you...avoiding him? Why? was he one of those lame kids you bullied in high school?"

"It's actually a lot worse than that and I don't think he'd ever want me in his company, so no! I'm not doing that."

"I have a feeling you should have been the one on this blind date and not me."

Astrid rolled her eyes, crossing her arms across her chest. "You had offered for me to kill you, right? I think I'm willing to take it now."

"What? what is this about? Was he your boyfriend or something?" Heather pressurized, tugging on her arm consistently for more information on her past relationship with Harry. She couldn't talk about that. Her past with Harry Haddock wasn't something she was proud of, not because of him...certainly not because of him. Harry was the best of all her past relationships, the problem was, she never had appreciated it back then.

She was a teenager, she'd been built on 'self reputation', 'popularity' and so much that blinded her from the things that really mattered the most, from the people who really cared about her...people like...Harry.

"That's it, I'm outta here, sob into your pillow, you'll feel better in the morning."

"Come on Astrid! Are you leaving me in the dark about this?"

"Goodnight Heather!"

"You're seriously not going to tell me?"

"Not on your life."


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey mum, are you up?" Harry knocked gently on the door to his mother's bedroom, but without a word in response. "Mum?"

He could hear his mother's faint wavering voice after the second knock, a lot different than he'd remembered since their last conversation. "Harry dear?"

She sounded quite frail and weak which was quite unusual for the energetic personality of Vanessa Haddock. "Come in, I am awake."

"Mum, are you okay?" Harry pushed the door open gently, stepping into her bedroom. His mother was in bed, holding the covers tight to the covers tucked over her. He noticed her shiver and quickly rushed to her side. "Mum! Are you ill? Should I call your doctor?!"

"No, Harry. I'm okay, I just feel a little feverish that's all."

"What about your medication? Did they run out? Mum! you have to tell me when they run out!"

"I've got a month left, Harry, I'm fine."

"That's it, I'm calling your doctor right now."

"Is Zia up? She has to go to school today."

"Let me worry about that mum, you need to rest."

"But you don't know how to..." She struggled to step out of the covers, but Harry stopped her.

"Mum! I'll take care of it...please...rest."

Harry quickly phoned in her doctor setting up a home appointment in an hour. He hoped the doctor could be here before he left, as he couldn't leave his mother alone in her condition. "Mum, seriously, you're burning up." Harry sat on the edge of the bed, placing the back of his palm over her forehead to check her temperature.

"You shouldn't worry too much about me Harry, your daughter needs you now."

"I can't leave you like this mum."

"I said I'll be fine! I'll just wait for the doctor, but you need to prepare Zia for school."

"Alright mum, but I would be back to check up on you."

"It's okay."

Harry left the bedroom, glancing at a clock on the world down the hallway.

7:30 am.

Shit!

He had to be at work in less than an hour, but at the same time needed to wait until the doctor arrived. He hurried to Zia's room and pushed the door open.

"Daddy?" Hopefully, she was awake, totally saving him the time he'd always spent waking her up every morning. "Good morning daddy."

"Good morning Sweetheart."

"Where's Nana, daddy?"

"Nana is ill, Zia. Daddy's gonna prepare you for school, okay?"

"What about my hair, daddy? Are you going to brush my hair too?"

"Of course, I will. Why? You think I can't brush your hair?" Harry shook his head, amused by the shocked expression on her face as he walked towards her.

"Is Nana going to be okay?"

Harry sat beside her on the edge of her bed, running his fingers through her hair. "Of course she is. You just have to say a little prayer for her and she'll be fine."

"Can I say one right now?"

He smiled, planting a soft kiss on her forehead. "Alright, close your eyes."

"Dear Jesus, please heal Nana and make her okay again. Amen."

"Amen. Nana would be okay in no time."

"Can I see her before we go?"

Harry shook his head, gently pulling her hoodie over her head. "Honey, you have to get ready for school first. Once you're ready, we'll check on her, alright?"

"Okay, daddy."

* * *

"Are you serious about this Astrid?"

Astrid packed in some toys into the little backpack of her son, before zipping it up. "Well, I thought I would just try, you know? Harry is kindhearted, and if he hasn't changed from who I remember from twelve years ago, maybe he would consider giving me a spot in his company."

"But what about Neil? My leave ends today and you haven't hired a baby sitter or something."

Clipping on her pearl earrings, she glanced into the mirror. "I'm dropping him off today at my dad's while I search for a baby sitter. It's going to be a lot on my salary, but there isn't much I can do about it."

"I'm sorry Astrid, I wish I could look after him, for today at least."

"I wouldn't want you to. It's not your responsibility to look after my son Heather, it's okay."

"But still, you deserve a break from this. Are you sure your dad would be home, today?"

"I called him already, a few hours ago. He's even more excited to be with his grandson again."

"Man, your dad is really amazing...and to think he's still working?"

"I know he hasn't retired because of me and my son, but I want to put a stop to it. I should be the one taking care of him right? not the other way round."

"Don't worry, it would change after you get this job, and maybe you can save enough to get Neil to school and take care of him."

"Yeah." Astrid tied up her hair in a tight bun, gazing at her reflection in the mirror and feeling a bit uncomfortable with her appearance. "Is this...too much?"

"Oh my gosh!" Heather exclaimed, gaping at her in amusement. "Are you actually...putting on make-up?"

"No...Yes? What if I am? This is a formal occasion, right?"

"I guess..." She leaned towards her, watching closely with a huge grin Astrid wished she could slap off her face. "But I'm impressed...is this for...Harry?"

Astrid slammed the highlighter case shut and pushed her makeup purse further away from her on the dressing table. "Gosh, you make a big deal out of everything."

"Girl, I'm surprised, that's all...You acting all defensive is a bit...suspicious. Should I stop my date with him or..."

"No! Of course not. You met him on that website and that shouldn't change because of me. He wouldn't date me in a million years, I wouldn't either...he deserves...better."

"Ugh. What I would give to get in-depth of your history with him...are you sure you still don't want to tell me?"

Astrid rolled her eyes and grabbed her purse, trying to place it in her left hand with her files. "No, I'm not. I gotta go, I'm already running late."

"Goodluck girl, I really hope you'll get it."

"Thanks, Heather. It's one thing I really need right now...luck."

Heather pulled Astrid into a long hug and whispered to her ear, giggling. "It's your ex, Astrid. I'm sure you don't need luck. You just need to look good."

Astrid pulled away sharply, shoving her backwards, with Heather laughing out. "Crazy girl. Come on Neil, let's go!"

"Bye, bye, Aunt Heather." Neil waved to Heather when Astrid picked him up. Heather smiled at took his hands, placing a kiss on his forehead.

"Bye, Neily! I'm gonna miss you so much. Say hi to grandpa for me, okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

"Ouch! Daddy, that hurts!"

"I'm sorry honey, just stay still a few seconds, let me just..." Harry struggled with trying to get her hair into the hairband, but stopped, completely concerned when Zia screamed out in pain again.

"Daddy!" She broke into tears this time and Harry's heart dropped. This was one of the things he feared about being a single parent, hurting his daughter unintentionally.

Just like him, Zia had a lot of hair. Her thick lengthy auburn hair seemed to be a huge problem every morning. His mother would always put it into pigtails or side braids but never into a single ponytail as it usually seemed too heavy for her. Harry had zero experience in this and had pretty much underestimated its difficulty.

He'd given four tries in doing pigtails, but all to no avail and in the process of caring for her, he ended up hurting her instead.

"Zia, please don't cry, I didn't mean to hurt you." He lifted her onto his lap and wiping the tears beneath her eyes with his thumb. "Daddy would never hurt you."

"Harry." His mother called from where she stood in the hallway, watching them. "I'll do it, I'll fix her hair."

"Mum, you're supposed to be in bed. I told you I'd take care of it, didn't I?"

"Daddy, can Nana do my hair, please?"

"Alright. I'm so sorry Zia."

"It's okay Daddy. It's not your fault." She stopped crying, placing her hand on his cheek. "I'm sorry for yelling."

Harry smiled, brushing his nose softly on hers. "That's okay, sweetheart. Go to Nana, she'll do it for you."

"Were you actually trying to brush her hair?" His mother immediately snatched the brush off his grip once she got to them.

Harry sighed. "I already brushed it, mum, I was just trying to..."

"Pull her hair out?" She shook her head and turned to Zia, taking her hand. "Come on, sweetie."

"Mum...I was trying...you know that."

"Maybe you'd think more about my request to you now."

Harry rolled his eyes, watching them go down the hallway before turning to face the large portrait of Camilla hanging on the wall. He took in a deep breath and exhaled, staring into her bluebell eyes and flashing back to faded memories of their life before Zia. She was always so obsessed with baby shopping and had been so excited about the news about the gender reveal of the baby.

Talking about activities and moments she was elated to have with her daughter was his favourite part of their 'bed talks', and most of it involved braiding Zia's hair. Harry often loved the way she lit up talking about their future journey to parenthood as she'd been a lot more prepared for it than he was, but never really got a chance to be a mother to Zia or create any memories with her.

He really needed her on this journey, he needed her so much that every single day without seemed almost unbearable to live. He would have never in a million years predicted that he'd be alone at this early stage of their marriage. It wasn't part of his dreams about his future with her and reality was still hard to swallow.

Faded memories flashed in and out of his mind as he just stood motionless at her picture, wishing that he could reminisce those moments with her by his side.

"Daddy?"

Harry froze wide-eyed, his mother's words on this exact issue, replaying in his head and hoping he'd actually taken heed to her them. Zia had caught him at Camilla's pictures...again. Had he really been here that long? Her hair session usually took a while, and the fact that she was already back meant that he'd been here for far too long...especially when he was running late for work. He swallowed, turning towards his daughter who was watching him with a sad look that pierced through him.

It was when it became clear, the reason why his mother was on the case of him not being able to move on. He really was tearing her down in a way he didn't mean to.

"You look pretty, Zia!" He exclaimed, trying to sound as excited to cover up his previous mood. "Wow, Nana did a good job. See? you look just like mummy."

"Really daddy?" Her smile quickly returned and Harry felt relieved, he scooped her up in his arms and kissed her cheek.

"Of course, look." He pointed to Camilla's eyes on the portrait. "You have mummy's pretty eyes and her pretty smile."

"But I want to look like you too, daddy."

"You do look like me sweetheart, you're my princess, remember?"

"Harry! you're late for work. You should leave now, I already packed Zia's lunch."

"Mum, your doctor has to be here first before I leave. I'll be late, but it's alright."

"Harry, it's okay, I'll be fine. Just go ahead, Zia is late for school already."

Harry picked up his keys from the centre table, with Zia still in his arms. "Are you sure, mum?"

"Go ahead, it's okay. I'll give you a call when the doctor gets here."

"Mum, please, you need to take your health seriously. You make me worry about you so much."

"You're my son. I worried about you your whole life. It's your turn...don't nag about it."

"This isn't a joke, your health is really important to me right now."

"I said I'll be fine, Zia would be late for school again."

"Alright, I love you."

"I love you too, son."

"Goodbye, Nana! Love you!"

"Bye Zia. I love you more!"

* * *

"Astrid dear, is that you?"

"Hey, Molly. Yeah, it's me. Neil, look, it's Molly."

Neil opened his arms smiling and leaning towards Astrid's stepmother. "Hi, Molly."

"Sweetheart. I missed you so much." She kissed his cheek continuously after taking him from Astrid's hold.

"He's been asking about you a lot."

"Oh, my dear. I'm here now and we're going to spend the whole day together."

He smiled and wrapped his little arms around her neck. Astrid smiled, her heart soaring in delight. "Aww..."

"Was he really discharged from the hospital. I screamed out ecstasy when your father told me about the news."

"He's been out for a week now, although he had a minor attack last weekend, he's been fine ever since."

"That's amazing news! I've just wanted him out of that machine for the longest time."

"I really hope he doesn't get back there Molly, I just want him to be a normal kid."

"He is a normal kid, Astrid and he wouldn't go back there, I believe he wouldn't."

"Thank you for offering to look after him today, Molly. I really appreciate it."

"I also offered to look at him constantly, so you can go back to work Astrid. I know you really want to start work again."

"Thank you so much, Molly, I was worried about leaving him in daycare because of fo his condition."

"You could do that, I'm sure there are special care services, there's no need to worry, but that'll just be another burden on you. I'm here...let me take care of him."

"I know you want to, but you can't watch him all the time, you have a life."

"Alright, but I'm still keeping my offer up." She cuddled Niel in her arms, patting his back gently. "Aren't you late for your interview?"

Astrid dropped off Neil's bag and a box of oxygen concentrator at a corner. "A little behind time. Where's Dad?"

"Oh, he's still asleep. I left him to sleep in today. He got in late last night, he still works on Sundays."

"I'll just leave him then, I'll see him when I return to pick up Neil."

"Alright dear, Goodluck at your interview."

"Well...it's my first try, so..."

"Doesn't matter...you can still be lucky, who knows?"

"Thanks, Molly, It's what I really need now...luck."

* * *

"Welcome, Sir."

"Get the first candidate ready in two minutes, how long have they been waiting?"

"About an hour Sir."

"Ugh, I'm sorry I'm late, just let the first person in."

"Alright, Sir."

Harry placed his bag down, pulling off his coat before settling down on the swivel chair. He quickly set the items on his desk in place, checking the time on his wristwatch. The doctor had arrived at the mansion before he left, making him stay further to hear in on the diagnosis. Although he'd claimed it to be some minor ailments, he had to take it seriously.

His mother's health was his top priority as he wasn't up for the loss of another loved one so he was willing to get to extra length to ensure she was completely okay. He'd dropped off Zia about thirty minutes later than the supposed time and then got stuck in LA traffic. He usually left earlier to avoid it, but today was a lot difficult as he'd left later than usual.

"Take a seat please," Harry said still focused on the CV and information documents of the applicant. He scanned the document to the top, reading the name of the individual, but froze before at his first glance at the name, he then looked up to the very last person he'd expected to walk into his life again...Astrid Hofferson.

She was going back to work, Heather had told him about that, but he'd never actually believed that she would even consider applying at this company, considering how they'd split in the past. Maybe he was the one who hadn't grown up. It was the past, they were young and it wasn't something to keep holding onto and she'd probably forgotten about it. He had to be mature about making decisions this, this was work anyway, and shouldn't be related to any personal perceptions or emotions.

"Hey, Harry."

He would've been elated that she remembered his name for the very first time without some kind of help from him, but she needed something right now and had to be less aggravating to achieve that.

"Uhm...Astrid...Hey...I didn't know that..."

"Heather told me about the vacancy and I decided to apply for it, I hope we can put our..."

"Definitely." Harry interrupted, trying as much as he could to avoid bringing up their past. "I mean we're a lot older and matured now, so that shouldn't be a problem."

"Well, considering your tone and reaction to meeting that night, I just thought you were still..."

"Forget about that. I don't know, I was just...shocked, that's all. I didn't expect that..."

"We would cross paths again?" She nodded with a faint smile. "I know."

"So...shall we begin?" Harry faked the most 'honest' smile he could hold up, hiding in his real feelings about her presence. He turned back to her documents, scanning the contents and pretending like she wasn't watching him right now. "Well...seemed like you didn't change one bit in this aspect. Your credentials are amazing so far...but...you've had only two years of experience?"

"Oh...uhm...I...stopped for some personal reasons. I just couldn't..."

"Your son?"

"Did Heather tell you that too?"

"No, no she didn't. When you'd left your son with me in the sitting room that night, we had quite a conversation."

"What exactly did he tell you?"

"The reason why you stopped working? He's mostly at the hospital...I mean that was a lot from a toddler."

Harry went silent when her expression changed, hoping that he hadn't brought that up, especially when there was clearly to reason to. It wasn't his problem anyway.

"Neil never talks to strangers, and he said all that?"

"Well...he did call me his friend...remember?"

"He's...he's had health issues that required me to be with him all the time, I couldn't balance that with work and..."

"I get it, I'm a parent too...and I would do the same for my daughter."

She smiled again, but it lasted shortly as her gaze fell to the framed picture of Camilla on his table. "I'm...sorry about your..."

"Wife? It's alright. I think I've had enough time to heal."

She shrugged, "I guess..that's why you started the dating website, right?"

"Uhm...kinda."

She looked at him in silence, before bursting into a giggle. "It was your mother, wasn't it? Well...it's a good thing she hasn't changed."

"What about you? Did you..also lose your partner?" He leaned forward and asked, before realizing that this was an interview and not a 'catching up' dinner conversation.

She replied before he could get a chance to take it back. "Oh no no, my life was a little different from yours...I never...got married."

Harry paused, staring at her in disbelief. "You...didn't? I mean...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to..."

"It's alright."

"Uhm...we should probably get back to the interview."

She gave a faintly embarrassed smile that Harry suspected was from the fact that she'd ended up being the one unlucky at love even after being the most attractive and the most wanted girl in high school. He tried to make the interview as formal as the previous ones but couldn't help being biased. He knew her, she was the only person he'd had problems competing with, academically back in high school.

She wasn't just smart but was also disciplined and hardworking to have balanced cheerleading and the numerous clubs she ran back in high school while holding up good grades. She was pretty much the perfect choice for this vacancy, but then...she was Astrid Hofferson. He wasn't for the option of letting her back into his life again, he didn't want to go back to that. She needed this job for her son, especially when she was a single parent, she was more than qualified for it anyway.

"I feel like you deserve a lot better than this, have you tried other options?"

"Well...I have to start from a point, right? I would try other options if this one is unsuccessful."

"It's not like I have a choice, I mean...this is the best qualification I've seen since I started this process and...If you haven't changed from the Astrid I knew back in Arizona, I'd say you also have all the attributes needed for this job."

"So, that's a yes to my application?"

"Definitely, although I'm not sure of how long this would be. It could still be temporary, considering my previous..."

"It's alright. That's more than enough. I'd probably get a new one by then."

Harry leaned backwards on his chair, crossing one leg over the other. "Or...I could...you know...give you another spot if that did happen. I mean, I wouldn't want you to..."

"Thank you, but you don't have to."

He stood up, extending his hand out for a handshake. "Well, until then...welcome to the company."

She smiled, shaking his hand in return. "Thank you."

Harry phoned in an employee, first before turning back to her. "Is it okay with you to go through some orientation and overview of the company today? I just called in someone for that."

"Of course. I've pretty much got the whole day."

"Perfect. You'd said you can start officially tomorrow, right?'

"Right."

"Great."

Harry watched Astrid leave with the employee and sighed, still in total disbelief of the whole situation.

**'What the hell just happened?'**

Astrid, the same Astrid who had hurt him countless times in the past, but somehow couldn't put an end to his obsession with her. The same Astrid he'd vowed never to let get into his head again after he'd left Glendale high school was the same person he'd just hired to be his secretary and liaison officer? What about the decision not to dig up his past with her? It was why he'd left Arizona in the first place, so how? How did she, after twelve long years, trace her way back to him, and to his life.

This had to be a joke, right? He didn't just sign a deal of working with her for the next six months! It was temporary but was still the most erratic decision he had ever made in the last twelve years. He had an option on excuses...or maybe the major one that seemed to work on every applicant before her.

**'We'll get back to you and give you a call.'**

There was nothing wrong with that, right? She would have gone back to being just a memory to him...a dead memory. But no...he had to think about her son, her qualification, her offer for help, like that seventeen-year-old boy she felt she could fall on when she was broken, and walk away from when she became whole.

Things were different now, and it also seemed like she was different too so why couldn't he just flow with the change and move the fuck on? She was a mother now, and they were both parents, so he couldn't keep comparing her to that arrogant self-absorbed cheerleader.

Even if she hadn't changed, why did he care about that? It's not like they were ever going to rekindle that relationship, right? It wouldn't be anything more than just friendship, and he was her boss anyway so it shouldn't matter to him, unless they...No way! He was done with those dreams and fantasies, besides, there was a lot more to consider if he ever went back to that...their children.

It was a struggle keeping his mind off his new life of working with Astrid and how he was going to actually get work done. There was a lot going on in the company right now, with the new business partners and project they were currently working on. It was why he'd definitely needed a secretary in the first place as this project was a huge stepping stone to further success of the company.

He jolted to the knock on the door of his office and checked the time on the wall clock. "Come in."

The door to his office opened, and he immediately wished he could have taken back his previous words. Time flew by pretty fast. "I've taken her through the tour Sir, and the orientation session."

"Thank you," Harry replied to the employee who nodded and exited the room, leaving Astrid behind.

She smiled when he caught her stare, folding her hands across her chest. "I'm really impressed, Boss. Did you start this up from the scratch?"

Harry smirked. "Uh...there's no need for that, just call me Harry. I didn't really start it, but built it from where my Dad left it."

"Impressive, how long has it been in your control?"

"About ten years...six years under dad, but he passed away and I couldn't watch it fall, so I took over."

And you've done an amazing job, I'm sure he would be so proud of you."

"Thanks."

"Uh...so I'll be going right now, but I'll be at work tomorrow, I have to pick up my son."

"Hope you don't mind me asking but, have you found a sitter or something?"

"Not really, I just dropped him off at my dad's, but sooner or later I'll need to get one for him."

"What about...daycare options? Have you tried that? It helped a lot when my daughter was much younger."

"Oh no, Niel needs special care and it will probably be more expensive than a regular daycare."

"Alright, I'll cover it...at least for a few months."

She shook her head sharply to show her total disapproval of the offer. "No, no, no...everything I'm gonna get from you, I have to work for it."

"Alright, consider it a flexible loan. You can pay me whenever you can. My daughter's school has a daycare with special care services. If you go with me to pick her up in the next thirty minutes, you can check it out for yourself."

"I don't know Harry. I mean, Neil is..."

"A child, who needs to be around other kids, make friends. He told me he didn't have any."

"He...He also...told you that?"

"Yeah. It's the reason why I suggested this in the first place. He needs to meet his mates and create friendships...It would all make up a memorable childhood. Would you rather he grows up with memories of home and the hospital?"

"But..."

"If there's anyone who understands what it feels like to be lonely? It's me."

"My son isn't lonely, I am always..." Astrid fell silent for a moment before going on. "I see your point. You're right, it's just...he got out of the hospital about a week ago and I don't really don't want him back there again."

"Let's get to the school, see your options and if it doesn't suit his needs, you can then go for a sitter."

They shared a silent awkward stare that sprung up a fraction of the past emotions of that teenager towards a girl completely out of his league. The same way he felt each time she walked into the classroom, even if she never for once took a glance towards his direction. The fact that he even felt this way after twelve whole years only meant that, he hadn't really changed, he was still that teenage boy...even after moving away.

"Alright...Thanks, Harry, you haven't changed one bit."

"I know."


	4. Chapter 4

"So, like what you see so far?"

"It's really beautiful and quiet. How do they keep kids so silent?" Astrid looked around continuously as they both walked down the hallway, examining the environment of Vinedale elementary, every feature perfectly matching Harry's description. Right from the entrance at La Tuna Canyon Rd, the ambience was beautiful, green with a few trees standing above the neatly mowed lawn. The pathways to the various exits cornered with trimmed hedges, a blue-coloured stone at the main entrance holding the name of the school. The buildings weren't big, but just enough to hold the required facilities for an elementary school. The interior made the best impression.

The hallways leading to various classes as well as paintings, write-ups, and art-crafts displayed on boards, to exhibit the various artistic skills of the students. It already looked like the perfect choice to start Niel's schooling. She looked into the classes they passed by, marvelling at how an elementary school was able to maintain such silence, being populated with a bunch of very active toddlers and kids.

"Activities? It's quite easy to keep kids busy. We'll go to the daycare section first to…"

"You're not gonna pick up your daughter first?"

"We should get to the daycare first before I…"

"And keep the little girl waiting? Of course not. You'd said we were late already, right?"

"Yes, but, she can just wait for a few more…"

"Where's the kindergarten section? We are picking her up first."

Harry shrugged, "Alright, but remember, I did warn you about this. My daughter can be quite a handful."

"Please, she's just five, right? What's the worst that could happen?" Astrid smiled, as they approached the Kindergarten section to Zia's class. As every other day before, she was right in her spot at the door, searching earnestly for her father. Her expression immediately faded from worry to excitement when she saw him. It always warmed his heart that his presence always brightened up her mood, just like hers did to him.

"Daddy!" She screamed in joy and wrapped her arms tightly around his leg, Harry scooping her up into his arms.

"Hi, Princess."

"You're late, Daddy. I thought you weren't gonna come for me."

"Of course not. Daddy could never leave you waiting in school, have I ever done that?"

"No." She wrapped her hands around his neck in a hug, and Astrid smiled, watching them in silence.

"So how was school today, princess?"

"School was good, and I didn't mess up my pigtails today as I promised."

"That's great. Nana would be very happy to hear that."

"Good day, Mr Haddock." Miss Jeanie, Zia's class teacher walked up to them with her backpack in one hand, and lunch pack in the other.

"Who is she, Daddy?" Zia suddenly asked before he could reply to her teacher. He noticed her curious gaze on Astrid, who'd been watching them in silence.

"Hold on a sec." Harry said and took her belongings from her teacher, "Thank you."

"Zia, this is my friend, Astrid. She decided to join me to pick you up today."

"Hi, Zia." Astrid smiled, still holding up her gaze while giving her a little wave.

"Hi" She replied in a tone, much softer than the one she'd used to welcome her father.

"How was school today?"

"Good." She fluttered her gaze to Harry, a little shy.

"Aww, come on, you don't have to be shy. Come here." Astrid opened her arms, gesturing for the little girl to go to her. She hesitated, looking at Harry first until he gave a nod of approval.

"Go on, it's okay," Harry said before she leaned towards Astrid, who carried her, settling her on her right hip, while Harry talked to her teacher.

"You're pretty." Zia complimented out of the blue with a shy smile, taking strands of Astrid's long golden hair between her fingers.

"Aww, thank you," Astrid replied, a bit startled. "Well, you're much prettier, and you've got such beautiful hair. Did your Daddy put this up for you?"

"No, he didn't."

"Why? He couldn't fix your hair?"

"He kept pulling so hard and it hurt so much."

"Oh, I'm sorry about that, he probably doesn't know how to do it. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know, but my Nana fixed my hair."

"She did a great job. I love it."

"Can you braid my hair like my Nana?"

"Do you want me to braid your hair sometime?" Astrid asked, watching the little girl nod in glee. "Alright then, I would braid your hair next time."

Harry walked towards them after his conversation with her teacher was over and stretched out his arms towards Zia. "Come on."

Zia smiled and leaned on Astrid, in rejection of her father's offer. Astrid laughed at his reaction, placing her arms around his daughter. "Wow, that was quick."

"I'm a parent too, Harry. I'm pretty good with kids now."

"Zia, you're really gonna turn on Daddy like that?"

"I like her Daddy."

"But carrying you from school to the car and back home is our thing, remember?"

"I wanna be with her today."

"Hear that Harry? She wants to be with me." Astrid gave a sly smirk and walked past him out of the classroom and to the hallway. Harry smiled, trailing along behind them. "So where's the daycare section?"

"Down this hallway, towards the left."

"Why are we going to the daycare, Daddy?" Zia asked.

"Miss Astrid needs to talk to the teachers at the daycare centre, okay?"

"But are you not too old for daycare?" Zia asked again, causing Harry and Astrid to burst into laughter. Harry tugged gently on her cheeks, quite embarrassed.

"Well, it's clear who she takes after." Astrid teased.

"Hey, that's her mother, not me!" He exclaimed in his defence.

"You're right, Zia. I'm too old for daycare, but my son is going to be attending your school too, and I hope he can make friends as you do. I know you have a lot of friends."

She smiled. "Yeah, Nana said I should love everyone, and make new friends."

"Well, I hope Neil can make friends like you too."

"Who's Neil?"

"My Son."

"He doesn't have friends?"

"Well, not yet. He needs to go to school to make friends, right?"

"I can be his friend too, Miss Astrid."

Astrid's heart melted with joy. "That's so nice of you, Zia. You're such a sweet girl, I wish your daddy could be like you."

"Oh really? I get to be the negative topic of the day, huh?" Harry spoke up, with an exaggerated look of sadness and disappointment. They both ignored him, with Zia so invested in her conversation with Astrid.

"Daddy doesn't have any friends either. You're the first friend that he has."

"Zia!"

"You want to know why?" Astrid whispered, in an attempt to get a reaction from Harry.

"Why?"

"Because he's always afraid to talk to people."

"Yeah, Nana told me that too."

They kept laughing in whispers, with Harry watching in silence and shock. It was amazing the way Zia opened up to Astrid, and how quickly they got along. It was like the picture of how he'd imagined moments between Zia and Camilla to be if death didn't take her away from them. Astrid was a lot different from what he'd remembered years ago. She'd been so intolerant to kids back then, always nagging and complaining about her part-time babysitting job, but having a child changes one's perspective and attitude towards things, and children seemed to have a lot more value to her. He stared at Zia. He'd never seen her so happy, and it was a different kind of happiness, the one that he was sure his mother had been telling him about, the one that he could never give to her.

He snapped out of his thoughts, in an effort not to be selfish, or going down that route he'd been on for years. Astrid was his employee, his friend, and it couldn't go beyond that. He knew nothing about her life after he'd left Arizona and the circumstances surrounding Niel's father. He knew nothing about the reason behind raising her son on her own, the reason why she wasn't married to her son's father, and he also shouldn't ask. He was supposed to act aloof towards her love life considering he'd been part of it before, and not wanting to reenact that chapter of their lives.

Zia could be just as happy with any other girl besides Astrid. Introducing Heather to his daughter would be the next step considering she'd been so interested in knowing about her during her date...and if she hadn't changed her mind about him after messing up big time that day. Hopefully, she would still be interested in him, like Camilla was, despite his mother being the mastermind of their incidental first date ten years ago.

"Alright Zia, Miss Astrid needs to talk to some people in there, come on."

Zia leaned into Harry's stretched arms when they arrived at the door of the daycare classroom, with Astrid gently handing her to him.

"I'd be out in a few minutes, it wouldn't be too long."

Harry shrugged. "Please, take your time. We'll be here."

Astrid smiled, "Thanks again."

"Sure, anytime."

* * *

"Dad? Dad, where are you?"

"Astrid honey we are here!" Her father's voice echoed from the kitchen, she smiled when her son's voice echoed right after.

"Here, mummy!"

"What are you guys doing in the…" Astrid walked into the kitchen, spotting her son on her father's lap, both sharing a plate of lasagna. She shook her head, placing both hands on her hip. "Well, of course, this young man dragged you in here, didn't he?"

"Mummy!"

"Hi, Sweetheart." Astrid walked up to her son, placing a long kiss on his cheek. "Hey, Dad." She placed her arms around her father's shoulders, giving him a back hug.

"What, do I have to babysit two babies now?"

"Dad."

"How was your interview today?"

"It was good. I got the job and I start work tomorrow."

Her father gave her a quizzical glance. "Uhm...okay, that was...fast?"

"The CEO is actually an old friend from Arizona, so he was pretty sure of my credentials."

"An old friend, huh? Is this friend a guy, or a…"

"So what if it's a guy, Dad, what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. What's the name of the company again?"

"Haddock Limited. It's actually an architectural firm."

"Haddock? I'm pretty sure that name sounds familiar like I've heard of the company."

"It's Harry Haddock, Dad, that's why it sounds familiar."

"Harry Haddock?" Mr Hofferson asked while Neil struggled to mouth the spoon containing a piece of lasagna which he was hesitating to give to him.

"You remember him, don't you?"

"Yeah, but he was your boyfriend, right? In your Sophomore year? The highly intelligent guy from your history class?"

Astrid blinked, actually shocked by her father's quick memory. "Wow, you remembered a lot better than I expected, is there a special reason?"

"You mean except the fact that he was the only guy you dated with my full support? The other airheads you kept squealing about were literally no match to him. He deserves to be remembered."

Astrid rolled her eyes. "Are you referring to Stanley?"

"Well, he is on the list, no offence." He placed another spoon of lasagna into Niel's mouth, trying to keep his divide attention between Astrid and Neil.

"None taken. You're not wrong, but the thing is...I really loved him back then, but I wasn't sure he felt the same. He was so different from every guy I dated before him, so I couldn't understand his kind of affection."

"So you broke up with him for that silly reason? And I had to bear the aftermath of that whole experience?"

"I didn't even break up with him, if I did, it would have made things a lot better. It was worse than that."

"Have some Lasagna, mummy." Neil lifted the spoon he'd now taken from her father towards Astrid who ate the contents, nodding in approval.

"Thank you, baby. This is so good, who made this?"

"Grandma Molly." Neil scooped another spoonful, placing it into her mouth.

"It's so good." Astrid nodded again after taking the second bite. "Did you say thank you to Grandma Molly?"

"Yeah," Neil said, wiping the end of her lips that had a stain of cheese and she smiled planting a kiss on his forehead.

"Look at my baby taking care of me before he's grown. I definitely have no problems in the future, you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because my baby is here with me, and he's going to take good care of me." Astrid gave him loads of more kisses on his cheek, causing him to giggle in response.

"How was his health and breathing today, Dad?"

"Honestly, I was surprised because I didn't fully believe you when you had said he didn't have any attacks for a week, but he was completely fine today. I'm so happy about this improvement, Astrid. I've never seen Neil so active and lively."

Astrid brushed strands of her son's blonde hair sideways and smiled. "I just hope that his healing is permanent, Dad. You've spent so much on my son, I don't want you to spend any more money on us."

"Astrid, that isn't the reason why Neil should be healed. He should be fine because he deserves to have a full and healthy life, okay?"

"Mummy, did you get a job?" Neil suddenly asked, making Astrid's heart burst. "Grandma Molly said you were gonna get a job."

"Yes, Sweetheart. Mummy got a job, and you know what?"

"What?"

"I also found a school for you, Niel. You're gonna start school very soon."

"Really?!" Mr Hofferson exclaimed, a lot more impressed and surprised than her son. "You've finally agreed to let him go to school? Who was it that convinced you when I failed to do so?"

"It's Harry, Dad. He even loaned me the money to start his registration at a daycare."

Her father raised his brow, giving her a suspicious glance that caused her to roll her eyes. "It's okay, Dad. There's nothing going on."

"You mean, he never moved on from you since then?"

"Moved on? He got married! Why on earth wouldn't he have moved on? It's not like I even deserve to be held onto for this long."

"So are you really comfortable working with him? I picked up some vacancy cards at my workplace when I heard you were looking for a job."

"Thanks, Dad, but I've already gotten this and it pays really well. Besides, rejecting it would only mean that I myself, haven't moved on."

"I just want you to be okay."

"I'm okay, Dad. I mean...which other jobs would have loaned me money to put Niel through daycare for a whole year?"

Her father smirked, "If he wasn't married, I'd tell you to ask him to drop by, so I could talk to him."

"Why would I ask him to drop by, Dad? He's my boss. Besides, he gave me the job because I was qualified for it, it has nothing to do with our past relationship."

"Alright then, if you say so." Her father placed a piece of beef in her mouth which she took nodding in approval. "I just wanted to thank him, that's all. You should have told me about your plan to put Neil in school, I would have helped you with that."

"Dad, It's okay...It wasn't a free gesture anyway, it's a loan from my salary."She wrapped her hands around his neck and leaned on his shoulder. "Besides, you've done enough, Dad. It's time I help you out. I should be the one taking care of you."

"You know I'm not complaining, right? I'm your father and I would always cater to your needs, no matter how old you get."

Astrid snorted. "I'm not even that old."

"Here mummy, have some water." Neil raised his cup towards Astrid, and she took it, planting a kiss on his forehead.

"Thank you, baby." She took a drink from it before passing it back to him.

"Do you want some water too, grandpa?"

"I've got some here son, it's okay."

"Neil, you didn't give me a reaction? I said you'll be going to school soon."

Neil looked at her, eyes beaming with excitement. "Really, mummy?"

"Yes, baby."

"So, I'm not going back to the hospital, ever?"

Astrid looked at her Dad, lost for words as her heart dropped instantly. It was a question she wished she could answer, a promise she wished she could hold him tight and assure him of. As much as she really wanted to, his condition was still fragile and he hadn't fully recovered. If they weren't careful, he could still get infected again, being vulnerable to diseases of fellow bearers. Staring into the beautiful green eyes of her little son, trying to avoid the little pipe beneath his nostrils to aid his breathing, she watched his eagerness for a slight hope and assurance that he would be given a chance by his health to live a normal life. She didn't care about the threats of his condition, he was going to give her that hope, at least to ease herself of the guilt.

She brushed her hand through his shaggy blonde hair, lowering herself on her knees to his eye level.

"I'd already promised you that, right? Do you want me to promise you again?"

He nodded, his attention away from the meal he'd been so focused on previously, and now on her. She stroked his cheek, trying to hold back the tears in her eyes.

"You're not going back there, Neil. You're gonna be with grandpa, mummy, aunt molly and aunt Heather. You're gonna go to school and make new friends."

"Friends?"

"Of course, honey. In fact, I met a little girl today who wants to be your friend."

Neil nodded with excitement. "Yaay! And I can share my toys with her too?"

"Of course, I'm sure she'd love to play with your toys." Astrid kissed his forehead, wrapping her hands around him in a hug. She looked up at her father who'd been watching them in silence.

"You're an amazing mum." He mouthed.

She extended her arms further, so that they were around both her son and her father, hugging them tightly. "And you're an amazing Dad."

"I know."

* * *

"Good morning, Sir."

Astrid placed a cup of Starbucks coffee she'd gotten this morning after dropping off Niel at her Dad's. Although her morning was a bit hectic joggling getting Neil ready with his health facilities, she'd been able to successfully drop him off at her Dad's who lived a miles away from her and still get to work before Harry did.

She'd discovered the list of meetings and presentations scheduled for the day, and Harry spent time going through them the previous day. Despite the fact that she'd gotten this job because of Harry, she still had to work hard to prove that she was worthy of her position, and not giving him a chance to doubt his decision of recruiting her for the job.

Standing before Harry, with her desk all set up, as well as little notes on her list board, stating the various activities scheduled for the day along with their various timings.

He stared at her, in shock of her punctuality, considering the responsibility of her son's illness and well being.

"Harry...just Harry is fine."

"Well, that doesn't sound too professional, does it?" Astrid placed the coffee in his grip. It was decaffeinated, the only preference of his that she could remember, one that she hoped hadn't changed over the years.

"Your staff call you 'Sir', I hope that can apply to me as well."

Henry smirked, looking down at the coffee cup. "Alright then, I uh…"

"It's decaffeinated, I know."

"Thank you." Harry walked to his seat, trying to evade this strange awkwardness between them. The previous day was fine, they'd spent almost the entire day together, right before he dropped her off at her father's. She'd gotten along so well with Zia, who didn't stop talking about her for the entire night.

She also seemed so professional and willing to keep their friendship, as well as their history away from the business, so why couldn't just loosen up and do the same?

She must have noticed that he wasn't addressed by his name by anyone in the company like every other CEO and the fact that he made an exception for her, spoke volumes. He was definitely embarrassed by her reaction to it. In his company, she was Astrid Hofferson, an employee. She wasn't his childhood crush, his highschool sweetheart or his ex-girlfriend, she was his secretary, he was her boss, and they had to keep it that way on or off work.

Pulling off his coat, he quickly scanned through the events scheduled today.

"First meeting of the day...retrospective with the production department." Harry started, interrupted by Astrid.

"Then a meeting with the project manager at twelve, and another meeting with the finance department by two," She completed.

Harry stared at her in disbelief, slipping his hands into his pocket with a smile. "Well, I see you haven't changed either. Thanks for the effort."

"What effort? I'm a secretary, I should know all about your schedule, right?"

"Right."

"Well, Mr Johnson is waiting for you, I'll just tell him when you're ready to meet him. He'll be with you shortly."

"Now is fine, send him in."

"Alright."

Harry watched her leave his office with an uncontrollable smile on his face. It had been twelve years, but she somehow looked younger and even more beautiful. She was so different from her alter-ego, the personality of that 'perfect' cheerleader. She seemed a lot happier and content. The source of her joy could be from her son, but it was nice to see the difference, the one he wished he'd seen in high school. Although her qualification was above her current placement, she was still willing and diligent to her work without any complaints or requests. He knew it was all because of Niel, the fact that she was willing to go lengths for the sake of her son was admirable. Whether it was putting their past aside or retaining their new kindled friendship, he was going to help in whatever way he could.

* * *

Astrid walked out of Harry's office, closing the door gently behind her as she leaned back, trying to calm her tensed nerves. This was her first day of work after four long years, she was even more anxious than she'd expected. She placed her hand over her chest, feeling the usual speed of her heartbeat.

**"I'm your secretary, I should know about your schedule, right?"**

The cringe!

Really Astrid?

There was the idea of being proactive, and then there was her attitude this morning, overdoing this whole 'secretary' thing as a way to make up for how she treated him in the past. It was just too much.

She'd thought that working with Harry would be a lot easier, considering the fact that they both passed their breakup, but she didn't expect the burden of guilt that overtook her after he dropped her off at her father's the previous day. It kept her up all night thinking and wondering if her past unlucky relationships stood as karma for that. Although they were older, and he didn't seem to dwell on it, it still haunted her, hoping she could make up for that selfish cheerleader that hurt him so many years ago.

**'You don't have to make up for anything, Astrid!'**

Harry was definitely the matured type, willing to help her despite all that. Besides, he gained a relationship that was a lot better so she didn't have to feel sorry for anything.

She was the one who walked into his office, looking for a job and she had to find a way to make things less awkward between them, especially when they weren't up to a good start. She went to set up his first meeting, hoping to have to talk to him a little less today and not having to construct her words in a way that wouldn't sound 'forced' or 'awkward' whenever she did.

"Mr Johnson? He's ready to see you now." She said politely, uttering the production manager into Harry's office. Plopping into the swivel chair, she checked her phone for the incoming text she'd received from her father.

_**'Wishing you a successful and productive day of work.** _

_**~ From a very concerned father'** _

Astrid smiled, amused at her father's concern to the idea of working with her ex. Unlike most teenage girls, Astrid had such a close bond with her father to the extent of involving him in the matters of her dating life. Her father had been her closest friend, her companion, her counsellor, especially when it came to the boys in her life. He always gave his honest opinions without taking away her freedom to choose, and the reason why she'd been hurt countless times in the past, was because she never listened to his advice.

Her father remembered Harry so quickly even after twelve whole years of their breakup in highschool because Harry was the only guy he'd actually approved of, even if it was the shortest of all her previous relationships. Harry had quite a bond with her father instantly, as they both had similar personalities and shared a lot in common.

Although it should have been an assurance in his intentions towards her then, she'd assumed it to be his 'responsible' and 'mature' nature that caught her father's attention.

Meeting him again, especially as a single father, would spark up the hopes of her father towards her getting back with Harry. It was the reason she consciously excluded telling him that Harry was a widower and a single father.

 _**'Wishing you a less stressful day at work and an early retirement,** _ _**I love you too.'** _

* * *

Harry dropped into his seat after ushering the project manager out of his office after a successful update meeting on the designs for their latest project, checking the time on his wristwatch. It was already two o'clock!

How had the time gone by so fast? He was already late to pick up Zia from school and had to hurry to catch up with time. He couldn't stand her waiting for him after his promise to consistently be on time to pick her up. Closing the files on his table, he slipped his wallet into his pocket and picked up his coat from its hanger, hoping that LA traffic would be merciful enough to save him from being late.

"Sir, the finance department is ready with the budget for…" Astrid rushed in files in one hand, and a pen in the other. She stared at him, a bit startled that he was leaving the office so soon. "Uhm...are you moving the meeting, Sir?"

"The meeting was set for two o'clock?"

"Uhm...I was informed that you had moved it to two o'clock today. Is there a problem with the arrangement? I could fix it."

Harry sighed, running his hand through his hair. "I have to pick up my daughter from school. It's already getting late."

"Oh, that's true." Astrid immediately glanced at her watch. "It is two o'clock."

"It's not a daycare where I can leave her till the meeting ends, I have to pick her up."

"Alright, I'll just push the meeting again."

"I'm afraid you can't do that. This is the deadline set for the final budget of the project, we need to set the proposal for the clients today. We are behind time already."

Harry sat down, picking up his phone. "It's okay, I'll just phone in her school that I'll be late, the meeting shouldn't take more than an hour."

"But you'd get there by four, she would be devastated."

"It's alright. I'll explain why I couldn't be with her, I'm sure she'll understand. I can even phone my driver to pick her up instead, It'll be fine."

Astrid watched him in silence dial in a number on his phone before she stopped him. "Wait. What if...I pick her up? I also need to get to the school to finish up Niel's registration, so I could use that chance to help."

Harry looked up from his phone, staring in disbelief. "Is that...okay with you? You know that's not part of your job, right?"

"You helped me get a school for my son yesterday, and covered the cost for a year. This is the least I can do in return."

Harry pulled out a sticky note from the stack case, scribbling down his house address, as well as the school address on it and hoping it would make it a lot easier to find her way. "Here's my address, as well as the address of the school. I don't live too far away from her school, so you wouldn't have a problem catching up with time."

"Alright." Astrid looked up from the paper she'd scanned for a few seconds. "I'll get back to work in no time, sir."

"No, that wouldn't be necessary. You need to take care of your son, at least for the rest of the day."

"But my shift isn't done yet. You would still need me to..."

"It's okay, Astrid. You wouldn't make it back before four o'clock anyway, and your shift ends by five. Take the hour off, I'll handle things back here."

"Okay, then...Uhm...I'll, see you tomorrow, sir."

"Harry, your shift is over." Harry smiled when she turned to go. "Astrid?"

She turned back when she heard him. "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"It's no big deal, Harry. I'm sure that you would've done the same for me."

* * *

Astrid flicked her trafficator on, turning into the next street while trying to divide her attention between the road and the GPS. Although she'd been to Vinedale high the previous day, she still had difficulty navigating through to school, her tension also due to an added effort to avoid being later than she already was. She sighed in relief when she spotted the sign that held the name of the school, signalling her arrival.

It was a check of her first mission even if she was still burdened with navigating Harry's home. She'd just glanced briefly.

He lived in the upper east side of Los Angeles, the part that she'd never been to since she and her dad moved in years ago. It was no surprise Harry lived in such a place, considering how successful Haddock limited was, as well as his wealthy childhood. His wealth wasn't a new change or something that surprised her, he'd always been envied back in highschool into a lifestyle that was no match to his personality because he'd chosen to be responsible. He'd also been used a few times as a source of sponsorship to parties, a few that she'd masterminded, but looking back now, karma sure didn't know how to let things go.

She unplugged her seatbelt after pulling her gear to park, pulling her keys out of the ignition. She wasn't sure of how his daughter was going to react to her presence and the sudden change of plans. Although she had an instant bond with Harry's daughter, she still felt a little nervous from the possible disappointment that could arise from his absence. She was going to try to be as cheerful as she could, to make the little girl feel more comfortable.

She headed into the building and towards Zia's class, remembering the exact direction she and Harry had taken. She approached the door to Zia's classroom and saw her at the same spot at the door, anxiously peeking through the glass, possibly looking out for Harry. Astrid waved immediately when she caught her gaze and an instant bright smile extended through the corners of her lips, making her sigh in relief. She was just as elated as she was the previous day, even without seeing her father.

"Hi, Zia!" Astrid smiled when she extended her hands up, asking to be picked up. Astrid lifted her up without hesitation, settling her on her hip.

"Hi, Miss Astrid. You came with Daddy, again."

"Daddy couldn't be here to take you home today. He says he's really sorry about it."

"It's okay, I'm not mad at him."

"Really? He was so worried you were gonna be sad."

"I'm not, because you're here!"

"Aww.." Astrid leaned in for a hug. "You're so sweet. I'm gonna take you home to your Nana, okay?"

"Okay."

"Hi, Maam, we just got a call from her dad." The teacher handed Zia's backpack to Astrid. "By the way, she got a full score in the spelling bee quiz, please let him know about her qualification for the state competition."

Yup, she was definitely Harry's daughter. "I would, thank you."

"You got a full score at the spelling bee quiz?" Astrid started when she'd left the classroom, with Zia still placed on her hip.

"Yeah, Daddy studied with me all weekend. He promised to get me a new BMX bike if I got into the competition. I really wanted a new one."

"I didn't know you were so smart. I'm really proud of you." Astrid tapped under her chin with a smile. "Maybe I should get you a gift too, you deserve one."

"Can you make my hair look just like yours?" Zia asked, running her fingers through Astrid's golden locks, staring in admiration.

"Honey you have beautiful hair, why would you want it to look like mine?"

"Because I don't like pigtails."

"You don't? But your Nana…"

"She thinks I like them, but I really don't."

Astrid snorted in disbelief. "So why don't you tell her that you don't like them?"

"Daddy said I shouldn't let my hair down when I go to school, so Nana puts up pigtails and ponytails, but I don't like them."

"Why did he say that? Isn't it okay to let your hair down?"

"I don't know." Zia pouted, tugging on the ribbon that held up her long pigtails. "Please tell him that I like my hair down, Miss Astrid."

"Okay, I'll tell him," Astrid replied. "But I want you to know that it doesn't matter if your hair is up, or down, if it's in a ponytail or pigtail, you are beautiful, Zia. I'm sure your daddy tells you that all the time, right?"

Zia smiled, "Yeah."

"But I promise to tell him, okay?"

"Okay. Would you help me practice for the spelling bee, Miss Astrid?"

"Of course, I definitely want you to win," Astrid replied, heading out of the building and towards the parking lot. "I'll visit you often and help you practice, alright?"

"Thank you!"

"Sure." Astrid pressed the button of her keys as he walked down to her car and settled Zia in her son's car seat. "Is it too tight?" She asked buckling Zia in but noticing that it seemed a little smaller than her.

"No, It's okay." She replied as Astrid patted her hair with a smile. "It's my son's, and he's a lot younger than you."

"Neil?"

"Wow, you remember his name?" Astrid placed her backpack and lunch pack beside the car seat. "I told him about you, and he wants to share his toys with you."

"Is he coming to school tomorrow?"

"No, he'll start school next week." Astrid closed the door, heading towards the front seat.

"But he wouldn't be in my class?"

"No, honey. You're two years older, so he's in daycare for now." She looked at Zia through the rear mirror who was watching her with a smile. "What?"

"Are you my daddy's girlfriend?"

Astrid snorted, almost choking in discomfort. "No Zia, why would you ask that?"

"I heard Nana talking about you last night. You were his girlfriend before he met my mummy." Zia replied.

Astrid blinked in disbelief, unsure of how to react and reply to this. She hadn't expected Harry's mother to even remember her, let alone make her the topic of the day. Astrid couldn't understand which was more disturbing, the fact that Harry's daughter questioned her relationship with her father or the fact that she was going to meet his mother again in a few minutes, after twelve long years. She hadn't really considered this when offering to pick his daughter, neither had she considered being stuck in this situation when she walked into his office for a job. It was very awkward, having to relate with his family after their past, but she had no intention of revisiting that and hoped that his mother would react positively to her presence the way Harry did.

"I was your daddy's girlfriend, but that was a long time ago, Zia. Your daddy loves your mummy, okay? And I'm just his friend."

"That's what he told Nana."

"And he's definitely right." Astrid plugged in her seatbelt, still taking quick glances at her through the rear mirror. She definitely looked intimidating for a five-year-old, throwing questions at her while watching her with an expression that made her wonder if she'd heard a lot more than this. She caught Zia's stare again, letting out a nervous laugh to conceal the sudden tension created by a little kid. "What, do you have another question?"

"Yea."

"What is it, Zia?"

"Do you believe in Santa?"

Astrid smiled, plugging her key into the ignition. "Well, I used to, but not anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because I figured out that my dad was Santa all along. He would sneak on Christmas eve after bedtime and place my presents under the Christmas tree."

Zia crackled, "Did you catch him doing that?"

"I did. I didn't tell him about it, and just called him my Santa clause."

"Do you think my daddy does the same thing? Because I don't think that Santa clause can fit through the chimney. Even if he does, he's gonna die because of the fire."

Astrid smirked, "I wish I was this smart when I was your age."

"But what about Christmas wishes? Do you think my daddy can grant Christmas wishes?"

"I'm sure your dad loves you so much that he would grant your Christmas wishes as long as you make a list, and as long as you've been a good girl this year."

"What if he doesn't want to?"

Astrid glanced at her, a bit puzzled. "Why wouldn't he want to?"

"I don't know." She shrugged and immediately switched the topic. "Can I have ice cream?"

"Sure! I'll stop over and get you one, okay?"

"Thanks, Miss Astrid!"

"You're welcome, Zia."

Harry was definitely right about the timing. It took her much longer than she'd expected, trying to navigate her way through Beverly Hills, the part of California she'd never visited. Harry had claimed the distance was bearable, but it had taken half an hour to arrive from Vinedale, with an extra quarter for the stopover. It was probably the reason why he'd insisted on her taking the hour off. Getting back to work would probably leave her an hour till the end of her shift, so it was thoughtful letting her off, as it would give her time for grocery shopping before picking up Niel from her father's.

Her step-mother, Molly had been a great help in caring for Niel in her absence. Being knowledgeable about his health as a nurse, she'd taken days off work because of her son, monitoring his health and giving her positive feedback. It was becoming a burden that Astrid didn't want to impose on her. Niel was her responsibility, not her father's and most certainly not Molly's.

She finally arrived at Harry's driveway with a confirmation from the GPS, glancing through the environment, her jaw, dropping. She knew Harry was wealthy, but this was just unbelievable. For someone who had such wealth and status, she had to applaud his humility. Although it was her first day at the company, she'd noticed how humble and calm he was to all staff, treating them with equal respect. She noticed how it fueled their loyalty and commitment to their work, and how it also built her diligence, even from the first day. It was an admirable value he'd had since high school, but it was impressive how he'd stuck to those values till now. It just made her realise how much of a fool she'd been for not realizing his worth and true intentions back then.

She peeked at Zia again through her mirror and noticed she was asleep. The little girl must have been exhausted from school. She stepped out of her car, heading to the back seat and unstrapped her from the seat, scooping her gently into her arms without waking her.

With her backpack, on the other hand, she climbed up the steps of the porch of the mansion and rang the doorbell.

The door opened to a vaguely familiar face which she'd been terrified of having to meet again, with memories clouding her mind. It was Harry's mother.

Astrid froze, trying to shield her tension with a smile. "Hi, Mrs Haddock."

"Astrid?" An instant expression of shock on her face. "It's Astrid, right?"

Did Harry forget to inform his mother about her arrival? He just made her situation more awkward than it could have been. "Yes, I uhm...I picked Zia from school, ma'am."

"Oh please, call me Vanessa." His mother gently took Zia into her arms, both putting an effort not to wake the sleeping child. "You...used to call me Vanessa, remember?"

Astrid looked down, slightly embarrassed, "Well, I did have a reason to."

"You still do." She replied. "Thank you for doing this."

"Of course." She passed her backpack to her. "Something came up at work, I couldn't leave her waiting for Harry. I'm glad she wasn't disappointed when I came, instead of her dad."

"Why would she be disappointed? She couldn't stop talking about you last night."

"Really?!" Astrid exclaimed in shock.

Vanessa nodded. "Harry isn't the one to bring home female friends. She overreacted to it."

"That's...great to hear. I told my son all about her too."

"You have a son? Wow, I feel so old knowing that you both are married already."

Astrid bit her lower lip. "Uhm...I'm...not.."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's alright. I almost forgot that this little genius was selected for the state spelling bee competition for kindergarten."

"She was? Oh wow, Harry would finally get her that bike she'd been asking for."

Astrid smiled, "She's so smart, she really takes after Harry."

"She does." She nodded.

"It was really nice to meet you again, Vanessa."

"Same. I hope you can visit sometime, or have dinner with us. Zia would really love that."

"I would...definitely."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Do not confuse a single rejection, with a final one.'  
> ~Anonymous

"Yes Sir, he wants the schematic design ready by tomorrow." Astrid pulled out a sticky note from the pad and scribbled on it, wedging the phone between her left ear and shoulder. "A sketch or computer rendering? I would ask if he needs one, but I'm not sure of it for now… but he does need a broad description of the plan and requirements. He needs to verify if it is in line with the budget. Alright, sir."

It took an interval of a few seconds before another call rang in. She picked it up without hesitation. "Office of the Chief executive...uhm, yes by three-thirty, right? Yes, I did get your email, and I would send it to him right away."

"Astrid?"

Astrid glanced at Harry who was standing at the entrance of his office, leaning on the door with arms crossed like he'd been watching her for a while. "Sir! Uhm...I was just on the phone with…"

"It's one o'clock. Have you gone out for lunch, yet?"

Astrid gave him a puzzled look. "Uhm, not yet, Sir. I have to set up your meeting with the design development team, and send a few emails to…"

"Did you even have breakfast? You got here by seven."

"I grabbed a bagel and coffee on my way here. I'd intended to…"

"Let it get cold and stale while you work on an empty stomach?" Astrid noticed her untouched breakfast at a corner of her table and bit her lower lip. She knew it wasn't the first time that Harry had noticed that, as breakfast was a meal she never took seriously. "Again?"

She'd been working at Haddock limited for about two weeks and things had been both professional and awkward between them. After dropping off Zia that day, they never had conversations outside work, and she often fled home whenever her shift was over, to avoid talking to him. He'd never given her a second glance whenever she was in his office, always focused on their recent project, and their partnership with investors towards its success. He'd never seem to care about her constant punctuality or neglect to her personal needs, putting all her effort and into her work. She didn't expect him to, considering it was her job anyway. His sudden concern turned out to be an absolute shock to her, not sure of the right response to it.

"Uhm...I guess I...forgot about it."

"And lunch?"

"I'll get it as soon as I send these…" Another call interrupted, and she attended to it immediately, "The office of the.."

Harry took the phone from her. "This is Harry, you can speak directly to me."

Astrid watched him in silence as he went on with the call. She gazed at him when he wasn't looking, a bit curious about his sudden affection towards her. She hadn't worked as a secretary before as it was clearly below her qualification, but was this supposed to be normal? Did bosses care this much about their secretaries? Or was Harry acting like the empath he's always been? And why now? Why did "lunch" suddenly matter to him, when the company was at the vedge of losing their biggest project if they slowed down any further? He might have kept his distance from her for days, but he'd also been watching and studying her, enough to know that she'd been neglecting herself since she got back to work.

He got off the call a lot faster than she ever had, and placed the phone down on her desk, with his attention on her again. "There. I sent everyone out for lunch, so you should definitely do the same."

"It's alright, Sir. I'll order in something right now. I can still get a lot done while…"

"That wasn't a request. It was an order."

Astrid was shocked by his intense look and serious tone that made her rise from the chair she'd been on for four hours, working endlessly and diligently. She instantly picked up her purse, clearing her desk as Harry just watched patiently at the corner.

She looked up at him, wishing she could escape the very awkward silence and moment between them.

"You can go ahead, Sir. I'll meet you at the cafeteria."

"I insist." He gestured towards the exit for her to leave first. "After you."

She walked ahead of him, attempting to keep a sizable distance, but failed as he just caught up with her, the both of them now walking side by side. They headed to the elevator in silence, unable to start up a conversation.

"How's Neil doing?" He suddenly asked, possibly with the intention to lighten the atmosphere. She decided to go along with it, despite their work relationship, they were still friends anyway.

"Neil is doing fine, he keeps asking about his friend with the metal leg." Astrid snickered. "I don't know why he keeps calling you that."

Harry shrugged. "Well, he's still more receptive towards it than most people I meet."

"He really believes it's cool and also wants one for himself. Can you believe that?" Astrid laughed out, with Harry, also laughing in response.

"Please let him know that there is nothing cool about having a metal leg."

"I would, but there's also nothing wrong with having a metal leg either."

"Don't you think it's a bit extreme telling him that? Kids tend to take words seriously."

Astrid crossed her arms over her chest. "Of course I'm not going to tell him to hurt himself to get a metal leg. I just don't want him to look at it as a...disability."

"It is a disability. You don't have to brush off the fact that it is."

Astrid shook her head. "Well, not for me. I just don't think it is."

Harry was mute for a while like her words startled him, before gliding past it to a different topic. "What about his schooling? Did you have any problems settling him in?"

"It's going well. Thanks to you, I didn't have problems with the registration and finished the process quickly. He's been attending school for five days now."

"Five days? Should I feel offended that you didn't care to tell me?"

"Tell you?" Astrid bit her lower lip. "I didn't think that you'd care to know."

"What?" Harry responded, slightly offended as they both got off the elevator to the ground floor, where the company cafeteria was situated. "Why? Because I'm your boss?"

"Uhm...yes?"

"Where exactly did you work in the past? For you to think so low of me because of my position?" Harry kept his pace at her side, even if they approached other employees, also having lunch.

"Oh please Harry, you know most bosses don't care anything non-business related." Astrid suddenly realized the way she addressed him and quickly covered up. "Uhm...Sir, I mean, Sir."

Harry smiled, completely amused. "I warned you. It'll be a little hard to keep that up."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Astrid tried to ignore the unusual glances from the employees seated at their lunches. She knew Harry's presence in the cafeteria drew the attention, but he didn't seem to care at all. They both made their way towards the spread out buffet, with Astrid following his lead. He seemed to notice her discomfort, and picked up a plate, handing it to her.

Harry leaned in, whispering. "I've never actually been down here before. It's the only reason for the stares."

"You've never been here before?"

"Yup."

"So why did you come down here with me? I could've just placed an order for your meal to be sent to…"

"Well, I decided to make sure, that you did not spend your break at the boardroom setting up my next meeting, and then rush up a sandwich as lunch."

Astrid stared at him in unbelief, trying to focus on the food she was getting into her plate. "How did you know about that?"

"Look, I do appreciate the effort you are putting into your work, but remember Neil. You can only do so much, but you need to also be healthy, for his sake."

"So that's the reason why you left your office to come down here? So that you could babysit me, Harry? Uhmm...I mean, sir?"

Harry smirked, "There you go again."

After a few minutes of self-service, they both headed towards the sitting area, Harry taking the seat directly opposite her. She glanced around nervously at the constant stares towards their direction, also receiving weird looks from the employees.

"Astrid, relax, okay?"

"Okay." She avoided the looks, trying to fix her full focus on her meal, but then also realizing that she was actually having lunch with her ex, with Harry Haddock.

"So, when are you going to come over to tutor Zia for her spelling bee competition?"

"What?"

"Do you go making promises you can't keep?" Harry joked.

"Oh yeah, I did promise to help her study, didn't I?"

"My mum and I have tried our best to help so far, but it seems she really wants you to practice with her. I just hope...it wouldn't be too much trouble for…"

"Don't be silly. Of course, it won't. I would definitely come over this weekend, I promise."

"I insist." Harry's eyes were fixed on hers, making it difficult to hold up her stare. "You are offering help to us, we should come to you for it. We would come over this weekend."

"That's perfect since you do have a date with Heather, right?"

His expression changed instantly at the mention of Heather's name and the atmosphere became awkward again. "Uh...yeah, that's right, I do."

"Great, then you can just drop off Zia then, I'll take care of the rest while you enjoy your date, and your mother has time off babysitting her."

"Just to warn you, my daughter is quite difficult to handle."

"Are we talking about the little sweetheart I met the other day? Harry you…" Astrid stopped again, and he corked his eyebrows, a grin creeping on his face.

"Why don't you just give up the "Sir" thing? At least when it's just us. You're clearly bad at it anyway, so just give it up."

"You're not just my boss, but you also hold the highest rank in this company."

"So?" Harry took a bite of his meal. "But I'm not a stranger to you, we are friends, right?"

"Don't you have any other friends who work for you?" Astrid teased, trying to keep the tension of their conversation. "You seem friendly to your employees."

"Nope. My life is my daughter and my mother. I used to have friends when Camilla was around, but she was better at making and keeping them. By the way, Camilla is my…"

"I know."

As much as he brushed off his anti-social personality, Astrid could feel the hurt in his voice, and see the loneliness in his eyes. He had this same problem as a teenager and it didn't seem like he grew from it. The death of his wife might have worsened it, triggering him shut all doors. But for some reason, she was an exception. She didn't know anything about his late wife, but she knew Harry. She knew how difficult it was to get through him to build a relationship with him, and it only proved how much he loved Camilla and the effect of her absence in his life.

"Well, you're quite lucky to have your daughter with you. She's one smart little girl."

"Yeah?"

"By the way, she now believes you are her Santa clause, so you have to get her everything on her Christmas wish list."

Harry suddenly jolted in reaction to her words, staring fiercely at her with a completely different and intimidating expression. "What do you know about her Christmas wish? Did she tell you anything that day?"

Astrid found his reaction a bit off, trembling to the fact that she might have stepped out of line. "Uhm...she just asked if you would be willing to grant her Christmas wish, and I told her you would, and that all she needed to do was be a good girl throughout the year."

"And what did she say?"

"She did say you weren't willing to grant her wish. I asked her why you wouldn't, and she didn't answer, that was all."

"She didn't tell you what her wish was?"

"No, she didn't. Is there...a problem?"

"Of course not." He tried to cover up with a faint smile that Astrid knew wasn't genuine. "I was just...curious...that's all."

* * *

"Daddy, can you help me with my homework?"

"Sure, princess." Harry turned off the soccer game he'd been watching since got back home early, wanting to give his daughter his undivided attention. He picked her up and placed her on his lap, with his arms around her, he held up the textbook, scanning through the contents of the opened page. "So what do we have here?"

"The hundreds chart."

"So you are supposed to count in two's and five's?"

"Yeah."

"So the first number is?"

"Number one." She pointed to the first cell of the table."

"Good, we are going to count in two's now, okay?"

"Okay."

"Start from the first number of the table and count from one to two."

"One, two." She moved her index finger to the second cell.

"Perfect. So two is the first number. What number comes after two?"

"Three."

"That's right. Count from one to two, starting from three."

"One, two. Number four is the next number."

"Great. What number comes after four?"

"Five. One, two. Six is the next number."

"Go on, you're getting it right." Harry watched her count in two's patiently and completely focused, not stopping until she got to the last number hundred, without a single mistake. " He smiled in awe of both her ability to grasp things quickly and her diligence towards her education. She was definitely a reflection of him in this aspect, and he hoped he could let her utilize her skills and talents, and not just pushing her down the same path his father created for him.

"I'm done, daddy!"

"Good job, Zia!" Harry squeezed her into a tight cuddle as she giggled gleefully. "See, it wasn't that hard, was it?"

"It was so easy."

"So do you think you can count in five's for daddy?"

"But I can't…"

"Zia, you can. Say you can do it."

"I can do it," Zia repeated, returning her focus back to the number chart. "Number one is the first number, so I have to count from one to five."

Harry smiled, nodding in approval. "That's right! Go ahead."

Although it took a longer time than her previous attempt, she completed both tasks of her homework, smiling brightly and applauding her effort.

"I did it."

"See? I told you that you can do anything."

"Thank you, daddy."

"You're welcome, sweetheart." Harry planted a kiss in her hair.

"Daddy, is Miss Astrid going to help me with my spelling competition?"

"Of course she will. We are going to visit her this weekend, and you can finally meet her son."

"Neil?"

"Yes, Neil. You can make a new friend too."

"I can't wait! Can I take my toys too? I want to share my toys with him."

"Sure. He would love to play with your toys." Harry said brushing her hair from her face. "Zia?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you believe Santa clause is real?"

"No. I know it's you who has been putting my presents under the Christmas tree."

Harry laughed. "What are you talking about? That was Santa clause."

"You're lying, daddy. I know you're lying."

"Alright. I put your presents under the tree, but Santa gave them to me to give to you."

"You're still lying."

"Fine. I got your presents. Did I get everything on your list last year?"

"Yes, dad."

"Do you think I can get you everything this year?"

Zia went silent, causing Harry's heart to break into a million pieces. His mother was right, his daughter had definitely seen a large fraction of his pain that he should've have hidden from her. Despite her age, she was smart enough to know that he was lonely, but at the same time did not want to replace her mother. He'd seen her list, and it only held one wish, a wish that he just couldn't grant her, at least not this year.

"I don't know."

"Why don't you give me your list and see if I can get your presents."

"Well, it's not Christmas yet."

"Then how can you be so sure that I won't grant your wish if you don't tell me?"

"Are you sure you will grant my wish, daddy?" Zia looked at him with profound sadness in her eyes that killed him. He held back tears wishing he could take all her pain away, wishing he could give her the love of a mother. His unconditional love for her just wasn't enough to fill and play that huge role that Camilla left behind, and the least he could do was put in the effort to change that. If not for himself, for the sake of his daughter.

"Listen to me, Zia. I would grant your Christmas wish, okay? Whatever it is, don't think I won't, or can't, because I love you, and I'm willing to do anything to make you happy."

She wrapped her little arms around his neck, leaning in for a hug and he held her close and tight. "I love you too, daddy."

* * *

"You're going to break up with him?!"

"I have to, Astrid. I met someone else whom I have a better connection with, besides, I wasn't sure of where our relationship was headed." Heather placed her detangling brush down amongst the clutter of cosmetic and makeup items on the vanity dresser.

Astrid snorted. "Let me guess, he didn't make his feelings clear to you?"

"Exactly! Like how was I supposed to know what his intentions were?"

"Yup, that is Harry alright. Nothing is ever simple with him."

Heather squealed out of joy in reaction to her statement, as Astrid cringed, realizing what she'd just unconsciously blurted out. "So Harry is your ex-boyfriend!"

"I never said that."

"Just admit it, already! You both dated in the past, right?"

"Alright, fine! We dated in Sophomore year of high school, are you satisfied?"

"Then what happened?" She suddenly let down her hair from the ponytail she'd attempted to put up, with her attention now on Astrid.

"Life happened." Astrid folded the dry clothes which she'd just taken out from the laundry.

"I didn't understand his intentions because he never made it clear, he left, and I moved on."

"Whoa...so you both have this spicy history together? Well, that explains why you've both been so awkward towards each other." Heather said, causing Astrid to roll her eyes. "And you've kept me in the dark all this while? I shouldn't have gone out with him in the first place."

"Why not?"

"Because he is your ex! It's against our friendship code."

"It's not your fault, we only found out after he asked you out."

"You mean after his mother asked me out."

"But that is not reason enough to break up with him, Heather." Astrid replied, "He's really trying to move on from his wife, this is just going to hurt him even more."

"So should I take advantage of that when I really don't feel anything for him? He has loved and lost, and it would be cruel for me to give him the hope of a second chance when it's not true."

"Heather…"

"Believe me, the right woman who would love him and his daughter would come, but it's just not me. I really need to tell him that."

"You're right, I'm sorry, it's just...that little girl, she deserves the love of a mother."

"I know." Heather looked down, almost in tears. "But I can't give her that, Astrid. I can't."

"Okay, then tell him. The earlier you do, the easier it would be for him to handle it."

"Mummy?" Neil walked into the room. "Are they here yet?"

"Well, someone's more excited to meet my date than I am." Heather laughed as Neil walked towards Astrid who had her arms opened to hold him.

"They'll be here soon, honey. Why are you in a rush? Because you want to play with Zia?"

"Yeah."

"She's coming over Neil, just wait a little longer, okay?"

"Okay, mummy."

"Thanks for the laundry, Astrid. I baked cookies and banana bread when you went grocery shopping." Heather twisted her hair gently into a side braid. "That should keep the kids happy."

"That's also a lot of sugar, I'm sure it would make my job easier."

Heather laughed, "So, how do I look?"

Astrid glanced at her outfit. Unlike before, she had a plain black flay gown, less jewellery and makeup, and hair down in a side braid across her shoulders. "Wow, you look…"

"I look, what? Like I'm about to attend a burial ceremony?"

"No, silly. You look simple but beautiful. It's a nice change from the over the top Heather."

"Well, I discovered that since I'm breaking hearts tonight, I might as well dress for it."

"Funny, simple girls do not break hearts, Heather." Astrid picked up her son, settling him on her right hip. "Complicated girls like you do."

"I'm not complicated, you are. You are so difficult. You like something, but you hesitate. You cage up your feelings to avoid getting hurt, but hurting is a part of loving, Astrid."

"Whoa whoa whoa, my young innocent three-year-old son is listening to you."

Neil broke into a loud crackle, making Astrid and Heather join him. "I need to stop underestimating the power of this young man's senses. He's already heard a whole a lot in just three weeks."

"And he just keeps laughing about it" Astrid tapped under his chin and wrapped her hands around him. "Don't you dare grow up to be a heartbreaker, Neil."

"What's that, mummy?"

"I'll explain when you're older, okay?"

"Okay." The loud doorbell interrupted, and created an instant panic in both Heather and Astrid.

Neil exclaimed in joy. "They're here, mummy! They're here!"

Heather grabbed her purse, taking a final look at the mirror, while Astrid headed towards the door. "Are you sure this is fine? Or should I change into…"

"You want to change now?! Heather, that is fine! You look great, just hurry, I'll get the door."

"Mummy, let's hurry." Neil tugged on her arm to answer the doorbell. She headed out of Heather's bedroom and into the living room towards the front door. Taking a peep through the little spyglass on the door, she saw Harry with his daughter Zia beside him, her hand in his.

Astrid took in a deep breath and swallowed hard before opening the door for them.

"Miss Astrid!" Zia exclaimed, and he rushed to hug Astrid, wrapping her hands around her waist.

"Hi, Zia!" Astrid set Neil down towards Harry's open arms, and lifted her up, giving her a big embrace. "I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too, Miss Astrid."

"Neil, look, it's your friend you always ask about."

"Mr Harry?"

"Come on, big boy. You remembered my name?"Harry asked after he scooped him up into his arms. "That's really impressive."

"Yeah, my mummy and aunt Heather talk about you all the time."

"Neil!" Astrid shrieked, wishing she could vanish from the awkwardness of that situation at that instant. This was the reason why she didn't like having such conversations with Heather in her son's presence. He was a child, but he was also growing up.

Harry gave her a sly smile that she wished she could slap off his face. "Really?"

"That's not true. I mean he's just…"

"Astrid, it's alright. He's just a kid, I know."

"Miss Astrid, my daddy said you're going to help me with my spelling bee competition."

"Of course, Zia. I promised you, didn't I?"

"Yeah."

"Did you bring your flashcards?"

"Yeah. It's in my backpack."

"Good, then we are going to practice together."

"How are you doing, Neil? I heard you started going to school."

"Yeah, to the same school as Zia," Neil replied, pointing to Zia.

"Really? I didn't know that." Harry smiled at Astrid who giggled in response. "That's great."

"Zia, you didn't say hi to Neil, you were so excited to meet him," Harry called out.

"Hi, Neil! My name is Zia." Zia reached out her hand towards him. Neil also stretched his hand towards her's, both children sharing a friendly handshake.

"I know your name. Nice to meet you, Zia."

"Nice to meet you too."

Astrid noticed the bag hung up on Harry's shoulder. "What's that for?"

"Toys. It turns out she's a little more generous than I expected."

Astrid laughed. "She clearly got that from you."

Harry gave her the exact same expression that he'd given when she'd refused to agree to his prosthetic leg being a disability. The mixed emotion of surprise and confusion, like he had never expected any nice words from her, meeting her again. It made her wonder if he thought that she was still that same girl who betrayed him years ago.

"Uhm...sorry for leaving you guys out here. Let's go inside." She quickly covered up, ignoring his stare. "Heather is waiting for you, Harry."

"Astrid? Is he here? Is there a problem?" She overheard Heather's voice from a close distance, heading towards the door, probably wondering why it took so long to usher them in.

"Oh, he is here."

Harry noticed her presence after closing the door behind him. "Heather, wow...you look...beautiful."

"Different?"

"Different, but beautiful."

"Come on Neil, Mr Harry has to leave with aunt Heather."

"Can I go with them, mummy?"

Astrid looked at Harry, then at Heather. "I thought you wanted to play with Zia? Look, she got a lot of toys for you to play with."

"Stay with us Neil, we can play with my toys," Zia said.

"Neil, I have to leave with aunt Heather, okay? I'll be back and I promise to get you something." Harry said, with Neil still in his arms. "What do you want, Neil?"

"Harry, you don't have to…"

"Can you ride a bicycle, Neil?"

"No, I don't have a bicycle."

"Do you want me to get you one?"

Neil glanced at Astrid with the brightest smile she'd ever seen on her son. Although he was very excited, he still looked to his mother for approval. She nodded returning the smile, as she still held onto Zia, who was settled on her right hip.

"With training wheels?" He exclaimed.

"Yes, with training wheels, so that your mummy can teach you to ride it."

"Yes! I want a bike, Mr Harry!"

"Okay then, I will get you a bike, Neil."

"Promise?"

"I promise." Astrid smiled uncontrollably, amazed at the sudden bond Neil seemed to be having with Harry. It was the last thing she'd expected bumping into her ex after so many years. She wanted to be happy, but a part of her was jealous at the fact that she'd never been able to make Neil that happy, despite all her efforts as his mother. It was a different kind of happiness, the one that she could never give him.

"Would you go to mummy now? While I go get your bike?"

Neil nodded and leaned towards Astrid with his arms wide open. Astrid took him gently, placing him on her left hip, surprised at her strength to hold both kids at a time.

"Goodbye, Neil. I'll see you when I get back." Heather waved.

"Bye, Aunt Heather."

"Goodbye, Daddy!"

"Bye, sweetheart. Study well, okay? Remember you promised to win the competition."

"I will, dad."

"Bye Astrid, thanks again for agreeing to do this."

"Of course. You two go ahead, we'll be fine here."

* * *

"Wow, we are eating at Melisse?" Heather didn't seem pleased when he pulled up to one of the most sophisticated and expensive restaurants in Beverly hills. Harry had expected quite a different reaction from her, probably because he'd judged her to be an extravagant person, someone who would be a bit comfortable in his world.

"Is there a problem? You don't like this restaurant?"

"Our last date was at Spago, and I did peek into the bill when you went to the bathroom."

Harry snorted, trying to cover up the fact that he was already tensed in fear of messing up the second date, especially when he'd ruined the first. "So?"

"You spent over two hundred dollars on a date, Harry. If that is normal for you, then pardon me for being concerned."

Girls. What exactly did they want? Who complains about a night at Spago?

"I'm sorry, it's just that I don't know what you're used to, and I thought…"

"Harry, it's okay. There's no reason to apologise. Let's just do something different for a change."

Harry gave her a puzzled look. "Like?"

"Like, see a movie? Grab a burger? Hang out at the park. It doesn't have to be formal all the time." Heather replied, "This time we can just be ourselves, don't you think?"

"Well, if you say so. I'll just cancel our reservation." Harry took out his phone, completely stressed about making his relationship with Heather work. He hadn't been interested at the start, but his discussion with Zia the night before and his promise to her served as a driving force to take things seriously, to break out of his comfort zone to actually build his relationship with Heather. It was out of his will but was worth it.

"What movie would you like to see?"

"You decide, and I'll be down for it."

"Alright then. I'm sorry you had to cancel the reservation."

"That's not a problem." Harry gave her a warm smile, "What matters is that you enjoy the day."

"She returned the smile, making him relax a bit. "I'm with you, of course, I will."

* * *

"Machine."

"M-a-c...h-i-n-e. Machine."

"Very good, Zia!" Astrid flipped the flashcard to the next one, "Spell Camera."

"C-a-m-e-r-a. Camera."

"Great! This is the last one. Spell government."

"Uhm…"

"Come on, you can do it."

"G-o-v-m?"

"Try again, you can do it, Zia. Go-vern-ment." She pronounced slowly to make it easier for her.

"G-o...vern...v...e...r...n?" She looked up at Astrid who nodded in approval edging her on.

"That's it, go on. Government."

"M-e-n-t?"

"You got it!" Astrid cheered, "Here, give me a hug. You're so smart."

Zia crawled towards her open arms, and Astrid held her in a tight hug. "Can I have cookies now, Miss Astrid?"

"Of course. You did great." She got up from where they were seated, with Zia in her arms, "Neil! Come on, mummy wants to give you cookies!"

Neil raced into the kitchen from his room where he'd been playing with Zia's toys, jumping in excitement. Astrid placed Zia on a barstool at the kitchen counter, and picked Neil up, setting the air pipe that rested beneath his nostrils he'd almost taken off while playing.

"I've told you to stop running, Neil. You're gonna run out of breath."

"Sorry, mummy."

"Why does he have that, Miss Astrid? Is he okay?"

"Uhm, he's okay Zia, he just needs that to breathe better."

"It's because I'm always sick." Neil suddenly mumbled, Astrid's heart dropping at that instant.

"Don't say that Neil, you're not always sick."

"Then why do we always go to the hospital?"

"But I promised you, we aren't going back there. Don't you trust mummy?"

"I do."

Astrid ran her fingers through his hair, struggling to hold in her tears. "Don't ever say that again, okay? You're not sick, aren't you a strong boy?"

"I am."

"That's right, don't forget it." Astrid set out the pan of freshly baked cookies. She tried to ignore the soaring pain from the effect of Neil's words. "So, who wants cookies?!"

"Me, me me!" Both Neil and Zia yelled, throwing their hands in the air.

Astrid laughed, "Alright, here you go." She placed some cookies in a disposable plate amongst the kids and watched them dig right in without hesitation. "Is it good?"

"Yes. It's really good." Zia agreed with a nod.

"Does your mummy make cookies too, Zia?" Neil suddenly asked.

"No, I don't have a mother, Neil." Zia gave the reply that startled Astrid, making her stare at the girl in shock. "That's why I wished to have a mummy for Christmas."

She looked up at Astrid to meet her blank stare. "You were right, Miss Astrid. My daddy said he was going to grant my Christmas wish."

"Was that...what you wished for?"

"Yeah, and I'm going to get one."

It all made sense to her now, the reason why mentioning her Christmas wish had triggered an intense reaction from Harry. She had raised false hopes within his daughter unconsciously, and frankly, Harry had a lot of self-control to have been so calm about it. It meant that Harry was hoping for a better outcome from his relationship with Heather than she was willing to give him, and she wished she could've talked her out of it.

Watching how her eyes lit up with the joy of a new mother brought flashbacks. She understood the pain of growing up without a mother, although it was a bearable experience, it was also something she never wished for any child, especially Zia. It made her wonder if Neil sometimes wished for the presence of a father in his life, especially seeing the bond he'd already formed with Harry.

"Your daddy loves you so much, so he would definitely get you one."

"I know."

* * *

"Is this your first time at Grand park? You look dazed."

"Not really, I've been here a few times with my daughter," Harry replied, still not able to shake off the tension between them. "I've just never been here on a date."

Heather found his reaction amusing, "When was the last time you were on a date, Harry?"

"Uhm...a very long time ago."

"Is that why you feel so awkward? Just relax, it's okay."

He swallowed, trying to focus on the kids at a distance with their parents, playing on the slides and swings, the part of the park that he was used to, during his visits with Zia. He didn't understand why he couldn't loosen up towards Heather, despite his efforts. It was like their bad start had taken a toll on their relationship journey, thanks to his mother.

"I know I'm bad at this, but I just hope that you would give us a chance to get better at it."

Heather's reaction was a lot different than what he'd expected. It didn't seem like she was on board with his idea. "There is...something I need to tell you, Harry."

"What is it?"

"I know that we started this out clueless on where we were going with it, and I do appreciate your effort to make it work but Harry…" Heather turned to face him, "I don't think I am the right woman for you."

Harry's eyes widened. "What?"

"I...I can't be with you, because...I just don't feel the same way."

"Did I...do something wrong?"

Heather took his hand in hers. "No, Harry, you're an amazing guy, every girl's dream. I love your passion and commitment towards your daughter, and I know you would find a woman that would love you both, but...it's not me."

Harry gazed at her, in silence. He wasn't shocked about her rejection, considering he'd expected it from the start. What woman would be willing to love a disabled single father? It was what he'd been trying to tell his mother in the first place.

"Is this because of...my past with...Astrid?"

"What?"

"I'm just wondering if it's because we had a…"

"No, it's not that." Heather replied, "She never had a problem with us. It's just me."

"I'm sorry for assuming that…"

"It's okay...What happened between you both? Did you have a crush on her in high school that she wasn't aware of? She really does not like talking about you. Why?"

Of course, she didn't. She knew she'd been wrong. She knew that she hurt him, and that was something she wouldn't be proud of or want to talk about.

Harry rubbed the back of his neck. "She was...my first love."

Heather's lips curled into a smile. "Really?"

"Yeah, but it was a one-sided thing so it didn't matter anyway."

"Why was it one-sided? Did she have a boyfriend already at that time?"

"She did, but that wasn't the problem." Harry sighed, getting really uncomfortable with revisiting his past with Astrid. "The problem was that...I wasn't good enough."

"What? That doesn't sound like Astrid."

"It doesn't, because she's a lot different now. Honestly, I'm still adjusting to that difference."

Heather gave him a quizzical glance. "I might not know what she was like before, but I'm sure of one thing. She's an amazing person. She's so strong, selfless and devoted to the people she loves. She's been through a lot, but she's willing to neglect herself for the sake of her son."

"About her son…"

"Yeah?"

"I don't mean to pry, but... do you know...what happened to his father?"

"I do." She replied. "But that's a question you'd have to ask her if you're curious."

"Oh."

"And Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Try to see Astrid for who she is right now...and not who she was."

Heather was right. Despite the significant and positive change in Astrid, her genuine passion for her work and son. Despite the fact that she really cared for his daughter, setting out time, even as a mother, to take care of her. But still, he still let that cloud of prejudice blind him from appreciating her efforts to the point that even Heather noticed it. It could also be the reason why she'd been overworking herself, as a way to change that prejudice, and he wasn't being fair to her.

"Is it that obvious?"

"Yes it is, and even she knows."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you fell and promised yourself you would never fall so hard again until you meet the one who made falling seem like flying.
> 
> ~Nikita Gill

"I've gone through the design and gave some corrections and suggestions. Take the team through them immediately, I want an updated version of this model while we are still ahead of our schedule. It shouldn't be an excuse to slack on our current progress." Harry scanned the physical 3D model of the proposed plan of the largest contract of their company.

"Alright, Sir." The head of the design team agreed in a respectful nod, making his way out of Harry's office.

Tension spurred within both Harry and his employees, as they moved closer and closer towards the deadline for the submission of their full plan, requirements and model to the project contractor. The decision of the contractor, and their ability to meet all the design and requirements of the project, would determine if the contract would officially be awarded to his company.

Founded ten years ago by his father after their relocation from Arizona, Haddock Architecture and Construction Limited became an award-winning Los Angeles design team, developing experimental, progressive architectural projects. The portfolio of his company projects just within seven years included aviation, civic, commercial, education, healthcare, hospitality, residential projects. Although his father had set the foundation on years of hard work and sacrifice, after their relocation from Arizona to California, life hadn't given him the privilege to reap the fruits of its success.

The company had been on a standstill after his father's death. The same flight that he'd intended to join his father on, turned out to be a second near-death experience for Harry, and the sad demise of his father. Mourning his father had also led to the determination of keeping his legacy and dream alive. It had made him change his career path completely but was still worth it. He'd walked into the company totally inexperienced, and underestimated, but somehow held on, with diligence and strength from his mother, and from Camilla.

Camilla's death was another emotional blow that made him waver and almost give up, but his mother and daughter gave him more reasons to keep going. He'd managed a constant increase in the growth of the company while handling being a single parent. With the strength of an effective team of skilled employees, Haddock limited had upheld an impressive status and reputation. From winning awards like the 2011 AIA San Fernando Valley Chapter Design Award, and the 2011 Southern California Development Forum Design Award. The firm was also on the best list of options for contractors both from the government and private sectors, and even smaller projects had been given just as much importance as the larger ones.

The importance of the recent project proposal was not just the largest but the first project outside California. Although it was a way to expand the services of the company, it was also a very competitive project, doubling the hard work, as well as the investment needed to obtain the contract. It stood as a giant step in the financial and all-round growth and development of the company. It was definitely a serious project, and he could see a difference in the attitude of the employees towards it.

"Sir, we've got an updated document on the construction materials. Would you like a presentation on that in our meeting, today?" Another employee asked, right before Astrid Hofferson walked in, visibly limping on her right foot. He tried to answer the question but was much focused on her wounded foot.

"Are you limping?" He blurted out, right after deciding to hold back his concern.

"Uhm...no Sir. I'm alright."

"She sprained her ankle earlier, Sir. I'd advised her to have it checked at the clinic, but she insisted." The employee spoke up, much to Astrid's dismay.

Harry frowned at Astrid, noticing how much she tried to cover up the pain, with a smile that irritated him so much. "Thank you, Laura. Tell your team to present whatever information you have at the meeting."

"Alright, Sir." She nodded and left his office.

Harry stood up in silence and walked towards her. She looked startled and uncomfortable, but he ignored it, lowering himself to squat, with his back facing her.

"Get on, we are going to the clinic right now."

"What? I said I'm alright. Get up, Harry, I'm not getting on your back."

"You have two options. You either get on my back or I carry you to the clinic."

Astrid sighed, pushing her hair back in frustration. "Harry, this is uncalled for. It's a minor sprain, I'm alright."

"You had the choice of going to the clinic without my interference." He turned to glance at Astrid, trying to endure the pressure on his prosthetic. "But you didn't."

"Because I didn't have to. I'm fine, Harry."

"Kneeling on a prosthetic leg is a lot harder than I'm making it seem. Please get on my back, or we'll both be hurt. I'm not getting up unless you do."

Astrid hesitated but finally climbed on Harry's back, and he got up, lifting her up in a piggyback ride. "You just had to make a nice gesture more difficult than it seemed."

"Why are you doing this, Harry?"

"Hold onto me. Have a little more faith in my prosthetic than I do."

Astrid swallowed, wrapping her arms around his neck, as he balanced her firmly on his back, leaving his office into the hallway. "You didn't answer my question."

"How is it that you haven't gained any weight since high school? Remember how you made me carry you like this after each game on the field?"

"I was quite the monster, wasn't I?"

Harry snorted, "More like a bossy diva."

"I'm sure you hated me so much back then."

"I did."

"Oh." Astrid went silent when they passed a number of employees seated at their workbenches, giving awkward looks that made her feel so uncomfortable. She noticed Harry's unperturbed attitude towards the situation was a shock to her, as he just kept walking in silence towards the elevator. Astrid pressed the buttons to the floor that held the company health clinic. "But come to think of it, you didn't have to do all that, Harry. You didn't need to be on the track, right?"

"Right."

"So why were you there? Why did you stay on the team even when you kept getting bullied and bossed around because of it."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Are you sure you don't know the answer to that question?"

"I honestly don't."

What game was she playing? Did she really not understand the level of his childhood obsession with her? Was she really that oblivious? Or was this a scheme to revive the events of their past? Did she really think that their past relationship was just a game?

"Are you sure you want an answer to your question?"

"I do."

"You're not gonna think less of me, are you?" Harry teased.

Astrid laughed. "Is that what you want? I think I know you a little too well for me to suddenly think less of you."

"Alright then. I stayed on the track because I had a huge crush on a certain girl. Maybe it was my boyish naive mentality but it didn't matter if I was bullied or ridiculed, I kept going back there, just to see her. Quite foolish, don't you think?" Her instant silence drew a smile from him. She finally got the memo, even though it took her much longer than he'd expected.

"Please put me down, Harry."

"Not until we get to the clinic. We're almost there anyway."

It was continuous silence between them till they arrived at the clinic. He then gently placed her down on a wheeled stretcher, after being ushered in by one of the nurses.

"Good day, Sir."

"Good day. She sprained her ankle from a bad fall, please give her the aid she needs."

"No problem, Sir."

"Thank you," Astrid said when he caught her stare. Harry nodded and smiled. "I'll be fine from here, you can go ahead. I'll get back to the office once I'm done here."

Harry ignored her, dialling in a number into his phone. "Hello? Laura? Astrid is in the clinic right now, and I would be sending her home right after her treatment. Please get her purse and the rest of her stuff downstairs...alright...we'll be waiting. Thank you."

He noticed Astrid's confused stare but went on with the second phone call while the nurse worked on her swollen ankle. "Hello?... Yes, in about twenty minutes. No, not my car, you'll be driving an employee home. I'll meet you at the main gate...Alright."

"You know, if you keep sending me home this often, I would feel useless in this company. There's a lot to be done, and I can't be slacking on my part."

"Shouldn't I be the judge of that? Like you'd said, I'm your boss, right?"

"Yeah, but…"

"Then I should be the one worrying about you slacking or not."

The nurse tended to Astrid's foot, while Harry stood in a corner watching in silence. He found it amusing how she kept stealing glances at him but then looked away when she noticed he was watching. As much as he brushed it off, he felt guilty. After his conversation with Heather the previous night, he realized that he might be the reason why Astrid was so worked up about her job and proving herself to him as an employee.

Why she kept neglecting herself and working overtime, even as far as doing things that were outside her job description. He didn't know how to talk to her about it without having to bring up her past, but she needed to slow down. It was funny that with all she'd been doing, it still somehow seemed like "slacking" to her.

He waited patiently till her treatment was over, trying to get his mind off the pile of work waiting for him upstairs.

"It's just a minor sprain, you're going to be fine, just use it daily to massage the swelling, and put on the cast for about three days, okay?"

"Okay, Thank you."

"I'm done with the treatment, Sir."

"Thank you."

"Are you really sending me home? I can still get a lot done if I get back to work."

Harry sat down next to her on the stretcher. "None of this would have happened if you didn't put on those heels to work today. You used to hate them, what happened?"

Astrid buried her face in her palms completely embarrassed. "Do you really enjoy making fun of me?"

"I'm just curious. I was watching you at the meeting today, you just took them off, and put it back on again. It was quite funny, to be honest." Harry smiled. "Why do you feel the need to wear them, if you hate them so much?"

"I just wanted to look professional, that's all. It took a lot for me to get through that tomboyish high school phase. I guess sneakers don't work in formal settings."

"Not if it's you. I know you can make it work."

"And you wouldn't have a problem with it? I know about the dress code."

"It's alright. Since you work so much, you need to be comfortable while you're at it. If you sprain your ankle one more time, I might not be the only one on a prosthetic."

Astrid laughed. "Neil would be so thrilled if that did happen."

"On a serious note, Astrid." Harry decided to finally have the conversation he'd been avoiding. "I know why you're doing all this."

"What am I doing?"

"All of this. Overworking yourself, doing things you shouldn't even be doing, and skipping your meals. You're a good employee, I get it."

"What are you talking about?"

"Astrid, look, I'm not mad at you for anything. I don't hold any grudges against you for how we ended things in the past, alright? I'm really not. You walked into my office and told us to keep our past aside, I did, but you didn't." Harry went on, with Astrid too shocked to deny his words.

"I gave you this job because I know you...because I'm sure of your qualification and diligence for your work. I didn't do it out of pity, I didn't do it for you to make up for anything. So please, slow down. Stop starving yourself, hurting yourself, and pretending to be okay when you're not. You're all Neil has, and that should be reason enough to take care of yourself. I know how difficult it is, so I'm here to help you, and not to make you feel sorry for anything, okay?"

Harry could tell she was holding back her tears when she nodded with a smile, signifying that he'd been right all along. "Okay."

"So, you'll take care of that injury, be at work by eight, not by seven, because your shift is from nine to five. Most of all, please call me Harry. I really don't mind you being the only exception from that courtesy."

"I'm sorry, Harry."

"For what?"

"I know about Zia's Christmas wish, and I'm sorry I had convinced her that you would do it for her. I raised false hopes that might be a burden to you."

"It's alright. I'm still on that silly dating website, so who knows? I might just be able to make it come true. Maybe you should try it too."

"Oh no, no, no... I'm…" Astrid rubbed the back of her neck. "I'm done with all that."

Harry stared at her in silence, with an increased level of curiosity in Astrid's love life after their break up, as well as the circumstances that led to her son's birth and being a single mother. "Really?"

She nodded with a faint smile, eyes locked on his. "Really."

Their conversation was interrupted by Laura, whom Harry had sent to fetch Astrid's belongings for her to get home. "I got the items, Sir."

"Thank you, Laura." Astrid retrieved her belongings.

"How's your foot, Astrid?"

"It's alright. It was nothing serious."

"Just take care, okay?"

"Thank you."

"I'll be up for the meeting in ten minutes, get everyone ready, alright?"

"Alright, Sir," Laura replied and left the clinic.

"My driver just texted me, he's here and is going to take you home in your car, you can pick up Neil on the way too."

"What about, Zia?"

"It's just twelve. Don't worry about her, I'll pick her up from school later."

"Thank you."

Harry got up and knelt in front of her with his back facing her. "Let's go?"

"I sprained my ankle, Harry, I didn't lose my limbs."

"Too late, I already got down, and I ain't getting up if you don't get on."

Astrid laughed and got on his back. "It's funny how you can pick me up on one foot now when you could barely do it back when you had both."

"Do you really enjoy making fun of me?"

She wrapped her arms around his neck with a smile. "It goes both ways, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess it does."

* * *

"Hi, Miss Astrid!"

"Hello, Zia. How are you doing?" Astrid asked, placing her iPhone on a tripod stand for a clearer view during her facetime with Harry's daughter.

"I'm fine, Miss Astrid. I'm still learning how to spell the words on my flashcards, as you told me to." Zia replied, in a whisper. Her auburn hair was up in a loose ponytail, and the bright smile on her face revealed just how excited she was to be on a call with Astrid. Her heart melted, as she returned the smile, Harry was doing such a great job raising his daughter, even as a single father.

"Good girl, but why are you whispering?"

"Because daddy is still asleep and I took his phone to talk to you."

Astrid laughed. "So, is he going to take you out to the park again today?"

"No, he bought a bicycle for Neil, and we're coming to visit you to give it to him."

Astrid's jaw dropped, "You're...coming to visit today? Your daddy never told me about it. Are you sure, Zia?"

She leaned closer to the phone camera, "He wanted it to be a surprise, and that's why I'm whispering. Please don't tell him I told you about it."

"Letizia." Astrid heard Harry call in the background, in a deep, hoarse voice that resonated feelings that should've been non-existent. She could tell that Zia was in his bedroom, and it was obvious that he'd just gotten up from sleep, probably patched up in drool and sleep crust, none of which should spark up any sort of attraction towards him. "Who are you talking to? You can't just call people so early in the morning."

"I'm not telling you," Zia replied, looking away towards Harry's direction, and Astrid quickly took off the band that held her hair up, brushing her golden locks neatly across her shoulders. A reflex action that she started questioning afterwards. She caught the gaze of her father who gave her a quizzical glance, probably also asking the same questions.

"Give me my phone, Zia, I want to see who it is. Is it on Facetime?" Harry's voice echoed through the phone and sent instant shivers down her spine. Astrid waited nervously in silence as Harry and Zia both struggled over the phone, laughing and giggling in a way that made her smile, reflecting the same relationship and bond she had with her father.

"I'm not giving it to you, dad."

"Zia!" He finally retrieved the phone and set the camera in place, revealing his face, still unaware that Astrid was the one on the receiving end.

Astrid froze when she saw him, a totally different picture from what she'd expected. She gaped openly as she observed him through the video. His wild mop of dishevelled auburn hair swept across all corners of his face.

The man had a thin face, yet was so handsome nonetheless, a striking glow up from what she'd remembered in high school. His bone structure was symmetrical, cheekbones high and prominent.. His eyes were hues of the forest, surrounded by dark moss. The kind of green that pushed its way through the piles of gritty snow to remind you that spring was coming. Interwoven shades hiding the chaotic nature behind. Never before have eyes held such danger and beauty all at once. He was a wildfire: reckless, untamed, yet undeniably captivating.

"Uhm...Astrid?"

His expression showed his discomfort in her unusual stare. She felt so embarrassed. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I uh...I didn't know you were the one she was talking to. I...I'm sorry, I…" Harry stuttered, making Astrid believe that maybe she wasn't the only one tensed about having a conversation over the phone, and outside work. These were lines and boundaries, they'd never expected to be crossing.

"She didn't tell you about it, did she?"

"I told her, daddy. I'm sorry." Zia's voice echoed in response. Harry gave her a little frown, but then pulled her closer to him and into the video frame, Astrid now on the call with both father and daughter.

"But you can keep it a secret from Neil, right?"

"Of course" Astrid replied, "He loves surprises."

"So, it's alright if we visit you today? Would it be a problem for Heather?"

"Actually, that's another thing. I'm at my parent's house right now. I came over to spend the weekend here with my son." Astrid glanced at her father again.

"Oh. It's alright, we can visit next weekend, or whenever...you'd be around." Harry shrugged, but with clear disappointment in his eyes.

"But Daddy, you promised we were going to see her today." Zia pouted, the bright smile that lit her face suddenly vanished. "I want to see her today!"

"She's not home, Zia. We can go some other time." Harry tried to console her while Astrid looked up to her father who'd been listening to their conversation.

"Why don't they come over? I wanted to see Harry anyway, right?" Her father spoke up, his eyebrows arched with an expression of suspicion.

"Is that okay with you, Dad?"

"Of course. He has a present for Neil anyway, so let's not hold it back from him." He replied, "It's been a long time, it'll be nice to see Harry again."

Astrid smiled and returned her focus to her call. "My father wants you to come over Harry. It's in Santa Monica, about fifteen minutes away from you, I'll send you the address immediately."

Harry seemed startled like he was hesitant towards the idea of visiting her father. "You mean...your father still...remembers me?"

Astrid nodded, "Of course he does. You both always geeked out about everything science and even had a much better relationship than we did."

Astrid's eyes widened when she realized what she'd just blurted out unconsciously, too late to take that awful statement back. Harry went silent at that instant, looking just as shocked and confused as her father was. Andrew Hofferson just smirked, watching his daughter tremble in embarrassment.

"Uhm...I mean, it's alright if you don't want to…"

"We'll be there." Harry interrupted. "Right, Zia?"

She nodded gleefully, her smile returning instantly. "I can't wait to see you, Miss Astrid. I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, Zia. Don't forget to bring your flashcards because you promised your daddy you were going to win the spelling bee competition, right?"

"Yeah."

"So we need to keep practising hard, okay?"

"Okay, Miss Astrid."

"I'll text you the address, Harry."

"Alright."

* * *

"Why would his daughter be calling you at this time? Why would she need you to help her with her spelling bee competition? Wasn't her mother right there when this conversation was going on?" Her father began a stream of questions once she got off Facetime, his eyes eager for answers.

"Uhm...Dad...Harry is a…"

"Divorcee?"

"No...He is a widower."

His jaw dropped in shock. "You didn't tell me about this...why?"

Astrid sighed, "Because...I didn't want you to get your hopes up. I know how much you wanted us to remain together in the past."

"Get my hopes up? Or yours?"

"What?"

"You're my daughter, Astrid, and I know you. I was watching you throughout that phone call, you even took your hair down to talk to him."

"Dad, whatever is on your mind, just erase it. Harry would never even give me a second glance in that direction, especially when we've done this before."

"Because you abused his feelings for you in the past?"

"Because Harry is still in love with his late wife! Doesn't that seem familiar to you, Dad? He's still holding onto the past, and I'm not getting involved with all that."

"Astrid, the strength that makes him hold on, has a limit." Her father stood up from the armchair, "I only lasted that long...because I refused to admit that I'd reached and exceeded mine."

"What about Stanley, Dad? What about my son? I know I shouldn't be saying this but...what if there's a good reason why he…"

"Why he left his pregnant fiancee a week before his wedding?!" Her father exclaimed in anger, the first outburst, she'd seen from him since Stanley's disappearance.

"Do you see? The problem isn't just Harry, Astrid. You're also holding onto the past, and maybe that's the reason why he also wouldn't want to be involved with all that."

* * *

Harry pulled up to the suburban home situated in a secluded neighbourhood, holding the exact address Astrid had sent him. 1902 18th St. Santa Monica, CA 90404. Although the distance was about eight miles away from where he lived in Beverly Hills, it had taken him a little more than just fifteen minutes to locate his route, even with the help of the GPS. His daughter Zia hadn't helped, unleashing all the energy of her sugar rush in her excitement to meet Astrid and Neil again.

The indescribable bond that Astrid had formed with his daughter, was both a cure to their loneliness and also a red flag. As much as he appreciated Astrid's concern towards his daughter, he also hoped that it wouldn't raise Zia's expectations, now that she saw Astrid as a mother figure in her life. It was something he didn't expect, and he almost wished he hadn't taken Astrid to her school that day, but seeing how happy Zia was, and how much Astrid's presence meant to her, he just couldn't be selfish.

It wasn't like she was a replacement for Camilla, they were never going down that route again. She was just a friend to Zia, and he hoped the end of her spelling bee competition would take away reasons for their constant visits, and slowly dissolve that bond. That way, he'd only have to worry about working with her on weekdays, now that her presence was becoming a distraction from his initial plan.

He pulled his gear to a stop, taking off his seat belt. "We are here, Zia. Thanks for making twenty minutes seem like an hour."

She jolted in excitement, struggling with the belt of her car seat. "Yaay!"

"Calm down, she's not going anywhere, okay? Wait, I'll get you out of there." Harry got out of the driver's seat and headed to the back, gently unhooking her out of her car seat. "This is why I tell grandma not to give you any candy in the morning."

"But grandma said you loved candy too when you were five."

"Yeah, but I wasn't a loud and noisy child." Harry tugged gently on her cheeks, drawing a laugh from her, as he scooped her up into his arms.

"I'm going to ask grandma, you might be lying."

"Go ahead, I've got nothing to hide. I was quiet, peaceful and…"

"And had no friends in school."

Harry laughed, hanging her backpack across his shoulders. "You cunning little girl. One more word and I'll take you back home."

Zia smiled sheepishly, "Daddy, can Miss Astrid braid my hair too? I want to look pretty like she is."

"But you are pretty, Zia. You're pretty like mummy, remember?"

"Yeah, but Miss Astrid is so pretty, and I like her hair."

Harry gave her a quizzical glance, as they headed to the doorstep of the house.

"You really like Miss Astrid, don't you?"

"Because she's so nice and pretty."

"Alright then, she'll braid your hair just like hers, okay?"

"Okay."

Harry rang the doorbell before realizing that he wasn't just going to meet Astrid, but her father. This was going to be one awkward experience that he wasn't prepared for, but he had to, for Zia, and also for Astrid's son, Neil. He'd just hoped that his past with Astrid would be avoided in every conversation, especially with her father. It took a few seconds at the bell was answered, with Astrid being the host who ushered them in.

Harry's jaw dropped as soon as she stepped out. She looked a lot different than her usual formal appearance at work. Maybe he just hadn't noticed, or maybe he'd used work as a distraction. Even after twelve long years, she was still the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen, probably justifying ten years of obsessing over her. She was dressed in a sky blue romper and dark kimono jacket. Her tall frame and slender body were like that of a Victoria secret model.

Her blue eyes, like the sea, were calm and emotionless. Long, wavy blonde hair, so smooth and silky, almost as if it was tailored from gold fabric. Her perfect skin that looked so fragile yet so soft and the unerring amount of freckles around her nose that she usually concealed beneath layers of makeup. She looked so young and much closer to the girl he'd fallen in love with years ago.

He might have laughed off Zia's numerous compliments towards her, but children don't lie, Astrid was beautiful, and it only took removing that veil of prejudice to see it clearly. She greeted them with a bright smile, a smile that shone like stars after dark, with no city lights to dim them. For at that moment time stopped to stare and admire her, inattentive to whatever she was saying. It was an involuntary action, one that he wished was within his control.

She lifted Zia into her arms, both of them greeting each other with smiles and laughter, totally ignoring his presence. He didn't mind, because her full attention on Zia, gave him more time to keep his on her.

Why on earth was Astrid still single? She never mentioned being a divorcee, but clearly stated that she'd never gotten married. Ignoring the fact that his relationship with her never worked out, she was still an amazing woman and even if she never loved him in the past, she still deserved to be loved. So who was it? Who was the guy who abandoned her with a child to raise all on her own? Was it Eric?

No, it couldn't be.

"Daddy?"

Zia pulled him out of his thoughts, only to find Astrid also staring at him with a confused look. "Hi, Astrid."

"Hi, I hope it wasn't difficult to find your way here?"

"Besides this little girl's gruelling excitement to see you? It wasn't."

"Miss Astrid, daddy wants me to be silent all the time, and it's boring."

Astrid laughed, "You don't say."

"So that's what I get for driving you here, huh Zia?"

"She doesn't have to be like you, Harry. Let the girl live" Astrid teased, her smile highlighting the radiance of her beauty. "Come in, my dad is excited to see you again."

Harry tried to ease the tension as Astrid led them further into the house, towards the living room. He noticed and recognized Astrid's father right away, sitting on an armchair with Neil on his lap.

"Mr Harry!" Neil squealed in excitement, immediately running towards him with his arms wide open. Harry smiled, picking him up, and throwing him into the air.

"How are you doing, Neil?"

"Good. Mummy didn't tell me you were coming."

Harry brushed his blonde hair from his face with a smile. "That's because I told her not to tell you. I have a surprise for you, Neil."

"Really?!"

"Yeah, but first, let me say hi to your grandpa, okay?"

"Okay."

Harry walked towards Astrid's father, still holding the little boy in his arms. "Good day, Sir." He greeted him with a handshake.

"Harry?" Andrew Hofferson exclaimed in shock. "Whoa...is this you?"

Harry nodded with a smile. "Yes, Sir."

"You look so grown up...and different. It's a good difference."

"Thank you, Sir."

"So, how has life been? I heard you're doing so well now, and you run a company."

"Uh...yes Sir, I do."

"That's amazing. I wouldn't say I'm surprised, because you were such a brilliant and responsible young boy back then. You were destined to be a leader."

"Thank you so much, Sir."

"No, thank you, Harry. Thank you for everything you've done for my daughter and my grandson. I really appreciate it."

"It's alright, Sir. It's so nice meeting you again."

"Same here." He looked over towards Zia. "Wow. Is that your daughter? She's so beautiful."

"Zia, that's my father." Astrid introduced her father to Zia, who was still in her arms, settled on her hip.

"Your Santa clause?"

Astrid laughed. "Yes, my Santa clause."

"Hi, Zia. How are you doing?" Andrew smiled, waving at the little girl.

"Hi." She gave a shy smile, looking at Astrid. "I'm good."

"Why are you always shy when you meet someone new, Zia?" Harry asked.

Astrid rolled her eyes. "I wonder who she takes after in that aspect."

"It's you, daddy. I took after you, right Miss Astrid?"

"Smart girl," Astrid replied.

Harry shook his head. "You two look for the slightest chance to gang up on me."

Zia leaned into Astrid hugging her tightly. "Because we're girls, and you're not."

"Do you hear that Neil? Why don't we go and see your surprise and make them jealous? Huh? How about that?"

"Yeah!" Neil exclaimed in so much joy. "Is it a bicycle?."

"I don't know. Why don't we go check it out?"

"Yaay!"

"We'll be back right back, Dad," Astrid said as she headed towards the front door trailing behind Harry.

Her father insisted, getting up to join them. "Don't worry, I'll join you guys."

They all headed outside the front door towards the front yard. Astrid watched Harry carry Neil towards his car. Opening the boot, he pulled out a brand new Woom branded bike, placing it down on the walkway, with Neil jumping in ecstasy.

Astrid glanced at her father in shock. "A Woom brand? Dad, that's over three hundred dollars."

Her father just smiled in silence, as they both watched Harry gear up the little boy in a helmet, gloves, arm and knee pads. He gently attached the training wheels, before placing Neil on the bike. Tears blurred Astrid's eyes as she watched Neil ride slowly with Harry's guidance. Her son was so happy, the pure joy that radiated through him was all she ever wanted for him. Through the endless hours of three whole years watching him in machines, paying for her carelessness with a life that he didn't deserve, living a life much different from most kids his age.

Neil had gone through a lot, and even with all her efforts, she wasn't able to correct her mistakes and give him the life he deserved. Harry had changed all that in just a few weeks. Right after meeting him that night, he'd been trying to make her son's life a little normal, trying to give things that he lacked as a child, and trying to be the father that Stanley never was.

"Mummy! Look! I'm riding a bike!"

Tears rolled down her eyes as she waved at him. "I can see you, Neil! Good job!"

"Miss Astrid, are you crying?" Zia suddenly asked Astrid shocked to realize that she and her father had been watching her the entire time.

Astrid immediately wiped her tears. "Of course not, Zia."

"You're lying. Look, you were just crying."

"I'm just really happy, Zia, that's all."

"Do people cry when they are happy?"

"Sometimes they do." Astrid glanced at her father who was still watching the entire scene with a bright smile on his face. "I'm really happy."

"Mummy! You're not watching! Look!" Neil exclaimed again from the distance.

Astrid glanced at Harry, and he held her gaze for a while. She wished she could pour out her emotions to express the weight of his little gestures towards her son, her appreciation for the countless times he'd made her son happy. She wished she could express how much joy that he'd brought into her life even after how they'd parted ways in the past, even how much she'd hurt him in the past.

She locked her eyes on his, even if she should've been looking at her son. For weeks she'd been holding herself back, for the slightest chance that Neil's father might return, to be the partner and father that he'd promised. But her father was right, it was time to stop living in the delusion she'd created for three years. Stanley was never coming back, and it was time to let go of the past.

"I'm watching you, Neil. Mummy is watching you!" She called out to her son, and with her gaze still on Harry, she mounted with a smile.

'Thank you.'


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Don't let the heart that didn't love you, keep you away from the one that will.'
> 
> ~Anonymous

"Do you like your bike, Neil?" Zia asked when Astrid and her father walked closer towards where Harry and Neil stood on the walkway. "We can ride our bikes together."

Neil nodded with a smile. "Yeah. I love it, Mr Harry."

"Is your bike here too, Zia?" Astrid asked, setting her down on her feet, as the little girl pointed to the boot of Harry's car.

"Yeah. Daddy, can you get my bike, too? I want to ride with Neil."

"First, apologize for the headache you caused me getting you here." Harry teased.

Zia whined, tugging on Astrid's jacket. "Please tell him to let me ride my bike, Miss Astrid."

"Harry."

"I'm sorry daddy for causing you a headache today. Say it." Harry pushed her hair from her face, his lips curling into a sheepish smile. "You owe me that."

"I'm sorry, daddy." Zia pouted, almost in tears.

"You see, Harry? You've made her cry now." Astrid picked Zia up, wrapping her arms around the little girl in comfort. "It's alright, Zia. He'll let you ride your bike, okay?"

"You sound so sure about that, Astrid."

Astrid gave him a death stare. "Well? Get her bike, she apologised already."

"You spoil her too much." Harry rolled his eyes and opened the boot of his car to retrieve Zia's bicycle.

Astrid laughed. "Yeah, right. Says the guy who wants an apology from a five-year-old."

"Why don't you guys go to the park?" Her father suggested, cutting in. "There's a lot more space there for them both. Your mother and I would get dinner prepared before you return."

"Is that okay with you, dad?"

"Of course. Molly would be here soon anyway." Her father replied, seeming to be fascinated with her sudden bond with Harry and his daughter. "Take the kids, let them have fun at the park."

"Is that alright with you, Harry?"

Harry shrugged. "Palisades park?"

"No, there's a secluded park just a few blocks away, we could even walk there."

"Let's go then." Harry geared Zia up in her helmet and safety pads. "It's fine with me."

"I'll just go get my purse and Neil's oxygen concentrator, I'll be right back," Astrid said, leaving Harry with Andrew Hofferson, who just glanced at him in silence.

"So what happened, Harry?" He started, "You just disappeared back in Arizona. Did something happen? Or did you change schools?"

"My family had to move to start over after a fire incident. It wasn't a planned relocation."

"Oh." He seemed to be now focused on Harry's prosthetic. "Was that a result of the accident?"

"Yeah, I lost my foot and was homeschooled for the rest of high school."

"You didn't give us a call...at least to inform us that you were okay. You just...left."

Harry rubbed the back of his neck, biting on his lower lip. "I uh...Astrid and I... we broke up. I just didn't think that...she'd care about my disappearance, so I…"

"Care? She cried for weeks, Harry." Andrew Hofferson replied, as his heart dropped. "She went crazy looking for you, and trying to contact you. She did care...maybe a little too much."

"I...I'm...I'm really sorry I caused her that much pain, I didn't mean…" Harry stuttered, completely dumbfounded at his words. All this time, he'd assumed his breakup with Astrid had meant nothing to her, he'd assumed she'd moved on with Eric, her long time high school sweetheart and the guy he was supposed to be a rebound for. He'd been darn wrong and created a wall of prejudice that she really didn't deserve. He'd intentionally cut off all contact from her, acting sorely on his conclusions about that night, when he thought she'd humiliated him at prom.

"But anyway, that's the past. We should focus on the present." Her father interrupted. "You don't have to explain anything. I understand that you must've been hurt too."

He looked down at Zia, who was helping Neil hit the pedals of his bike to make him go faster. "I want to applaud you, Harry. If there's anyone who understands what you're going through? It's me."

Harry knew about Astrid's birth mother, and how they both lost her the day Astrid was born. It was probably why she already had a strong bond and connection with Zia, having walked in the shoes of growing up with a single father.

"I know how hard it is, but when I look at my daughter now, I realize that the pain was worth it. One day you're going to look at Zia, and realize it too...so keep going, and don't give up...no matter how hard it gets. You are her strength, and her only mirror, so be a reflection of who you want her to be in the future."

Harry smiled and nodded, struggling to hold back tears. "Thank you, Sir. I really needed to hear that. I appreciate it."

"You're doing a great job."

"Thank you."

Astrid walked out of the house, her purse in one hand, and rolling Neil's concentrator on the other hand. Harry slipped his arms into the pockets of his dark camouflage cargo pants, watching her closely. The way she struggled trying to get the box down the stairs, something she had to deal with for her son to be in perfect health. He smiled, not even holding back from his attraction towards her.

"You also did a great job. You should be commended too, Sir."

"I know." Her father smiled, his gaze flickering from Harry to Astrid, then back to Harry.

"So? Are we ready to go?" Astrid walked towards them.

"Yeah." Harry immediately took the box from her with a smile. "Get on your bike, Zia, we are going to the park."

"But we always go to the park, daddy."

"But Neil doesn't. Wouldn't you like to ride your bike with him at the park?"

She nodded in excitement. "Let's go, Neil! We are going to the park!"

"Okay! Mr Harry, can you help me? I'm trying hard to ride it." Neil said, struggling with the pedals of his bicycle. "It's so hard."

Harry glanced at Astrid who laughed, taking the box back from him. "It's okay, I'll carry this."

"You guys should take your time and have fun, alright?" Andrew Hofferson gave his daughter a side hug, giving her that suspicious smile that she hated so much.

"Is that really why you're sending us away?" She whispered, rolling her eyes. "I told you to stop it, Dad. It's not gonna happen...he'll never…"

"Miss Astrid! Come on, let's go." Zia called, with Harry and Neil already moving ahead.

"Go ahead, Astrid." Her father kept on smiling. "I'll make sure to get out all those pictures from your relationship with him during dinner this evening."

Astrid frowned. "Dad! don't you dare."

* * *

"Why don't you just take a picture, Astrid? It'll last longer."

Harry slid into the park bench next to Astrid with a coy smile spread across his lips. They'd been at the park for about twenty minutes and Harry had spent it on further bike lessons for Neil. The little boy being a fast learner grasped the process and now insisted on riding on his own, along with Zia, around the park.

The park was empty, quite usual for a secluded neighbourhood park. It covered a wide area that could fit about three small houses. It was a bit hilly with tall trees along the hills. There were benches for people to sit in every corner and jogging tracks were all around the edges of the park. The west corner had some swings too on which many children used to come and play. Flower hedges and bushes along the pathways, to make the park look more pleasant and attractive.

Astrid scoffed in disbelief. "When did you become this arrogant?"

"I think I learned a thing or two from this bossy diva I used to hang out with in high school."

She rolled her eyes. "So you should also get my picture for god knows how many times I caught you staring at me today."

Harry shrugged, "In my defence? I have a better reason than yours."

"What is that? You're just enjoying teasing and making me..."

"You're beautiful." He cut in, his eyes now on her again, for the nth time since she welcomed him at the doorstep of her parent's house. She gazed at him, lost for words. She'd thought that he'd be so angry with her to even find her attractive again. She almost didn't believe his words were sincere until she saw the admiration in his eyes, and it melted her.

He smirked, amused at her reaction. "I really do know how to shut you up, don't I?"

She blinked when he wouldn't, pushing her hair behind her ears, and hiding the sudden redness in her cheeks. "Well, you're good looking as well, that's also a good excuse."

"Please, it's not a competition, Astrid, at least not one you have to win."

"But you really are, Harry. My dad said you looked so grown up, that alone should tell you something. If you don't believe me, maybe you can believe him." He still hadn't changed his silly act of pushing away compliments, even when he was worth them. She hoped he was just joking and had gotten over his serious self-esteem issues in highschool.

Harry brushed off her words. "Cut it out, Astrid. I've got a prosthetic leg."

"Exactly, a feature that adds to your vulnerable masculine charm." Astrid smiled, getting too comfortable and jumping on the flirtatious train that he no longer was in charge of. She got his immediate attention with those words as he stared at her in a way that sent shivers down her spine. It was too much of a reaction from him, but she held herself, wanting desperately to rub off her victory in his face.

"Who's winning the competition now? I guess I know how to shut you up too."

Harry smirked, "You really want a trophy for that, don't you?"

"Don't I deserve one?" Astrid raised her brows with a cute smile.

"When did you become this adorable?" Harry laughed, still trying to keep his mind off her breathtaking compliment. "So, your father...when did he get married?"

"About three or four years ago, when I was pregnant with Neil."

"How did you feel about it? I'm sorry for asking if it's…"

"It's alright." Astrid shrugged. "I was so happy for him. I liked Molly and was glad he chose to be with her. We got along right away, so it was all good."

"You didn't...resent him for...replacing your mother?"

Astrid gave him a quizzical glance. "Is that what you think goes on in Zia's mind?"

"Uhm...no, no...I just…do not understand how it feels, growing up without a mother." Harry stuttered, "Do you mind if I ask you, regardless of how insensitive of a question it is?"

"Well...not if you pay for an answer. It's quite a hard one, to be honest." Astrid teased.

"I'm sorry, I just want to understand...a fraction of my daughter's pain.

"It was hard. It was painful. From skipping mother-daughter dances to having my dad struggle to teach me how to use a tampon. It was like...I lost something I never even had in the first place."

"Well, that isn't encouraging at all."

"Let me finish, Harry." Astrid scolded, going on. "But my father was the reason why I never felt like I lacked anything. Although it was difficult for him, he played the excellent role of both parents...even up till now. Believe it or not, I'm sure Zia feels the same way about you."

"If that is true, why does she keep making Christmas wishes of wanting a new mother?" Harry asked, trying to hide the pain in his voice. "It really hurts to see that I can never fill that void."

"You can't fill that void, Harry, because you are her father, and not her mother. She doesn't make those wishes because you aren't a great parent, or for herself. She makes those wishes for you Harry. She's just five, but she watches you and knows that you are lonely, especially when you cry a lot in front of her."

Harry's eyes widened in instant panic. "Did she tell you that too?"

"Calm down, it's okay. It's okay to cry, Harry. It's okay to be hurt, you're human."

"She isn't supposed to see that as often as she does."

"But she sees it, and it's not your fault." Astrid consoled him. "She's just worried about you."

"Are you kidding? I'm supposed to be worried about her, and she's a kid, how does she have the mind of a thirty-year-old?" Harry glanced over at Zia, who was biking with Neil, a few meters away from where they were seated at the park. "Gosh, she scares me."

"Kids are not always as oblivious as they seem. Besides, she would be six in two weeks, right?"

Harry arched a brow. "How did you know about that?"

Astrid chuckled, "Careful. I just might know a lot more about your daughter than you do."

"I really appreciate that, Astrid." Harry smiled, "I'm glad that you are willing to know a lot more about her than I do. It shows how much you care about her, and I genuinely appreciate it."

"That's two trophies you owe me now, for being this amazing."

Harry laughed, an act that was becoming a lot frequent whenever he was around Astrid. "Well, I have no objections to that. You are amazing."

Astrid flipped the ends of her hair behind her shoulders in a sassy manner. "I know."

"We've been on my case since we got here, but what about you, Astrid?"

"What about me?"

"Neil's...father. If you don't mind me asking...Is Eric...his father?"

He could see her immediate reaction of discomfort at the question, hoping that it wouldn't change the air between them. He didn't expect her to give him a reply and was shocked when she did.

"No, Eric is not his father." Her smile faded, "It seems like you don't know this but...I never went back into a relationship with Eric after you and I broke up. I know I went to prom with him, but I'd refused to get back with him."

Harry was shocked, having a lot more revelations than he'd expected. "You didn't? Why not?"

She gave a faint smile, then locked her eyes on his. "Are you sure you don't know the answer to that question, Harry?"

Harry swallowed, "No, I don't."

"Are you sure you want an answer to that question? It's a long one."

"We've got all the time."

"Alright." Astrid shrugged, "I didn't get back with him because I was in love with someone else."

"I was in love with a guy whose name I hardly remembered but was willing to be humiliated and bullied by my friends, just to be with me. I was in love with the only guy who knew the real me, even as a bossy diva, but didn't see a single flaw."

"The problem was, I hesitated, and by the time I was willing to acknowledge it and tell him about it, it was already too late. I never saw him again."

Harry looked away in silence. He didn't want to ever have this conversation meeting her again. They'd both been silly teenagers who gave up on something that could have turned out into a beautiful lifelong relationship. He didn't want to regret leaving her, as much as he wanted to, but then, he would never have met Camilla if he didn't.

As much as he loved Astrid in the past, none of that was worth all the years of unending love, support and loyalty that his wife had given him for ten years, none of that was worth the life of their daughter, Zia. He wouldn't have had any of that if he hadn't given up on Astrid.

"Eric isn't Neil's father." She went on, despite his reaction. "I met another guy in college, just like you met Camilla. I fell in love with him after moving on from that heartbreak and loss. He wasn't exactly the typical loving boyfriend. He was wealthy, arrogant and unfaithful because he had everything. I knew all that but chose to be with him because he changed...because of me."

"He really did change in a positive way, and we dated for about five years, the longest relationship I'd ever had. I'd thought that, just because we lasted that long, he was the right one for me. I was wrong."

"Did he...reject your pregnancy?"

Astrid pushed her hair backwards, hugging her knees on the bench. "He doesn't know."

Harry's jaw dropped, "You mean the reason why he's not a part of Neil's life is that he does not know that he has a son?"

Astrid nodded, tears rolling down her eyes. "Yes, he doesn't know about Neil. I was going to tell him, I was so excited to tell him when I found out but…"

"He left?"

She glanced at him, and guilt gripped him like a vice when he saw the tears in her eyes. " I guess, it's that easy for people I care so much about to walk away, isn't it?"

Harry placed his hands on hers, shaking his head. "No...it's not. I'm so sorry, Astrid."

She broke down in tears, burying her face in her palms. "Ugh! I shouldn't be crying. I promised myself I was never going to let my son see my tears. He's right there."

Harry pulled her into an amorous embrace. "I promised myself that too, and I failed miserably at it. But someone told me that it was okay to cry, to let it out. You're human, Astrid."

"It sounded a lot easier saying it a few minutes ago."

Harry smiled leaning into her hair. "I know."

"I might be paying the price for hurting people in the past, but Neil is innocent." Her voice wavered as she sobbed into his shoulder. "He doesn't deserve this."

"Neither do you."

"But all that matters is his happiness." She sniffed, "You made him so happy today, Harry."

"Is that why you were crying? I was watching you."

"I couldn't help it."

Harry pulled away from the hug, holding the sides of her face in both hands, and wiping her tears with his thumb. "Now that's one thing you should never cry about. If you cry each time you see him happy, he'll grow up believing happiness is a big deal, when it shouldn't be."

The space between them was a little too small for the friendship they'd decided to maintain. Astrid bit her lip, eyes nervously everywhere but on Harry, still hoping she could somehow evade falling in love with him the second time. Then he moved closer with those eyes that looked so deeply into her own.

"Happiness should be a normal thing to him, just like it is for other kids."

Her breathing suddenly became stronger and quicker, the pensive look melted into a smile as soft as the morning light. Her body squirmed just a little as her muscles relaxed. There was something about that gaze of his she would never find in another man and as if at that moment their souls instantly recreated the bridge that had crumbled twelve years ago.

"Okay?" He picked strands of hair in her face and pushed them behind her ear, still holding his gaze on her. It was like staring had become a new form of communication. The long looks were how he told her of his hidden bitterness, how he really hated her for letting their love die in the past, and that forgiveness was not his strong suit. She wished she could let him see how sorry and apologetic she was for walking away from the beautiful relationship that they had. She felt like it was a decision that she'll keep regretting for the rest of her life.

She blinked out of her thoughts, nodding with a smile. "Okay."

"Daddy! Miss Astrid! Come play tag with us!" Harry broke off their stare immediately, as Zia and Neil came dashing towards them, after riding their bikes around the park.

"Zia, can we just rest for a few minutes?"

"Please, daddy! Neil and I want you to play tag with us!"

"Alright, we'll be right there, okay?" Harry replied, "Start running, or we'll catch you both."

"Come on, Neil, let's run, they're gonna catch us!" She held the little boy's hand in a protective manner like an older sister, both running further away from Harry and Astrid.

"Slow down, Zia! Don't make Neil lose his breath!" Harry called out after noticing Astrid's worried look about Neil running so much. He got up, taking her hands in his, and pulled her up to her feet.

"Are you going to sit here sulking and crying? Or would you choose to live in the moment, and be happy like Neil and Zia have chosen to be? Maybe we should learn a lot from them, don't you think?"

Astrid smiled, tapping him hard on his shoulder, and running. "Tag! You're it!"

Harry laughed. "Did you guys forget that I can't run on a prosthetic?!"

"If you can lift me on a prosthetic, then you can run on it."

"Yeah right. You weigh like ninety pounds, and you were an athlete, Astrid! That's not fair!"

"Neil, Zia, let's get him!" Astrid yelled as both kids raced towards Harry and pushed him to the ground. She laughed out, watching them climb over him in a playful brawl that warmed her heart. Still laying on the ground, he wrapped his both arms around them in a hug, and Astrid's smile faded.

How could she have been so blind back then? This guy had loved her, so much that it didn't matter if she'd ignored him for years, looked down on him and even called him names. He still valued and respected her, a lot more than any guy she'd ever dated. Right now, everything about him pulled her closer and closer towards that red line. His deep-rooted devotion to his daughter and even his late wife.

His undeniable love and care for her son drew her in. His words, his smile, and his heart. It pulled her closer and closer into a position she didn't want to be in. He needed more time to let go, not because he felt the need to please his daughter, but because he was willing to trade his past for a brand new future. She knew he wasn't ready yet, so she couldn't be selfish. Their friendship was more than enough for her.

* * *

"Is she asleep, mum?"

"Yeah. " His mother joined him in the living room, sitting on her favourite cushion. "This is the most exhausted she's been, Harry. What did you guys do at Astrid's place?"

Harry smiled, sipping on his chamomile tea, "We were at the park with Astrid's son, that little boy has twice the energy Zia has, so they were all over the place."

"Did he love the bike?"

"Very much. It felt like I did a whole lot when I did so little."

"I guess they really had fun, huh?" His mother gave her a quizzical glance. "What about you, Harry?"

He caught her gaze. "Me?"

"Yes, did you also enjoy your time there? Or was it too awkward for you?"

"Honestly...It wasn't awkward at all." Harry replied, "I was happy, mum. For the first time in years, I was really happy."

His mother smiled, "That's all I needed to hear."

"What is that supposed to mean, mum? That she's the reason for my happiness?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

"It has nothing to do with Astrid. It was great meeting her family, and making her son happy, that's all. It was great seeing Zia happy to spend more time with her." He looked up at his mother who just smirked, shaking her head in disbelief. "Mum, really! That's the truth!"

"Did I say anything, Harry?"

"You're giving me that look, and it's not funny."

"I'm not giving you any look. You know you're not admitting the truth, and it's obvious."

"What truth, mum?"

She shook her head, amused at his consistent denial. "Some things never change. Astrid makes you happy, Harry. She always did, she still does, and she always will."

Harry took a glance at the picture of Camilla on the wall, wishing he could escape his budding feelings for Astrid. He'd thought he'd be fine using Zia's well being as a way to create a believable excuse for himself to stay single, but then he found out that she herself wanted a mother. Astrid's presence made it a lot worse, his past feelings for her all returned, more so after finding out that she had fallen in love with him in the past too. As much as he didn't want to rekindle his past relationship with her, he couldn't deny that she made him happy.

It was no surprise to him, it was Astrid anyway...his childhood sweetheart...his first love.

"Mum, can we just stop talking about this?"

"Alright." She shrugged with a smirk. "She's very beautiful tho."

Harry nodded with an unconscious smile. "Tell me about it."

"If you ever decide to be with her, Son, just don't hesitate. You deserve to be happy again."

"But what if...Neil's father...comes back? What if she's wrong for me? I have a daughter, mum, I can't complicate my life like that."

"Did she tell you about his father?"

"Yes, she did. He doesn't know about his son, mum. It's the only reason why he's not a part of their lives." Harry ran his hand through his hair. "I'm a father too, I can't fathom a situation of having a child that I don't know about. A child who needs more care with a health condition."

"Did she choose to keep him away from his father?"

"No, she didn't. He left before she could tell him about it."

"Then it's not her fault, Harry. If she chooses to be with you, she's not wrong for doing so. You might not be Neil's birth father, but he sees you that way. I know you can genuinely love him as a father would, there's nothing complicated about that."

"Mum, it's not gonna happen, it's just not about Neil. Astrid has been hurt way too many times, to give love another chance."

"Did she tell you that? Or are you just making stuff up?"

"She did." Harry sighed, biting his lower lip. "Believe me, she's just as hesitant towards this as I am."

" 'She's been hurt too many times, to believe I genuinely like her'. These were the exact same words you'd used years ago when I'd told you to admit your feelings for Astrid." His mother got up, completely fed up with the conversation, and with a plain expression of disappointment.

"It's funny that twelve whole years have passed, but you both still haven't grown up."

* * *

"Astrid… Astrid! Oh please, I know you're not asleep so just answer me already!"

Astrid groaned, burying her head into her pillow. "What is it, Heather? We waited for you all night after we got back. Who goes clubbing on a Sunday night?"

"It was a date, Astrid. Don't judge me! Come on, wake up! You have to tell me about your weekend with Harry." Heather tugged on her blanket, pulling it off her.

"Really?" Astrid sighed in disbelief. "You're going cut off my sleep for that stupid question?"

"Please, I told you to tell me about it once you got back, you have to tell me."

"Heather, can't we do this tomorrow?"

"Just tell me how it went and I'll let you go back to sleep."

Astrid sat up, pushing her hair from her face and rubbing on her eyes. "Gosh, you're so annoying."

"I know." Heather sat further into the bed, her full attention now on Astrid. "So?"

"What do you want to hear, Heather? Harry came with his daughter, brought a bike for Neil, we hung out at the park with the kids, and he had dinner with us, that's it."

"I didn't wake you up to hear the boring stuff. Tell me, what happened?"

"Nothing! He didn't ask me out on a date because he has no intention to." Astrid exclaimed, still sleepy-eyed. "Why are you so keen on us getting back together? He's my ex, Heather."

"So what? The way he talked about you that night on our date? That guy was really in love with you, Astrid. He basically called you his first love."

Astrid's eyes widened in shock, "Really? He said that?"

"Yes!" Heather exclaimed in excitement. "But it was one-sided?"

Astrid sighed, "It wasn't one-sided, Heather. I fell in love with him...I really did. I just...hesitated, and he decided to give up before I could let him in."

"But you both dated? Without admitting your feelings to each other?"

"That's exactly why I didn't take his feelings for me seriously, because he never made them clear. I didn't understand him as much as I really wanted to, but I really loved him."

"The dude doesn't know that."

"Well… he does now."

"You see? That's the stuff I was asking for in the first place! You told him?!"

"I did. He asked about Neil's father, thinking it was Eric. I told him I didn't go back to that relationship because I fell in love with him."

"Jeez, wasn't that a bit awkward for you? Did you also tell him about Stanley?"

Astrid swallowed, nodding with a frown. "He asked...and I found myself confiding in him."

"How did he feel about it?"

"He was shocked to hear that Stanley didn't know about Neil, I guess that revelation must've pushed back whatever hopes he had about us getting back together."

"And you?" Heather raised a brow, giving her a quizzical glance. "Do you still hope that Stanley would return? Is that why you haven't taken off his engagement ring?"

Astrid glanced at the diamond ring on her left weak finger, tears clouding her eyes. "I just want Neil to get a chance to meet his father, is that too much to ask?"

Heather placed her hands on Astrid's shoulders. "No, It's not. There's nothing wrong with wanting Neil to meet Stanley, but it doesn't mean that Stanley is right for you, Astrid.

"I don't want to get back with Stanley, Heather."

"You do, not because you still love him, but because you want to give Neil a complete family."

"But he deserves a complete family."

"It doesn't have to be with Stanley, Astrid! There's no use being in a relationship that doesn't make you happy because he's the father of your son. Don't you think Stanley might have moved on?"

"I know that, but…"

"Let go, Astrid! Be happy." She gently wiped the tears beneath her eyes, before they could fall down her cheeks.

"It would be devastating if you meet him again, but realize that all this while, you've been the only one hurting...that you've been the only one holding on."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you've been hurt before.
> 
> ~Taylor Swift

"This is the final review of the schematic design proposal, set up by the design team, Sir." The employee that stood at the podium of the large boardroom, started, introducing his presentation with a slide show playing in the background. Harry took a glance at the new 3D model, which pretty much exceeded his expectations. Just like the previous projects, his staff never failed his trust in their skills and abilities. He nodded in approval, as a signal for the employee to go on.

"The context of our presentation today includes all the plans, elevations, sections, freehand sketches, and three-dimensional graphics. All according to the requirements stated by the contractor, and your previous review on our prototype model."

Harry and the rest of the team members from various departments were all seated at the large round table for a final display of their project to be submitted to the contractor whose visit was scheduled in two weeks. The revelations of the hard work that had been poured in by his employees for the past few weeks seemed to pay off, as their results suited perfectly to his ideal visualization of the project. Going through an in-depth description and detailed explanation of their various departmental contributions, Harry had a fully booked day, to the point of asking his mother to pick up Zia from school with his driver at the usual time he occasionally did so.

The meeting was long and tiring, he'd gone through the presentations of the schematic design, the further design development that was built from it, and the full construction documentation from another department. It was a lot to cover, but the urgency and criticality of the project required the extra time and effort. The meeting was pretty hard to get through, not until Astrid Hofferson walked in. She'd been on endless phone calls with the structural, MEP and other consultants setting up appointments, sending emails and clarifying issues with them. She'd also left in the company vehicle to retrieve signatures on some required documents of the project.

Returning from the errand, she walked into the boardroom, and the atmosphere changed positively, at least for Harry. It was the first time he'd seen her today, and his heart raced instantly. She was dressed in a white-collar shirt and plain black bell-bottoms that hugged her curves perfectly. He almost burst into a snicker when he noticed her shoes. This woman really took his advice and paired black coloured vans with formal wear. It should have been ridiculous, but for some reason, it matched perfectly with both her beauty and also her personality.

It made him flashback to History class at Glendale high school, Arizona. The way she always walked in late, in a blue hoodie that matched her eyes, dark leotard tights and a mini skirt. Her beautiful long blonde hair in a ponytail, and her bangs, sweeping across the sides of her face. He remembered how her presence always sent butterflies in his stomach, not even able to stare towards her direction or make eye contact with her. Her eyes had held the kind of power that made him lose his sense of reasoning, and his ability to construct a normal sentence, even as the most awarded straight-A student. It also made him drop all self-worth, making decisions outside his favour, just to make her happy.

He'd always wondered what it was about her that attracted him so much back then, even when she was clearly out of his league. She was beautiful, but it wasn't just about her beauty, it was her spirit, her aura, everything about her just seemed so...fucking attractive, even after twelve years.

He watched her closely, as she headed quickly to her seat, bowing and apologising for her interruption to the meeting. Her presence grasped his full attention, but he wasn't complaining, it was a breath of fresh air in the room that almost suffocated him with pressure and responsibilities. The presentation went on after the interruption, and Astrid's presence suddenly became a problem. He needed to focus because the project was a really important one but still found himself stealing glances at her. He'd reserved a seat at the table next to him, but she didn't even walk towards his direction, the same way she always did in high school.

He wanted to brush it off, it didn't matter where she sat anyway, but he couldn't help but feel so offended. She was his secretary, right? Why was she not seated by his side? He nodded at the presenter on the podium, but immediately diverted his attention to her again. She wasn't even looking at his direction? What was she doing? Taking fucking notes! Like he'd ever instructed her to do so! His desperate need for her attention made him feel like a child, but he was willing to be one if that was the solution to make her look his way!

Running out of ideas, he picked up his phone and sent a quick text to her, trying to do it in a way that wouldn't make the presenter feel like he'd completely lost Harry's attention.

' _ **I don't remember telling you to take any notes.'**_

He watched keenly as she checked her phone after the notification of his message. She immediately took a glance backwards at him with an amused smile, then started typing in a reply into the chatbox. He waited with his attention back to the meeting until he received a reply from her.

' _ **I'm trying to recall some information I'd gotten from the MEP consultant. Your eyes should be on the presenter, Mr Haddock.'**_

Harry smiled when he read the reply, tempted to send in a compliment as justification like he usually did, but he hesitated. Teasing her brought him more joy.

' _ **Well, I couldn't miss the sight of those vans. You really outdid yourself this time, Astrid.'**_

He got the exact reaction he wanted and it made him chuckle softly, watching her bury her face in her palms. She looked adorable turning back at him with a forced frown. He ignored her gaze pretending not to notice her stare, and returned his gaze back to her when she looked away. He picked up his phone again when he noticed she was sending another reply.

' _ **Look what I found in my scrapbook last night. I really had a hard time trying to recall why I became friends with this freaky physics nerd.'**_

She sent the message with an old picture of Harry from the time they spent together years ago. It was a picture of him sleeping over a forced physics lecture that she'd bullied him into. It was the lecture that brought them closer together, and the only reason why she'd agreed to hang out with him. He never knew she'd taken a picture back then, and was so embarrassed staring at his past from the future. So this was how he looked in high school?! No wonder girl's avoided him all the time.

' _ **Where did you get this?!'**_

' _ **Careful, there's more where that came from.'**_

Harry snorted, instantly gaining the attention of his employees, who gave him unusual stares. He was getting distracted and being unprofessional, especially regarding how important their project was. He put down his phone, placing his full attention back to the meeting, but unable to hold back his smile.

* * *

The meeting had lasted way longer than Astrid had predicted, with the employees working overtime till eight. Although Harry had suggested an early commencement of the meeting, the employees were willing to make the sacrifice, all except Astrid. She'd texted Heather to pick up Neil from daycare on her way home, but felt uneasy being away from him for so long. His health always stood as a wall of fear she could never get across, and each minute of distance from him raised panic within her.

She picked up her purse, putting in her iPhone and other items from her desk, all in preparation to go home to her son when she noticed Laura, an employee of the design department team, walk out of Harry's office with a bouquet of sunflowers in her hands.

Astrid shouldn't have been so curious about it, but for some reason she found herself watching the young woman marvel at the flowers with a bright smile on her face, a smile that triggered an immediate reaction from her. Why the hell would Harry give her flowers? Is this how he'd consoled himself as a single father? Or did he just have a habit of flirting with his employees?

_**Why are you so bothered about it, Astrid? It's not like you both are together!** _

Right. Harry was an adult and had the right and liberty to live the way he wanted, so why was she so affected by it? She wanted to ignore the whole situation because Neil was waiting for her at home, but another glance at the flowers made her completely distracted.

"Nice flowers." She buried her envy deep within the softness of her voice. "Were they from the boss? They look so pretty."

"Yeah." She replied, with the same smile that triggered her even more. "He gives flowers to the female employees on their birthdays, isn't that sweet of him?"

_**Wow, Astrid. Points down for that silly conclusion and immaturity.** _

"Oh, really?" The jealousy eased off her, embarrassed about her reaction to the situation. "Yeah, that's really sweet of him. Happy birthday, Laura."

"Thank you, Astrid." She replied, "Can't wait to inform my fiancee that my boss beat him to it."

"You're...engaged?" Astrid asked in shock, drowning even more in embarrassment of her childishness and wrong judgement. "Wow, I didn't know that."

"Yeah, to be wedded in a month. I'm excited, and terrified at the same time."

Astrid gave a faint smile, knowing that she couldn't give any positive encouragement to her, as her own fiancee had failed to keep to the promise of the ring he'd put on her finger.

"That's great, Laura. I'm...happy for you."

"Thanks, Astrid. I need to go now, see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, you too." She watched her leave, with tears clouding her eyes. She remembered when she used to be that happy, and full of joy, counting down the days to her wedding day. She'd given her time, her heart, her soul and full devotion to Stanley, and even with all that, it was still very easy for him to walk away.

"Are you alright?"

Astrid jolted to the familiar voice, wiping her tears immediately, and turning to see Harry standing at the door of her office, watching her in silence.

"Uhm...of course I am. Do I have a reason not to?"

"I don't know… do you?"

"No." She sniffed. "I'm alright, Harry."

"Stop crying, Astrid. Her engagement doesn't make you any less than she is."

Astrid rolled her eyes. "I know that, silly. You don't have to tell me."

"I needed to remind you," Harry replied with his arms at his back. "How's Neil?"

"He's good. I'd called Heather earlier to pick him up from daycare." She zipped up her purse hanging it across her shoulders. "He's so obsessed with the bike you got him."

"Glad to hear that, I'm happy he likes it."

"And Zia? How's she doing?"

"She's good too. My mum picked her up from school at two, I hope she wouldn't punish me for breaking my record again."

Astrid laughed. "Of course she won't."

"And that crazy picture you'd sent earlier? Please keep it between us, alright? I don't want my daughter to see me any less than she does."

"Well, that depends on whether you behave or not."

"I would, just...don't show it to her. I'll never hear the last of it if she sees that."

"Alright, I won't."

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Not if you get me fired"

"Never."

Harry turned to go, but stopped, pulling out a single beautiful rose, red as Scarlett, and in full bloom on the long-stemmed stalk that he held gently between his fingertips. Her heart dropped instantly, body froze in profound shock as she flickered her gaze from the rose, then to Harry's stare. He was giving her that look again. It was like he stared through her soul, and as if every ounce of breath was taken from her lungs floating into the air like midnight smoke.

Why was he doing this to her if he really wasn't willing to let go of his past? Did he not know that she was falling in love with him again? Did he not know that he kept pulling her further and further with every compliment, stare and act of kindness? They both still had personal battles to sort out within themselves, they had wounds that needed to be mended, they had pasts that they both had to put behind them.

Putting their emotions first wasn't the right thing to do, but it was the only way Harry knew how to deal with the pain. She couldn't decipher his true feelings, if he genuinely liked her, or just chose to go along with their relationship, because of her bond with his daughter.

"It's not my birthday, Harry."

"I know."

* * *

"Neil? Heather?"

"Mummy!"Her three-year-old toddler rushed towards her, and she scooped him up, throwing him in the air in joy.

"Hi baby, how have you been, today?"

"Not good, you came home late, mummy, you promised."

"I'm so sorry sweetheart. Mummy was working really hard today."

"With Mr Harry?"

Astrid smiled nodding, "Yes, with Mr Harry. Where's aunt Heather?"

"She's in the shower. She made Spaghetti and meatballs mummy, it's so good."

Astrid tugged gently on his cheeks. "You little foodie, you started without me?"

Neil crackled, "I was hungry."

"But you're always hungry, and yet still so skinny." She rubbed her fingers on his sides, making him laugh out loud. "How much did you eat today, huh?"

"A lot." He laughed even harder and hugged Astrid when she stopped so he wouldn't run out of breath. "Why do you work so hard?"

"Why do I work so hard?" The question was both shocking and saddening depending on how she chose to take it. She decided to use it as a means to teach her son some valuable lessons. She walked towards the dining, still in her bosom, heading towards the fridge to get herself dinner. "I work hard because I love you, Neil, because I need to earn money for you, baby."

"But you're always tired."

Astrid smiled and kissed his cheek. "When I get tired, I just have to see you. When I see you, Neil, I'm not tired anymore."

"Can I help you, mummy?"

"With my work?" Astrid laughed, "Neil, I've just got eighteen years to take care of you, and you've got more than twenty to take care of me, so just grow up first and be healthy, then you would be able to help me out."

Astrid placed her plate of food in the microwave, putting down Neil to finish his meal in his highchair. She also poured out a cup of orange juice for him in a plastic cup.

"I told my friends about my new bike."

"Did they want to see it?"

"Yeah, I'm happy I have a bike like they do."

Astrid raised an eyebrow, folding her arms across her chest. "Is that why you wanted a bike?"

Neil nodded, and it made her heart drop. "Tyler has a bike that he rides it with his dad every day. I wanted one too."

Astrid smirked, shaking her head. "And Mr Harry got you one, and rode it with you last weekend, didn't he?"

"Yeah. I like Mr Harry, mummy."

Astrid rolled her eyes with a smile. "I wonder why."

"Mum? Is Mr Harry my dad?"

Astrid froze, the ceramic plate in her hands that contained her dinner slipped, crashing and the contents spilling all over the floor. It was the very first time that her son had ever asked about his father. She had thought she would have to deal with the questions later on in his life, at adolescence but at three and the half years old? Why didn't she think of this?! He was going to daycare now, meeting up with other kids his age. He probably saw his friends with their fathers and complete families and wondered why his case was different.

Harry was the only man he'd seen around his mother, the only man who cared enough to ask about his health, enrol him in school and get him a bicycle. It was pretty obvious that he'd assume that only his father could do all those things, only his father could care about them that much.

She felt knives pierce through her heart, and was completely heartbroken. How was she going to answer his question? How was she ever going to tell him that his father didn't even know about his existence? More so cared? She could see it in his eyes, he desperately wanted a positive answer. He wanted to hear that Harry was his father, he wanted to be able to tell his friends at school that he owned a bike bought by his father, he wanted Harry to pick him up from daycare like she usually saw most fathers of other kids do at his school. She wished she could give him that answer, and make him smile and squeal in joy, but she couldn't.

She couldn't lie to her son, or she would create an even bigger problem when he gets older. Harry was not his father, but blood was not a barrier for him. He genuinely loved and cared a lot for Neil making it one of the major reasons why she was falling in love with him. Neil needed to know that he could still get such love and care from someone other than his father. It would make him sad, but she had to bear it, and still continue to play both parental roles in his life. She knew it wasn't a void she could fill, and she had no intention of even attempting to do so. Her son was a champion anyway, that's why she named him Neil.

"Mummy! Are you okay?" He shrieked in reaction to her spilt food. She immediately snapped out of her thoughts and shock, noticing the mess she'd made in the kitchen.

"I'm fine, Neil. Don't worry about this, I'll clean it up."

"I'm sorry, mummy." Neil broke into tears that made Astrid rush towards him in panic.

"For what? Why are you crying?"

"It was my fault," He cried, as Astrid lifted him up from the highchair, giving him a gentle cuddle as she patted his back.

"You didn't spill it, did you? I was the one who did it."

"But I made you do it."

"Shhh.." Astrid hugged him even tighter. "You didn't do anything okay? Stop crying."

"Okay, I won't cry anymore."

"Mr Harry is not your Dad, Neil." She swallowed hard, ready for the effect of the truth. "He's my friend...our friend, and you know what?"

"What?"

"He loves you so much and would ride your bike with you anytime. He would pick up from school if you want him to. He loves you that much."

"But I want him to be my Dad."

Astrid bit her lower lip, holding back the sob in her throat. "I know Neil, but it doesn't matter if he's your dad or not, he'll be there for you...Zia too. See how she brought most of her toys? and left them all for you because you didn't have any."

"And she plays with me at school too."

"She does?"

"Yeah."

"So you see? You don't have to be like Tyler, because you're different. You're special, Neil, don't ever forget that." Astrid said as he wrapped his arms tighter around her neck and leaned into her shoulder. She kissed his hair, and couldn't hold back the tears. She then noticed Heather in the living room watching them in silence with tears in her eyes.

Heather mouthed with a faint smile on her face.. 'You're an amazing mum.'

Astrid returned the smile, with tears still streaming down her cheeks. 'I know'

* * *

"Itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout, down came the rain and washed the spider out."

Zia sang from where she was seated in her car seat, as Harry watched her through his rear mirror. They were on their way to Astrid's to give both her and Neil a ride to Vinedale, much to Zia's constant persuasion. She wanted so much to ride to school with Astrid and he honestly had to pretend to be hesitant towards the idea. Despite the act, he'd put up earlier arguing with her over it, the truth was that he wanted to see her again, becoming dangerously addicted to the feeling her presence always brought. It was something he hadn't felt ever since Camilla's death and really yearned to make it last as long as he could.

"Sing with me daddy, it's your line."

Harry smiled, "What about we sing our favourite rhyme?"

"We sing that all the time, I want to sing another one."

"Come on, Zia. Hush my little princess, don't say a word."

"Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird," Zia responded, her smile returning instantly.

"And if that mockingbird won't sing?" Harry said, gesturing with his hand in the air.

"Daddy's gonna buy you a diamond ring."

"And if that diamond ring turns to brass?"

"Daddy's gonna buy you a looking glass!"

"And if that looking glass gets broke?!" Harry raised his voice, and she giggled in response.

"Daddy's gonna buy you a billy goat!"

"And if that billy goat won't pull?!"

"Daddy's gonna buy you a cart and bull!"

"And if that cart and bull turn over?!"

"Daddy's gonna buy you a dog named Rover!"

"And if that dog named Rover won't bark?!"

"Daddy's gonna buy you a horse and cart!"

"And if that horse and cart fall down?!"

"I'll still be the sweetest little princess in town!"

She exclaimed very loudly, clapping her hands together in glee, as Harry joined in her laughter. Bonding with his daughter was always his favourite part of the day, singing, telling absurd stories, and even chatting about Harry's childhood and her grandpa, his father. Letizia was his best friend, his greatest treasure, and her level of maturity and intelligence even as a child made him very open to having many conversations with her.

They talked about everything except her mother. It was still baffling that Zia had never for once mentioned her mother's name or asked about her. Harry knew why, and that was what hurt him the most. He wished he could tell her that it was alright to ask about her mother, that he wanted her to ask, and that she didn't need to worry so much about him. Although she probably missed Camilla, talking about her was the only way to keep her memory alive, even if she barely got the chance to make memories with her mother.

"Zia?"

"Yeah?" She answered, her gaze fixed at the window, very eager for them to arrive at their destination.

"Do you ever...miss…"

"We are here, daddy! Look! It's Miss Astrid's house!"

Harry sighed at her interruption, giving her a side glance. He didn't know if she did that on purpose, or was just excited to meet Astrid again. If she had the mentality and thinking of a regular five-year-old, he wouldn't even be making such speculations, but he'd come to realize that his daughter was so much smarter than he'd thought. Nothing was ever normal and coincidental with her, even her constant requests to pay frequent visits to Astrid. He'd somehow suspected that Zia wanted Astrid to be her new mum. Although he always gave in to her requests, he hoped that it wasn't the case, and she just developed a normal bond of friendship with her.

"Alright Ma'am, let's go meet her, shall we?" Harry pulled up into their driveway, looking at Zia through the rear mirror.

She nodded in response as he took off his seatbelt and stepped out of the car. He unstrapped her from her car seat and walked beside her towards the front door of the house Astrid shared with Heather.

"I want to ring the doorbell, dad."

Harry rolled his eyes. "You've become very demanding, you know that?"

"Please?" She grinned sheepishly as he sighed and lifted her up to ring the doorbell.

Heather answered the door, her look of surprise an obvious indication that they weren't expecting Harry and Zia's visit. She looked like she was on her way to work, dressed in a full pantsuit set, with her hair tied back in a neat bun.

"I'm sorry for dropping by without an invitation, but my daughter really…"

Heather laughed, "It's okay! You both can drop by anytime! Hi Zia!"

"Hi Miss Heather." Zia waved back with a smile.

"Whoa...you know my name?"

"Yeah, Miss Astrid told me, and you make delicious cookies."

Heather knelt to her eye level, touching her cheeks gently. "You're such a sweet little girl. I'll definitely make some more for you, okay?"

"Thank you."

"Heather? Is that Jackson? I really need to say hi to your…" Astrid called and came to the door, trailing off when she noticed Harry and Zia. She was in a sky blue sleeveless satin top and a black high-waisted pencil skirt, just above her knees. Her hair was in the kind of look she usually had in highschool, ponytail and side bangs. He remembered he'd made fun of her the previous day for her footwear choice, but this time she was back again in heels, her look making it impossible to believe that she'd ever been through a tomboyish phase.

She looked drop-dead gorgeous, and he was beginning to doubt his ability to keep working with her without getting distracted.

"Miss Astrid!" Zia exclaimed in excitement before Harry could say a word, not that he could even form them, being instantly mesmerized by her beauty.

"Hi, Zia! You came to visit me again today?" She said picking his daughter, who already had her arms open in anticipation.

"Yeah. Ride with us to school together, please?"

She took a glance at Harry like she was seeking for his approval, and then he shrugged with a smile, "Sure, Zia. We would go with you. Come on, let's go get Neil first, okay?"

"Okay," Zia said as she and Astrid left going further into the house. Harry watched her leave with his hands in his pocket, that obsessed smile still on his face. He then noticed Heather watching him in silence with an amused look, and his smile faded.

"So when are you going to tell her?"

"Tell her what?"

"That you have feelings for her."

"No, I don't. We are just friends, Heather."

"I know that, but you can be attracted to a friend."

"Well, I'm not."

She chuckled at his denial, "I see the way you look at her, Harry. I also saw the rose yesterday, so don't even lie to me."

"That doesn't mean anything, I was just trying to cheer her up."

"You are attracted to her, aren't you?"

"I mean she's beautiful." Harry rubbed the back of his neck. "But…"

"Oh cut the crap, just admit that you like her. There's nothing wrong with that."

"She's my ex, we've been there before."

"Ugh! What is wrong with the two of you? You're both each other's exes, so what?!"

Harry grasped her wrist, looking around nervously. "Can you bring your voice down?"

"Not until you promise me that you're going to tell her."

"It's not that easy, Heather."

"Why not? Because she's a single mother? Because you found out that Neil's father could reappear at any minute?"

"No, no, you've got it all wrong, it's not that."

"Then tell her, or I will." She pulled his hands off his grip on her wrist, heading down the stairs towards the driveway and to her car. "You've got three days! Three days!"

"Sure! Like that's gonna make me do it."

"Try me."

* * *

"What's up with the egg salad, anyway?" Harry asked as he took the seat across from Astrid at the cafeteria, where he'd been having his lunch with her frequently. It seemed like the employees had become used to his presence and the looks and stares had stopped, making it even more comfortable for her to have lunch with him, even if she'd told him not to He'd claimed that having lunch with his employees at the cafeteria was a way to get closer to them and improve his working relationship with them.

"You didn't have to place the same order Harry, I was just craving salad. Neil has a sweet tooth, so I've had a lot of sugar lately, and I want to try something healthy today."

Harry snorted, trying to keep in his laugh, but failed to do so. Astrid gave him a quizzical glance, wondering why he always saw opportunities to keep teasing her. "What's so funny?"

"You. Neil has a sweet tooth. There was a time that you lived entirely on junk Astrid. It was my job to also get her majesty her daily soda on the track, don't you remember?"

Astrid rolled her eyes in disbelief. "I was an athlete, I actually needed the sugar."

"Sure. I guess you also needed the calories from every pizza slice you cheated me off."

"You said you didn't want them."

"It's called sacrifice, Astrid. Of course, I had to let you have them with such an appetite."

Astrid laughed, "I'm not like that now, Harry. I barely exercise ever since I had Neil, so I don't need those calories anymore."

He shrugged, taking a bite of the salad, nodding in approval. "If you say so."

"Jeez, you really so many issues with me back then, didn't you?"

"Oh, you have no idea."

But he still chose to love her. It made her curious about the reason why he'd chosen her in particular. They both had almost nothing in common back then, and she'd never shown any interest in him or even looked in his direction, so what exactly was the reason? What was special about her?

"So, do you have any plans for Zia's birthday?" She started, moving the conversation away from their past experiences. "She seemed to be expecting a lot."

"It just means I set up the bar far too high last time. Father of the year?"

Astrid rolled her eyes, "Let's hope you can exceed the bar this year."

"Actually I...started a foundation a year ago in Camilla's name," Harry said, Astrid immediately glanced at him to see his expression. He didn't seem sad, and she was quite relieved that he could finally talk about his late wife without that depressed look on his face that concerned her so much. "She loved children, and lived on babysitting for years because being with kids was her source of happiness."

"That's amazing."

"Yeah, and it's pretty sad that she wasn't given more time with her kid."

Astrid placed her hand on his in a comforting manner. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course. As I said, I've had almost four years to move on."

"And it's alright if you need more time. She was worth it."

Harry gave a faint smile. "The foundation is for orphans, we fully sponsor an orphanage monthly, for education, medical and welfare. I know it's a little, but…"

"Of course not." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "You are still saving lives and caring for children, Harry...that's what matters."

"So I want to throw her a party with the kids, so she can celebrate with them and learn just how fortunate she is, and that not everyone lives in a huge mansion, like we do."

"That's perfect, Harry, and knowing the kind of girl your daughter is, she would love that."

"Does that mean you're gonna help me? Plus you know you have to be there, right? Zia literally can't breathe without you, Astrid. It makes me feel jealous."

"Oh really, huh? I'm glad you're having a taste of your own medicine because you're all Neil talks about." Astrid took a bit of her salad, splitting the yolk from the white part of the eggs.

"Does that also make you jealous?" Harry teased.

She swallowed, her smile drowned with a pained expression. "He thinks you're his father, Harry. He asked me last night."

Harry's fork slipped from his hand, a plain expression of shock on his face. "Uhm...I'm really sorry about that, Astrid. I had no intention of…"

"It's fine, Harry. You've cared so much these past weeks, it's normal that he would think that."

"Are you alright?"

"I knew I would have to answer questions, but...I didn't expect it to be too soon."

He took her hand in his and looked into her eyes with assurance. "It's going to be fine, trust me. You just need to keep being strong for him, and remember, I'll always be here for you both."

Astrid looked into his eyes, her worries sliding away at that second. "Thank you, Harry."

He smirked and reached his fork towards her plate of salad, placing in all the egg whites from his plate, in exchange for the yolks. Astrid smiled, staring at him in silence, surprised that he still remembered the tiniest things about her. He also remembered how she often picked out the yolks from her egg, having disliked it right from childhood.

"That's why I also ordered an egg salad."

Her eyes were suddenly locked on his again, her shoulders were trembling, her face was bright red, and her smile was so wide he could probably see her uneven teeth. And it was all because of him. He'd pulled her all the way in, crumbled her defences and made her come apart. She'd lost full control again like before, but was delighted, to know that he was the cause of it...

To know that somehow, he'd made her fall in love with him all over again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life isn't about counting all the things you've lost, It's about increasing the number of important things in it.
> 
> ~Tsukamoto

' _ **Of course, I should brag about it. Name one thing you remember about me.'**_

' _ **You had the physical strength and stamina of a sloth?'**_

Harry snorted, crossing his legs over the coffee table that stood before the couch he lounged on in his living room, completely engrossed in his chat with Astrid. The final presentation, completion and submission of his project the previous days had made a huge difference in the amount of work that they usually faced regularly. Their clear schedule had given them a lot of time to talk. It turned out to be his very first slack day and he enjoyed every moment of it. His conversations with Astrid, reminiscing their high school memories, but carefully evading any event about their relationship and breakup.

Harry wasn't the social type. He'd hated relating with people, believing that he was his best whenever he was alone. It wasn't just from the bullying he'd dealt with his entire life, because he felt that it was just the result of his antisocial personality. Most people back then believed him to be lame, cold and unhappy, but it was just about appreciating silence in a world that never stopped talking. He'd grown to learn that people do have a lot more value than he placed on them and that the best relationships in life were formed by just talking.

' _ **Of what use is strength in modern society? You have to be smart to survive.'**_

Things felt different with Astrid like he possessed dual personalities with a side that only shined in her presence. He didn't feel the need to be silent, shy, or awkward, especially with the history between them. Talking with her just seemed natural, amusing and pain-relieving. It relieved him of a truth that he never wanted to admit since Camilla's death...the fact that he was lonely. His constant yearning for her attention, calling her into his office without a purpose, having lunch with her at the cafeteria and sending her frequent random texts were enough to admit that maybe he'd been wrong.

' _ **Good point. If only I knew this back then.'**_

Maybe loneliness wasn't the best option, maybe there was a lot he needed to say that he'd kept in for four years. Maybe he enjoyed talking and sharing his feelings with someone willing to listen, and maybe he'd gotten so used to his life with Astrid and was afraid of going back to what it was without her when it was just his mother, Zia and his late wife, Camilla.

' _ **Why? You were smart too, Astrid. You just didn't mingle with smart people.'**_

He smirked, waiting for her clap back. He'd always wondered why Astrid hung out with a crowd in which she stood out so much from, totally seeming out of place. Her boyfriend Eric was the part of the equation he just couldn't comprehend. Overlooking the fact that he had an obsessive crush on her, she was far ahead in comparison, so much smarter, so much more mature and he'd always wondered how that relationship even worked. Eric dated her from the pride and popularity it brought him, and it was clear that Astrid was aware of it, but probably had her reasons too.

' _ **Surprisingly, that comment does not piss me off one bit.'**_

' _ **Because it is a compliment?'**_

' _ **Send another one of those and I would twist your arm. Since you remember so much about high school, I'm sure you know what that feels like, right?'**_

' _ **Miss Hofferson, do you want to lose your job?'**_

' _ **Please, at this stage, you know I'm irreplaceable.'**_

Harry smiled. She was right, and he knew it. Her position and role in his life was way beyond her job description. After two months of her presence, she somehow became a lot more than just his secretary, a lot more than just his friend and it was something he wanted to cherish for as long as they both could. He remembered Heather's threat and her alleged speculation of his growing feelings for Astrid.

He didn't want to define their relationship in that direction, still reluctant to face the complications that could arise from it. They were both two single individuals who needed and relied on each other, it didn't need to be anything more than that, it didn't need to be complicated.

' _ **And you say I'm the arrogant one.'**_

"What are you doing? You've been smiling to yourself since you got home." Vanessa Haddock turned the television on, plopping on the armchair next to her son. "Who are you chatting with?"

' _ **Yup, and it seems like you're rubbing off on me.'**_

Harry hid his phone from the sight of his peeping mother, moving further away from her on the couch with a smirk. He didn't want her to notice his recent bond and closeness to Astrid, to avoid bringing up the topic of getting into a romantic relationship with her.

' _ **You're silly. So what else do you remember about me, Harry? Since you've already won the game.'**_

' _ **That you're terrified of ice-skating?'**_

"What is it, mum? Do you always have to know who I'm chatting with?"

"You have started keeping secrets from me, haven't you?"

"I'm thirty, mum. I don't have to tell you everything. I'm not a child."

Vanessa raised her hands, standing up from the couch. "Alright, whatever."

' _ **How did you know that? I never told you that.'**_

' _ **Your father did.'**_

' _ **So he did, didn't he? You two just loved ganging up on me at every chance.'**_

' _ **Haha. I used to think you were fearless...knowing that you had fears made you seem more...human.'**_

' _ **Then you'd be overjoyed to know that I still haven't given it a try.'**_

"Do you want Zia and I to go with you tomorrow, Harry?"

' _ **Really? Since we're basically in winter, would you like to? I could teach you.'**_

"Harry!"

Harry looked up from his phone with a puzzled look. "Sorry mum, to where?"

His mother seemed startled at his question. "You don't plan on going this year?"

"Going where mum?"

"It's Camilla's anniversary tomorrow, I just thought you'd want us to…" She trailed off, giving him a confused look. "Wait...you didn't forget about her anniversary, did you?"

Harry was sure his heart stopped at that moment. It wasn't true, there's no way he could've forgotten such a horrid date...there was no way he would have forgotten the absolute worst day of his life.

"That's not right mum, Camilla died on the…"

"Third of November? Harry, that is tomorrow. How could you forget that?"

Harry sprang up, still in disbelief, pacing back and forth in panic. "I need a calendar. There's no way I could've forgotten about that day mum! There's no way I could have…"

Vanessa gripped his hand to stop him, a look of concern and worry on her face. "Harry! Calm down! It's alright! There's nothing wrong with forgetting about…"

"What do mean, mum?! She loved me for ten years! She was everything to me! It's just been four years, and I've already forgotten about her?!"

"Harry…" She placed her arms on his shoulders, her voice wavering. "I understand you, but you know the date, you didn't forget it. You don't have to be so hard on yourself."

"The memories are fading, mum. I want to hold onto them because it's all I have left of her, but the memories make me remember, and remembering brings back the pain." Harry choked on his words, dropping to his knees with his face buried in his palms.

"I shouldn't be a coward. I should learn to live with the pain so I can keep the memories...because she is worth it. But...is it wrong if I choose to forget so that even for a moment, I can be relieved from the pain? Because I want to be happy?"

Tears filled his mother's eyes, as she knelt beside him, pulling her broken son into her arms. She stroked his hair as he sobbed softly into her shoulders. "You've got it all wrong son. Keeping the memories of her alive isn't what causes the pain. All memories, both good and bad are what made up your relationship with Camilla, so you need to keep them."

She pulled away, holding both sides of his face in her hands, and gently wiping off his tears. "It is your attachment to those memories that cause the pain. The fact that you haven't accepted her death, and the fact that you feel you could have changed things in the past to change her fate."

"The truth is...you did your best as a loving husband and Camilla knew that. There is nothing you can change about the past, Harry, even if you could go back in time. If you don't acknowledge that, you would never be happy again."

"Keep the memories, remember and hold them close, but do not let the events of the past control your present and future...learn to let go."

"Daddy? Nana?"

Harry jolted in shock, pulling away from his mother and wiping his tears almost immediately. Vanessa stood up from where she knelt beside him, both mother and son holding up fake smiles as they turned towards the little girl who'd been watching them from a corner of the living room.

"Zia, it's already way past your bedtime. You're supposed to be asleep, you've got school tomorrow."

"But I heard daddy's voice, Nana, and I wanted to tell him goodnight."

Harry bit his lower lip, his heartbeat going faster as he walked towards her, scooping her into his arms. "I told you not to wait for me if it's past your bedtime. Do you want me to read you a bedtime story?"

She nodded in silence, staring at him with a concerned expression that should not be seen on the face of a five-year-old. He didn't know how long she'd been listening to them, and how much she'd heard, but he wished he hadn't reacted that way to Camilla's anniversary.

"Say goodnight to Nana one more time."

"Goodnight, Nana."

"Goodnight, Zia, make sure you sleep this time."

"Okay."

' _ **Sure. I'm free this weekend if you wouldn't change my work schedule as my boss.'**_

Harry read the message from Astrid as he walked down the hallway towards Zia's room. He sighed, still heavy from his breakdown earlier, the memories of his wife flooding his mind, still hating himself so much for forgetting her anniversary. He'd spent the entire day busy with Astrid, but didn't want to place blame...it was his fault he forgot...his fault for getting distracted.

' _ **I'll pass. I'm busy this weekend. I hope you understand.'**_

* * *

Astrid's heart dropped instantly after she read his message. It was the last thing she'd expected him to say since he'd brought up the idea of ice-skating with her in the first place. She did understand, remembering his daughter, Zia's birthday was that Saturday. He wasn't lying or making excuses, he was going to be busy with that.

' _ **My bad, I remember it's Zia's birthday, right?'**_

She stared at the screen of her phone lying in bed, waiting patiently for his reply. She'd had the best work experience since her recruitment at Haddock limited. Aside from the impressive salary, benefits and incentives, she'd enjoyed working with Harry. His humility and respect for his employees was admirable, but his attention was what she loved and treasured the most. Being his secretary and liaison officer, she was the employee that worked closely with him, but the time spent while working didn't seem to be enough for both of them.

He'd often called her into his office without reasons to back it up. He had a habit of deviating from work, somehow turning all their conversations into compliments about her, or teasing her to get a reaction. Harry had changed a lot from what Astrid remembered, and it was a change she'd wished had come earlier. He was never the type of person to speak unless being spoken to, and had a talent of acting aloof, even to people he cared about. As his girlfriend in the past, she'd always struggled to get his attention, to at least look her in the eye and admit his feelings.

She knew he'd been sad about her decision to keep their relationship a secret from her friends, but it was because she wanted him to oppose it. She'd wanted him to be clear about his feelings for her and define their relationship. She'd wanted him to be confident in himself and stand up to her friends, but he was Harry, he'd never believed that he was good enough to be taken seriously.

He'd become a lot confident now, so confident that it scared her. He wasn't shy to have lunch and flirt with her before his other employees, to give her a piggy ride, raising suspicions and discussions on her closeness with him. She'd been hearing the rumours about them and was sure they both made it worse by spending the entire day together, having numerous conversations, with none relating to work. The fact that Harry never seemed bothered by the rumours and curious stares, drew her even closer to him. She enjoyed talking with him, in a way she'd always wanted to in the past. He completely opened up to her, narrating the events of his life after he left Arizona. She'd opened up to him too, talking more about Stanley and her relocation to California.

She loved being with him. She loved the way he looked at her when he thought she wasn't watching, she loved the way he teased her, the way he smoothly threw random compliments at her, and how he showed so much interest in getting to know more about her. She'd never felt so admired, respected, valued and loved, and it just sent thrills of euphoria that made her giddy. They kept texting each other even after leaving work because she just craved more of his attention and time, looking for ways to get even closer to him.

She knew he still loved his late wife and wasn't yet ready for a new relationship, but she was willing to wait patiently, hoping he'd somehow be willing to give their relationship another chance, hoping that he'd realize that she'd fallen in love with him all over again...this time, even harder.

' _ **Yes, it is.'**_

She sprang up when his reply came in, ten minutes after her message, but was a lot shorter than she'd expected for a long interval. Was he getting tired of chatting with her? Or maybe he was asleep? It was pretty late anyway.

' _ **How about Sunday? After her birthday? We could take both Neil and Zia ice-skating.'**_

She sent the message and buried her face in her pillow, groaning and hoping that she didn't sound too needy and desperate for his attention, even if she was. She loved him, she also loved his daughter Zia and was the happiest whenever both families were together. She hoped Harry felt the same way at least, even if he decided never to admit it. He had to have felt something, right? He couldn't just be acting that way towards her if he didn't feel something? Or was she just reading too much meaning into his friendship with her?

His message back came in with a shorter interval than the previous one. She sighed, her heart suddenly pounding in anxiety as she picked up her phone to read the content of his reply. She almost choked in pure disappointment and sadness when she saw it, her hopes falling at the instant, and suddenly feeling unbearable pain.

' _ **I'm sorry, we won't make it this time.'**_

* * *

Harry's sudden change of attitude didn't stop at the text that he'd sent the previous night, it went on throughout the next day. He was silent, cold and completely distant. Astrid studied him in silence, he was spaced out, distracted, and she could swear she saw him in tears at a point. What the hell happened to him? He'd been so happy before, smiling, joking and messing around. It was a side of him that was new to her, that she wished he would show more often, but she'd hoped too much.

She stole several glances at him, but he never for once looked towards her direction. He just gazed out the window with plain sadness on his face, and Astrid became very concerned. Harry was in pain, the kind of pain that she never wanted him to feel, the pain she wished she could take away from him. She couldn't do anything about it, as long as he decided to be silent about it.

Was it Camilla? His wife's death was the only thing she knew that could hurt him this much, but she didn't understand why he looked so different today, considering he'd been trying to move on from her death. He'd talked about her during their conversations before, but wasn't sad about it back then, so what changed? What exactly was bothering him so much?

She'd waited till their usual lunch break when he usually pulled her to the cafeteria with him, placing the same order as she did, to tease her, but this time was different. Waiting ten minutes into lunch break was futile because he never for once left his office. She decided to confront him and for a change, ask him to have lunch with her at the cafeteria. It wasn't a decision she was confident in, especially after brushing her off last night, but she was still determined to do it. He probably needed her the most at this time, even though he never asked.

Her hands shook in sudden fear as she stood at the door of his office reluctant to go in. He probably felt this way whenever he made those decisions to approach and reach out to her, and the fact that he still did, motivated her to talk to him despite his scary mood. She walked into his office slowly and looked up at him, but he wasn't at his desk, he was standing in front of the large window, hands in his pockets and staring out at downtown LA. He hadn't been focused since the day began. She noticed his emails were unread and documents hadn't been signed, he'd just been staring off into the distance in silence with a very depressed look. It wasn't a mood she could endure, she hated seeing him this way and wanted to make him feel better.

She wasn't sure if he wasn't aware of her presence as his back was turned on her or knew but pretended not to care. She just stood there in silence watching him.

"Can I help you?"

He knew she was behind him, and that he was being watched, but chose not to say anything, or at least give her his attention. Astrid pushed her hair backwards, suddenly nervous, fumbling between her words.

"Uhm...I err...I was just...wondering if you'd like to have lunch with me...like we used to."

He hesitated with Astrid crossing her middle finger over her index finger, hoping that he wouldn't reject her offer like before. She needed to find a way to get to him, to know what his problem was and somehow brighten up his mood.

"I'm good. I'm not hungry."

"Uhm… okay then, I...just thought I'd ask because…" She trailed off, but he still wasn't looking her way, acting like her presence meant nothing to him. She wanted to feel hurt. After all, she'd spent hours at the mirror in hopes of impressing him, because she had chosen to open her heart to loving him again despite her heartbreak with Stanley. Just when she'd open hers, he'd closed his, the same reason their relationship ended in the past.

"Harry...are you...alright? You seem so sad...I don't mean to intrude...I'm...I'm just really worried about you."

"I'm fine. I'm just not hungry."

"Alright...I just hope you're fine. I'm here for you if you need to talk." She started heading towards the door to leave, almost in tears.

"Astrid?"

She stopped, a little relieved that he was finally going to open up to her. "Yeah?"

"I need to be alone today, so please, don't come in, even if it's important."

"Yes, Sir."

She felt the jabs from those words as she hurried towards the door and out of his office, closing the door behind her. She fell backwards, leaning against the door, and exhaling deeply. Astrid had never seen this side of Harry before, not even as a teenager back in high school. Harry was great at concealing his emotions, he never acted on his feelings, no matter how strong they were. He never showed anger no matter how much her friends often bullied and provoked him. He never lashed out at her despite how frustrated he was with her back then. He never acted on his feelings for her, even though he was in love with her.

It was different and shocking seeing him this way, but then, he was an adult now and had learnt that it was human to show emotions. It scared her a bit, and she was worried, but she had to give him the space that he needed.

"Astrid! Hey, is the boss in?" Laura asked, walking into the main entrance of the chief executive office, with a document in her hand. "I've got something I need to…"

Astrid blocked the door of Harry's office, stopping her. "Uhm...he's in a pretty bad mood, Laura. Let me have the message, I'll send it to him."

She first gave her a puzzled look, and then an expression of sudden realization. "Wait. Oh no, today is the day! No wonder he cancelled all his meetings. Alright, you have this, I can't risk losing my job today."

"What?" Astrid took the document from her, going after her as she rushed out to leave the office. "What are you talking about, do you know what's going on with him?"

"You don't know? You're closer to him than any of us."

"Please, tell me what's going on. I'm really confused."

"Third of November, Astrid. His wife died exactly four years ago from today."

Of course, it was Camilla. She knew it had to be Camilla because it was the only thing that could have that much of an impact on his mood. It was her death anniversary, and she could tell just how much he loved and missed her.

"So he gets like this each year of her anniversary?"

"Someone always gets fired. Yes, it's that serious." Laura said as they both walked down the hallway side by side. "Wait, did you just come out of his office? He cancelled all his meetings, why did you go in there then?"

"Uhm…" Astrid's gaze fell to the ground. "I wanted to ask him to...uhm…"

"Have lunch with you like he always does?"

"No no...it's not like that."

"What's going on between you two anyway? The whole company is talking about both of you having a secret affair. Is it true?"

"What? A secret affair?!" Astrid's jaw dropped, she hadn't realized the extent of the rumours going around about their relationship. "Is that what everyone thinks?"

"You haven't denied it yet, Astrid. You both are unusually close. He never visited the cafeteria once before you came here, and now he always has lunch with you."

Astrid rolled her eyes, "How is that having an affair, Laura?"

"I mean, sometimes you both ride to work and back together, so correct me if I'm wrong, but I am just asking what other employees are afraid to ask you."

"No, I'm not having an affair with him. Harry is an old friend of mine, we used to go to elementary and high-school together in Arizona. Our kids attend the same school, that's why we sometimes ride together, that's all there is to it."

"You have kids, Astrid?"

"A son, yeah."

"That's amazing, I never knew that."

"So, see? That's the reason we do that...for our kids."

They both entered the elevator, with Laura punching in the button for the ground floor. She somehow didn't seem impressed with Astrid's story. "He keeps staring at you during board meetings, do you know that?"

Astrid's jaw dropped. She knew he often stared at her whenever she was in his office working close to him but had no idea he did the same thing at board meetings.

"No...I don't...but we aren't having an affair, Laura, you have to believe me."

"I mean, even if you both were, it's your life and he's the boss. None of that should be the business of the employees."

"But we aren't. Please help me pass the message to clear the rumours. It seems I've already started making enemies here within two months."

"It's nothing but jealousy, Astrid. You're a beautiful and attractive woman, I can see the reason for the bosses obsession over you. It's not your fault that you've grasped his attention, they need to learn to deal with it."

"I'm glad someone is on my side. I have no intention of starting any relationship with him whatsoever, that would be unprofessional."

"Well, since he likes you so much, you can be sure he would never get you fired, so we've got a lot more documents we need him to sign. You have to give them to him."

"But he already gave me a warning, Laura. He doesn't want me in his office too, I'm no exception to the danger of his mood."

"He likes you, so trust me, you have the highest chance of not getting fired compared to the rest of us."

"He doesn't like me like that, plus he seemed pretty pissed that I walked in earlier. You might be wrong, he might fire me too if I do that again."

"Please, Astrid. He needs to sign these and you need to give it to him before he leaves. Trust me, he's not gonna fire you, Astrid, just help us out."

"Alright, alright. I'll give them to him, but if today turns out to be my last day in the company, just know that your conscience would avenge me."

Laura laughed, "You're so dramatic. It wouldn't be your last, I'm sure of it."

"If you say so."

"Have lunch with me today, Astrid. You need to interact more with other employees so that they can get to know you and stop the silly rumours. You just hang out with the boss and that's why they keep making those assumptions."

"Sure, Laura. I guess you're right, I should socialize with them more."

"Just so you know, I'm rooting for you and Mr Harry. He smiles a lot whenever he's around you. His smile might be usual for you, but it's really rare for us."

"It doesn't mean his smile is because of me."

The elevator doors opened at the ground floor and they both walked out. "It is, Astrid. It was really weird seeing him so happy yesterday. You don't realize how happy you make him, but his smile is definitely because of you."

She pushed strands of her hair behind her ears, suddenly timid and speechless, unsure of how to respond. "Uhm…"

"He also cares a lot about you. I saw when he gave you a piggyback ride on his prosthetic when you sprained your ankle, and the reason he started having lunch with you was to be sure you didn't skip yours. Tell me why you both aren't in a relationship again? Because that's goals right there."

"We are not dating, Laura, believe me."

"Well, my point is that you should talk to him. Yes, I mean walk into his office with your job on the line and talk to him."

"Wow, great advice. I'll do just that. The least that could happen is to become jobless, right? No big deal at all."

"He's lonely, and devastated, you're the only one that can make him feel better."

"He wants space, I should respect that."

"Yeah, give him the space he needs, but don't leave today without making sure that he's okay. He is a good person and deserves to be happy. You've been able to achieve that in just two months, why not try it again today? When he needs it the most?"

Astrid decided to try. Heather had offered to pick up Neil from work since it was her day off, and she'd stayed a little past work shift to check up on Harry. He'd never left his office since he got in, and no one had visited either. It was like she was the only employee that wasn't aware of his wife's anniversary and the effect it had on him. She couldn't let him go home in that state, so she needed to do something about it.

_**Go ahead, Astrid, talk to him!** _

What exactly was she so scared about? She was never afraid of talking to him, it was always the reverse order back when they were a couple. This time was different, he was a different person and she wasn't sure of his reaction to her presence, especially when he'd clearly stated that he didn't want it. Her feelings for him were also a major factor, she wasn't ready to hear that they would never be reciprocated because of his love for his wife, it would raise the kind of pain she didn't want to face. But this wasn't about her, it was about him and consoling him as a good friend.

She knocked on the door without giving herself another reason to hesitate and waited for a response, but didn't get any. She gave several tries, and the silence made her worry elevate to instant panic.

"Harry?" She pushed the door open, walking in without her heart in her mouth. If he chose to get her fired for disobeying his order, she wouldn't mind, as long as he was doing alright. "I'm so sorry for the disturbance, please I just need to drop off…"

It was when she realized why he hadn't responded to her call. She saw the empty bottles, the glass that was still half full, and Camilla's picture held close to his chest. The buttons on his collar shirt were open, revealing the cotton tank top he wore underneath. His hair was a mess, his eyes were shut like he was unconscious, just spread out on the swivel chair in a state that brought tears to her eyes.

This was the reason why he didn't want anyone in his office, he didn't want anyone to see him this way and watching him now almost dead on the inside, broke her heart to a million pieces. She sniffed, holding back her tears as she picked up his phone, dialling in his driver's number.

"Uhm...Hello? Yeah, this is his secretary, Astrid, you drove my son and I home the other day? Yeah...he needs help getting home tonight, please come up to his office as soon as you can...alright, thank you."

She got off the call and picked up the empty bottles around him, trying to clean up the place before his driver got in. Harry was never associated with alcohol throughout high school, it was one of the reasons why he was made fun of by her friends. He'd detested the taste of it, and often questioned why people choose to drink away the problems that they would still face the next day. He'd come to understand that sometimes people crave for a brief relief and break from their pain, just like he'd tried to do.

"Harry, come on, we have to go home. It's getting late and your mum would be worried." She said softly, tapping him to wake him up. He stirred for a while and she froze, watching as his eyes slowly opened. They were red, revealing that he'd been crying the entire time. He stared at her in silence, like he was in shock, and fear hit her again, worrying about his reaction to her presence.

"Uhm...I'm so sorry, Harry...I know I shouldn't be here, but…"

"Camilla?"

Astrid went numb, unable to utter a word as she watched him grab her wrist and pull her down to his lap. Was he hallucinating? She'd seen pictures of Camilla, enough to know fully well that she looked nothing like her.

"Harry..I...I'm not…"

"I can't do this anymore, Camilla." He cut her off, staring deeply into her eyes, as she started to feel a fraction of his pain. She relaxed on his lap, ready to listen to him pour out his heart to her.

"I am tired...I'm tired of doing life without you. You know I was never strong, I could only stand without strength because you held me up for ten years. I would never have imagined that I would one day have to stand alone again."

"Harry…"

"I miss you a lot...our daughter misses you a lot...even if she doesn't talk about you." He reached out and stroked her hair, sending shivers down her spine. She should have stopped him, told him that she wasn't his wife, but she just couldn't. The fact that he thought he was with Camilla brought a ray of hope and joy that she didn't want to take away from him.

"She's just like you, Cami. She's quick-witted, beautiful and kind...very kind. I thought that raising her in this lifestyle would spoil her, but I was wrong. She's tender-hearted, just like you are...she's also joyful and full of life even in your absence."

"I know I should learn from her because you'd told me on your deathbed to keep living and to be happy. But how can I be happy, Cami? How can I be happy without you? It hurts, even more, when Zia calls me her hero...how can I be her hero, when I couldn't even save her mother?"

Tears welled up in Astrid's eyes as she slowly reached underneath his eyes and wiped his tears with her thumb. "Maybe if I'd moved you to a better hospital for better treatment, sold everything I had, even sold off the company, you wouldn't have…" He broke down and Astrid couldn't hold back either. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he sobbed into her shoulder. She almost shuddered when his arms went around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

They stayed in that position for a while until he'd calmed down, then she got up, trying to help him up to leave. "Harry, we have to go home, Zia can't see you like this."

"Wait...where are we going?" He mumbled, trying to keep his balance and avoid tripping over her. He was so drunk that walking him to the car seemed a lot harder than she thought.

"Home, Harry...we are going home." She replied, taking slow steps with him towards the door. He tried to stop her, hesitant to leave, but she struggled with him to convince him to go with her.

"Should I go home if Zia shouldn't see me like this? She would see me...she sees everything, she knows everything. It's disappointing that I keep showing her my pain...that's just how terrible of a father I am."

He did have a point. Zia was at the mansion with his mother, and if she didn't call in to tell Vanessa about Harry's situation, his daughter would see him somehow.

"How can you say that, Harry? You're a great father, and she knows that."

"That's something Camilla would say." He suddenly tripped over his toes, accidentally pushing her to the wall, but immediately wedged both of his arms at her sides on the wall to avoid bumping into her. She locked eyes with him, a bit uncomfortable with their closeness, and the fact that he'd pinned her to the wall.

"Wait...Astrid?"

She froze at that instant. This was it, she was getting fired today, not just for walking into his office, but for also pretending to be his wife.

"You weren't talking with Camilla, Harry. It's me...Astrid."

His expression scared her because he'd never looked at her that way before. He had a huge frown on his face, but he kept his eyes locked on hers, not blinking for a second.

"Why did you come back, Astrid?"

"Uhm...I didn't mean to, but I had important documents I needed to…"

"You'd walked away first, remember? When you'd left me under the rain waiting for you for hours, desperately hoping you'd show up. Your father had told me that you'd gone with Eric, but I didn't want to believe it. I held onto the bouquet and the courage I'd gained to finally tell you how I felt about you, waiting like a fool without self-worth...but you never showed up."

Tears rolled down Astrid's eyes, his words and gaze piercing through her. She had no answer to his question because it was one she had always asked herself. Would things have gone differently if she'd met up with him that day, twelve years ago?

"Harry I…"

"I just want to know...why did you come back?" He interrupted, "I'd sworn to never let you into my life again, to never let you get into my head...into my heart...yet here we are. You're back, and the cycle is beginning all over again."

"I'm sorry, Harry. I'm sorry for everything. I was wrong...I shouldn't have…"

"You shouldn't be sorry, Astrid. This isn't about the past, it's about now. It's about your presence in my life, and how it's driving me crazy."

"If I'd known you didn't want me here, I wouldn't have applied in the first place. I can still resign Harry, I'll be gone before you know it, don't worry."

"That's exactly the problem, I don't want you to leave, Astrid, and I'm angry with myself because of that. I shouldn't get too used to your presence, I shouldn't crave your attention the way I do. I shouldn't let my daughter get too close to you, because she sees her mother in you. I shouldn't be this happy when I'm around you."

"I never intended to…"

"I made a promise to her, Astrid. I'd told her she could never be replaced...in her daughter's eyes...in my heart. I want to keep to it, but you are making it so difficult for me. I have never felt so guilty about being happy the way I was yesterday...I was so happy, that I forgot about today...I forgot about her anniversary."

"Once you came back, it all returned, my feelings for you, and my silly weakness of conforming whenever it concerned you. My memories of her began to fade, and most times when I should be thinking about her...I'm thinking about you."

She bit her lower lip, her gaze falling to the ground as more tears poured down her eyes, unable to bear the weight of his words. Her tears didn't stop them, he kept revealing his concealed feelings about her presence in his life, the main reason why she'd been working hard to make up for in the first place. He'd told her that he had no hurt feelings, that he wasn't mad at her, that he'd let go of the past, but he was holding onto it a lot tighter than she was.

"She was the one who stood with me when you chose to walk away, so I shouldn't be putting you first just because she's no longer with me."

"I wish you never came back, Astrid. I wish you'd just leave...before I wouldn't be able to let you go."

* * *

_**PS: Please leave a comment! I'd love to hear your feedback! Thank you!** _


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'I walked away hoping I had the strength to never look back. But each step I took, was another step away from my heart.'
> 
> ~Anonymous

"Oh my goodness, come in."

Vanessa opened the front door to Harry's home in a panic, a few seconds after Astrid rang the doorbell. Astrid had informed her of Harry's current condition before their arrival. She'd almost broken down on the call, but Astrid could understand her pain. She was a mother too and would also be heartbroken if she ever met her son in such a state. It had been quite a challenge getting him home, and his driver was the only reason why it was even possible, with Harry's consistent resistance to the option of going home. She knew he was worried about his daughter and was ashamed, but she'd somehow managed to convince him that Zia was asleep and that he didn't have to worry about her.

He'd dozed off on the ride, with his head on her shoulders. It was really hard watching him because she wanted to take his pain away, or at least share it with him. She cared about him and wanted to be a source of happiness and comfort like he'd been to her, but she couldn't. Harry didn't want her to be that person, it's the reason why he'd been holding back all this while when he had feelings for her. She tried to put her hurting emotions aside because his welfare was what mattered the most.

"What happened to him? He wasn't supposed to go to work today." She placed her hand on the sides of his face, pushing his wild mop of hair backwards.

"He just had a few drinks, don't worry, he's going to be fine." Astrid took support from his driver, placing Harry's arm around her shoulders. She was glad he was still silent, as she was unable to bear any more harsh words from him. "He wasn't supposed to be at work?"

"He told me he wasn't going, that he was going to spend the whole day at the cemetery." Vanessa took Harry's bag from his driver, nodding in appreciation before he left, closing the door of the front door behind him. "I hope he didn't take out his emotions on any employee, he has a habit of doing that."

He did. He took it out on her, but it wasn't something she was going to discuss with his mother. It was their problem, and he hadn't said anything far from the truth.

"No, not really. He just cancelled all his meetings, that's all."

"That's a big relief. I guess he's learning to control himself now, and that's a good start." She led them slowly up the stairs to Harry's bedroom. Astrid took a glance around the room when his mother opened the door. A part of it seemed familiar from the last video call she had with Harry and Zia weeks ago, but it looked a lot more luxurious and elegant than she'd thought, just like the rest of his home. It didn't surprise her now, but it did back then when she'd found out about his hidden lifestyle and the fact that it didn't influence his values and humility. It still hadn't changed anything about him, and that was something he'd already passed down to his daughter.

"Thank you so much for this Astrid, I'm sorry you had to stay out late because of it," Vanessa said right after they gently laid Harry down on his bed. " I'll take care of him, don't worry."

"Oh, no, no." Astrid insisted. "You don't have to thank me. Harry is my friend, and I'll help you take care of him, Vanessa, I don't mind at all."

"But your son is…"

"It's alright, I've got a few minutes to spare. Please let me help you, I know you must be hurting too."

"Give me a few minutes, I'll get water and aspirin, or he'll be sick when he gets up in the morning." She dropped Harry's bag on an armchair at a corner of the room, rushing towards the door, still in a panic. "I'll be right back."

"Take your time, I'll be here," Astrid replied with a faint smile that faded the moment she left. She'd been trying to be calm and pretending to be fine, but she wasn't. Her conversation with Harry in his office felt like he'd summed up all the mistakes of her past, all her regrets and shoved them in her face. It made her sore, but she loved him enough to keep all of it aside, at least for a few more minutes for his sake.

She was startled when he suddenly stirred, mumbling a few words before drifting back to sleep. She sighed and unzipped the boot of his right foot, taking it off. She moved closer to him, her hands fidgeting as she tenderly removed his opened shirt that was now stained, desperately hoping he wouldn't wake up. Sighing in relief when he didn't, she sat on the bed next to him, just watching him in silence.

His tousled brown hair fell back, fully revealing the structure of his face. It was strong and defined, his features moulded from granite. He had dark eyebrows, which sloped downwards in a serious expression. She remembered his usually playful smile, that was now drawn into a hard line across his face, replaced with pain that was so visible even in his sleep. She trailed her fingers through his hair, and down to the sides of his face.

He looked so innocent, so vulnerable, like a little child who yearned for the affection of a lost loved one. He looked so lost and depressed that it hurt her, that it reminded her of the state she'd chosen to be in during her heartbreak from Stanley, the reason why her son couldn't live a normal life. Stanley's disappearance didn't just affect the already set wedding plans that were almost completed, it also took a huge toll on her mental and emotional health.

She was just like Harry, living in despair, drinking to ease the pain, even when she was fully aware of her pregnancy. Her father had scolded her several times, mostly at her inhumane decision to go for an abortion, trying to get rid of a child that would forever keep her connected to her fiancee. Looking at the joy Neil brought her now, she despised herself so much for even making that an option in the first place. Although she'd reluctantly kept the pregnancy, she hadn't cared about it either. She often starved herself and neglected herself, letting the loss of one person affect the lives of those who stayed, her family, her friends, and her son, who was innocent in all of it.

She'd been given a wake-up call when the complications started when she realized how cruel of a mother she'd already been to a child who hadn't even been born yet and that she'd been channelling all that pain and anger towards him. It was already too late to make amends, as Neil had been born prematurely due to those complications and had spent the three years of his life paying for her mistakes, for her carelessness. She could have chosen to move on, to focus her attention on loving and caring for her son, but she kept holding onto the past and it cost her a lot more than Stanley's betrayal itself.

Harry was going down that same path, only that he seemed to be handling it a lot better than she did. He didn't just experience a break up as she had, he had lost his life partner, and that seemed like a harder pill to swallow. He had every right to be hurt, especially on her death anniversary. He had every excuse to drown his pain in alcohol and distance himself from the people around him, he had every right to pour out his heart and state how he truly felt about her, positively or negatively.

' **I wish you never came back, Astrid. I wish you'd just leave...before I wouldn't be able to let you go.'**

She remembered the cold glare, the intensity of his words, the harshness of his tone. She knew the truth, she knew she had a reason for applying to his company. She wanted a job, but it was beyond that, she also wanted his forgiveness. She didn't expect the feelings that resonated from their friendship, but she wanted a chance to make up for hurting him countless times, for giving up on him first. She was relieved when he'd told her at the clinic that she didn't have to, that he'd put it all behind him, but it seemed like he'd only been putting up a front to make her comfortable at work.

She also understood him. She knew he used their past as a shield against his feelings for her because he wasn't ready to move on from Camilla, and not because he was still upset. She also kept making excuses for Stanley, because she still somehow hoped she could give Neil the family he deserved, and not because she still loved him. She was in love with Harry, but their feelings for each other wasn't something they were willing to accept. She couldn't deny that they needed and relied on each other, and that was the problem, it was why he wanted her to leave. It wasn't out of a place of anger or resentment, it was just the honest truth.

She ran her thumb over his cheek, her gaze locked on his face. When he wakes up from this, he would probably deny ever saying those words, or try to convince her that he was drunk and didn't mean them, but they were words that he'd kept in and words he was too scared to say.

"I hope I didn't take too long." Vanessa interrupted her thought, and she immediately pulled her hands away from his face, getting up from where she was seated beside Harry. "I had to be completely sure that Zia was asleep. She often sneaks up on us even after her bedtime."

Astrid put on that smile again, to avoid any suspicions or questions from Harry's mother. She noticed the tray in her hands holding up a bowl of water and ice cubes, a soft face towel, and a glass of water and a pack of aspirin. "That's okay, Neil also does the same thing sometimes. He doesn't really like bedtime."

Vanessa placed the tray on a side table, picking up the bowl and towel, but Astrid insisted, taking them from her. His mother looked so tense and stressed, trying to suppress the fact that she was worried about her son. "It's alright, I'll do it. I'm here to help, remember?"

"It's fine, I can handle it, I just need to…"

"Please let me help you, Vanessa. Harry would be fine, don't worry."

She released the bowl to Astrid reluctantly, a plain expression of shock spread across her face. Astrid could feel her watching as she sat back at the spot she'd gotten up from beside him, and began a gentle cold water compress routine. Harry jolted in his sleep in reaction to the cold temperature of the water, stirring again. This time he almost woke up, and she stopped, that fear returning as she watched him snuggle closer towards her and drifted back to sleep.

Her heart melted at the way he curled up into a ball, hugging a pillow for comfort, and an uncontrollable smile spread across her face. She was very new to this side of him, but she loved it so much and was willing to spend the whole night just watching him.

"You love him...don't you?"

Astrid froze. She'd forgotten that his mother was watching! What was she going to reply to that question now? She bit her lower lip, unable to even look up at her. She didn't want Vanessa to think that she was taking advantage of his situation, she'd wanted to make it about his welfare, and not about her feelings for him.

"It's okay, Astrid. I wouldn't tell him about it, and he's my son, I can assure you that he feels the same way about you."

She knew that already. He'd made it clear back at his office that she'd been on his mind, that his feelings for her had returned. He'd also stated that he didn't want to feel that way about her, so it only made their relationship a lot more complicated than it seemed.

"What matters is his happiness, Vanessa...that's what is important to me."

Vanessa smiled, seeming a lot calmer than before, with her arms folded across her chest. "You've just proved my point, Astrid. You can't deny it now."

Astrid looked up at her, returning her smile. "I don't intend to."

She sat next to Astrid on the bed beside Harry, her eyes full of curiosity. "What happened between you two back then? Harry never really told me the cause of your breakup. He always evaded the question whenever I asked."

Astrid's gaze fell to the ground, "Uhm...It was my fault. I was the cause of our breakup."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"It is. Harry was so different from my past relationships. He wasn't expressive or emotionally present. I'd thought that adding a third party would make him a little more serious about me and...It sounds really silly now, but we were young and immature...that's really it."

His mother gave a soft chuckle, and Astrid was embarrassed. She should have evaded the question because she now understood why Harry always did. "You really didn't understand him, did you?"

She shook her head, still cringing to her previous reply. "I guess not."

"Harry is a very expressive person. When he loves, he loves with all his heart, willing to go miles…but his problem back then was his low esteem and introverted nature. It was something his wife Camilla had also battled with but helped him break out from." She went on, "It's alright if you both couldn't handle it back then, you were kids and he'd pretty much idolized you his whole life. He'd assumed your relationship would make you lose your friends because he was never part of your circle."

"Those fake friendships weren't important to me, Vanessa...not like he was. I wanted him to realize that, but he didn't...when I decided to make it clear to him, it was a little too late...it was just when he'd chosen to give up."

"You were supposed to be his date that night, right? At the winter formal?"

"Yeah, I was."

"But you went with someone else."

Astrid nodded. "Yeah."

"That was why he stayed up in his room the whole day after that night. You know there was a huge fire incident and he was locked up upstairs and I couldn't get to him when the fire started. It's how he lost his left leg."

Astrid's hand flew to her mouth in shock. "I'm so sorry, Vanessa. I didn't know that…"

"It's alright, Astrid. Don't apologize for anything. I was the cause of the fire, how do you think I feel if you're blaming yourself? Harry would have been in his room at that moment regardless of the outcome of your date, so it's not your fault." She placed her hands on Astrid's shoulders. "I just wanted to tell you why we had to leave Arizona because I'm sure you were probably curious about his disappearance."

"I was." Astrid nodded. "I just thought it was because of…"

"Of course not. You had nothing to do with that, okay? I'd told Harry to give you a call, and say goodbye, but he didn't want to...he just wanted to leave."

"I...I can't blame him for that...I pretty much deserved it."

"But that's the past. You two are a lot older now, and more mature, so I hope you can handle things differently this time. I don't believe your paths intertwining again was just coincidental, I'd like to believe it was for a purpose."

"I guess."

"Plus you make him happy. He's been so different these past weeks, and I'm honestly grateful to you for that, Astrid."

"Come on, he's done a lot more for me, besides, I haven't done anything special. He's just…" She trailed off, taking a glance at Harry, then back at his mother. "He's just an amazing person, Vanessa. The way you raised him is very admirable, I wish I can do the same for my son."

"You already are...even on your own. You are a lot stronger than I was, so I'm sure your little boy would grow up to be a man you would be so proud of."

Astrid smiled and leaned in towards her as both mothers embraced each other. She remembered the close bond she'd formed with Harry's mother during her frequent sleepovers and visits to his home. Vanessa had been the closest to a mother figure in her life. She'd remembered the failed and funny cooking sessions she often had, and things she'd always wanted to do with her mother.

She also remembered Vanessa volunteering to go with her for a mother-daughter dance when she and Harry became a couple, and that was where their bond began. It had been such fun and wonderful memories with Harry and his family, making her question, even more, the fact that she'd taken all that for granted.

"It's so hard tho," Astrid whispered, leaning into her shoulders. "No one gave me the heads up that being a mother is hard."

Vanessa chuckled, "It is hard...but it is also worth it."

"Thank you, Vanessa."

"You should bring your son along to visit us sometime. I really want to meet him."

"Sure...I definitely will."

* * *

Harry Haddock stared at the ceiling, blinking through his blurred vision till he was fully awake. He stretched, rubbing on his eyes, and a bit confused about why he was still half-dressed in the outfit he'd worn to work the previous day. His eyes popped when the memories started pouring in. Astrid was the last person he remembered speaking with, rejecting her offer to have lunch with her at work. He remembered how harsh his tone was, and how disappointed she must've felt after that. He also remembered taking a few drinks to escape his thoughts, and everything after that was blanked out. He didn't remember picking Zia up from school or driving back home from work.

How the hell did he get back home, again? Was it Astrid?! He'd instructed his employees to avoid his office for the day but knew she was the only one brave enough to go against that order. She was the only one close enough to take him home and was also the only one aware of his address. He hastily slid out of his bed and threw on his robe, dashing out of his bedroom in search of his mother, with so many questions filling up his mind. He was a very lightheaded person and knew how crazy he could get with the slightest trace of alcohol in his system. He needed to be sure he hadn't caused a scene or did anything to hurt Astrid.

"Mum? Mum, are you there?" He called as he walked through the hallway and towards her bedroom. "Mum?"

"Harry! Oh, you're awake. It took you long enough."

"Good morning, mum."

"Good morning, your majesty. I hope you had enough to drink yesterday because that's gonna be the last time I'll let you do that to yourself." She seemed a little angry and fed up with him, and he honestly couldn't blame her, not when he was still unsure of the trouble he'd caused the previous day.

"I'm sorry, mum."

"Save that apology for Astrid. I have no idea how she managed to get you down here in the state you were, but she deserves a huge apology from you. She's your secretary, and not an errand girl or your chambermaid."

"Did I...do anything wrong to her?"

"How would I know? You should be asking her that." Vaness rolled her eyes, "It's hard enough that she had to bring you here when she has a toddler at home."

"Alright, I'll get to work and apologize to her for it. I need to get Zia to school already, it's…" He was interrupted by a sudden outburst of laughter from his mother that startled him. "What is it, mum?"

"Did you check the time after you got up? It's one in the afternoon, Harry! You should be getting ready to pick her up from school. I drove her to school myself and had to tell her that you were really exhausted."

"Oh my gosh, mum, you didn't wake me up?!"

"Is this the first time you've done this? You always sleep in the day after, right? It has always been your routine, so I didn't want to wake you."

"Not this time, mum! We're expecting an official visit from the contractor soon, it could be today!" Harry exclaimed in a sudden panic about dashing out of her room, before she stopped him.

"Harry...wait."

"Yes, mum?"

"You didn't go to see her yesterday as you said you would. Why?"

His brows dropped into a frown, looking away in pain. "I don't know. I just couldn't."

She opened her arms wide, gesturing him to lean in for a hug. He obliged immediately, wrapping his arms around her, and burying his face in her shoulders. "It's going to be alright, Harry. It's good that you released the pain, you mourned her and that's fine. Just keep living, move on...and be happy. It's all I want for you, son."

"Did Zia see me last night?"

"No...and that's another reason why you should thank Astrid. She called ahead to make sure I'd put her to bed before you came home."

"I would, once I get to work."

"You better."

Harry smiled when he sniffed in the lovely lavender scent of her hair. "I love you, mum."

"I love you too, son."

* * *

Starting his day way behind time messed up his regular schedule for the rest of it. He'd already missed most of it, and although his employees probably weren't expecting him to be at work, he still had to make it. It'd been exactly thirty minutes since he got up from sleep, but was able to make it to his office just in time before rushing off to pick his daughter up from school. Walking out of the elevator, he placed his hand on his forehead, still a little dizzy from the headache he'd woken up with. He never intended to even drink this time, but just like Camilla's previous anniversaries, succumbed to the pain of her absence that made him turn to the only option to make him forget.

He exhaled and walked through the workstations of some of his employees who bowed lightly, greeting him. The unusual expression of fear on their faces made him remember when he'd fired one of them exactly a year ago, only to wake up completely oblivious to the act. He'd tried to reach out to apologize, but it was already too late. It was why he'd cancelled all his meetings and instructed them to avoid his office for the entire day. He didn't feel the need to do the same to Astrid, since his relationship with her was a lot different. It was far beyond her job as his secretary.

He walked into the main entrance to his office, taking a quick glance at Astrid's work desk at the left corner. He stopped, staring at it with a sceptical look. For some reason, her desk was empty. All the files, the picture of her son, the board of sticky notes, everything was gone. His eyes widened, trying not to think out his suspicions or believe them for a second, he just rushed into his office and pulled out his phone to call her immediately.

"Harry...you're here. I've been waiting for you."

"Astrid!" He exclaimed, both relieved and overjoyed to see her. One glance at her and his heart soared. He'd seen her countless times, but somehow always seemed so mesmerized each time, with her beauty that could grace any billboard or magazine cover. She was dressed so casually, in a pair of jeans and a sleeveless top. It was definitely against the usual dress code, but he didn't care, she was worth the exception.

"I'm so glad you're here, I thought you had...it doesn't matter, it's good to see you."

"Same here." She smiled, "How are you feeling today, Harry? I hope you're okay."

"I'm great...thanks to you." He reached for her hand, weaving his fingers between hers. She seemed so shocked, but it didn't hold him back. "I'm sorry, Astrid. I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you when you were just worried about me. I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you last night. I didn't expect to drink that much...I…"

She gave his hand a little squeeze, shaking her head. "It's okay, I understand. You were hurting and needed to let it out, besides you weren't rude or mean to me. You were sad and didn't need to force yourself to be happy, so I get it."

"I still have to apologize to you..." He insisted. "And thank you for your efforts, for getting me home...I'm really thankful for that."

"You're my friend, Harry. I didn't do anything you wouldn't have done for me if I was in that situation, so you don't have to thank me for anything. I'm just glad you were able to get through that...and that you're happy today."

"But still...thank you. It means a whole lot to me."

"You're welcome." She slowly pulled her hand away from his grip, and he withdrew his hand, with a sudden awkwardness gripping them both.

"Uhm...I don't think the contractor would make it here this week, but we have to be patient. I have faith in the success of this project, we've worked so hard on it, so I believe we will get positive results."

She nodded in agreement but didn't seem amused. "I believe we would too."

"Is there...a problem?" He noticed her discomfort, like she wanted to say something, but was holding back. "Your desk was empty...do you need a replacement for it? I could…"

"No, no, the desk is fine, Harry. I just need to give you this." She pulled out a folded document offering it to him. Her expression startled him, but he chose to be optimistic.

"What's this? The long-awaited letter from the MEP consultant?"

"No…It's my...resignation letter."

Harry instantly looked up from the paper, the fear returning at that instant. Her words rendered him utterly speechless, his brain unable to process the reason behind this sudden out of the blue decision. "What?"

"I've decided...to leave the company."

Harry scoffed in disbelief, still hoping she was pulling some kind of ridiculous prank on him. If she was, it was too much of a joke to be taken lightly. "Where's this coming from? You can't be serious, right? You have to be kidding."

The look in her eyes scared him even more. "I'm not...besides, this was only temporary, right? So it shouldn't be a problem."

"It was temporary for six months, Astrid. You've been here for just two months, and I promised to give you a better job placement, so why are we having this conversation? Is it your salary? benefits? Whatever it is, Astrid, I'm willing to do it."

"It's not that. I just need a change of environment, that's all."

Wow. Was that all she could come up with? She was deciding not just to leave his company, but also dissolve the bond that both they and their families had built with each other. His daughter would be affected the most. Zia's bond with Astrid was something that wouldn't be fair to take away from her, same with his closeness to her son, Neil, and for what? change of environment?! She was walking away from his life, taking with her all the joy and happiness her presence had brought, and going back to what his life had been without her, was what scared him the most.

"What did I say to you last night? You have to tell me what I said or did to you that triggered such a decision. Being drunk is not an excuse, that's why I'm apologising for whatever it is. Did I abuse you? Did I hurt you? Did I…"

"Harry, you would never hurt me even if you were threatened to do so. You didn't do anything wrong, okay? This is just something I have to do for myself. I'm sure you'd easily find a replacement, it wouldn't be hard."

Words left him. He stared into those bright blue eyes that were clearly holding back tears and whatever it was that led to this decision, and his heart fell silent. He searched them, wishing he could make her understand that this was beyond just working at his company. Did she not understand? He didn't need a secretary or liaison officer, he needed Astrid Hofferson! He needed her words, her beautiful smile, her presence, her ability to make him smile, and the unlimited positivity her aura brought him. None of it was replaceable.

Did she not understand? That she'd been on his mind for weeks, dominating his thoughts, giving him more and more reasons to be at work, just from the excitement of getting to see her again? He relied on her because she gave him strength, she encouraged him and made his daughter happy. She was someone that could never be replaced, not as easy as she made it seem.

"Please, Astrid...please tell me what this is about and I'll resolve it right away. Your reason for choosing to leave isn't sensible at all."

"It isn't...but it's still my decision, so I hope you can respect it."

He took the paper from her and walked towards his desk. Without giving her a reply, he picked up his pen and signed it, not for a second giving his mind the chance to wander towards the consequences of her absence. He didn't want to impose his selfish needs on her if she felt she needed to go, he had to let her go. He still had to show her that he respected choices and decisions, even if he was entirely against it.

"Here." He returned the signed letter to her, still somehow in disbelief of the entire situation. "We usually give three months' compensation, so I'll send that before the end of today. It was great having you here, your service is highly appreciated."

"Thank you." She actually retrieved the paper from him, still not in any way trying to reconsider as Harry hoped she would. Without looking back, he started heading for the door, resisting the urge to lock her up in his office, wrap his arms around her, and stop her from leaving.

"Harry." She suddenly called out, but he ignored her, still moving towards the door when she rushed to block his path. "Harry...wait."

"I have to pick up Zia from school. I'm already late."

"Harry! Hold on a second." She gripped his hand to stop him just as he reached the door. "We can't part ways like this, we are adults now and not teenagers."

He raised an eyebrow in disbelief, "What exactly do you want me to say? Do you want me to say goodbye to you? You of all people should know me, Astrid. I don't say goodbyes...especially to people I never wanted to lose in the first place."

"Okay, this isn't goodbye. I'll be there at Zia's birthday party, I'll be there for her spelling bee competition. We would still see each other somehow."

"And then what? We go back to being part of each other's faded memories?" He asked, and she went silent, locking her eyes with his. She still didn't get it. It wasn't just about their kids, it was about the two of them and the fact he hoped that things would go differently on their second chance. He hoped that they could learn from their mistakes and build a better relationship far from what they had in the past.

"I gotta go, Astrid. It was nice having you back again."

* * *

"Is this how it's always going to be, Astrid? You're just gonna keep going through multiple heartbreaks and making me suffer for it?"

Astrid stuck her spoon into the large bowl of mint chocolate ice cream, her main escape from her gloomy moods. She'd returned from her last day at Haddock limited and decided to spend the rest of the week with her father since Heather had left on a long vacation to spend the weekend with her family in Oregon. Her stepmother, Molly had also invited them over, offering to take care of Neil for a while.

It'd been almost several hours since she'd left the company, but somehow still couldn't get Harry's words out of her head. "It wasn't heartbreak, dad since we never even dated in the first place."

"So, why are you doing this to yourself? You cried all day, and now stuffing a bowl of ice cream in your face?"

"Atleast it's not alcohol. Maybe if Harry stuffed his face in ice cream last night, I wouldn't have had to resign from his company." She shoved another spoon into her mouth. "And then he had the nerve to somehow turn it against me? He would never even talk to me like that in high school, I would have…"

"Twisted his arm?" Her father snorted, holding back his laughter. "If he wasn't so in love with you, that would be about a month's jail time."

"Please…" Astrid rolled his eyes. "You don't hurt the people you love."

"Astrid...he was drunk, cut him some slack."

"Do you know the worst part of it, dad? All this time, he's had feelings for me…"

"Oh, he has? Should I be shocked? startled? or surprised?"

"...and then, blamed it on me like I threw myself on him or something. I hardly ever spoke to him when I first got there! He was the one who came onto me, with his smiles, compliments and offers...and now I'm the one who's at fault? Ugh! The nerve!"

"Are we throwing tantrums now? And no longer tears?"

"The ice cream isn't working apparently."

"Should I get alcohol then? I could even drive you there after a few bottles so you can have your revenge on him. What do you say?"

"No, I'm good. I quit that after what I did to Neil, remember? I never plan on going back...not for anything, and certainly not for anyone."

"Did he really tell you to leave the company? Or is that just you blowing this way out of proportion." Her expression made him snicker after he changed the channel on the television from the animated show she'd been watching with Neil before his bedtime. She reached for the remote, but he stopped her, "Hey, remember that you're in my house...we watch what I want, alright?"

Astrid rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the ice cream. "I'm not blowing anything out of proportion, Dad. He looked into my eyes and said...I wish you never came back, Astrid. I wish you'd just leave...before I wouldn't be able to let you go."

"He said it that way? and you left?"

"What do you mean, Dad? I shouldn't have left?"

"Don't you see, Astrid? That guy loves you, but he was mourning his wife at that moment and was trying to escape the truth that he was opening up to someone else that wasn't her. Did he by any chance mention his wife to you?"

"He didn't just mention her, he thought I was her. He literally called me Camilla."

"It was her anniversary, and she was his life partner. It's not that easy to let go, believe me I know. I'd been in love with Molly for a whole year before I came to accept the fact that I was." He went on. "Harry is going through that same phase with you. It's not something you can resolve, but walking away isn't the best option either."

"So what should I have done, dad?"

"Did you talk to him about it? Wasn't he curious to know why you decided to leave?"

Astrid looked away. "He was...but I didn't want to tell him."

"That's the issue. Relationships don't work by hiding things, Astrid...friendships too. Maybe things would have gone differently if you'd just told him the problem."

Tears filled her eyes again, and she immediately scooped up another spoon of ice cream, but her father stopped her. "Enough. You've had enough. It's not going to numb your pain, or make you feel better."

"Just let me have this, dad."

"No." He withdrew the bowl from her, grabbing the spoon before the content went into her mouth. "I said enough. You're going to get sick. You can cry all you want, but this is not gonna do anything...and neither is alcohol!"

Astrid broke down in tears, hugging her knees close to her chest. "What is wrong with me, dad? I've been through numerous failed relationships and I'm tired. I know you say I'm strong, but I'm tired of being strong."

Andrew Hofferson moved closer towards his daughter, pulling her into an amorous embrace. "There's nothing wrong with you, Astrid, you know that. Look at you, you're a beautiful woman, guys would grovel to get someone half the person you are."

She rubbed on her eyes and wrapped her arms around him. "Of course you'd say that...you are my dad."

"Then you also have to believe it too, because I'm your dad."

"Do I have a choice?"

"First live for Neil, live for yourself, and me, okay? You deserve to be loved, and not always have to sacrifice for love. The right guy is out there...you've probably met him already...once...or maybe twice."

"Dad!"

"What? It literally could be anybody"

"Yeah, right." She leaned in, hugging him tighter.

"It's funny how you always talk about being grown and being an adult but then become my little girl again whenever you are sad."

"Come on, Dad. I'm always your little girl...atleast until my first successful relationship."

"How do you expect me to root for that? When I'd have to give you up to some random stranger? I'm not looking forward to that...not yet."

"Not if it's Harry right? Cause you sure were looking a little too forward to seeing us being a couple...both then and even now."

"Harry is different, Astrid. I said this before and I'm going to say it again until you convince me otherwise with someone who can match up. He's a lot better than every other airhead I've had to endure for your sake...and that's me being nice."

"I really do love him, Dad."

"Well...it's your fault for not telling him that."

* * *

Harry dropped his pen roughly burying his face in his palms. Astrid already left before he returned from his usual afternoon school runs for Zia, and couldn't concentrate on anything else since then. He just couldn't bring himself to the realization that she was really gone, and for reasons, she'd chosen not to tell him. Leaning back on the swivel chair, he stared at the ceiling, searching his memories thoroughly, hoping he could remember something...anything! It'd just been a few hours, and her absence was already getting to him and could drive him nuts in a few more hours.

He'd never expected this, he'd never prepared for this. He'd gotten so used to depending on her that he hadn't questioned his life if she ever did choose to leave, and neither had he made any moves to make sure it never happened. He'd just assumed she would always be there with him, even if he kept his feelings for her to himself. He glanced at the time and noticed it was already late, without any productive result to show for the time spent. He'd just been thinking about ways to get answers to his questions.

The only thing that kept him sane was the fact that she promised to be at Zia's birthday party, the fact that he had chances to see her again, and hopefully convince her to return to the company. If he was successful this time, he would never make her his secretary again. She was qualified and deserved a lot better than that.

"Laura, send out vacancy announcements as you did before for the position of the secretary and liaison officer." He instructed Laura, his employee from the design development department. "I need applicants as quickly as possible."

She paused, staring at him with a shocked expression. "Uhm...but sir...isn't that Astrid's position? I didn't see her at work today but I'm sure she…"

Harry stood up, packing up the documents on his desk in preparation to go home. "Astrid isn't with us anymore...I need someone to fill that position urgently."

"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, sir. I was the one who asked her to give you those documents. She didn't want to walk into your office, but I convinced her that you wouldn't fire her and…"

Harry smirked, "I didn't fire her, Laura. I would never do that."

Or did he? Maybe he did fire her, and then totally blanked on it. It couldn't have been the case, or else it would have been easy for her to tell him about it. "She just decided to leave, and didn't want to give a reason to back it up."

"How could she have decided to leave like that? She was so terrified of losing her job yesterday when I convinced her to talk to you and…"

"What?" Harry slid his hands into the pocket of his pants. "Why would you convince her to talk to me? Was it just to sign those documents? I could have done that today."

"Uhm...I'm sorry, I just thought you needed someone to talk to at that moment and you two seemed like friends, that was the only reason I suggested it."

Harry gave a soft chuckle. "You're one of them, aren't you?"

"One of what, sir?"

"Don't play dumb with me, I've heard the rumours too you know? I'm fully aware that everyone thinks we were having an affair."

She started trembling, looking away with a face of regret. "I'm not one of them, Sir. I never assumed such a thing. I even talked to Astrid about it and she confirmed that you both were just friends...t...that's all Sir."

"Just send out the applications, Laura. Those rumours are honestly the very least of my problems." Harry threw his bag across his shoulders, heading towards the exit.

"Sir? Is Astrid...really not coming back? Was her decision...final?"

Harry stopped and swallowed hard. He didn't want her decision to be final. He still hoped that he could gather the courage to tell her why her decision hurt him so much, why he really wanted her to stay, and how he really felt about her.

"I don't know, Laura...I honestly don't know."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Her absence was a presence. Who knew an empty space could take up so much room?"
> 
> ~Jacqueline Simon Gunn

Harry pressed on the buttons of the elevator and it closed after him. Slipping his hands into his pockets, he sighed, flashing back to when he rode the elevator with Astrid the first time. The extreme tension and discomfort from her side had made him feel disappointed about their working relationship, and it was the reason he'd chosen to reach out to her and change that. Although he was very hesitant towards the idea before, it turned out to be the best decision he'd made in a long time.

He loved every single moment he'd spent with her. They hadn't parted ways on good terms in the past, but they still talked like all that drama never happened. They'd decided to reminisce about the good times and avoid the awkwardness of revisiting the bad ones. He'd noticed that the more time he spent with her, it just made him yearn for more. From teasing her to making her smile, it all just seemed so addicting. He hadn't realized how much her presence meant to him, not until he returned to work from Zia's school and realized that she wasn't kidding about her resignation. Her decision was solid, and she'd really just walked out of his life.

' **Ugh! Think Harry! What did you say? What did you do?!'**

None of this would have happened if he'd just stayed away from work that day! He hadn't intended to be there in the first place, but he'd been too ashamed to face Camilla, considering he'd previously forgotten about her anniversary. It seemed like he was moving on from her too fast, but he also couldn't deny his feelings for Astrid, and that was why he'd been so angry at himself. Harry never expected that his feelings for her would resurface at her return, so he never held back or built any walls either. He'd been too engrossed in her presence to even think about it.

The doors of the elevator opened at the ground floor and Harry walked out of it. He hadn't thought about how he was going to explain this to Zia. He wasn't going to turn down her random requests to see Astrid because he somehow relied on them as excuses, but he didn't know how to dissolve that bond before it became too late. They could be just close now, but it would lead to Zia wanting more from that, especially after making that Christmas wish.

Thinking about his actions now, it was pretty ridiculous how he'd been so worried about getting with someone who might neglect his daughter but then chose to overlook the one person who loved and cared so much about her. Now he had to somehow pull the two apart without hurting Zia in the process.

Finally walking out of the main exit of the building, he walked towards his car that had been driven out of the lot by his driver. He'd texted him previously to drive him home this time as he hoped to get some kind of information from him. His mother had told him about his driver's help in getting him home that night, so maybe he was aware of the events and could tell him something.

He slid into the back seat of his car and nodded to his driver to go ahead. He was a little embarrassed, knowing that he'd seen Harry at his worst state, and wondered if he still had any respect left for him after that.

"Uhm...My...secretary...did you...drive us home last night?"

"Yes, Sir."

"I just wanted to ask, did you...walk into my office? Or did she meet you at the entrance?" Harry asked, noticing the instant change in his expression and obvious discomfort in his reaction.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I walked in because she needed help getting you home."

"That's okay." Harry shrugged. "Did you...notice anything different about her when you walked in?"

"Different...Sir?"

Harry immediately cringed when he replayed his words in his head. Was it the structure of the question, or was it the question itself? It just sounded so silly, but he just had to give a reply amid the embarrassment.

"Uhm...I know I was drunk, but did I do something...you know...weird?" He wished he'd planned this a little better in his head before letting it out. It would have been a lot easier than it presently seemed.

"You were just reluctant to go home, Sir, because of your daughter."

"Was that all?"

"Uh...yes Sir."

"And my secretary? Did you notice anything odd about her? Please tell me the truth."

"I...I noticed...you both were having a conversation…"

Harry jolted, leaning forward in anticipation. This is exactly what he was hoping for, something to explain the reason for Astrid's resignation. "I was talking to her?"

"Yes, Sir."

"While I was drunk?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Did you hear anything?"

"I'm sorry, I honestly don't know, I didn't hear anything from the conversation." He replied, and Harry's shoulder dropped, a little frustrated. At Least he was convinced that he'd said something that triggered her decision.

"But I did notice...that she was crying."

Harry's eyes widened, and his jaw dropped. "She was...crying? Why? What did I say to her?"

"I wish I knew, Sir, but I really don't."

He fell backwards, sighing deeply in worry and concern. He hadn't just said something he shouldn't have, he also hurt her enough to make her cry and make her leave. Did he bring up their past? It could be a valid possibility. Since her return, he'd been careful to avoid revisiting the events of their breakup and how much she hurt him that day. His vulnerable state at that point could have triggered him to talk to her about it and that was the only explanation he could come up with.

How could he have been so careless?! He knew that she'd been guilty about it since she started working with him. He knew she'd been overworking and putting in the effort to prove herself to him, to earn his forgiveness. He'd told her she didn't need to, and that he'd let go of the past. He had, and if he held any slight resentment towards her, it was because he used it as an excuse to stay loyal to his promise to Camilla.

Astrid did nothing wrong. She'd changed a lot and he knew it. She wasn't that self-absorbed cheerleader anymore, she'd been there for him and his daughter and had somehow made him fall in love with her again. He couldn't just walk away again this time, he also couldn't let her walk away. He needed to correct his words, fix their friendship and come clean about the truth.

"Is there...a problem, Sir?"

"No...I was just curious, that's all."

* * *

"Spread out the roots first before you put it in."

"Like this?" Astrid pulled out the flower gently from the pot but shrieked when it slipped from her grip. Molly caught it before it hit the floor, both women bursting into a pearl of laughter. "Oh my gosh, I almost screwed it up."

Molly carefully pulled out the root strands apart from each other, giggling in response. "That's okay, you haven't tried it in a long time."

"Is the potting soil really necessary?"

"Haha, really Astrid? Of course, it is.

They'd spent the entire afternoon in her father's garden, just like they used to before she had Neil. The garden was beautiful. Tall green apple trees ran through at the far right corner, casting a lake of claw shadows onto the grass. In autumn, it was usually the fiery brilliance of their leaves is a sight: scorching-oranges, burning-browns and molten-reds that often drifted to the ground as silently and carelessly as an ash cloud, settling into their eternal rest. She'd raked them earlier with Molly, and her son Neil helping the little way he could.

The flowers held the major beauty of the garden, tulips, lilies, daisies, sunflowers, and even daffodils which were Astrid's favourite. Her father and Molly had done a pretty great job maintaining it consistently, even without professional help. She'd decided to help her step-mother plant in a few more and bond with her during her little vacation with them.

"Mummy, mummy! Look it's a butterfly!" Neil pointed towards a corner of the garden that held a rosebed of sunflowers. She immediately glanced towards that direction and spotted the butterfly that caught his attention, pollinating the flowers. She smiled, a little amused at his excitement. "What's it doing mummy?"

"Well, what do you think it's doing, baby?"

"It likes flowers."

"It does like the flowers, you're right."

"Why do butterflies like flowers, Neil?" Molly asked, and Astrid chuckled, completely interested in hearing his answer.

"Because they're pretty."

Astrid and Molly laughed, Neil's innocence was something she wished she could hold onto forever, but he was certainly going to grow up and possibly start raising debatable arguments, and throwing tantrums at her. She would never be ready for those changes.

"Well...you're not wrong tho."

"Should I get it for you, mummy?"

"Do you think you can get it for me? It's not easy to catch a butterfly, Neil."

"It's getting away!" He exclaimed as he pointed towards the butterfly, watching it closely with a bright smile on his face.

"See? I told you."

"So...how is the job hunt process going, Astrid? Have you found any luck so far?"

"Yeah, I landed an interview yesterday. It was scheduled for Monday next week." Astrid cleared the smaller debris from another spot she'd chosen to plant with a hand rake, making sure she'd gotten rid of large stones and pines. "Dad helped a whole lot."

"That's great. What about your previous job? If the young man who had dinner with us the other day was your boss, then there's no way he could have gotten you fired." Molly said, causing Astrid to smirk, but give her a quizzical glance.

"Why do you say that? He just might not be as good as he appears to be...plus firing me wouldn't make him a bad person either, he's got the right to do that. He was my boss."

Molly rolled her eyes. "But he didn't...right?"

"Dad told you, didn't he?"

"No, I figured it out on my own." She handed the pot plant to her. "I mean the way he looked at you that night, there's no way he'd be the one to let you go."

The pot fell from Astrid's grip, but Molly laughed, gently picking up the plant. Astrid stared at her in shock, a bit guilty that she wasn't still comfortable enough to let Molly into that aspect of her life. Molly had still been patient, wanting so dearly to be closer as a mother to Astrid, but also respecting the limits and caring. She'd hoped her parents hadn't gotten the wrong idea about Harry's visit, so it was quite surprising that she'd still been able to pick that up even without knowing the previous history between them. It was either that or Harry was just that obvious, after all, his employees had also noticed and said the same thing.

"He wasn't just my boss, he's also my ex." Astrid swallowed hard, lowering the plant into the raked spot after spreading out its roots. "The guy I used to date in high school before I met Stanley."

"Well, your father told me that." She smiled, "He also took me through the pictures in your album."

"Such a traitor." Astrid shook her head. "He's hidden my album from me so I wouldn't take it away from him. He knows that is his only means to blackmail me."

"Come on, you're not his little girl anymore...let him have the pictures to keep the memories alive. I'm sure he just misses you."

"Yeah, right."

"So why did you resign, Astrid? Were you uncomfortable working with him or…"

"I was at first, but then we became friends and things changed."

"That sounds good. What was the problem then?"

"The problem was…" She glanced at Molly and bit her lower lip. "I fell in love with him again."

"And why is that a problem? It's quite normal for the feelings you both had to resurface...I just don't see why it should be a problem to the point of resigning."

"He is a widower, Molly."

"I know that."

"And he isn't ready to…"

"To move on?"

"Yeah."

She chuckled softly, watering the plant Astrid had just put into the soil. "Well, that sounds insanely familiar."

Astrid smiled. She hadn't acknowledged the fact that Molly was the only one who'd been in her shoes, and could understand her situation. The only difference was that Molly had it a lot worse than she did. Her father and birth mother had grown up together as best friends, became high school sweethearts and he'd loved her all of his life. He'd lost a fraction of his heart and soulmate, and that was the reason why he'd never moved on from her death for twenty-five years.

Molly had been in her father's life for six years, three years before they got married, and even if he'd been in love with her then, it took him a whole year to accept it, and another year to do something about it. He'd also been worried about Astrid's opinion of a second marriage the same way Harry was about Zia but failed to understand that she'd always wished for a new partner for him.

Molly was also a single mother like her with a son, Freddie who lived in Oregon. Astrid's step-brother was one of the many reasons she'd been excited about her father's marriage to Molly. Freddie was the spitting image of his mother and also shared a lot of similarities with her in his personality. He was humble, soft-spoken and had absolutely no problems getting along with her family, and it made her question the reason why he was still single.

Unlike her father, and like Astrid, Molly had also been through a few failed relationships and marriages, even to the point that she'd decided to never consider it an option until she met her father. Astrid didn't even know the details of how they met or developed that bond, because she'd been too focused on her staggering relationship with Stanley, but she knew it took a lot of time and work from both parties to embrace their love for each other.

She was going through the same issue with Harry, but they just weren't as stubborn as her father and Molly had been. She and Harry never built walls within their friendship, they never even set boundaries, and were both aware of how they felt towards each other. Maybe age had a role in it, maybe her father had already gotten so used to being alone, that loneliness wasn't even an issue for him. Harry on the other side was dying, and she knew that his constant willingness to be by her side was because of it. It was somehow endearing, but also a reason to step back. She didn't just want to be a cure to his loneliness, she wanted him to be with her because he loved her.

It was probably what Molly had been thinking when she rejected her father's first proposal. She'd been blind to it before, ranting, judging, and questioning Molly's true intentions, but wearing those shoes, it was all so clear now. It was also the reason why she'd chosen to resign from Harry's company.

"Yeah...you're right...it is."

"I honestly don't blame you for choosing to walk away. It would give you both time to think and figure out what's really important to you guys. The pain of the past? Or a future together."

Astrid noticed that her advice was a lot different and more relatable than her father's because Molly understood her pain having walked her shoes previously. She wondered what life was like for Molly getting married to her father, and if she'd ever been pressured into living up to the relationship he had with her mother.

"Do you ever...feel...compared? I'm sorry for asking this...I know it's a bit insensitive and you…" Astrid wished she'd just swallowed in her words before letting them out.

"No, It's alright. I was hoping you were gonna ask actually because I know that it's what scares you the most." Molly went on, with Astrid giving her her undivided attention. "The truth is...your father loves your mother so much. He loved her before he met me, and marrying me wasn't going to change that."

"Oh…" Astrid's gaze fell still feeling guilty. "I'm sorry, Molly."

"For what? You didn't even let me finish talking."

"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry, please go on."

"Your father wasn't supposed to stop loving her, Astrid, but it doesn't also mean that he loved me any less. All that mattered to me was that he didn't just love me, but accepted the changes, the differences and not once making me feel like I had anything to live up to or to prove."

"Then...why did you reject his proposal the first time?"

"Because I wasn't sure about it then. I still needed assurance that he didn't just want a wife, but a partner, a soulmate, a companion. Our relationship back then was quite unstable...sometimes he reached out, and sometimes he pulled back. I needed to be confident that if I did marry him, I would never have to worry about that again."

Astrid was dumbfounded. Molly had just entirely described her relationship with Harry, and the similarities almost scared her. It wasn't even about living up to Camilla, but about her experience dating him. He often reached out, and often pulled back. It was why she'd been so frustrated with his mixed signals and started doubting his feelings for her. It also hadn't helped that he never made them clear to her.

She didn't want to judge the outcome of a possible relationship again with him based on his attitude in the past, because he had changed quite a bit, but there was also a different kind of dilemma. Although they weren't even in a relationship yet, she felt like it would be a problem if they got into one. She hadn't thought about it until her conversation with him that night and even if he was drunk, she knew it was the truth.

' **She was the one who stood with me when you chose to walk away, so I shouldn't be putting you first just because she's no longer with me.'**

Those words were what hurt her the most and the driving force to her decision to leave his company. Her situation could also be quite worse than Molly's because even right now they already had issues with the past relationship they hadn't resolved or revisited and it already stood as a reason to feel like she had something to prove, something to make up for...a reason to be...compared.

"We can't be together, Molly."

"Why not? I didn't say all these to scare you, Astrid."

"Oh no no, you didn't. It's just that…I hurt him in the past and he brought it up again when I thought he'd moved on from it. I know he was drunk and it was his wife's anniversary, but Molly, do you think a relationship with him would work out? I just don't think he loves me to that extent...I don't think he's ready to let go."

"It's alright, Astrid. You don't need to overthink this or try to solve anything. It's not a puzzle, it's love. You don't go out looking for it, it finds its way to you, and if it's true...it would work out."

"I don't know Molly...I…"

"Don't worry about it...it'll be fine, trust me." Molly smiled, a bit amused at her sudden panic. "Come on, I think we're done here. Neil, honey let's go have dinner!"

"Yaay! Can I have mac and cheese, grandma?" Neil requested with excitement tugging on the hem of her skirt. She scooped him up, careful not to touch him with the dirty gloves. "I'm really hungry."

"You are always hungry, you cute baby bear." She kissed his cheek and he crackled in joy as they made their way into the house with Astrid trailing behind.

"Mummy your phone is ringing." Neil pointed towards her phone in her pocket, screen light flashing the caller ID. Astrid froze when she noticed the caller ID...Harry.

"Uhm..I'll join you guys inside in a minute...I just need to take this."

"Alright, dear." Molly went in with Neil in her arms and Astrid exhaled, her nerves suddenly tensed as she stared at his name, trying to decide between picking his call or ignoring it. She wasn't ready to talk to him, not after how he walked out on her at his office. It was the same way he'd walked out on her without saying a word, without saying goodbye. She'd expected him to be a lot more mature about her decision, even if he was against it, but no! He just walked out and she had every right to be mad at him.

It could also be his daughter, Zia. She was usually the one on the other end whenever she received a call from Harry and she and Harry had never done more than just text each other. She couldn't ignore the little girl, Astrid's problem was with her father and they couldn't drag their children into their issues. Taking in a deep breath to calm her nerves, she knew that this could lead to a possible conversation with Harry. She was willing to do it for his daughter because that little girl deserved the whole world and even more.

* * *

"Daddy!" Zia raced into Harry's open arms and he lifted her from the ground, throwing her in the air. "You came home before my bedtime again!"

"Of course, sweetheart! I promised you, didn't I?" Harry held her tight and spun her around slowly, she laughed loudly spreading her arms in the air and pretending to be flying. "Who's gonna turn six tomorrow, huh?"

"Me!"

"You're growing up too fast, Zia. Very soon you'll be seven, eight, nine, ten and then you won't be this little anymore. I wouldn't be able to lift you" He lifted her again and she squealed in joy. "Or read you bedtime stories."

"Why not? I would never get tired of your bedtime stories, daddy."

"Wait till you turn sixteen, you'll never believe you ever said this."

"Does growing up make you bad?"

Harry snorted, "Good question. I would ask you this when you're older, to see if you would give me an answer." He lowered her down to his bosom and kissed her cheek. "So, are you excited for your party? I got your dress already, did Nana tell you?"

She seemed surprised and ecstatic, revealing that she hadn't seen her dress yet. "Nana didn't tell me, dad. Is she hiding it from me?"

"No, she isn't hiding anything from you, Zia. She just doesn't want you to stay up late out of excitement." Vanessa Haddock interrupted joining both father and daughter in the living room. "Don't even ask for it cause I'm not gonna show you."

"Hi, mum."

"Please Nana. Daddy, please ask Nana to let me see my dress."

"Why should I ask her? You're the one who wants the dress, right?"

"Because she's your mummy. She'll listen to you."

Harry shook his head, staring at her in disbelief. "This girl."

"Go on, daddy...please ask her."

"Mum, was I this obnoxious as a child?"

"You were way worse." She replied and turned to Zia. "Why don't you wait till tomorrow and then you'll see your dress Zia...along with your presents."

"I just want to show it to Miss Astrid." She whined, drawing Harry's immediate attention. "I haven't invited her to my party yet."

"Uhm...Zia, that wouldn't be necessary, I already invited her to your party. Trust me, she'll be there to see you tomorrow." Harry chirped in, resulting in a cold glare from his mother who quickly understood what was going on.

"But I want to invite her myself, dad. I want to talk to her."

"Talk to her now? You're gonna see her tomorrow anyway."

"Please daddy, I want to talk to her."

"How can you even demand two things at a time, Zia? Do you want to see your dress or talk to Miss Astrid? You have to choose one."

"I want to talk to Miss Astrid and Neil."

Harry rolled his eyes, a bit pissed at her sudden demand to talk to Astrid. He hadn't seen or contacted her since her resignation two days back. He knew he would finally face her tomorrow but still hadn't gathered up the right words. He was so ashamed. She probably hated him so much for hurting her and then throwing a fit when she decided to leave. He'd just shown her that he was no different from that sensitive and insecure teenager who always walked away instead of dealing with their issues as a couple back then.

He hadn't walked away this time because he'd intended to throw a fit, he walked away because it was the only way he could hold himself back from stopping her from leaving him. If he hadn't walked away back then, he probably would have done something a lot worse. There was no way she would've even considered that reason, especially when the least he could've done was say Goodbye.

"Alright ma'am, we'll do what you want. We would give Miss Astrid and Neil a call." He pulled out his iPhone from the pocket of his jeans. "Let's invite her to a party that she'd already been invited to...makes sense, doesn't it?"

He couldn't tell whether she nodded in response to fuel his frustration or was just displaying childish innocence. It was Zia anyway, nothing was ever clear and certain with her. He plopped on an armchair, settling her onto his lap before calling Astrid.

"Put it on Facetime, Daddy. I want to see her."

"Oh, now you want to see her, huh? I thought you just wanted to talk to her?"

Zia glanced at him with a pout. "I thought you liked Miss Astrid, Daddy. Don't you want to talk to her?"

Harry caught his mother's glare again that had been up since she noticed his refusal to talk to Astrid. He'd told her about Astrid's resignation and how he'd reacted to it. She'd also warned him not to get their children involved by breaking the bond they shared, Astrid with Zia and him with Neil. He didn't want to, but this phone call just seemed pointless, since Zia was going to see Astrid the next day.

"What do you mean? I like Miss Astrid but…"

"Hello?"

Harry fell silent, his nerves tensed up in response once she appeared on the screen. He was a little surprised that she even picked up his call, at least not at their first try.

"Miss Astrid! Hi!" Zia squealed but still wasn't as happy as Harry was to see her again. He didn't have the words to say to her, but he missed her so much. A whole lot had changed in her absence, and he wasn't enjoying any of it. He wanted her back, so much that he was willing to go any length to convince her to reconsider.

"Hello, Zia! How are you doing?"

"I'm really happy, my birthday is tomorrow!"

"I know! You're gonna be six already? That's amazing!"

"Are you gonna be there for my party, Miss Astrid?"

"Of course I am! I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Happy Birthday, Zia!" They both heard Neil's voice suddenly in the background as Astrid lifted him into her arms to join her in the video call.

"Thank you, Neil, but it's tomorrow, not today," Zia responded. "Can you please bring Neil to my party too, Miss Astrid?"

"Definitely. I'm not going to leave him behind."

"Mummy already got you a present, Zia."

"Really?!"

"Shh...you weren't supposed to tell her, Neil. It was our secret, remember?"

"I can't wait to see my presents tomorrow!"

"Hi Neil" Harry finally broke his silence, and Astrid seemed startled like she hadn't noticed his presence before he spoke. "How is school?"

"Hi, Mr Harry! School is good. Mummy said I can't go right now because I might get sick again."

Harry's gaze immediately moved to Astrid and she looked away in silence. She was still mad at him and didn't even attempt to make it less obvious. "Uhm...Is there a problem, Astrid? I hope he's okay."

"Yeah." She replied nonchalantly. "I'd taken him to the daycare because I was working, now that I'm not...I prefer that he stays home for a while."

She couldn't even look him in the eyes while talking to him. Did he really hurt her that badly? "Alright...I just thought that…"

"Also uhm...I'm thinking of moving him to a different school...much closer to my home."

Harry stared at her almost tearing up in disbelief. She hadn't just decided to walk out of his life, but also take her son too? The distance had never been a problem before, why now? So she could avoid ever running into him again?

"Neil isn't going to be in my school?" Zia looked sad, displaying his exact reaction towards that idea. "But Neil likes my school, right Neil?"

Astrid's little son nodded in agreement. "I don't want to leave mummy. I want to stay in the same school as Zia."

"But it's a little far from home, Neil."

"Please Mummy."

"Please Miss Astrid"

Astrid looked at Harry who'd just been staring in silence the whole time. Harry wanted to object to the idea, but it seemed like their kids were already on the job. He didn't look away when she did, he just watched her, a little heartbroken at her discomfort and the fact that she wanted to be on the phone call with Zia, but not with him.

"Alright, I'll think about it, but I'm not making any promises to you two, okay?"

"Thank you!" Both kids exclaimed cheering in excitement, while Harry and Astrid just locked their eyes on each other. Her hair was up in a messy bun and for some reason was in a garden apron, but was still as beautiful as the day he last saw her.

"Uhm...the party starts by two...I'll text you the address."

She looked away again like his presence felt like torture to her. It hurt him because he'd never wanted her to ever feel that way about him. "Alright."

"Zia...go ahead and talk to them, okay? I'll just go join Nana for dinner."

"Okay, daddy."

"Bye Mr Harry!" Neil exclaimed and his heart melted with a smile.

"Bye Neil, can't wait to see you tomorrow."

"Me too."

He looked at Astrid again, and this time she seemed pissed but didn't say anything. "Thanks for agreeing to celebrate her birthday with us."

"Of course, Harry. I did it for Zia, so you don't have to thank me."

* * *

"Happy birthday to you...Happy birthday to you...Happy birthday dear Zia...Happy birthday to you!" The little crowd gathered around the table cheered as Zia clapped in response, glancing at all the faces around her with a bright smile on her face. Her last birthday was celebrated at her school and even though the guests this time were pretty much strangers to her, it didn't stop her from being her usual self.

The Dreamcatcher foundation was situated at the Martin Luther King boulevard seemed like the perfect place to spread the love and joy that Zia radiated. The foster care was mostly populated with girls like her, girls that also deserved homes, and loving families like she had. Despite their situation, they all seemed so happy and ecstatic to celebrate with Zia. He'd been here with her a couple of times to visit and volunteered actively in most events and occasions, so he knew most of the kids, but wasn't sure it was the same for Zia. She was the opposite of him, and her extraverted personality made her get along with almost everyone.

Harry smiled as he watched Neil hold the table knife in her cake, and instead of pushing his hand away, she just placed her hand on his so they could cut it together. It was the sweetest thing he'd ever seen and their bond was something him and Astrid shouldn't mess with, even if they had problems with each other.

"Make a wish and blow your candles first, Zia," Astrid said, standing in a squat behind Zia and Neil, with both arms holding both kids close to her. Zia immediately looked up at Harry, then back at Astrid.

For the love of God, this girl!

Both Harry and Astrid just froze, staring at each other awkwardly as Zia's glance just flickered between them. It was all it took to figure out what had been going on in that little head of hers. Harry had guessed it from the start and had also hoped he was wrong, but he wasn't. She'd updated her wish list the last time he saw it.

"You don't have to say it out loud, Zia." Astrid blurted before his daughter could kill them both with the awkward tension she'd created. He noticed her face was red, and she was probably burning on the inside like she was. She just smiled and closed her eyes mumbling a few words to herself before blowing out her candles. She then cut the cake with Neil and everyone cheered.

Harry watched Astrid from the corner. The way she held Zia closely in an embrace and kissed her cheek, wishing her a happy birthday. The day was supposed to be for his daughter, but she was the one who had his attention from the start. He'd felt butterflies when she walked in a few hours ago, just like he always did as a teenage boy. She spoke to him once when he greeted her and thanked her for coming, but she'd been avoiding him since then, following Neil and Zia around so she wouldn't have to be left with him.

It didn't matter if she was still mad at him, she was here, and that was more than enough for him. She cut the cake further, placing a piece in both Neil and Zia's mouth and then proceeded to serve the kids. She seemed so focused on helping out at the party that she hadn't even noticed him staring at her direction, or maybe she did notice but chose to ignore him. He tried to place his focus on Zia's party, but all he could think about was how Astrid was going to leave again when the party ended and he'd go back to counting days and hours to meeting him again.

He missed her. He missed her so much and wished that it was enough reason to make her change her decision and stay. He could at least attempt to clear the air between them because although he still wasn't aware of what he did, he needed to do something to be back on her good side again.

"So, are you just going to keep staring at her the whole day? Or are you going to man up and tell her how you feel about her?"

He jolted in shock when he noticed Vanessa Haddock, standing next to him with her arms crossed. "Mum? How did you even get here? I saw you right there a few seconds ago."

"Can you not change the topic, Harry?"

"It's not that easy, mum. I can't just walk up to her and tell her that I love her."

"You don't meet people by accident, Harry, they come into your life for a reason...and when they do twice? Maybe it's because they're meant to stay, and you really shouldn't let them go."

"I know mum, just give some time, I'll tell her."

"Whatever. I just came to remind you that someone's daughter made a very fascinating birthday wish today. I wonder if he's curious about what it could be."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Mum...not now."

"If you're going to keep staring at her, at least do it with your mouth closed. I might be your mother, but it's a little embarrassing."

She left to join the party and Harry shook his head, his lips curling into a smile when he glanced at Astrid again. She was chatting with the children, helping out with the catering and hosting the party at this point. Her smile was the crown of her beauty. When she smiled, it was like the world smiled with her and it brought him so much joy that at least for a moment, she seemed so happy.

Zia's birthday party lasted a lot longer than he'd planned and she and Neil were already exhausted at the end of it. His mother had taken her home with the presents she'd gotten from friends and family. He was a little sad that he couldn't give her his present earlier, even though he was also aware that what he got her was not what she wanted. Neil had fallen asleep in his arms after Astrid left earlier to help with some volunteer activity. He'd been waiting for her patiently, hoping to talk to her before she left.

He cuddled the little boy in his bosom, a little concerned about his rough breathing. Neil coughed softly and snuggled closer to Harry who patted his back gently. He'd never really asked Astrid the specific health problem that she'd been battling with her son. She'd just mentioned that he'd spent most of his life at the hospital undergoing long term treatments from birth, but he still didn't know the full details of the cause of his health condition at such a young age.

Astrid was a strong woman. He would never understand how she could have gone through all the stages of pregnancy alone, spent three whole years in the hospital battling with his health condition, and still going strong, doing an excellent job raising him all on her own. The more he thought about it, the more it drew him towards her personality. It'd been clear that he was the one who took her presence in his life for granted because he needed her a lot more than she needed him.

He got up with Neil still in his arms when she arrived, even more, nervous now that he was alone with her. "Uhm...Astrid...you're back."

"I'm so sorry I took so long." She reached out to take her son from him. "Oh my gosh, he fell asleep? He must've been really exhausted."

He stepped back, disagreeing with handing Neil over to her. "You're going to your car, right? Let me walk you there."

She seemed a bit amused but shrugged. "Alright then."

They both walked out of the building walking side by side in silence towards the parking lot. He had a lot to say to her and attempted to form them before he missed his chance. Zia's spelling bee competition was in a month, and that way too long to be away from her. He followed her to her car and helped her set and secure Neil in his car seat trying to avoid waking him up.

"Thank you." She said, right after he closed the door of the backseat. Harry slipped his hands into the pockets of his pants, holding her gaze for a while in silence.

"I'm sorry, Astrid." He then broke the silence. "I'm sorry for walking out on you back then. I shouldn't have done that, even if I was against your decision, I should have respected it without grudges...I'm sorry."

She looked at him like she'd been waiting for him to say those words, and smiled after he did. "It's alright, Harry. I was never mad at you...I was just...hurt."

"So...how are you doing, Astrid?" Harry asked, "Have you been able to...get a job yet?"

"Uhm...not yet...but I've got an interview on Monday. I'm hoping it'll be successful."

"Of course it would. No company would miss a chance of having you as an employee." Harry replied, gaining another smile from her, and his heart leapt instantly.

"What about you? Did you get a replacement yet?"

"No. I haven't."

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure you would find one in no time."

She thought it was that easy, huh? She had it wrong. He would find a new secretary, but a replacement for Astrid? That was impossible.

"Thanks again for being here...it means a lot me."

"Anything for Zia. She's the reason I came, so you don't have to thank me."

"But she's my daughter, so I owe you that."

"It's alright, Harry, besides, I had fun today."

"Same here."

His sudden loss for words frustrated him. Why couldn't he just say something?! He just couldn't let her go again! Not without telling her how he really felt about her.

"Uhm...I have to get going. My dad and mum sent their greetings with the presents they got for Zia. They wish they could've have made it today."

"That's fine. Please send my gratitude to them as well."

"Sure. Goodbye, Harry. I know you don't do goodbyes, but I do."

_**She's walking away again, Harry! Aren't you going to do something?!** _

She opened the door of her car and Harry clenched his fist, unable to say the words his heart was screaming out loud. He didn't want her to leave, he wanted her back.

"You don't have to say it back if you don't want to." She smiled and turned towards the opened door, about to get into her car. Harry immediately took hold of her wrist, pulling her away from the car before she could get in, and closed the door after her.

"Harry, what are you…"

Without thinking twice, he snaked an arm around her waist, closing up the space between them, and the rest of her words were lost against his lips. He realized that maybe he didn't need to say anything to her, he just needed to do something. The world faded away at that instant as he kissed her in a slow and comforting way that words would never be. To his very surprise, she wasn't hesitant like he'd thought she would be, she melted into the kiss, her arms wrapped in a circle around his neck. He pulled her even closer, completely breathless when she let him all the way in.

He wasn't holding back one bit because she was here with him now, not as his secretary or liaison officer. She was here as Astrid Hofferson, his childhood sweetheart...his first love.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make it a new ending.'
> 
> ~Maria Robinson

Astrid Hofferson panted softly, a bit dizzy after she broke away from the kiss. She was still in shock because she'd been completely caught off guard when Harry did something he'd never done to her before. They'd kissed severally in the past back when they were a couple, but he'd never initiated any of them. The way he held her, pulled her in and kissed her with so much passion that it knocked her senseless, left her defenseless, ignited sparks within her and made her yearn for more. She leaned her forehead on his, still unable to catch her breath, staring at him through her blurred vision.

She wasn't dreaming. Harry Haddock actually kissed her without any form of persuasion from her end, and it left her speechless. A million questions flooded her mind, trying to decipher the mixed signals he'd been sending since she met him again. First, he'd seemed uncomfortable with her presence the first time she walked into his office, then he'd warmed up to her to the point of flirting and making advances towards her while making it seem like he was never considering a possible relationship with her again.

That night at his office was a message that even if he was drawn to her, he was never going to risk giving up his attachment to his late wife. She'd gotten the clear message and had decided to leave, but now? She was really confused, wondering why everything had to seem like a difficult puzzle with Harry. Things just weren't ever simple with him. One moment he was reaching out, and the next he was holding back.

All she could think about was his kiss. The taste of his lips was far more than she bargained for, and one touch from him had her chest heaving.. She stared at him through glazed eyes, her pulse still pumping in her veins at a ridiculous rate. She never wanted this, she'd been mad at him a few minutes ago, and now here she was, tingling from his touch and desperate for more. She searched his eyes for some kind of explanation, hoping that this time he would be very clear about his feelings for her and define their relationship.

"What are you doing, Harry? What is this? You signed my letter already...you let me go." She started, impatient when she didn't get any words from him. He still didn't break his hold on her gaze, and held the sides of her face, brushing her cheek softly with his thumb.

"I signed your letter because you wanted me to...and not because I wanted to." The longing and passion in his eyes melted her and the desperation in his voice was clear enough to show the sincerity of his heart.

"I missed you. I missed you so much...and I never wanted you to leave in the first place."

Tears crept through the corners of her eyes still in disbelief that she was having this conversation with Harry. He was pouring his heart out to her for the very first time, and she wasn't sure how she was supposed to react to it.

"But I...I've only been in the company for two months, Harry."

He held her shoulders like her words frustrated and triggered him. "You still think this is about your job? It's not. It's about you, it's about us."

"Harry…"

"I talked with my driver, Astrid. He told me that you were in tears when he walked in on a conversation between you and me." He trailed his fingers down the sides of her face when he noticed the change in her expression. She never wanted to tell him about those words or talk to him about it. She didn't want to make him feel guilty for choosing Camilla at that point. She didn't want him to deny them or take them back for her sake, because they were all the truths that she'd never wanted to hear.

"It's okay...I'm not going to force you to tell me about it if you don't want to, I've accepted that. I just want you to know that our breakup wasn't your fault, it was mine."

Now he was saying absurd things, deviating from the truth just to make her feel better about their past. "What are you talking about? I was the one who…"

"It doesn't matter what you did. The truth is that if I had chosen to still talk to you, we would have worked it out."

"You don't know that."

"Either way, we were both wrong. I shouldn't have left you like that...not without saying goodbye. You shouldn't be the one bearing the guilt okay? So if I brought our past up or said things that hurt you, please forgive me."

"I'm not mad at you for anything, Harry."

"Then don't leave." She could see her reflection in his glistening eyes. He was almost in tears, while she'd already failed in holding back hers. "Yes, the company needs you, but it's beyond that Astrid. My daughter needs you, and I...I need you."

She needed him too. She missed him as well, even if she'd been pretending like she wasn't affected by the decision she'd made. He'd been on her mind since she walked out of Haddock limited that day. She'd cried, sulked on multiple bowls of ice cream, she'd even stayed up late, staring at his chatbox in her bed every night, waiting for him to text her again. He'd always given her his time and attention, and when she lost it, it drove her insane. She wanted to tell him she felt the same way, and that she didn't want to leave his life either, and that she'd also fallen in love with him a second time.

"In just two months you've been a lot more than just an employee to me. You've been a mother to Zia and…" He gently took her hands in his, still not breaking the eye contact he held with her. "...you've been a partner to me. I'm not willing to give that up, not now...not ever.

"You don't have to be my secretary or liaison officer. I would definitely support whatever company to decide to move to but I don't want to lose you, Astrid. I don't want to pay you visits just because my daughter wants to, but because I want to spend time with you. I'm done relying on her for excuses. I want to be able to see you every single day. I miss talking with you, laughing with you…"

"You just miss teasing me, that's all." Astrid interrupted, unable to hold back her smile.

He didn't deny it, he just nodded instantly. "I miss teasing you the most."

"I missed you too, Harry."

"So I'm begging you, Astrid…" He wiped the tears beneath her eyes with his thumb. "...please...stay."

Astrid glanced at him for a moment, studying his face. It was unbelievable how much he'd changed both physically and personality-wise to the point that she often doubted if he was truly her ex-boyfriend, Harry, the same guy who couldn't even hold her hand in public. He had never even told her of his longtime crush on her, that was something she had to figure out by herself. She remembered how shocked and happy she was when she found out about it and had tried her best to somehow get it out of him.

He was more open now, and she wished it hadn't taken him this long to do so. Her gaze flickered between his eyes and lips still in disbelief, but willing to try this one more time with him. "You still think I'm gonna leave after all that blackmail?"

"I don't know, you can be really daring at times."

"Well, it depends on whether or not there's still a spot for me in your company."

_' **And in your heart'**_

She knew most of it was filled with the memories of his late wife, and she wasn't greedy or selfish, she just hoped he could also save even the tiniest spot just for her.

"I think the vacancy was filled up already so I don't really…"

"Alright then, I'll just prepare for my interview on Monday."

"I'm kidding." Harry laughed, "You'll be moved to a much better department, with a permanent position, better benefits and…"

"Harry, calm down, I never complained about my job and position."

"I know, but I…"

"Keep to our initial agreement, at least until your previous secretary returns."

"No, I want to…"

"It's okay, Harry. I want to help with the recent project. You're expecting the contractor next week, right? I have already started working with you on this, I want to see it to the end." She ran her fingers through his hair, "I really don't mind."

"Thank you." He smiled, taking both her hands interweaving his fingers between hers. "Also...the ice ring...are you still down for it? Ummm...It'll be just the two of us, and I know that would make it a date and you'd stated that you aren't up for dating again, and…"

Astrid leaned in and kissed him, and he fell silent. Did he really think that she was going to reject going on a date with him? It was all she'd wanted since she fell in love with him again. She'd always hoped that he would see past the experience of their previous relationship and be willing to start over with her again.

"Yes, Harry, I would love to go on a date with you...all you had to do was ask."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"But you said no second chances."

"Well...it just means that you're good enough to be the only exception."

Harry's lips found hers again, cupping the back of her neck. He kissed her deeply, gently, and a little possessive in his touch. She felt his fingers twined in her hair, desperate to explore. She gave in, her shoulders dropping in response, and her lips rivalled his, with equal demand. When they broke apart, her breath was laboured, heart racing, but with a bright smile spread across her face.

"Wow." Her voice had dropped to a whisper, "What happened to you, Harry?"

He smirked, his hands finding their way back to her waist. "What?"

"You've changed so much. You would never kiss me this way back then if your life depended on it."

His lips quirked into a half-smile "I grew up? By the way, was that the reason you dumped me? Because Eric was a better kisser?"

Astrid shrugged, sucking in her laughter. "Probably."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that."

"Right, because we don't want your ego getting hurt, do we?"

"By Eric? Please, try harder."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, losing herself to the power his presence held and holding back the giddiness and euphoria that was spurred through her.

"He was no match, Harry, because I was drawn to your heart. You didn't have to be like him, we had a different kind of relationship."

That playful smile had returned, and his pain was gone. It was all she wanted, to somehow take his pain away and make him happy, just like he always made her.

"Wait till Zia finds out about us. I would never hear the last of it."

Astrid giggled. "Same with Neil. He'll jump into conclusions and call you his dad again."

"I'm willing to be a father to him, Astrid. If you would let me."

"You've already been a father to him and you don't even realize it. Thank you."

"So, we are really doing this again, right?"

She nodded in response. "Yeah."

"And we're gonna do it right this time."

She really hoped so, because she was willing to invest and give up everything just to make it work this time. She was a little more confident because she felt like she understood him a little better now, and that was all they both needed.

"Yeah, we are."

"I'll pick you up by seven tomorrow evening."

"And I'll be waiting...Hiccup."

* * *

"Good morning, princess," Harry said in a low tone, stroking her hair, and completely anxious about breaking the news of his relationship with Astrid. Although he was a little confident in a positive reaction, he was also completely nervous about it, hoping that she wouldn't see it in a negative light in the future and would continue to be in support of it even when she gets older.

"Hi, daddy." She sat up, immediately wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug.

"So, does it feel different being six now?"

"No, dad. I feel the same. See? Growing up does not make you bad."

"I said wait till you're sixteen, remember? You've got ten whole years to go."

"I still won't change, you'll see."

"I honestly hope you don't." Harry squeezed her tighter, "So please prove me wrong."

"I will, daddy. I promise."

"So did you enjoy your party? Or do I have to do better next year?"

"I really enjoyed it." She nodded gleefully, and he smiled, impressed at how it didn't bother her that her birthday party wasn't as lavished and big as it usually was. It didn't matter how high her expectations were, she still seemed grateful for whatever she got. It was definitely another trait from Camilla that almost made Zia her complete replica.

"I loved my dress, my cake and my presents so much."

"I'm really glad you did." Harry pulled away from the embrace, "But you didn't ask me for your present from me."

"You don't have to give me a present, Daddy."

"Why not?"

"Because you already threw me a party."

Harry chuckled. "I'm still going to give you a present because you're my princess."

"Okay. Should I close my eyes?"

"Yeah, but first, I'm gonna give you mummy's present for this year."

The sudden change in her expression scared him. He remembered the last time she'd heard him talk about her mother and his state of mind and reaction had definitely sent the wrong message. She looked at him with so much concern like she was expecting him to be sad at the mention of her mother. Despair struck him at that moment because he'd somehow let his emotions create a wall between Camilla and their daughter. It really hurt him because even if he'd decided to move on with Astrid, he still wanted Zia to keep her memories of her mother, he wouldn't dare mess with that.

"Mummy has a present for me too?"

"Of course." He brushed strands of her hair backwards away from her face. "She always has a present for you, right? Are you excited to see it?"

She nodded, and Harry was relieved when her smile slowly returned. He then pulled out one of the sixteen presents that Camilla had gotten for Zia personally before her death. It was a tradition that she'd instructed in a letter she'd written stating that the presents should be kept out of her reach and given to her each year until her eighteenth birthday. So far it had been four successful years of keeping to her request, and he'd noticed that the gifts she usually received from her mother were her most treasured belongings and the things she usually kept closest to her.

"What's it, daddy?" She sounded totally curious, although her excitement was a little lower than he'd expected. "Is it another art craft set?"

"Why don't you open it and see what's in it?"

He watched in silence, and completely nervous as she opened her present hastily. He was just as oblivious and curious as she was. Her face lit up when she pulled out a big rose gold hardcover diary with a picture of Camilla and Letizia on it. Harry remembered taking that picture at Zia's first birthday party, one of the happiest days of both their lives. Although Camilla had already been diagnosed with cancer, they hadn't let their situation ruin that day, they'd chosen to be happy for their daughter.

"Wow, daddy, it's a diary." Her excitement returned, pulling the book out of the gift bag. "Letters to Mummy." She read the words above the picture.

"Mummy wants you to write letters to her, Zia."

"Is this me? I look so little."

"It is you, you're right. It's you and mummy, on your first birthday."

"Mummy is so pretty, and I look just like her."

"I tell you that all the time, don't I? You look just like her." Harry tugged gently on her cheeks, equally impressed at the effort Camilla had put into customizing the diary. A printed hardcover of both mother and daughter and the graded quality to ensure it lasted for a long time. The pages were headed with different notes and little words of encouragement.

The inner part of the front hardcover held more pictures of her and Zia, and a card glued to the front page. Tears stung his eyes as he glanced at the pictures, but he couldn't do any of that before his daughter. It was time to celebrate the memories they'd spent with Camilla and stop dwelling on the pain of her loss.

"Look, she left you a letter, so you can keep writing back to her." Harry detached the card from the book. "Should I read it for you?"

She nodded almost instantly to Harry's surprise. "Yeah."

Harry unfolded the card holding the letter she'd written four years ago. Camilla had passed away just three days to Zia's second birthday and it had definitely ruined him from even trying to be happy for her. The first year of her death was horrific, he'd been a total wreck, losing all strength to get up and to keep living. He'd endured all that by making his daughter his main focus because she was still a reason to keep going.

He held onto the happiness his daughter brought, hoping it would be enough to keep to the promise he'd made to Camilla, and it did work...until Astrid Hofferson walked into his life again. He held in his emotions, swearing to stop giving Zia reasons to evade things that concerned her mother or talking about her.

"Hi, baby! It's mummy. Happy Birthday, my love! You're already six, Zia, and I'm so proud of you. When I first met you six years ago, all I wanted to do was hold you close to me and never let you go, but then I remembered that you were mine to keep forever." Harry swallowed hard, taking a quick glance at Zia to see her reaction, but it seemed like she was a lot more concerned about him than he was about her.

"When you were just a baby, you cried a lot. Your daddy said it was mostly because I couldn't be with you often and that you wanted to be with me all the time. Whenever you cried, I started crying too, and that somehow made you stop."

"You're growing up to be such a loving, kind, beautiful, intelligent and funny girl. Gosh, you make me laugh. I love that about you." Harry noticed that she wasn't speaking in past tense, it was in the present like she'd been with them, watching Zia grow. "Laughter will take you far in this life. You're sensitive too and cry easily when others are upset or when your feelings get hurt. We're a lot alike in that category. You drive me crazy when you're sassy or whiney. I think we share that trait, too."

"You've started school already, and I know school can be hard, but it'll probably be a piece of cake for you because of how brilliant you are. I'm excited to watch you grow and make new friends. I also know that kids can be mean, and it breaks my heart that you would have to endure those moments, but you're my little sunshine, you always shine through dark times. I'm not scared because your inner beauty and positivity would draw them towards you."

"Some nights after you've gone to sleep, I sneak back into your room. Sometimes I'll give you a quick kiss on the forehead and quietly whisper good night. Other times when I can't be with you, I always pray for you, really thankful for how I got so lucky to have you." Harry sniffed, fiercely battling with his emotions and relentlessly fighting back tears. He didn't want to give in because Zia was watching him closely, probably waiting for him to break down like he usually did. He wasn't going to do it, not this time.

"I love you, Letizia. My love for you has no boundaries. It is endless and grows stronger each day. You are a blessing to me now and forever. As you grow, I hope you'll know just how honoured I am to be your Mum."

Harry fell silent, his heart was heavy, but he tried to divert his attention to the good memories, the healing ones. He wasn't going to keep dwelling on the pain of Camilla's death but open his heart to the healing process, a journey that Astrid loved him enough to accompany him on.

Zia reached out beneath his eyes during his silence, trying to wipe away tears that hadn't fallen yet. He faked the brightest smile, taking her hands in his, and trying to assure her that he was alright.

"Please don't cry, Dad. I don't like it when you cry." The pain and hurt in her voice weakened him and almost made him break down, but he still held on.

"I'm not crying, Zia." He planted a kiss in her left palm, placing it on the side of his face. "It's your birthday, right? Your mummy and I are very happy and proud of you."

"How can I write to her? She's not here, Dad, she can't read my letters."

"Don't say that, you do love mummy, don't you?"

"Yeah, I love her so much."

"If you love her, it only means that she's right here." He pointed towards her chest. "When you love someone, they remain in your heart even if they're not with you."

"She's in my heart?"

He nodded. "She is. So whenever you're happy, or sad and you can't tell me about it, you can write a letter to mummy. She would definitely listen to you."

She smiled in response hugging the diary close to her chest even if it was a lot bigger than her hands. "I will write to her, daddy."

"So...you want to see my present for you? It's not as good as mummy's present."

"I want to see it."

He pulled out a wrapped item and she pounced on it immediately to see what Harry had gotten. He pulled out the box within the wrapper and squealed. "It's a new tablet!"

"It's an upgraded one, and it comes with an app that would help you with your spelling bee competition." He helped her as they both opened the box to reveal the item.

"Wow...It looks so cool. Thank you, dad."

"Does it beat mummy's present?"

"Nope." She grinned. "I like mummy's present better."

Harry laughed out. "I admit it. Your mother definitely gives the best presents."

"I loved Miss Astrid's present too."

"What did she get you, Zia?"

"She got me a big accessory set for my hair, cause she promised to braid my hair like hers."

Harry arched an eyebrow. "And that's somehow better than a new tablet?"

She nodded, "Yeah, way better."

"I'm really offended, Zia."

"I still love it, daddy. I don't need my flashcards anymore, and Miss Astrid also promised to help me win the spelling bee competition."

Harry bit his lower lip, his stomach knotted up as the tension he had previously returned. "About...Miss Astrid. Do you really like her that much?"

"Of course. She's my friend and I really like her."

Harry gave a faint smile as he relaxed a bit because her words eased off the tension. "I like her too...and that's why I asked her...to be my girlfriend."

"Really?!" She squealed loudly, her eyes widened and mouth popped open.

"Yeah, I did." Harry was still a bit taken back by her extreme reaction, even if he was aware of exactly what her birthday wish was. "Wow, you really like her so much, huh?"

She hugged him, squeezing him tight, and jumping with excitement. "Thank you, daddy! I didn't know you actually heard my birthday wish."

"Was that what you wished for?" Harry pretended to be oblivious to it. "Why would you wish for that? Your wish should be for yourself, Zia, not for me."

"I wished for that because I know you like Miss Astrid, and she was your girlfriend before you met mummy."

Harry's jaw dropped, as he jolted away from the embrace, staring at her in disbelief. "What?!"

"I heard you and Nana talking about it." She gave a sheepish smile. "Nana said she was your girlfriend, but she hurt you when..."

"Oh my gosh, shhh...you shouldn't be saying things like that!" Harry cut her off, panicking instantly at the numerous conversation he'd had with his mother and how many of them she was aware of. His daughter had a habit of eavesdropping on adult conversations in an effort to prove to be wiser than her age. Sometimes it was to check up on him and knew how he was dealing with her mother's death, but other times it was just baffling how she seemed to be so interested in topics that were far above her age level, whether she understood the words or not.

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop sneaking in on Nana and I whenever we talk? It's disrespectful, Zia."

"I'm sorry, daddy. I didn't mean to. I was awake when you got back so I wanted to ask you to read me a bedtime story."

"You should've asked me immediately. You shouldn't have stayed to listen to our conversation, it's wrong."

"I'm sorry." Her gaze fell to the floor and her smile faded into a remorseful expression. "I won't do it again, I promise."

He picked her up in his arms and placed her on his lap. "Miss Astrid was my girlfriend, but that was a long time ago when I was a lot younger."

"When you were my age?"

"What?! Of course not! Don't even think of having a boyfriend, young lady! Not until you're twenty-five!"

"Nana said until I'm eighteen."

"And Daddy is saying until you're twenty-five! Do you understand?"

She giggled without giving him an answer, his tone sounding really amusing to her. "Eighteen."

"Twenty-five!"

"Eighteen." She burst into laughter when started a little brawl with her, rubbing his fingers at her sides in a tickle. "I won't say yes to you, dad!"

"Twenty-five! You have to agree with me, or I won't stop."

"No!" She kept fighting out of his grip, as he joined her in laughter. "Daddy! Let go!"

He stopped the brawl and wrapped his arms around her. "So, you're totally fine with Miss Astrid being my girlfriend?"

"Of course, dad. I've always wanted her to be your girlfriend...and to be my new mum."

Harry choked, "Whoa...slow down, Zia. She's just my girlfriend for now, okay?"

"But you're gonna marry her, aren't you?"

"Maybe." Harry shrugged. "If she wants to marry me, and if it's okay with you and Neil."

"And Neil would be my little brother?!"

"Yeah. I've been watching the way you love and care for him. You've been like a big sister to him and I'm so proud of you."

"I love you, daddy." She leaned into him again for a hug, resting her head on his shoulders. He smiled and kissed her hair, holding onto her tightly. He rocked her gently in his arms loving every single moment he spent with her. He was relieved that she'd been so understanding and mature enough to support his decision to move on. Just like Camilla had stated in her letter, Zia had grown up to be such a beautiful girl inside out and they were both lucky and blessed to have her.

"I love you too, princess."

* * *

"Oh my gosh! Tell me it's a date with Harry and I'll hop on the next flight back to LA right now!"

"What? You're on a vacation, Heather. You better stay put and enjoy it while it lasts." Astrid wedged her phone between her right ear and shoulder while scanning through the outfits hung up in her closet. "Looking for an excuse to ditch your parent's house?"

"Don't you dare change the subject! I leave you for just a week and suddenly you're going on a date with someone?!"

"Alright, alright. Harry asked me out on a date last night. Go nuts?"

Her predicted squeal made Astrid let out a soft chuckle. She knew her best friend all too well but was still a bit uncomfortable knowing that she might've been the reason Heather had decided to end things with Harry. Even if Heather had always rooted for her and Harry getting back together, she couldn't help but somehow feel guilty. Heather was the reason Harry came back into her life again, and Astrid needed to be sure that their friendship wasn't the reason for the backout.

"Oh my gosh, he finally did it! He was really testing my patience exceeding the limit I had given him." She replied, a lot more excited than Astrid was. "I was going to tell you about it if he hadn't spoken up."

"Spoken about what?"

"About the fact that he's fallen in love with you."

Astrid bit her lower lip, walking towards her bed. "Well...he never told me that."

"What?" The disappointment in her tone wasn't filtered at all. "So are you both going to do this again without coming clear about your feelings?"

"I don't know. He said he missed me?"

"You can miss a friend too, Astrid, that doesn't mean anything."

"He kissed me."

"Now you're talking! I was literally about to throw hands right now."

"I didn't expect him to just say that, Heather, not too soon. We have to take things slow, besides we haven't been on the date yet, hopefully, I will get it out of him then."

"You shouldn't hold back either. You love him, so you should also let him know that."

"You are okay with this, right?" Astrid hoped her sudden question wouldn't suddenly make their conversation awkward. "I know you and Harry were…"

"What? I wasn't really interested in going out with him in the first place. Remember that you were the one who convinced me to give it a chance." She replied, her words serving as the closure she needed. "It's clear that maybe the reason why I met him on that website was to bring him back to you. You still owe me a lot for all that hard work."

"Well since you're in Oregon, have you met up with my brother, Freddie? He was really excited when I'd told him about your vacation."

"Yeah, he's texted me a lot since I got here. We've got plans to meet up, I just don't understand why it took him this long to actually show his interest in me, instead of trying to make you his wingman or something."

"You're not exactly the easiest girl to talk to Heather." Astrid teased, giggling softly. "Plus Freddie is really reserved, and the distance has also been an issue for him."

"When did he tell you this?"

"Come on, he's crushed on you since he met you at our parent's wedding. Three years is a really long time, we should give him credit for it."

"And he's been single for those three years?"

"Pretty much. He's never really informed me about his relationships, and if he was in one currently, I don't think he'd want to get involved with you."

"Why couldn't he just talk to me? Three years? That's ridiculous."

"You've been in multiple relationships during those years, Heather, what did you expect him to do? I didn't even know you'd give him a chance, because you weren't serious about it."

"Well, I am now. I had a chat with him and I think we kinda...clicked?"

Astrid rolled her eyes. "The same way you clicked over every other guy on that website?"

"No, no for real, I mean it this time. Freddie just seems...different."

The tone of her voice made Astrid's lips curl into a smile. "Of course he's different, Heather, he's my brother."

"Back to you, Astrid, so are you really gonna do this? You're finally moving on from Stanley after all these years? I mean, I'm very happy about it, but I need to know if it's a decision you're going to stand by."

"Why do you have doubts? You don't think I'm serious about Harry?"

"It's not that...It's just...this isn't the first time you attempted to move on from him. He hurt you numerous times when you both were just dating and for some reason, you always kept going back. It was like you could never see yourself with anyone else."

"I was in love with Stanley, Heather, and that blinded me. Also, I'd previously lost Harry at that time and I blamed myself for being the cause of our breakup. Then I assumed that putting more work into my new relationship with Stanley would make things better."

She was a lot embarrassed at the level of her immaturity in her late teens. She wished she could go back in time because experience had taught her a whole lot. It'd taught her more about relationships, about life and love, the things that people needed to hold onto, and things that weren't worth the effort.

"But I love Harry, so Stanley is in the past now."

"And...you're finally gonna take off his engagement ring?"

"Yes...Yes, I am."

* * *

"This is ridiculous, why do I need to be blindfolded, Harry?" Astrid tripped lightly, falling back just in time to be wedged and held back up by Harry who trailed very closely behind her. He'd picked her up from her parent's house earlier, but dropped off Neil with his mother on her constant request to see him. Neil had also pleaded to spend the time she was going to be out on the date with Zia, claiming that he still had an extra present for her. She'd given in reluctantly, still hoping it wasn't much of a burden on Vanessa. Babysitting Zia seemed hard enough already for her.

She'd been excited, but also nervous at the same time. She and Harry had dated before, but he'd never taken her out on an official date. A visit to the ice rink was all she knew about his plans, and she'd dressed casually for it. Since it was a laid back date, she hadn't put much effort into her outfit. She already sucked at ice skating and would probably fall flat and send Harry to the floor with her, and it was a pretty interesting way to land a first date.

He clutched her arm to steady her, and colour drained from her cheeks. Softening his hold, he absently grazed her skin with his thumb, then ducked his head, voice falling into a whisper. "Careful. I can't guarantee that I'll catch you the second time."

Even if she was blindfolded, the aroma of his cologne was as comforting as the blackest of warm summer nights, and she giggled, ready to follow him wherever he led her.

"What's so special about the ice rink? You didn't rent it out, did you?"

"Please...that would make me so predictable."

Her curiosity spiked when she realized that the environment was very quiet, quite unusual for the Holiday ice rink at Pershing square. It was normally busy, especially at the time of their arrival in the winter season. It was also one of the most popular locations in LA so why did she need to be blindfolded to see it?

"You lied to me, Harry. We aren't at the ice rink, are we?"

"Shh...just be patient, you're gonna ruin the surprise."

"Alright. Let's hope you're not gonna throw me off a cliff."

The laughter her words drew from him made her heart soar. "Way to ruin the mood, Astrid."

"The wind is weirdly strong and it's oddly quiet."

"Just relax, we're almost there." He kept leading even further and further.

"This better not be formal, Harry. Look at what I'm putting on!"

"What's wrong with it?"

He suddenly stopped and she could hear faint whispers of his voice. "Are you talking to someone? Why did we stop? Harry?"

"Alright, I'm taking the blindfold off...jeez you whine just like my daughter does."

"Oh yeah? No wonder we get along so well."

She opened her eyes slowly in a squint, and her jaw dropped. Her view was far beyond her expectations. She was right about the wind because they'd already started sailing out to sea on a private yacht. The date setup was unbelievable, a red-themed luxury dinner setting, almost buried in roses. The reflection of the lights reflected on the water, creating sparkles around them. It was a view that seemed almost magical, each sight she took impressed her even more.

The cuisine was eye candy. The dinner table held luscious dishes like mushroom soup, bitter greens with tomatoes the size of peas, rare roast beef slices as thin as paper, noodles in a green sauce, cheese that melts on your tongue served with sweet blue grapes. Although there were roses around, she noticed a bouquet of daffodils in his hands, signalling that he never forgot anything about her, down to her favourite flower.

Her hands flew to her mouth, still dumbfounded in shock. Vanessa was right, Harry was a very expressive person. This was their first date, and he didn't have to go all out, but he did, and it was unbelievable the amount of effort, money and time he'd put into everything. She could even hear her favourite music in the background and smiled when her gaze stopped at her favourite view, the one person she'd loved the most. He seemed a bit nervous waiting patiently for her reaction, trying to hide it a little with a charming smile on his face.

"Wow. Do you always do this? for every date you go on?"

He seemed to relax right after that, now holding up that smirk that usually made him a lot more attractive to her. "Nope. It's just not any date, it's a date with you."

"Why does that make it any different?" She teased, hoping he wouldn't notice the redness in her cheeks.

"Well...this might sound crazy, but all I ever dreamed of as a child for ten years...was to go on a date with you, Astrid.."

"Why didn't you do it then?" The gentle sea breeze blew through her hair, as she struggled to push it away from her face.

He arched a brow, giving her a quizzical glance. "If I had asked you back then, would you have gone out on a date with me?"

Astrid rolled her eyes in disbelief. "Are you kidding me? We were a couple, Harry. I wanted to go on a date with you just as much as you did. I just needed you to ask...but you never did...why?"

His gaze fell and he suddenly became silent. Astrid bit her tongue, wishing she hadn't asked him that, and should've just focused on the moment. She knew that it wasn't completely his fault, and a huge part of it was hers.

"I did." His voice was so low, and his gaze hadn't left the floor. "To the winter formal...but you never showed up."

As a young teenager in high school and the most popular athlete on the track team, Astrid had been limited to the clique of friends with similar interests and passion, which Harry was never a part of. She had noticed his name a few times at award ceremonies and was aware that he was her major academic competition throughout high school. The fact that he was nicknamed "Hiccup" was what threw her off from believing they were actually the same person, until sophomore year.

She remembered when she'd caught him almost leaving a note in her bag when they became seatmates in history class. It made her curious and suddenly picked interest in him. She then realized that "Hiccup" was actually Harry Haddock, the same guy who often beat her score in every single test they'd had before then. Being the immature and self-centred teen she was, she became envious and jealous of his performance. She'd often picked on him when he suddenly joined the track team as the waterboy, along with the rest of her friends in her circle.

She'd made him carry her around when she'd once sprained her ankle, and never got her orders straight, just so she could make him go to the vending machine twice to get her a can of soda every day. She'd done a lot of mean things but noticed that he kept coming back every single day, still choosing not to quit the team. She went far ahead as not being a team player whenever they were paired up for assignments or projects. Astrid knew that her actions frustrated him, but he never for once lashed out on her or retaliated. He always held back, chose to be silent and held his emotions inside.

His personality was a lot different from every other guy she knew and she was drawn towards it. She decided to step out of her clique and warm up to him, but unaware that she'd already developed feelings for him. It became harder to get him to open up, even more after they'd become a couple. The winter formal dance was the day she'd chosen to give up, and unfortunately the same day he'd finally decided to be the boyfriend she'd always wanted him to be.

"But still.."He started walking towards her and her stomach tightened. His gaze was tender as he moved closer to bridge the distance between them. "We dated for months and not once did I ever take you out on a real date. It was like I took you for granted when I had you, and then blamed you for choosing to walk away."

Heat travelled down her bloodstream like alcohol, drowning all inhibition she may have felt. He was so close and seeing the vulnerability in those striking green eyes, made her fall in love with him over and over again.

"Thank you, Astrid. Thank you for coming back again, for giving me another chance to make things right."In slow and careful motion, Harry cupped the sides of her face with his hands, his gaze fixed on her mouth before glancing up to lose himself in her eyes. He then brushed her lips softly with the pad of his thumb.

Astrid noticed that his words were in total contrast to what he'd told her previously at his office. This time he wasn't wishing she hadn't come into his life, he was actually thankful that she did, and it was all she needed to feel assured that they were both on the right path.

She gripped the edges of his jacket and pulled him down for a kiss. She probably ruined the flowers in his hand pressing closer to him, but she didn't care, she held on tight onto him like her life depended on it. Her fingers crept into his hair as she deepened the kiss, this time taking control to let him know how much she loved him.

"Dance with me." She wrapped her arms around his neck when she broke away, swaying slowly from side to side.

"What? Why?" He seemed confused but went with it regardless.

"You wanted to dance with me at the winter formal, right? Well, do it now."

"Uhm...I'm not much of a dancer, and I…"

She cut him off with another kiss. "Just shut up and dance with me, Harry."


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'You may hold my hand for a while, but you hold my heart forever.'
> 
> ~Audrey Hepburn

"I'm really sorry, Vanessa. I'm sure you had a hard time looking after the kids." Astrid started once Harry's mother ushered them into his home on their return. "I hope Neil didn't give you too much trouble, he can be a handful sometimes."

"What? Of course not, Astrid! Your son is such a sweetheart. I would honestly be mad if you don't bring him here more often." She replied, "The joy he radiates is so heartwarming, such a beautiful soul, and you were worried about raising him right."

Astrid chuckled. "You are more experienced in that area, Vanessa."

"Was that an indirect compliment?" Harry suddenly chirped in, closing the door after them. "And you made me feel like a simp for ten years of my life."

Harry could joke about his strange obsession with her now, but it had been more of a torture to him back then as a teenage boy. He'd noticed the kind of guys that had her attention, guys like Eric. Tall, muscular, athletic, cool, hawkish, and he never checked up any of that. Although he grew taller with time, he still failed at his attempt to hit the gym, failed at his tryout for the track team and was still socially awkward and distant from people.

Harry understood that it was just the adolescent phase they both were in, but it was great to know that she saw him a lot differently now. She didn't just see him in a better light but also placed him on a pedestal that she now aspired for her son. Neil was an amazing kid, with an amazing mother, he was definitely going to grow up to be a lot better than him.

"You are a simp, Harry." Astrid gave him a playful nudge. "There's nothing wrong with that. You are sensitive, but that's what makes you a great son and a great father."

Her radiant smile seemed so irresistible. Gods, he wanted to kiss her so bad.

"Don't fuel his ego, Astrid. You would regret it." Vanessa's gaze flickered between the both of them with a huge smile on her face. "Neil is definitely better in that aspect."

He gave his mother a cold glare that she completely took delight in. He did admire the comfort and friendship that already existed between her and Astrid, and was appreciative of how receptive she always was towards his relationships. He just hoped that her involvement in his private life would be a little restricted, just so it would make it less awkward for his new girlfriend.

"We can't really say that now, can we? They do change when they get older, don't they?" Astrid snickered, stealing glances at Harry who rolled his eyes in disbelief.

"They definitely do." His mother replied, "I wish I could hold up to that childhood innocence. Growing up is good, but it makes them so unrecognizable, it's really sad."

"I'm holding on very tightly." She smirked, amused by Harry's expression. "Now that I've still got the time...and now that he's not yet taller than me."

"Ladies, I'm right here." Harry interrupted, and they both exploded in laughter. "So, that's your plan, huh Astrid? Find your way back into my life, and turn my family against me?"

"That sounds like a lot of achievement if you ask me." She teased, as he impulsively raced towards Astrid and wrapped both arms around her waist, picking her up. She laughed out, wiggling and struggling out of his grip.

"Harry! Let go!"

"First, Zia, then my mother?" He spun her around, joining in her laughter. He finally let her go when he noticed his mother watching them in silence with a placid smile, seeming to be enjoying their display of affection.

"Uhm...sorry Vanessa." She pulled the edge of her sweatshirt down, a hinge of awkwardness sliding in. "Is it okay if I go get Neil? Waking him up would be a little difficult and then there's his concentrator and…"

"You're gonna leave now? It's pretty late, Astrid, why don't you stay over for the night? We've got plenty of rooms and you can't wake that little boy now, he just went to sleep."

"Uhm...that's okay, Vanessa. I don't want to be a bother." Her voice seemed uneasy. "I can take him home without waking him up, and I also need to prepare for work so…"

"I'll drop you off first thing in the morning by six, I promise." Harry quickly took on his mother's suggestion just so he could spend a little more time with her.

She seemed a bit puzzled, "That's gonna be a lot for you, isn't it? Dropping me off and getting back here again to take Zia to school."

"Well...you're my girlfriend, Astrid. It's totally worth it."

She smiled as they both locked eyes on each other. He blinked almost immediately, still a little conscious about his mother's presence. "So, you don't have any excuse, okay?"

"Alright, I'll sleepover."

"Take her to the guest room, Harry. I'll just get Neil to join you in a few minutes. I'm guessing you have to watch him closely at night because of his…"

"Bronchopulmonary dysplasia." He noticed how much she struggled to get the words out of her mouth. "He was born prematurely, and the long term incubation that followed caused a lot of damage to his lungs...I just thought you both deserved to know about it."

Damn.

He knew about her son's health condition but hadn't realized it was that bad. Astrid had never even told him that she'd had issues with her pregnancy, and the circumstances around Neil's birth. He felt really bad because she pretty much knew almost everything about him. She was the only person besides his mother that he could boast knew him inside out, and even if they were now a couple, he felt like he knew nothing about her. They'd talked throughout their date, and he desperately wanted to ask more questions, to know more about her. He also didn't want to put pressure on her to make her revisit the events of her past.

Astrid had gone through a whole lot. She'd been engaged to a man she was willing to spend her life with. She'd also been abandoned with a child for a reason she knew nothing about. It wasn't something she would want to bring up or talk openly about. He remembered how much she cried when they'd last talked about it, and he never wanted to see her in that state again. Despite how much pain it caused her, he needed to talk to her about her son and help out with those problems. Maybe she was used to handling them on her own, but he was with her now, they were now on this journey together, and he had to make her understand that she didn't have to bear her burdens alone.

"I'm so sorry, Astrid." His mother seemed just as startled as he was, and he hoped it wasn't overwhelming on Astrid's end.

"It's alright. It was my fault anyway." He could tell she was fighting back tears, the exact reason he'd been silent on the topic all along. "I fell into labour prematurely because I didn't take care of myself...he's just paying for my mistakes."

"Come on, Astrid, don't say that. You were going through a hard time, you don't have to blame yourself for anything."

Harry ignored his mother's words and pulled Astrid towards him, wrapping his arms tight around her. She quickly buried her face in his chest like she was hiding her tears from them. He knew her, she wasn't the kind of girl to show her vulnerability to anyone, it was the only thing he wished he could change about her. He raked his fingers through her hair, glancing at his mother, who had plain worry and concern written all over her face.

_**'Don't leave her side. She needs you.'** _

She wasn't audible, but her words were clear enough for him to get the message. He smiled and nodded in response, watching her leave the two of them alone. He leaned into Astrid's hair when she tightened her grip on him, holding on and still not letting go.

"Are you okay?"

"No." She sniffed. "Thanks to you."

He chuckled, "Alright, if putting the blame on me makes you any better, then you're right, it's my fault."

He felt relieved when she giggled in response. "It's still not gonna make me feel better."

"Well...it was worth a try."

"I'm sorry, Harry."

"Huh? For what?"

"I noticed how shocked you were and I felt like...I don't know...I feel like you've been so open about your past to me, and I haven't."

"Hey...I never said I had a problem with that."

"You never have a problem with anything." She gently pulled away, her eyes meeting his. "I know you're scared of asking, but you still deserve to know, Harry. I shouldn't also be waiting for you to ask, I should've told you everything because you…"

"Shhh…" He placed his index finger on her lip. "Look, Astrid, I admit that when I chose to be with you, I also wanted to be involved in every aspect of your life...of your son's life."

"You see? I knew you weren't…"

"But…" He interrupted almost immediately. "Relationships build with time, and trust requires patience, Astrid. I can't expect you to open up to me now just because we are together. Tell me the things you feel comfortable with, and keep back the things you don't. I'll respect whatever choices you make, so take your time. Whenever you're ready, no matter how long it takes, it's alright. I'm not going anywhere...I'll be right here...ready to listen."

He studied her expression and the way she gazed at him in disbelief. He smirked, waiting patiently for her reply, but after her silent stare, she seemed distracted by something behind him. He turned around, a bit curious about it, and froze when he realized what caught her attention. He suddenly found himself in a situation he'd never wanted to be in. Astrid was staring at Camilla's portrait, the same one Zia caught him a million times staring at in tears. She didn't seem sad or disappointed like he'd expected, she somehow held the brightest smile he'd seen from her and it confused him the more.

"Uhm...about that...I uh…"

She seemed to notice his discomfort, "She's so beautiful, Harry. You weren't kidding when you said Zia was her exact copy, the resemblance is really striking."

"Does that...make you...uncomfortable?"

"What? Uncomfortable?" She gave him a quizzical glance. "Is this the reason why you've been so hesitant towards the idea of moving on? Because you think you would have to forget her?"

"I'm sorry, I just don't understand how it makes you feel."

"Harry, calm down. Why are you shaking?" She asked, taking his hand in hers, and closing her fist around his. "I didn't agree to be with you because I intended on replacing her. She was your wife, and you loved her...you still do...and I'm completely fine with that."

He stared at her in disbelief, "That's too much of a sacrifice, Astrid. We decided to let go of our pasts and build a future together. It's not fair on your part if you…"

"She's a woman like me, Harry. She was a mother like I am, so I could never mess with her relationship with you or with her daughter. You can't change the past or the fact that she was your wife and Zia's mother and I can never take her place in both your lives." She traced her fingers around his jawline. "So you can let go of the pain of the past, but not your memories of her. I also hope that you can somehow love me like you once did, and I can also have a spot in your heart too."

He stood staring at her, his mother's words echoing loudly in his ears. He'd never believed that it was possible to find someone who'd be willing to see through his brokenness and pain and love him unconditionally. If he did believe in that for a moment, Astrid Hofferson, his ex-girlfriend, was the very last person he'd expected to play that role. He knew she'd changed a lot, but she kept surprising him even more. He'd been working on his attachment to the memories of Camilla, but she had assured him that it was alright to keep them, as long as he also held her close to his heart. He did. He'd done that for ten years in the past, and she'll always have that special place in his heart.

He searched her eyes in silence, both expressions revealing the depth of love and admiration they had for each other. He really loved her so much and even if she was completely understanding about him and Camilla, he was still going to consider her emotions and keep to the boundaries. He was never going to make her feel like a replacement, make comparisons, or make her feel like she had anything to prove. She wasn't too different from Camilla, but she also wasn't Camilla, and he vowed to always remember and respect that fact.

"So...are you gonna take me to the guest room or what?" She reached out an open arm, gesturing for him to join her. "Your mother would be out with Neil soon, and I have to be ready to tuck him in again. He's a light sleeper."

Harry smiled and took her hand in his, sliding his fingers through hers. He led her upstairs and down the hallway to the guest room, opposite his bedroom. He opened the door, ushering her in, and a bit amused at her dazed expression. She seemed impressed with his home, but he hoped it wouldn't scare her from the level of comfort they currently shared with each other. She'd known him before and his wealth wasn't a shock to her, he just hoped she would keep seeing beyond that. They were together now, and despite his status, they were equals. He was still the very same guy that she'd caught dropping off a note in her backpack twelve years ago, the same guy she'd kissed under the rain.

"I didn't formally welcome you to my home."

She snorted, "Like we've had anything formal between us."

"We work together, isn't that formal enough for you?"

"It would be…" She took a short pause and snickered. "If you keep your eyes on the right people during your board meetings."

"I did...for three days in your absence, that's something."

"See? That's exactly why everyone at the company thinks we are having an affair, Harry."

He shrugged with a sly smile. "You mean we aren't?"

He was well aware of the rumours, overhearing various conversations amongst his employees. For some reason, instead of holding back his attachment to her, it fueled his desire to spend more time with her. He wanted her to know that he'd changed, that he wasn't that kid that would constantly let go of her hand in the presence of her friends, or let the opinions of people define his relationship with her. He was in love with her, and he wasn't going to let bland rumours stop him from expressing it.

She rolled her eyes, but it didn't stop her from letting out that beautiful smile he so much loved to see. He slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her close to him.

"So you knew about the rumours, huh?"

"Did I?"

"Was that why you jumped on the option of me sleeping over tonight?"

"Maybe?" He kept teasing. "I'm kidding. It's just that...I went crazy when you decided to leave the company, Astrid. I thought I had lost you again. Now you're here, I want to get up tomorrow and confirm that tonight wasn't just a dream...I really enjoyed every single moment of it."

"Same here." She wrapped her arms around his neck leaning her forehead on his and giggling like a flustered teenage school girl. "Thank you for today. I can't remember the last time I'd been on a date."

"I uh...hope it was...worth the wait."

"And if it wasn't?"

She kissed him before he could give a reply. It started out gentle, sweet and unpresumptuous, and he smiled into the kiss, wondering the reason for her sudden display of innocence. His hands involuntarily travelled up her waist, pushing her long, wavy golden locks that hung over her shoulder behind her. His long fingers were wrapped along her neck, cupping the back of her head, as he deepened the kiss. His tongue glided along her bottom lip demanding entrance, to which she obliged so eagerly, and it was the moment torture kicked in. He found himself suddenly sprinting down a path that he'd intended to walk down slowly and with time.

He wanted so much more than a physical relationship with her. He needed her presence, her time, her attention, her care, her support...her love. This was just an addition that they didn't need to rush into and she understood that, didn't she? But she didn't stop him. His open hand against her back slowly moved up and down her skin. He was still hesitant, because they hadn't drawn any lines to state the limits of their relationship, and she might have hers that he wasn't aware of. She just moaned in response as he explored the wetness of her mouth, both tongues entangled in a seductive rhythm.

They could spend the rest of the night just like this, in each other's arms, just sharing a passionate kiss, but no...desire coursed through his veins and he found himself wanting more. Astrid still wasn't stopping him, instead, she arched into his touch, falling backwards until her back was against the wall. The impact caused him to break off, hoping she'd realize they needed to hold back, at least for the meantime. He looked into her eyes and could feel the blood drain from his veins. She wasn't stopping him because she yearned for him just as much as he did for her.

She seemed so out of breath, but searched his eyes, with hers that was full of lust and need, but with a lingering hinge of disappointment, probing his soul to state the reason for his withdrawal. She wanted him. He could tell by the way her racing heartbeat matched his. He just watched her swallow under his penetrating gaze, probably waiting for him to kiss her again. His body was all for it, but his mind was pulling him back. He wanted to be logical, to be mature, to build their emotional relationship and trust first, and he needed to make it clear to her. But her gaze trapped his words and he just stood in silence watching as her chest rose and fell in anticipation, unable to walk away.

"It's okay."

Her fingers trailed down his jawline and her provocative look melted his self-control. He wanted her. He needed her. He loved her, but he wanted to know and be sure that this was what she wanted. Her words were his confirmation and permission, but he still had the power to hold back, to say no, to take it slow. He sucked in his breath when she took his right hand in hers leading it towards her chest. She let him palm her left breast, still holding him captive to the power of her eyes.

"I mean it."

His lips immediately captured hers again, more passionate, hungrier and more greedy. His blood boiled and all the logic and hesitations were gone. Heat spread out through his body, engulfing his senses and igniting feelings that he thought would combust if he didn't have her right now. The thin line faded between love and lust, but he wasn't interested in marking it out again, his need became more fervent with every stroke of her tongue on his. She whimpered at the loss when his lips left hers trailing down her neck, and he felt her curl her fingers through his dishevelled hair, holding his head at its position as he nibbled and sucked, planting rough kisses down her nape. Her head fell back, giving herself completely over to him.

Harry felt like a completely different person. He'd never been the one to be controlled by his emotions, but watching Astrid writhe helplessly beneath him sent an unusual feeling of pride and satisfaction. He loved the way she arched into his touch when his hands crept beneath her blouse, fingers stroking her bare skin. He loved the way she clung and pressed onto him, pulling him closer and closer towards her. She wasn't holding back for a second because unlike him, she'd always been the one who was more expressive towards their love for each other.

He kissed her again, his hands wandering towards the small of her back. She wrapped her arms around his neck nibbling on his lower lip as he picked her up in a swift move. He then dropped her on the vanity table with a force that was completely unintentional. He didn't want to hurt her, but he also couldn't control himself. His fingers trembled slightly as he unbuttoned her blouse and she pushed the fabric off her shoulders. He stopped, staring at the view beneath her shoulders, but didn't linger too long, just enough for her to see how beautiful she was to him.

There was something so disarming about seeing her half-naked, but the vulnerability in her eyes was something he couldn't resist. Her eyes were locked on his as her hands moved to unhook her bra. She hesitated for a while, watching him in silence, and her fingers still at the hook, making him doubt the assurance she'd given of her consent. Both eyes were fixed on each other, melting in the heat that radiated through them. He noticed the sudden sadness in her eyes and his heart dropped.

"You're holding back, Harry."

Harry swallowed hard. He couldn't give her a reply, because he had none. She wasn't far from the truth. Despite the lust, passion and craving for her, he still wanted to choose patience. He wanted to make her realize that his feelings for her were far beyond physical attraction. He knew he'd crushed on her in the past because she was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen, but time had revealed a lot more about her that made him love her even more.

"No, I just...uh…"

"Astrid?" The gentle knock on the bedroom door was the force that pulled them apart. Harry quickly covered her up, slowly placing the buttons in their respective holes. Her eyes never left him, and although she was silent, he could tell that she was hurt. She came down from the vanity table and walked past him, straightening her top as she headed for the door. Harry hoped he didn't just send the wrong message with the right intentions.

"I managed to get him here without waking him up." He heard his mother's voice, watching her place the sleeping little boy gently into Astrid's arms.

"Thank you so much, Vanessa. I really can't thank you enough."

"Please...I had a great time with the kids, you shouldn't be thanking me for that." She replied, her expression showing her surprise when she noticed him behind her. "Oh, Harry...you're still here. I thought you would've…"

"It's okay, mum. I'm leaving anyway." He quickly leaned in and planted a kiss on Astrid's forehead. "Goodnight."

She didn't respond, but nodded, her eyes now avoiding his. Yup. He really had a lot of explaining to do. "I'll just tuck Zia in, mum."

"Alright, I'll meet you there."

* * *

"Uhm...is everything okay? Did I interrupt something?" Vanessa probably noticed the awkwardness and tension between her and Harry. Astrid blinked after watching him leave so hastily like he couldn't wait to get away from her. She hoped his mother didn't read too much into his attitude, she didn't want to do that either. She wanted to believe that he wasn't holding back from her, it was just wrong timing.

"Of course not, Vanessa." She quickly responded, "You didn't interrupt anything."

"Alright, I'll help you get this in."

"Thank you."

Vanessa rolled in Neil's concentrator, and Astrid followed, carefully placing him on the bed they were both going to share for the night. Tucking him in, she planted a kiss on his forehead, smiling as he snuggled towards her in response. Vanessa placed his concentrator at the bedside, close to his position on the bed. Astrid noticed her focus was on Neil, with plain worry on his face. This was the reason why she'd intended on keeping her son's condition to herself, she didn't want the pity, or the worry, she'd been coping just fine.

"Do you need help setting it up?"

"No, that's fine. I'll do that right after my shower before going to bed."

"About that…" She walked towards the wardrobe and slid the mirrored door and took out a hanger that held a pair of pyjamas. "I'd kept it just in case you decided to stay over."

Astrid smiled, "Thank you so much, Vanessa."

"It's mine, so it might be a little large, but I hope that's alright with you."

"Sure! That's not a problem, it's perfect!"

"Does that hurt? Were you…" She pointed towards the nape of her neck, but trailed off when she realized what it was.

Astrid froze. She'd never been more embarrassed and humiliated in her entire life! This was it. She was going to kill Harry! She was going to strangle him for walking out without pointing out the huge hickey he'd left behind. She was going to kill him for letting his mother figure it out before she did, and most of all, talking her into sleeping over at his home.

"Oh...okay, I'll just...uhm...Goodnight Astrid."

"Goodnight Vanessa." She managed to reply unable to give his mother a second glance as she left the bedroom. Astrid shut her eyes, wishing she'd insisted on going home, after all, she hadn't planned on staying in the first place. Her gaze fell to her son who was sleeping soundly. She smiled when she noticed he was dressed in a set of pyjamas that was a lot bigger than him, probably Zia's. She really appreciated Harry's mother's hospitality and reception towards her presence in Harry's life. She'd expected a little hesitation based on the way their relationship ended in the past, but despite the fact that she'd hurt Harry before, Vanessa was still hopeful for a brighter future for their new relationship.

Astrid took a brisk shower and set up her son's concentrator, studying his breathing like she always did during their night routine. She flashed back to her conversation with Harry regarding her son and the part of her life that she hadn't opened up to him. She knew his intentions were pure and he really wanted to be a father to Neil, but it was too much of a burden that she wasn't willing to share, at least not yet. She laid down next to Neil watching him, and tears blurred her eyes in guilt as she watched him sleep.

She wished she had listened to her father, to Molly, to Heather, to everyone who'd told her to move on, to focus on herself and her pregnancy. She'd chosen not to move on, and now Neil was paying for his parent's mistakes. She couldn't drag Harry into it, it was her problem, her issue and her son. She wrapped her arms around her little boy, cuddling him while struggling herself with drifting off to sleep.

There was no way sleep would come that easily after that moment she had with Harry and his hesitation towards her. She couldn't deny the fact that they were moving too fast, especially for a first date, but she'd seen the look in his eyes, the hunger, passion. She'd given him her consent because it was the only way she could show him that she was serious about him this time, that she really loved him, and that he'd always been worthy of her love. She didn't want to give him a reason to hold back from her or walk away again.

Despite her good intentions, she'd seemed demanding, and even more embarrassed when she noticed that he was holding back. She bit her lower lip, cringing so hard just thinking about it, sighing at the thought of working with him again. She didn't even know if she would be able to face him after this night.

"Miss Astrid?" The faint voice that followed a knock on the door caught her attention and she sprang up, heading towards the door to answer it. "Miss Astrid!"

"Zia! Oh my gosh, you're still awake?"

"I was waiting for you and daddy to get back."

Astrid chuckled in disbelief and picked her up. "Nana said you were asleep, were you pretending again like you always do?"

"Yeah." She nodded and giggled in response. "But she found out when she came in to take Neil away. She said you were here in the guest room."

"Does your daddy know you're awake?"

"No, I have school tomorrow, he'll be mad at me."

"He's right you know? You should be asleep Zia. Do you want me to read you a bedtime story? I could go with you to your bedroom"

"I don't want to go to my bedroom, Miss Astrid." She whined, throwing her arms around Astrid's shoulders and leaned into her. "Can I sleep with you and Neil, please?"

"Why don't you want to sleep in your bedroom, Zia?"

"I just want to be with you...I don't like being alone."

Astrid's heart dropped at the weight of her words. She knew that Harry was lonely, but she hadn't realized that his daughter also shared in that loneliness, explaining her attachment to her and Neil. Harry had told her about his daughter's reaction to their relationship and although she'd been relieved and elated about it, she'd also been nervous about building her relationship with Zia. Although they already developed a bond, she was now more of a mother figure to her now, rather than just a friend and she needed to strengthen their bond in that direction.

"I don't like being alone either." She closed the door behind her, as she walked towards the bed with Zia in her arms. "Of course you can sleep here with me, Zia."

"Thank you!" she exclaimed in joy.

"Shh...we don't want daddy to know you're here, right?"

"Right." She nodded, placing her palm over her mouth. "He's gonna send me back to my room."

"He would never do that, not when I'm here."

Astrid placed Zia gently on the bed on her right from where she'd laid beside Neil previously. She tucked her into the blanket they shared and wrapped an arm around her. Zia snuggled closer to her and she planted a kiss on the little girl's forehead.

"Miss Astrid?"

"Yes, Zia?"

"You're my daddy's girlfriend, right?"

Astrid chuckled, "Yes, Zia. I'm your dad's girlfriend. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah." She replied with the brightest smile on her face. "Because I know my dad likes you so much...and I like you too."

"That means a lot to me." She returned the smile, giving her shoulder a soft squeeze. "Are you sure you didn't just come here to ask me that?"

"Nope. I just wanted to be with you."

"You're such a sweetheart."

"Is this what it's like, Miss Astrid?"

"What?"

"To sleep by your mother's side?"

Astrid bit her lip hard. "Well...I wouldn't know, Zia. I never met my mother."

"Is she in heaven too?" The pain and softness of her voice broke Astrid. She saw a lot of her six-year-old self in Harry's daughter. "My dad always tells me that she's up there watching over me."

"My dad told me the same thing too."

"Did you believe him?"

"I did," Astrid replied. "I still do...and that's why I always want to make the right choices and be good. It's because I know she's watching me, and would be proud of me."

"So daddy was right."

"Absolutely." She glanced at her. "Your mum's up there, right next to my mum, watching over you."

"Do you think they're friends?"

"Of course they are. The reason I met you, Zia, is because they wanted us to be friends too."

"Do you write letters to her too?"

"All the time. I kept a lot of diaries and they were all letters and things I wanted to tell her."

"She got me a diary for my birthday so I could write letters to her. Can you help me write to her, Miss Astrid? I want to tell her about my birthday party...and about you."

Astrid gave a soft laugh but was actually nervous because she didn't want to come between the relationship between Zia and her mother. "Why don't you just tell her about yourself? About school? Your spelling bee competition? Those sound way better than writing to your mother about me, don't you think so?"

"It's because daddy doesn't cry at mummy's pictures anymore, Miss Astrid...and Nana said that it's because of you."

"So you want to tell your mum that?"

"Yeah."

"Listen to me," Astrid stroked her hair softly. "Your dad didn't stop crying over your mum because of me, Zia...it's because of you. It's because he loves you so much you, and because you make him very happy...I'm sure your mum already knows that."

"Do you ever miss your mummy, Miss Astrid?"

Astrid wrapped her hands around the little girl, hugging her tightly, and planting a kiss on her forehead. "She misses you too, Zia."

Astrid flashed back to her childhood years when it was just her and her father. She'd seen numerous pictures of her mum, but they'd never been enough. Although she never felt like she lacked anything, she'd also seen the relationships between her friends and their mothers and began to crave it. She'd written letters and kept a lot of diaries, about every boy she'd crushed on, every date, every good grade, medal and trophy. She'd told her mother everything, and believed that they somehow all got to her.

Her father was the only reason why losing her mother was even harder to bear. His pain and desolation hurt her the most. Harry was stronger than her father had been because moving on was never an option for Andrew Hofferson. Astrid wished it had, as she'd often been curious to the experience of living with a mother figure. She never had that growing up but had now become that person to Harry's daughter. Astrid was willing to be that person to Zia, she wanted to be the mother figure that she never had.

* * *

Harry Haddock ran his fingers through his hair as he sat upon his bed in discomfort. He hadn't been able to get any sleep ever since he'd left Astrid's room an hour ago. He'd intended on tucking Zia in but had completely forgotten about it. His moment with Astrid had thrown him off from thinking straight or doing anything else, unable to get his mind from his interrupted moment with her and her last words.

' _ **You're holding back, Harry.'**_

He was, but not for the reason she had in mind. He wasn't holding back because he felt like he wasn't worthy of her love, or felt like a replacement to her previous relationship, he was holding back because he loved and respected her. He wanted her to know that he didn't talk her into spending the night over to sleep with her, but to get to know her more, and build on his relationship with her. Her reaction revealed that she wasn't happy about his decision, but he just needed to communicate his intentions to her, it was way too early for any arguments and misunderstandings.

Harry got up picking up his phone beside his lampstand. He'd spoken to the contractor that the company had been expecting for almost a week. Harry had confirmed his arrival to Los Angeles and had secured their first meeting. He still needed to check on Zia, and be sure she was actually asleep, as she needed to be up early to prepare for school the next day. He headed out of his bedroom and down the hallway to Zia's, ignoring the sudden impulse to talk to Astrid. He didn't want to go back there, they both still needed the time to cool off before seeing each other again.

He walked into her bedroom, slowly closing the door behind him. He turned on the light and was shocked to find her bed empty. Gosh, where did she go? His mother had told him that Zia was already asleep, right? Did she go to sleep by his mother's side again as she did occasionally? He left her room and went further towards Vanessa's bedroom.

"Mum?"

"Harry? You're still awake?"

"Zia isn't with you, mum?"

"No, she was asleep in her bedroom when I last checked on her."

"She isn't there right now."

His mother gave a soft chuckle. "Have you checked Astrid's room?"

"Why would she go there? Astrid has a lot on her hands already trying to watch over her son, she can't be there."

"Okay then, go take her back to her bedroom if you can."

Harry shook his head and rushed towards the guest room that he'd been reluctant to go into again, but was now compelled to. Astrid needed her space, at least for the night. He didn't want her to be burdened by his responsibility, as Zia's attachment to her had grown stronger over time. With his mother trailing closely behind him, he arrived at the door of the guestroom. After a few unanswered knocks at the door, he took a glance at Vanessa who urged him to open it.

Harry took in a deep breath and opened the door, his jaw-dropping and heart-melting at his first view after his entry. Astrid was deep asleep in between the kids, with Neil in her left arm and Zia on her right. He watched as his daughter slept soundly in her bosom, with an arm wrapped around Astrid. Neil was on the other end, sleeping with his oxygen concentrator already set up and the air tube placed beneath his nostrils. The machine and process all seemed like a whole lot for a three-year-old kid, and he understood better the reason for Astrid's guilt and why she kept blaming herself for his condition.

"See Harry? I told you." His mother started, her eyes suddenly glistened with tears. "Once you find the right woman for you, Zia's welfare would never be a problem. She would love both you and your daughter."

"Mum? Are you crying?"

"I'm not, Harry."

He slipped his arm around her shoulders. "You know you can't lie to me, mum."

"Really Harry, I'm fine." She replied as hugged her tighter. "It's just that...ever since Camilla passed away, I wanted you and Zia to find happiness again. It might have taken four years to get here, but it was worth the wait. I'm really happy."

"I'm gonna marry her, mum."

"I know...the question is when."

"In a few months or so...we just started out, and I don't want to overwhelm her."

"I'm looking forward to that moment then...when I wouldn't have to worry so much about you anymore because I know you are in good hands now."

"Thank you, mum."

"For what?"

"Remember that silly website? And the blind date you set up for me? It all led me back to her." Harry smiled, "I know I wasn't up for it then, but...thank you so much."

"I just want you to be happy, Harry...that's all that matters."

"I love you, mum."

"I love you too, son." She ruffled his hair like the way she always did when he was a child, only that she had to stand on the tip of her toes to do it now. Harry hadn't appreciated his mother's effort and the fact that meeting Astrid again was all because of her. Her presence in his life meant so much to him as she'd been his biggest support throughout his life.

"Why don't you go join them? Would you rather sleep alone tonight?"

"Goodnight mum." He planted a kiss on her forehead. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight son." She replied and left the room.

Harry slid into the bed beside his daughter on the right side that held a lot more space. He glanced over to his left, studying Neil's concentrator and his breathing. He really hadn't known the severity of his condition and hoped he could be a huge help in improving and speeding up the recovery process. Harry knew how much Neil wanted to be a normal kid, to run and play like his mates, and to have his dad pick him up from school. He'd already incorporated that into his schedule, to join Astrid in picking him from the daycare, but he needed to do more to build his relationship and bond with her son.

He sat up on the bed watching Astrid sleep. Gods, she looked so beautiful even with her eyes closed. He could see the level of comfort it brought Zia sleeping in her arms and it made it fall even more in love with her. He was going to hold onto this, to what he had with Astrid. He knew he needed to put in a lot more effort to know her more and make her open up completely to him. She'd been hurt before, even by him, so he needed to earn her trust and prove the depth of his love for her. He hadn't felt this way since the day he'd lost Camilla, and he knew that she wanted him to move on, to love again, and to be happy.

"I love you." He whispered brushing her hair away from her face, her chest rising and falling slowly with every breath. His words were straight from his heart, and it was something he wished he could say to her as easily as he just did. He watched his new family, and an indescribable joy soared through his veins. He'd never felt happier and at peace. He wasn't wounded or desolate, he had a complete family now and vowed to love and protect them till the very end.

* * *

Astrid Hofferson pulled her gear to a park once she took a spot at the parking lot. Although she was late, she'd still made it just in time for Harry's board meeting his the contractor. She just couldn't understand how Harry was able to drop she and Neil off, return back home to take Zia to school and still make it to work before she did. He'd woken her up like he'd stayed up all night watching her sleep. It felt wonderful waking up next to him and finding out that he'd joined her and the kids in bed while they were asleep. The events of the previous night didn't matter at all. She didn't have to worry about anything.

Stepping out of her car, she closed the door after her and locked it up with her keys. She was very excited to get back to work because, despite the stress and workload that it might be accompanied by, Harry's presence somehow made it worth it. She was excited to see him, would definitely pick up a cup of coffee from the cafeteria for him just in case he hadn't had time before breakfast this morning.

_**How much longer are you going to make me wait? I miss you already.** _

Astrid had pulled out her phone, reading an incoming message from Harry. She giggled, shaking her head in disbelief.

_**Lemme guess you want to make sure that I didn't go for that interview?** _

_**Well, I didn't try to make it less obvious.** _

_**I'm here, Harry. I would choose to be with you a million times over.** _

_**Wow, I never took you for a romantic, Astrid...ever.** _

Astrid pressed on the buttons of the elevator _ **,**_ laughing out at his reply. Harry was really going to turn this on her huh? He'd always been the person of words, and she'd been the one of action and he'd still never taken her for a romantic? Maybe he'd been a lot more dense and oblivious back than she'd thought.

_**You really want us to have that talk now, huh Harry?** _

_**Na, I don't want to revisit the trauma of having a broken arm.** _

_**Good to hear that.** _

_**By the way, I'm with the contractor right now, but he's on a phone call. Our meeting starts in about five minutes, can you still make it here?** _

_**Just got out the elevator, made it already.** _

Astrid walked out of the elevator passing a couple of work stations that were already occupied by employees at work. She got a few glances but ignored them like Harry had taught her to. She didn't care or worry about that silly rumour either, their relationship had gone past that. She walked towards Harry's office, nostalgia flowing through her at every step she took. It'd been just a few days but felt like she'd been away forever. It felt good to be back, into his company, and into his life.

She smiled when she saw her desk, still unoccupied and the exact same way she'd left it a few days ago. She was definitely going to fill it up later, and meet up with Laura and a few other employee friends she'd made. She set down her bag and coat, pulling out the files Harry had given her earlier, she had gone through them to get updated on the content of the meeting. It seemed like he really needed her presence in as this was the final stage to either be awarded or declined the contract they'd been working so hard for.

_**Can I come in?** _

She sent to him right before knocking at the door.

_**Are you kidding?** _

She smirked because his reply wasn't she'd expected, but she went it anyway.

"Good morning, Sir." She greeted when she walked in, smiling at the way his face lit up when he saw her. It was like he needed her to be in his office to actually believe that she'd chosen to return to the company. She also noticed a dark-haired guy sitting across from Harry with his back facing her, it didn't take much to point out that he was the long-awaited contractor. The one who's final decision determined the fate of their project. She just hoped it all worked out in the company's favour because Harry already seemed stressed about the outcome.

"Good morning," Harry replied, with a smile that she wished he could just tone done for formality sake. "You're just in time. Sir, she is the one we've been waiting for...my assistant Astrid Hofferson."

The middle-aged man suddenly looked backwards towards her hastily at the mention of her name. The moment she saw his face was the moment she was sure time froze, and her world came crumbling down to million pieces, healed wounds riping right open and that unbearable pain that had overwhelmed her four years ago riled up within her. Tears filled her eyes as she stared into the eyes the last person she wanted back in her life, the one she'd already crossed off, hoping he'd never return. She stared into the eyes of the father of her son, the reason she'd made numerous dangerous decisions that almost cost her Neil's life.

**Stanley.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'The scariest thing is when your past haunts you, not in memory, but in person.'
> 
> ~Scribbles of the soul.

' _ **Let's make this journey last forever...I am yours as long as you want me to.'**_

' _ **I love you, Stanley. I promise to be yours forever.'**_

' _ **Marry me. I know we might have had a rough beginning, but**_ _ **let's write our own happy ending...together.'**_

' _ **Yes, Stanley...I will marry you.'**_

Lies.

Broken promises.

Deception.

And she'd said yes.

Astrid Hofferson had always prepared her words for the day she would meet her ex-fiance again, and after four years of his absence, she'd gathered a whole lot to say. She hadn't given much thought to the pain and anger that would arise from their reunion, after all, she was Astrid, and had vowed never to let him break her the second time. She'd thought that meeting him would be a lot easier, now that her heart was closed towards him, but it still wasn't.

His appearance hadn't changed in the past four years. He was still quite tall and muscular, with prominent cheekbones and a well-defined chin and nose. His eyes were like a knife in her ribs, the sharp point digging deeper. Where there had been love was an emptiness, but not in any vulnerable sense. Uncomfortable with the void, she had now filled it with an emotion she was more at ease with, raw anger. She had every right to be angry, to be in a rage. She just couldn't believe how he somehow found his way back into her life, and she'd thought that meeting Harry again was coincidental enough.

Harry's case was a lot different. She didn't want Stanley back, she may have wished on it a few times in the past, but not after she met Harry. Harry had given her the healing she needed, and she never wanted to return to the cause of her wounds and bruises. Neil didn't need him either, Harry had been more of a father to him, even after knowing him for just a few months. She needed Stanley to know that she didn't need him! She'd been coping just fine without him! That she'd taken off his engagement ring, and had found love again...a love that he could never measure up to.

He started taking steps towards her, and she impulsively took steps back. The nerve of him to think that she would ever let him get this close to her. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she didn't want to let them down. She didn't want to let him see them, he didn't deserve to see them. The last thing she wanted was for Stanley to see her pain, to see how much he'd destroyed her, and how long and difficult it was for her to pick the pieces, and build herself again. He didn't even deserve her anger or hate, because looking at him now, she felt more anger towards herself, hating herself for letting him hurt her that much, and almost ruin the life of their son.

She didn't want to be around him either, because his presence made her hate herself even more for all the tears, the pain, the alcohol, and foolish decisions she'd made in the past for his sake. He wasn't worth the heartbreak and realizing that hurt her even more than his presence did. She raced out of Harry's office before he could get any closer to her, but it didn't stop him from following her as she'd expected.

"Astrid!" She heard him call right after she grabbed her purse from her work desk, rushing down the hallway, ignoring the glances from the employees at their work stations. She was able to make it to the elevator before he did, cleaning off the tears that already streamed down the corners of her eyes. She was going to explain her sudden exit from the office to Harry, but for now, she needed to be away from here and needed time to put her thoughts together. She needed time to process the fact that Stanley was back, that Neil's father was back.

All she could think about was her son. Neil had questioned her once about his father, and had always seen Harry as a father figure in his life, and now? Stanley didn't also deserve that spot in his life. She didn't want him to be a part of her son's life, as much as she didn't want him to be a part of her life. She got out of the elevator at the ground floor, dashing down the hallway towards the exit, but also noticing that Stanley had somehow made it down too and was right at her heels. Did he use the stairs? Why couldn't he just stop running after her? She didn't want to face him, she didn't want to talk to him! Why couldn't he just understand that?!

She kept running towards the parking lot, her mind too occupied to even remember where she'd parked her car a few minutes ago. She needed to find her car before Stanley could catch up with her.

"Astrid! Please, wait!"

She still didn't look back, but finally spotted her car, heading towards it before she felt a soft grip on her wrist, stopping her from going further. Anger burned so bad like fire lacing through her veins and creeping up her spine, and in reflex to Stanley's touch, she gave him a sounding slap on his cheek, only realizing her action after she did.

"Don't you ever in your life, lay your hands on me again!"

The tone of her voice and intensity of her rage was a shock both to Stanley and to herself. All she could feel was desire; desire to hate. Astrid was intoxicated with emotion she had no intention of ever feeling, the acidity of it was residing in her stomach waiting to be spat out of her mouth in foul and vulgar words she would be justified for saying, except she wasn't going to say them because again, he wasn't worth the energy.

Stanley fell silent, his eyes widened and staring at her in shock like he didn't understand that he deserved far worse than just a slap. It was why she'd been trying to get away from him, while she still had the self-control to hold back.

"Astrid." He didn't seem to mind her anger or the fact that she was ready to beat him up just to get away from him, he still somehow gathered the courage to block her path, pleading for her attention and time.

"Go ahead, hurt me as much as you want. Hit me as hard as you can...I deserve it."

"Get the hell out of my way, Stanley!"

"Please, just a few minutes, Astrid. I'm begging you, please...there's a lot I need to say to you, a lot I owe you and a lot of pain I caused you. Please...I need a few minutes to make things right."

Her rage held all the power of a wildfire and she could tell that it frightened him, you could practically see the flames roaring in her eyes, ready to ignite anything that she came in contact with. A few minutes? Did this douchebag really think that he could set anything right, let alone do it in a few fucking minutes?! She really didn't want to have this conversation right now, and every second she'd spent listening to him fuelled her anger even more. She pushed her hair backwards, giving still him the chance to milk out the last of her patience before she snapped.

"Alright...go ahead, but keep this in mind. You have only two minutes of my time...just two minutes and if you don't let me be on my way after that, I swear I'm calling the police."

"As long as I have your full attention...please."

"Three seconds down...you've got a minute and fifty-seven seconds left."

"Astrid…" He stepped forward towards her again and she stepped back. She couldn't care less about his emotions and she wasn't holding back from letting him know how disgusted she was to be in his presence.

"Don't come closer, don't touch me, just say whatever you want and let me go."

"I...I uh...I don't even know where to begin. I don't also have the words to say to you…"

"Great, that sounds good, can I leave now?"

"I hurt you so much. Just saying sorry to you would be meaningless, it wouldn't fix the heartbreak I caused you. I'd met you already broken when you'd shut your doors to the world...towards loving again. I'd given you reasons to open up, but walked away when you finally did." She'd promised to give him her attention for two minutes but didn't realize that she'd be on the receiving end. Tears filled up her eyes and the anger she'd been holding up, dissolved into pain, into the same heartache she hadn't felt since she met Harry again.

"I wasn't perfect even while we were together either. I claimed to teach you how to love again when I hadn't understood what it meant to love. You opened up to me, you trusted me even when I gave you numerous reasons to doubt me. You believed in a better version of me, even if you never got it. You're the one who got bruised holding on, but I was the one that chose to walk away. You had chosen to spend the rest of your life..."

"Enough!"

"One minute more, Astrid. You'd given me two minutes, right? Please, just one more minute and I'll…"

Another touch from him resulted in the same reaction like the previous time. She really didn't want to hurt him, and it was the reason she'd told him to leave her alone.

"One minute, Stanley?! You think you can just ramble on for a minute and make everything, okay? Do you even understand the gravity of what you did to me four years ago?!"

"That's why I need to talk to you, Astrid...I know I…"

"Why, Stanley?" She asked softly, breaking down out of her own will. "Was I that difficult to love? Did you despise me that much?"

"What? No, no of course not. I loved you, Astrid. I really did love you."

"You never loved me! You don't lie to the people you love. You don't destroy the people you love!"

"I understand your anger towards me, and I have no excuse...I deserve…"

"I'm not angry, Stanley! I'm in pain! and you are the cause of it!"

"I didn't mean to leave you...I just had no other option." He began stuttering. "I...I can't explain the events of that bachelor party, but it was an accident. A lot of things happened that night and…"

Astrid's hands flew to her mouth, eyes widening in shock as more tears streamed down her eyes. "You'd cheated on me, Stanley? Again?"

"I...I...I had a lot to drink with the boys that night, and I wasn't myself. I swear I didn't mean to hurt you, but I was just too ashamed to face you."

Astrid held her head with both hands in disbelief, biting her lower lip so hard she could taste blood. She'd always wanted to know the reason why Stanley had left, and it made her believe that she was flawed because he chose to take her love for granted. She'd been a fool all along, a fool for all those sleepless nights and tears that soaked her pillow, a fool for thinking that she would be the force that would change Stanley's lifestyle and not letting go when she'd seen the red flags.

He'd cheated on her a lot of times in the past, but she'd made up excuses for him at every mistake. She'd fallen in love blindly and became a slave and victim of love. Heather had told her she was addicted and had warned her over her obsession with Stanley, and how he always found a way to win her forgiveness even after hurting her countless times. It all seemed clearer to her now and she felt so ashamed. Was she that desperate for love? How could she have been so blind? She really hadn't realized her worth, she accepted the love she thought she deserved and received the pain that went along with it.

"Oh my gosh, I can't believe this."

"I messed up really bad, I know...that's why I was so ashamed of myself, I couldn't face you. I couldn't stand telling you that I'd broken your trust again." He kept talking like he was oblivious to the pain of his words. "I found out weeks later that she was pregnant and...I just...I just had to let you go, Astrid. You deserved better. I had to let you find true happiness because...I'd already caused you so much pain."

Red. Everything went red. Her vision blurred as a flame curled in the pit of her stomach. Her brain went on overdrive as it picked every moment that she'd spent crying for four years. The memories weighed down on her but instead of breaking even more, her heart now turned ice cold and slunk into the shadows as her brain took complete control. The flames in her stomach rose up to her chest and crawled through her veins, taking over the rest of her body. Her fingers curled into fists, nails piercing through the flesh of her palm.

"So...you cheated on me weeks before our wedding, hid it from me, then walked away when you found out she was pregnant?"

"I needed to walk away, Astrid, because I'd held you down for far too long. I also needed to take up the responsibility because she was carrying my child."

Waves of fury rolled off her as the blood rose to her cheeks. "And you thought I wasn't?!"

His jaw fell in response to her words, with his eyes popping out of their socket. He gazed at her at loss for words, and she noticed his eyes glisten with tears. A part of her leapt for joy, she wanted to hurt him just as much as he'd hurt her in the past.

"What?"

"Your time is up. Two minutes was our agreement, I think I'm done here."

"Astrid, wait! You were pregnant too?!" He blocked her path, still in shock, desperate eyes searching hers for answers.

"For the love of God, Stanley, let me go!"

"Astrid!" He took a hold of her shoulders firmly, withstanding her struggle to break free from him. "Please...tell me the truth...were you pregnant before I left?"

She shoved him forcefully away from her, willing to avoid showing him any form of weakness or comfort. "Yes! I was! And you know what? I went through it without you but came out stronger than ever and I've been doing great ever since."

"Astrid…"

She impulsively took out the picture of Neil she'd always kept in her wallet, holding it up to his face. "Look at him, Stanley! He is your son…your son!"

The tears that filled his eyes brought her even more joy, but it still wasn't convincing enough. She wanted him to know that he didn't just have a son, but also lost all the right to be a father to him. He reached out for the picture, but she held it back from him. She wasn't showing him any sympathy, because he needed to feel the full weight of her pain.

"Astrid...I…"

"I was so stupid to have built my world around you! and I crumbled because you chose to keep hurting me!" She wiped her tears, holding herself from breaking down again. "I'm not going to cry anymore or let you make me keep doubting myself. I've moved on, Stanley, okay? You've been dead to me for the past four years and you're dead to me now!"

"Astrid please...please wait."

"I swear Stanley if you keep following me, I will file a restraining order against you!"

He dropped to his knees, tears now streaming down his cheeks. She still wasn't falling for them, she was never going to give him a chance to even set his eyes on her son, not now...not ever. "I'm begging you, Astrid...please...forgive me."

She walked past him and rushed towards her, getting inside and closing the door before he could get to her. He tapped severally on her window pleading with her to talk to him, but she ignored his persuasion, driving with an inclined speed out of the parking lot. She looked into her side mirror and noticed him still running after her car.

Fool.

Did he really think he could chase her to her destination? Did he think he could win over her forgiveness and acceptance by shedding a few tears? Like the way, he always did in the past? He'd broken her limits this time, he'd really done his worst and she was never letting him back into her life again. She was with Harry now, she had finally found true happiness and she wasn't going to let the events of the past mess with her future.

* * *

Harry Haddock slipped his hands into the pocket of his pants pacing back and forth within his office, and still in disbelief of the whole situation. He just couldn't understand the reason for Astrid's reaction to his visitor and why she'd walked out right after noticing his presence. Did they know each other? He'd noticed the shock right after he'd mentioned Astrid's name, signalling that he was definitely someone from her past.

Or could he be...Neil's father?

No way.

Astrid had never mentioned his name or given him any information about the man she'd intended to marry four years ago. She'd simply stated that he'd left before she could tell him about her pregnancy, and wasn't aware of his son's existence. He hadn't brought it up either, as he'd promised to let her take the time to open up to him. Could it be that he'd somehow returned back into her life after all these years? And now? When she'd finally decided to move on from him?

He raked his fingers through his hair as panic struck in. He'd felt the same way when Astrid had told him about Stanley and the reason for his absence in his son's life. He'd been worried about the effect of his reappearance on a possible relationship with Astrid and now they were in one, the return seemed like a threat to him, or was he just overthinking things? What if it was just an old friend of hers? And not Neil's father?

_**How can you be so selfish, Harry? That little boy finally has a chance to be with his father and all you can think about is yourself?!** _

He pulled out his phone and called Astrid. He knew that she probably wasn't in the right frame of mind to talk, but he needed to be sure that she was okay. He hoped she wasn't driving currently because it'd be quite dangerous to hit the highway with such emotions clouding her mind. There was no response at the first two tries but then responded at his third attempt.

"Hello? Astrid?"

"I'm sorry, Harry. I'm sorry I walked out on you that way, I just…"

"Shh...calm down. You don't have to apologize for anything, Astrid. I just need to know what's going on and if you're doing okay."

"I'm doing fine, Harry. I just need some time alone."

He paused for a moment, noticing the waver in her voice. "Astrid...are you okay?"

He could hear her soft cries and whimpers through the phone and it made him even more worried about her. "No...I'm not okay, Harry."

"What's wrong? Do you want me to come over? I'll be there with you right away, you're on your way home, right?"

"No no no. You run a company, you can't just leave everything behind for my sake. Besides, I really need to be alone right now, there's a lot of crap on my mind I have to take in...I hope you understand."

"Sure, of course...take your time, just remember that I'm one call away whenever you need me, okay?"

"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"The contractor...he's...he's Neil's father."

"Yeah, I know." He didn't want to overwhelm her by showing her that he was just as shocked and worried as she was. "I figured it would be the only reason for your reaction."

"He's going to ask you questions about me. I don't want to be…"

"You don't have to tell me that, Astrid. As long as you aren't ready to see him or let him into your son's life, I'm not going to mention anything to him...even if it costs us losing the contract."

"I'm really sorry, Harry. We've been together for just three days and I'm already causing you problems."

"Come on, don't say that. If we don't get the contract, then it's their loss. We've worked so hard, I know...but if he's gonna involve his personal life in the project, then I wouldn't want to work with him either."

"Thank you so much, Harry."

"So...are you going to pick up Neil from school, or do you want me to do that later?"

"It's fine, I'm going to call my dad. Stanley would probably have you followed or something...he's that desperate."

"Did you...tell him about Neil?"

Her instant breakdown broke his heart. He didn't want to ever see her hurting and the fact that he couldn't do anything about it made him feel worse. It was his fault that she'd met up with Stanley. If only he'd let her go for that interview instead, she wouldn't have to go through this right now. Harry felt really bad, but then Neil was the bright side of their situation. The little boy deserves love from his birth father, and it was a fact they both couldn't deny, despite the fact that Stanley would always be a part of their lives because of Neil.

"Hey...Astrid? It's gonna be okay. Just take your time, fix your thoughts and then make a decision, okay? I can't be with you right now, but I promise to stop over tonight once I'm done here. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, he's back already. I'll call you later, okay?" Harry's voice fell into a whisper when he noticed Stanley walk into his office.

"I'm really sorry about that. I didn't mean to walk out of our meeting that way."

"Oh, that's fine." Harry slid into his seat after getting off the phone with Astrid. "I just hope everything is alright."

"It would be...I hope."

"I apologize on behalf of my assistant, she just needs a break for the meantime." Harry tried to be professional as difficult as it was to utter that statement. Astrid owed him absolutely no apology! And she had every right to walk out the door.

"She's your assistant? Astrid Hofferson?"

_**Dude, are you deaf? I've literally mentioned it twice now.** _

"Yes, she is."

"And she would be working with us on this project, right?"

_**Nice try, dude...nice try.** _

"Well, if she decides to keep working with us, then maybe. I can't decide that for her." He raised a brow. "Do you...have a problem with my assistant?"

"Uhm...no no, of course not." He replied, the tension in his voice revealing otherwise. "It's just...before we begin, I really need your help."

_**Oh God, here it goes.** _

"About Astrid...how long has she been working here?"

"Two months...why do you ask?"

"I know it sounds weird, but...she's someone I lost contact with a long time ago...someone from my past."

Wow. Someone from his past? Someone he'd lost contact with? Was this really the guy she'd intended to get married to? Harry gaped at him in disbelief. He'd always known Astrid as the kind of girl who never hung out with a crowd that matched her personality and worth, even with her relationships, but this was just ridiculous. What was that he'd said earlier about his problem again? It would be alright? Harry was definitely hoping for a reunion for him and his son, but Stanley sure had a lot more confidence in that than Harry did.

He was glad Astrid had walked away when she did, cause he couldn't even picture her reaction if she were in their presence. Astrid had told him of how her fiancee disappeared a week before her wedding and had cut off all contact with her, and now he was claiming that he'd lost contact with her? Or maybe he was trying to keep the rest of the story private, without knowing that Harry was fully aware of his whole dilemma.

"How did you...lose contact with her? Was she a friend?"

It amused Harry how uncomfortable and tense he made the guy. This was probably the most unprofessional conversation he'd had with a contractor, but he was still up for it. He wasn't going to judge either because he'd also done the same to Astrid years ago and had also cut off all contact with her.

"She was more than a friend...my ex-fiance to be exact."

_**Finally. It took you this long.** _

"Ex-fiance?"

"The point is...I really need your help. I've got a lot I need to sort out with her, a lot of wrongs I need to make right."

"I do understand, I just don't know how I can be of help to you, sir."

"Since she works closely with you, I assume you might have a lot more information about her."

"She's an employee of this company and I'm afraid I can't disclose any of her personal information or records without her consent."

He seemed really frustrated with Harry's reply, "I do understand that, but I...I'm really desperate. I need to talk to her urgently."

"Well, if it's that urgent, she might be here to work tomorrow, I'm sure you can talk to her then."

"And if she chooses not to return to work?"

"I'm really sorry, but I'm afraid I won't be able to do anything about it."

"Look…" He leaned in closer, revealing the tears that welled up in his eyes. "I have a Son that I haven't known about for four years. I know you shouldn't be involved in my personal problems, but please, if you are a father, you would understand how I feel."

It was great to know that he was at least willing and desperate to see his son and make up for the years he'd lost, but at the same time annoyed at the fact that Stanley didn't seem to care about Astrid's feelings in all this. She sounded so broken just from the phone call he had with her, and couldn't imagine the pain she was going through meeting her ex-fiance again. It felt like her decision didn't matter to him, and he wasn't worried about earning her forgiveness first to get the chance to be a father to his son.

"I am a father...and I love my daughter very much." Harry paused for a moment, making sure he was ready for the outcome of telling Stanley the truth. He was ready to face whatever it was, for Astrid's sake. "I also loved her mother, and respected her so much."

"Excuse me?"

"I don't mean to sound rude, but if you want to meet and build a relationship with your son, shouldn't you be worried about how his mother might feel about that?"

"She is definitely angry with me, but it wouldn't change the fact that he's my son."

He wasn't wrong. They couldn't involve Neil into their problems and Astrid would need to let go of her pain and anger for his sake. But why did he seem so nonchalant about Astrid?! Why did he seem so oblivious to the pain he'd made her go through in his absence?! She'd single-handedly raised Neil and had the right to keep him away from his father. Neil was definitely a priority, but so was Astrid, and it was going to take a whole lot from him to earn her forgiveness.

"He's your son, but he's also her son too...and she might have been raising him all this while without any support. I'm sure her emotions should count in all this."

"Hold on…" Stanley paused, giving Harry a puzzled look. "You seem to know a lot more about her than you'd claimed to know. Did you know she has a son?"

"I did. She talks about him a lot."

"How has she been coping? How much does she earn from working here? Is she married? And how…"

"I'm really sorry, Mr Stanley, I really wish I could help you, but I'm afraid those are questions you would need to ask her yourself."

"How am I supposed to do that if I can't even get her to talk to me?! How can I make up for the past when I won't be given a chance?!"

"You need a chance from her, but you don't deserve one. It's not a right that you should be asking for upfront." Harry blurted out without thinking, getting an extreme reaction of surprise from Stanley. He panicked almost immediately, hoping he didn't just ruin the business relationship with him.

"I really want to help you, but you can't earn her forgiveness by demanding it because of your son. She probably went through a lot in your absence and considering the way she walked out earlier? I don't think she wants to be bothered in the meantime."

"So what do you suggest I should do?"

"Be patient with her. Getting her contact information from me is a little extreme, and it would definitely make her uncomfortable working here." Neil was all Harry could think about. It didn't matter how much he despised the fact that Stanley was back into Astrid's life, and could possibly decide to restore his past relationship with her. Her son was more important to her and deserved a chance to meet his father.

"Again, what if she chooses not to come back to work here?"

"Trust me...she would...just not today," Harry replied. "Go according to her pace and apologize to her, she's not going to forgive you immediately, but you have to keep trying...for the sake of your son."

"I guess you're right...but please be honest with me, has she really just been working here for two months?"

_**Ugh...this guy.** _

"Yeah...why do you ask?"

"As I said before, you seem to know her a lot too well for a new employee."

_**A lot more than you do for sure.** _

"Not really. I've been married before, so it might be the reason why I understand how she feels. It's not a big deal."

"Before? Are you divorced too?"

Too? Did this guy really get married after bailing on his wedding with Astrid?! Gods, that was going to be a double blow to her. So it was that easy to move on from her to be married and divorced within the span of four years? He'd been giving Stanley an assurance of earning her forgiveness, but he was doubting if that would still be possible after she finds out about his marriage. On the other hand, he also felt insecure, especially now that Stanley had confirmed he was currently divorced and could decide to not just build a relationship with his son, but also with Astrid.

"Widowed."

"Oh…" His reaction wasn't different from everyone else that seemed to want to show 'sympathy' towards Camilla's demise. "I...I'm sorry about that."

"It's alright...life goes on." He forced a smile. "Uhm...I can have the meeting rescheduled if you want, we don't have to…"

"It's fine. I'm willing to work with you on this project and we would go on with the meeting as planned."

Harry reached out his hand for a handshake. "Thank you. We are looking forward to working with you too."

Fear crept in again when Stanley returned the handshake with a smile, confirming that his presence and this whole scene wasn't a dream. He'd just paved the way for Astrid's ex-fiancee to return back into her life and hoped dearly that he wasn't going to regret it.

_**Way to go, Harry...way to go.** _

* * *

Astrid Hofferson had almost gone halfway into her bowl of ice cream when she heard the doorbell. It was just three pm, and she wasn't expecting any visitor at this time, or did her father decide to go against her request to keep Neil at his place for the meantime? He'd sounded really pissed when she'd called him a few hours ago to break the news of Stanley's return, and was fine with the idea of keeping Neil away from her house in case Stanley somehow found his way to her doorstep.

Or...did he find his way already?

She walked towards the door, ready to give Stanley another deserved slap, along with the rest of the anger and rage she'd been holding back earlier. She then realized she'd guessed wrong when she peeked through the peephole of the front door and saw her boyfriend Harry standing out with a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a bag in the other. How was he here so soon? She'd been expecting him to visit much later, and hoped he didn't abandon his work back at the office for her sake.

"Harry?" She opened the door, completely relieved that it wasn't who she'd expected.

"Hey…" He leaned in for a quick kiss on her forehead. "How are you doing?"

She wrapped both arms around his waist and buried her face into his chest. He didn't hesitate to return the embrace even when both hands were full. She sobbed into his shoulders, holding on tighter, finding relief in the comfort his presence always brought her. He was probably shocked because she'd never been the one to show her broken and vulnerable side. She trusted him enough to open up completely, to show him that she relied on him, and that really needed him to be with her through all of this.

"He's back...he's back Harry."

"That doesn't matter now, what's important is how you feel about it." He voiced softly, moving all the items into one hand so he could stroke her hair with the other.

"Have you been crying?"

"I just couldn't help it...it hurts so much."

"Do you want us to talk about it? I'm ready to listen...I'll be here with you."

"Aren't you exhausted? You've been working all day."

"I'm fine. The only thing exhausting about today was worrying about you...and I'm not going to leave until I'm convinced that you're alright."

"Come on, let's go in. It's cold outside." She pulled away from him slowly, sniffing and wiping her tears. "I'm really glad you're here."

"Here...I picked these up for you." He handed her the beautiful bouquet of daffodils he'd picked up from a flower store earlier. "I also brought you food from your favourite restaurant. I assumed you'd probably want to starve yourself, and I'm not going to let that happen."

She smiled for the first time since she'd walked out of his office hours ago and took the flowers from him gazing at them with admiration. She leaned in and kissed his cheek, a bit amused by his startled reaction. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

She led him into the house, closing the door behind them. It was really sweet and thoughtful of him to put so much effort into making her feel better. The fact that he'd been stressed worrying about her spoke volumes and sent the healing she needed. When she'd felt worthless for being hurt severely and abandoned by Stanley, Harry's presence made the difference. His love, care and respect for her made her feel special and made her feel like she didn't have to always sacrifice to be loved in return.

He snorted, swallowing in his laughter when he noticed the bowl of ice cream that she'd been digging into before his arrival, amused by her silly method of dealing with pain.

"Don't you dare laugh or judge...I did the same thing when I resigned from your company that day."

"Really? You were that affected? I mean I was too but...I thought you didn't care."

"I had already fallen for you, Harry, don't act like you didn't know that."

"So why did you resign then? Because you didn't want to accept your feelings for me?"

"Because I didn't believe you'd ever be willing to move on."

"I didn't believe it was possible either." He replied, taking his seat next to her in the armchair. "But when you left? I realized just how much you meant to me, how I really felt about you...and how much I wanted you to be a part of my life."

She smiled and slid her hand into his hair, stroking his locks gently. "So how was work?"

"You mean, how was it working with your ex? Painful...really painful."

"Huh? Why?"

"He seemed like a duplicate of Eric, and it took a lot of self-control to stop myself from punching him in the face."

Astrid laughed, "Now that's a scene I wouldn't want to miss."

"How are you, Astrid? Do you want to talk about it?"

"I feel a lot better now because you're here."

"But still...there's a lot we need to talk about...a lot you need to let out." She looked into his eyes, tempted to hold back, but the solitude and assurance that radiated from his gaze made her open up. He wasn't here to look down on her or judge her, he was here to listen, comfort and console her. It didn't matter how terrible her past and decisions had been, he loved her so much and there was nothing she was going to say that would change that.

"After high school, I went east to study in New York...and yes, I'm still pissed that you took the valedictorian spot from me, but didn't show up at our graduation."

"Haha. Are you kidding? I wasn't even trying hard."

Astrid rolled her eyes. "Show off."

"So you haven't trimmed your jealousy towards me, huh?"

"Whatever." She went on. "I moved to New York, while my father moved to California and the distance was frustrating. All my life, it was just me and my dad and living on my own was a lot more difficult than I thought."

"Really? Wow, for some reason you seemed emotionally independent to me."

"That's just a front. I'm not as strong as I claim to be."

"I love that."

"What?"

"The fact that you've accepted that it's okay not to be strong all the time."

"You taught me that, remember?"

"Of course I remember."

"I met Stanley in my second year of college and to be honest, he wasn't really my type at all."

"Why?" Harry crossed his arms. "He pretty much checked your list completely from the encounter I had with him earlier."

"What list?"

"Uhm...I don't know...tall, handsome, muscular and…" Harry teased.

"Give me a break, Harry, I was a teenager!" Astrid exclaimed, slightly embarrassed as Harry snicked. "Besides...you're taller, more handsome and…"

"And less muscular?"

"I didn't say that...you did." She laughed, grateful for the way he tried to lighten up the mood to relieve her pain. "Besides, can you just let me talk?"

"Sorry...go on."

"It was more of a love-hate relationship between us. I hated his arrogance, he hated my guts. He was rich, threw a lot of parties, and spent money like it had no value to him. He loved girls, hung out with a lot of them, and hurt them like their feelings didn't matter."

"You really do have a thing for bad boys, huh?"

"Harry!"

"My lips are sealed, I promise."

"He did change...I watched his growth personally and I ended up falling in love with him."

"So what went wrong?"

"What went wrong? He didn't love me in return." Tears clouded her eyes as she went down that painful memory lane of her toxic relationship with Stanley Johnson. "He cheated on me a couple of times, but somehow I always found a way to forgive him every single time. I kept giving him excuses, even when I was told off by friends around me."

"Like Heather?"

She nodded. "Yeah. But I was in love with him...and I wanted him to love me so much that it became a dangerous obsession. All it would take for him to earn my forgiveness was a romantic getaway on an island, lots of flowers and chocolates and a lot of sex. Yes, I would still have sex with him, even though he kept cheating."

She looked into his eyes again, expecting at least the slightest hint of disappointment, shock and judgement, but she found none. His gaze was locked on hers, so full of love and admiration that it baffled her. Did he not understand the words she was saying? None of that was strong enough to move him?

"I dated him for about five years and he finally proposed after we graduated. I doubted a happy life with him as his wife, and so did my loved ones. They pointed out the red flags and tried to convince me that it wasn't too late to change my mind and I would never be happy with him."

"I realize now that he was a very manipulative person, and had various ways to convince me that he made me happy, that if I could be patient and try to change him, I would enjoy the best version of him. I then became desperate to create the version of him that I wanted, but he just played his little game and walked away."

"I always wanted to know the reason why he left, because I gave him everything and couldn't understand why it still wasn't enough...why I was never enough for him." Tears trickled down the corners of her eyes and she wiped off, angry at the fact that Stanley still had the power to cause her this much pain without even trying.

"And now that I've found out? It's become clear just how gullible and naive I'd been all along."

"What did he tell you? What was his excuse this time for leaving?"

She buried her face in her palms, losing the battle to her tears. No matter how strong she tried to be, Stanley seemed to always make her feel weak. "He cheated again, weeks to our wedding. He kept blaming it on alcohol and the fact that he was drunk but...it's not the first time he has used that excuse...in fact, it makes me sick just how many times he's used that."

"Do you know that he got her pregnant? He ditched our wedding to be a father to a child he had with a total stranger...a girl he was never meant to be with...a girl who sacrificed absolutely nothing for him! And me? Gosh, I'm such an idiot, I'm so stupid, I…"

"Shhh...Hey, stop it. Don't ever say those words against yourself." He pulled her close to him. "You sacrificed everything for the one you loved, there's nothing wrong with that, okay? If it wasn't genuinely reciprocated then it's his loss, not yours."

"No...you don't understand how much of a fool I've been!"

"Stop saying that."

"Do you know that I considered having Neil aborted at a point in my life? That's how stupid and cruel I was! I don't think you understand that Neil's life is the way it is now because of me! I kept drinking, starving myself and I hated the child I was carrying...an innocent child that had nothing to do with my pain!"

"Astrid…"

"I hated Neil before he was born and when I gave birth to him prematurely? I hated myself even more! And for what?! For a guy who never loved me? For a guy who found pleasure in hurting me? It's too much Harry...I would never forgive myself."

Harry wrapped his arms around her as she broke down in his bosom. The pain was just too much to bear. He became silent for a while as he let her cry it out, soaking his shirt with her tears. She clung to him like it could erase every mistake she'd ever made like it would make her son forgive her for being such a cruel mother to him.

"You would never heal or move on if you don't learn to forgive yourself, Astrid." He whispered softly into her ear. "We are all humans and we do make mistakes, and most times hurt the people we love dearly in the process."

"But it's my son that I hurt."

"I know...and you feel guilty, I understand that. But punishing yourself for the rest of your life isn't going to fix those mistakes, Astrid...it isn't going to change anything. Do you know what it's going to do to you?"

"No."

"It's going to make you bitter. You would not be able to love your son and the people around you because you stopped loving yourself. If your heart is full of grief and unforgiveness, it would affect Neil, and you'd be hurting him even more unintentionally."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"But it is the truth, Astrid." He replied. "I lost my wife four years ago and I blamed myself every single day for not putting more effort into saving her life. Because of that, I became desolate and bitter, and you know what? It started affecting Zia."

"How?"

"She would always cry whenever she saw me in pain or gazing at her mother's portrait. She couldn't ask me about her mother as much as she wanted to...and sometimes she'd even be afraid to talk to me because she'd seen me drunk and in rage before. I was becoming a terrible father and kept hurting her when I didn't intend to."

"The reason she wanted a new mother so badly was because she wanted me to have someone I could talk to, someone that would make me happy when I was sad. Until I learnt to forgive myself and understand that I could never change the past, that's when I started healing...when I found love again in you." She pulled away from the long embrace and searched his eyes. It was intriguing how he somehow always had just the right words to say to her to make her better.

Maybe he was right. Neil was growing up, and he was going to be more sensitive to her moods and emotions. She couldn't keep in all the anger she had towards herself and towards his father, she needed to let go because she didn't want to hurt him any more than she already did. She was lucky enough to have him, and to have Harry, and bitterness was going to drive them away from her. Stanley had messed with her past, but she wasn't going to let him mess with both her present and her future, happiness was her choice to make and it all starts from letting go of her pain.

She leaned in and kissed Harry. The intimate connection of both lips was so full of emotion, of words of gratitude and appreciation. She couldn't be thankful enough for meeting him again and for his presence in her life. The way he never failed to show her that she was worth every single minute of his time and effort. Her fingers dug into his hair as she deepened the kiss. Just like every other kiss with him, the world itself ceased to exist, blurred and indistinct as a wet painting, with the both of them as their pure vulnerable selves.

Her breathing became ragged when she pulled away, her face cupped in his hands, with his fingers trying to wipe her tears away. "I'm broken, Harry...I'm really broken...and afraid. I didn't want to trust again...I didn't want to hope again...and I didn't want to give any more chances."

"I can't help it. If I'm going to get hurt the second time, then so be it, if I'm going to be a fool for love again, that's fine with me too."

"But…" She trailed her thumb on his lips, her eyes still locked on his. "But I'm willing to trust you because...because I'm in love with you, Harry."

"I love everything about you, and now that you're a part of my life again, I can't imagine a world without you." She sniffed, "I want you to stay and I need you to promise me that no matter what happens, you wouldn't walk away...at least not without saying goodbye."

"Never." He responded, his tone just as reassuring as she needed it to be. "You don't have to be afraid of anything, okay? I was serious about my decision to be with you, and I'm not going to go back on it for anything...or for anyone. It's okay if you are broken because I can be strong for the both of us. Your presence means so much to me and I can't imagine a world you either."

He kissed her again and her fears and worries melted away. "I love you too, Astrid."


End file.
